Alienangel

Probably dude. She has a cute ass, and I think she wants to give me one. (A shag, not an ass)

Yeh man... And that trolling shit (SHIT! I used PROFANITY! Clinton DO NOT PRINT THIS ONE OFF!) - it's just so damn immature! But 3FlowR, or whatever, u have a point, dude...I have, like squillions of jumps. I'm a swoop-god, big-balled, hook-turning laydees' dream (okay, maybe not the last point), but get listed a a fuckin' NEWBIE!!! How wrong is THAT? And these young upstarts with their 15 jumps evry ten years need to GIVE ME SOME FRIGGIN RESPECT! Ahhh, that was better than my night with 'Karen'..Phew. Keep hookin' it grrls n boyzzz. AA

It's cold outside. I wrap up well and venture into the night. Hoping my neighbors don't decide to call the cops, I stretch out in the courtyard, place my pillow under my head, and begin to take my pants down. A crust has formed between the skin and the fabric, like icing that has set. I feel the cold, damp concrete under my butt; my hairy cheeks have gotten very cold. But a pile of porn mags cushion my head, and I settle in. I wonder if I will see anything, I am still in the city, and have a fine, new pair of binoculars as I had planned. 'Karen' comes stealing back into her bedroom. It is about 2 a.m., and there's a few local sluts making there way to bed now. Hmmm. I can see her shadow moving in the lamplight, not too far away, but I can hear the laboured panting of my own desire more clearly. God, I haven't had it for AGES! It is different, laying here in the dark, beyond what I usually know. Normally I have to pay for an experience like this. Illegal voyeurism brings a bulge to my pants that, upon observation, is not very big. Damn it! Well...it IS cold, I guess, and, being a kick-ass skygod, I have balls the size of Saturn, at least! I hear the hookers rambling around the alleyway, rustling through the bushes, hunting down a big black geezer with a wallet full of cash. Cash for love...Rented love. Poor bloke, I know how he feels. They corner him, making sure he can't roll away, although he is pretty fat, so it's possible, I guess. They pounce. Crashbangsplat there it goes. He's blown his load already! Not exactly value for money, but whatever. Well, I'll clean it in the morning, I think. I just hope that the whores stay occupied and not come see this lump in the courtyard, this lump that is me. The sky is gray at the edges of my view, as the clouds come creeping in. Stalking the rooftops is my new past-time since evryone at the DZ found out what an arrogant, sick and twisted bag of shit I am. I have no girlfriends there. But I don't care - none of them wear enough makeup for my liking anyway, the lezzers, I muse, as my desire grows. The misty haze surrounds 'Karen's window, blurring my pervy view, making outlines indistinct and soft. I look into an open gap, a gap not yet occluded by the gauzy curtains, and see deep into her boudoir. JESUS! I look as far as my eyes can take me, deep into the room, the walls are studded by some kind of kinky leather bondage gear! Damnation - some which I can see but more which I cannot! I am in a curtain-polluted city, and cannot see the utter kinkiness which is only hinted at by the cluster of whips and chains. I identify a butt plug, though, and see a box with Ann Summers on the label. Hmmm. My eyes roam her room, and now, I see the faint red glimmer that is Karen's negligee, barely visible. FUCK! Amazing! But where is uranus? Ah...the same old problem, as usual. I reach with my mind, looking, feeling, seeing, the harsh blackness that I'd really love to see better, dancing the eternal dance, circling the black hole.... (Bloody binoculars..can't see much at ALL from here! Hang on a sec...ahhh... )It is not kind, this blackness, Karen's black hold. It is not gentle, nor velvety. It is stern, unforgiving. It is pretty rank, actually, but you've got to take what you can where you can. And let's face it, I'm desperate. It has been years since I spent time at night outside, I was put off when I was arrested for indecent exposure back in '82. I wait, patience running low, cold seeping through my skin and deep into my bones. I wait for 'Karen' to complete my fantasy and turn towards the window. Huddled under my coat and in my sweats, y-fronts slung low, I wait. Until - oh shit!- Splashing across the sky, flies the blue light of the cops - AGAIN! NO!!!! The pigs are here, after me, the fascist bastards! They come from all directions, sailing through the darkness, slicing open the black like brightly colored knives. Like a fart errupting into thin air at 8,000 feet, I make myself scarce before they can get their filthy hands on me again. But it has touched me, somehow, this half-glimpsed moment alone with 'Karen'. It reaches me, and shows me again the wonder I knew as a teenage wank addict. The wonder of the seedy underworld I live in, the vastness and the greatness that is my home. It reminds me that the world is not only what I see as I trudge through my daytime life, and hide indoors at night. It demands my attention, insists that I go back to the newsagents, and remember, as a man now, that 'Big 'n' Bouncy Babes' is still only $5. And legal. Hope you all had glorious weekends! Ciels- AA

It's cold outside. I wrap up well and venture into the night. Hoping my neighbors don't decide to call the cops, I stretch out in the courtyard, place my pillow under my head, and begin to take my pants down. A crust has formed between the skin and the fabric, like icing that has set. I feel the cold, damp concrete under my butt; my hairy cheeks have gotten very cold. But a pile of porn mags cushion my head, and I settle in. I wonder if I will see anything, I am still in the city, and have a fine, new pair of binoculars as I had planned. 'Karen' comes stealing back into her bedroom. It is about 2 a.m., and there's a few local sluts making there way to bed now. Hmmm. I can see her shadow moving in the lamplight, not too far away, but I can hear the laboured panting of my own desire more clearly. God, I haven't had it for AGES! It is different, laying here in the dark, beyond what I usually know. Normally I have to pay for an experience like this. Illegal voyeurism brings a bulge to my pants that, upon observation, is not very big. Damn it! Well...it IS cold, I guess, and, being a kick-ass skygod, I have balls the size of Saturn, at least! I hear the hookers rambling around the alleyway, rustling through the bushes, hunting down a big black geezer with a wallet full of cash. Cash for love...Rented love. Poor bloke, I know how he feels. They corner him, making sure he can't roll away, although he is pretty fat, so it's possible, I guess. They pounce. Crashbangsplat there it goes. He's blown his load already! Not exactly value for money, but whatever. Well, I'll clean it in the morning, I think. I just hope that the whores stay occupied and not come see this lump in the courtyard, this lump that is me. The sky is gray at the edges of my view, as the clouds come creeping in. Stalking the rooftops is my new past-time since evryone at the DZ found out what an arrogant, sick and twisted bag of shit I am. I have no girlfriends there. But I don't care - none of them wear enough makeup for my liking anyway, the lezzers, I muse, as my desire grows. The misty haze surrounds 'Karen's window, blurring my pervy view, making outlines indistinct and soft. I look into an open gap, a gap not yet occluded by the gauzy curtains, and see deep into her boudoir. JESUS! I look as far as my eyes can take me, deep into the room, the walls are studded by some kind of kinky leather bondage gear! Damnation - some which I can see but more which I cannot! I am in a curtain-polluted city, and cannot see the utter kinkiness which is only hinted at by the cluster of whips and chains. I identify a butt plug, though, and see a box with Ann Summers on the label. Hmmm. My eyes roam her room, and now, I see the faint red glimmer that is Karen's negligee, barely visible. FUCK! Amazing! But where is uranus? Ah...the same old problem, as usual. I reach with my mind, looking, feeling, seeing, the harsh blackness that I'd really love to see better, dancing the eternal dance, circling the black hole.... (Bloody binoculars..can't see much at ALL from here! Hang on a sec...ahhh... )It is not kind, this blackness, Karen's black hold. It is not gentle, nor velvety. It is stern, unforgiving. It is pretty rank, actually, but you've got to take what you can where you can. And let's face it, I'm desperate. It has been years since I spent time at night outside, I was put off when I was arrested for indecent exposure back in '82. I wait, patience running low, cold seeping through my skin and deep into my bones. I wait for 'Karen' to complete my fantasy and turn towards the window. Huddled under my coat and in my sweats, y-fronts slung low, I wait. Until - oh shit!- Splashing across the sky, flies the blue light of the cops - AGAIN! NO!!!! The pigs are here, after me, the fascist bastards! They come from all directions, sailing through the darkness, slicing open the black like brightly colored knives. Like a fart errupting into thin air at 8,000 feet, I make myself scarce before they can get their filthy hands on me again. But it has touched me, somehow, this half-glimpsed moment alone with 'Karen'. It reaches me, and shows me again the wonder I knew as a teenage wank addict. The wonder of the seedy underworld I live in, the vastness and the greatness that is my home. It reminds me that the world is not only what I see as I trudge through my daytime life, and hide indoors at night. It demands my attention, insists that I go back to the newsagents, and remember, as a man now, that 'Big 'n' Bouncy Babes' is still only $5. And legal. Hope you all had glorious weekends! Ciels- AA

Post deleted by Alienangel

Probably not your long legs that is causing you to rock, whether in a track or in a normal arch. There are plenty of skydivers who have long legs but don't have a problem with rocking...at least, once they've got a bit of experience behind them. It might be that your legs are just not in a symmetrical position behind you....maybe this IS made more difficult to achieve by them being longer than average and therefore more difficult to control?! Who knows. Ask your JM. Or you could always try clicking your heels together to check if your legs are even behind you. i know I used to track in a curve when i was learning which was embarrassing. Perhaps it way my massive dick that caused the problem, acting like a huge rudder on one side? Who knows. Anyway, I tried the heel clicking thing a few times and strapped down my old fella and don't get the problem any more. As for long legs making you go faster...I don't think so...ask your JM. Usually speed is controlled by making your body slimmer ie arms closer to your sides, legs closer together, although this can also make you slightly less stable. You are probably aiming for a nice, flat track so want to do a slight de-arch. Get it videoed and assess it with an instructor. And be wary of taking advice from this forum because it's visited by newbies who know very little, and knowitall tossers who like to show off. Like me. AA

Ewwwww!!! Get her!

Don't worry Viking, it's almost certainly that you are a bit too tense. Lots of people 'fish-tail' or rock when they are learning to track. Be glad you have long legs. Chicks love 'em. As long as you don't have a fat arse at the top of them. Aa

Here we go again. I can't help but think that if you stick your creative writing up on a website you are asking for it to be critiqued. Whatever. As a famous wannabe writer once said themselves, if you can't take the heat, get the hell out the kitchen! Ok..I won't even go there... AA (just because no-one understands you doesn't make you an artist)

Nice one Ben. I notice it's mostly inexperienced jumpers who are quick to ditch their 'uninitiated' whuffo friends. Snobs. BTW - you do realise what you're saying sounds a lot like the way druggies talk? 'These people that don't take ecstacy, they just DON'T GET IT....How can we be expected to communicate on the same wavelength with these people now our experiences are so much higher than theirs? If only they'd TRY it....' etc etc. Jumping out of a plane doesn't make you a better person. It just makes you a person who jumps out of planes. AA

I'm sure you'll have a quacking jump! (arf, arf) Look at it this way: you've already HAD your share of skydiving injuries, huh? Law of averages means you'll never hurt yerself again...

Sadly, there are plenty of DUMBASS FUCKWIT whuffos who have the same opinion as the ones you mentioned. They are confusing the terminal velocity of a human falling through air with terminal velocity in a vacuum. Just look at them pityingly and agree. Save your brain cells to get annihilated on post-jump booze and drugs at the weekends. Shame to waste them on earth-bound mongs. AA

Uh oh..another skygod takes up residence on DZ.com... 100jumps won't make ya dick any bigger Kreamer Alienanus

Yeh, took me about 100 jumps to get totally sick of DUMBASS WHUFFO QUESTIONS. 'How high do you go up when the parachute opens?' - Yeh, we now have parachutes that take us back UP to the plane....sometimes a canopy ride can last DAYS.... 'Can you breathe in freefall?' No - sometimes people pass out due to oxygen deprivation, which is the main reason for AADs.... And my personal fave, from tandem semi-whuffos: 'Why are you asking me to sign this indemnity?' BECAUSE YOU MIGHT DIE, FUCKNUTS! And we don't need your stooopid bitch-ass family filing for compensation! Nowadays I just ignore them...like any skygod would ... AlAnon

Yes yes DOUBLY ironic ha ha ha ... But will the mongs geddit?

Gear? On a flight? Are you crazy? I never even take my gear to the airport with me, man! They have sniffer dogs, y'know! Oh...you mean....GEAR.... Duhhhhhhhhhh AA

Come on now guys....some of my best friends are midgets....

Condolences to all concerned. Some more information: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/0,,2-2001261190,00.html http://news.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2001/07/30/npara30.xml

Boobies that look like big asses??? Holy shit. I suppose they do a bit though - some of them....as long as they don't smell like an ass or have bum cheese though...LET 'EM ALL IN!!! AA

Oh FUCKIN OK THEN. I am a hermaphrodite. Now can we just stop it. All this talk about mine and the Freakgrrrl's bits is getting me all aroused....WE NEED ALTITOOOOOOOD!!!!!

LOL...shit...I'll kiss your ass anyway April.

FUCKSSAKE GUYS I'M NOT GAY! My big, swinging dick is pretty apparent to those who know me. I'm saying no more. Although it would be ok if I were gay......

Hmmm......sorta like a human spaceball? Lotsa potential there. Could we fill em with beans and light their farts too, before we chuck 'em out? Like a flare effect? Yee-hah JT, keep those ideas coming! Alien

Wow. That's big of you. ps. Shark - yup, what u said

No....really? Awwww.....shucks.... AA