Alienangel

Unfortunately you don't get to win the space trip, they just wanted some supporting articles, i.e., other 'sexperiments'. It was the £600 I was interested in.... But there is no way you could do it nude. It's so-o-o-o-o cold on the GROUND, let alone at altitude!

I just got asked by Cosmopolitan Magazine if my beloved and I would participate in a 'sexperiment' for their 30th birthday celebration edition where they send the winner of a competition into outer space. They wanted other couples to try and have sex in 'unusual places' as part of the article - hence were after a pair of skydivers to try and shag in freefall. Whaddya reckon? I said no. Has anyone else been asked about it? Or...has anyone else ever DONE it? Sounds to me like it would be: embarrassing tacky bloody difficult dangerous? COLD! (it's minus 24 over 'ere!) Don't wanna get all 'Carry-on-up-the-dropzone' stylee with smutty innuendo which brings this graceful and liberating sport into disrepute! Mind you..they did offer us £600..... Would YOU do it? (I've got their no. if you can sort it out this weekend and you're in the UK...)

I was going to post this mildly amusing email I received...until I realised it was a load of whuffo-biased bollocks and didn't mention skydiving in either the male or female option! Well - thought I'd put it up anyway so you can share your scorn of the non-skydiving community (and yeh..some of it is probably true...especially the male one - 'ice cream served on a pair of tits' and '12 second fart'...lol) Sorry if you've seen it before, by the way... > > THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER > > 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses > > 8:30 Weigh 2kg lighter than yesterday > > 8:45 Breakfast in bed - Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open > > presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner > > 9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil > > 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer > > 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo condition, blow dry > > 12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe > > 12:45 Catch sight of boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg > > 13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit > > 15:00 Nap > > 16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist - card is from secret > >admirer > > 16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle > > hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body > > 17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full > > length mirror > > 19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments > > received from other diners/dancers > > 22:00 Hot shower [alone] > > 22:50 Carried to bed...[Freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen] > > 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling > > 23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms > > > > THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM > > 6:00 Alarm > > > > 6:15 Blow job > > > > 6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section > > 7:00 Breakfast - rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all > >cooked by > > naked buxom wench > > 7:30 Limo arrives > > 7:45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport > > 9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet > > 9:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club [Blow job en-route] > > 9:45 Play front nine [2 under] > > 11:45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon > > 12:15 Blow job > > 12:30 Play back nine [4 under] > > 14:15 Limo back to airport > > 14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo > > 15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female Crew [all nude] > > 16:30 Land world record Marlin [1234lbs] on light tackle > > 17:00 Fly home - massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson > > 18:45 Sh*t, shower, shave > > 19:00 Watch news - Brad Pitt assassinated; marajuana and porn legalised > > 19:30 Dinner - Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon, big juicy fillet steak > > followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits > > 21:00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you > > watch the Match of the Day > > 21:30 Sex with three women [all with lesbian tendencies] > > 23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale > > 23:30 Night cap blow job > > 23:45 In bed alone > > 23:50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to > > leave the room

'wanker'?? Do you guys really use this term for willy? In England it means a person who plays with his willy. A lot. General term of disrespect, as in, 'Skreamer can be such a wanker'.

Shhhh..not everyone has sussed me, bastard!

I reject your insinuation, Sir! The day Will can pack to the standard demanded of the highly-skilled professionals we are honoured to share hangar-space with at Hinton, is the day that..uh..Will might actually get laid (see Mounty's post on how to get round the problem of having to pack...) ciao x

because I'm shagging one of the packers...

Hey Jo, Nice work on the mal. I agree. My jav had an RSL and I got it taken off too. Don't like the idea of it, although I know some people think they should be compulsory or something. Heheh...cool. Haven't you ever seen me do the legstrap-handles-toggle dance three hundred times on the way to altitood? Ever since I packed my toggle into the spandex without pulling it out again (duhhh...got spotted on a Flightline check, luckily) I have been mega paranoid... I even went and dangled in the harnesses in the classroom and did cutaway drills recently. You can never be too paranoid, I reckon. (And it was kinda kinky hanging there in the harnesses with Di shouting 'YOU HAVE A TOTAL MALFUNCTION!!!!' Everyone should try it).

You oughta see my family, dude...

Slip up? Look, dude, I'd been screwing these two whores and downing neat bourbon for a good five hours...no wonder my alter-ego was tring to make a break for it...(silly leedle fat pie eating beeetch...fukin ruined my image!) However...my metaphorical balls are by no means diminished by the presence of a 'feminine side'... Can't believe no one tracked me down earlier anywayz..... Ben..does this mean I'm bisexual?

Fuck off Kreamer you big, faggoty, Seth-Efrikan, butt-hole obsessed, ladyboy. My mother helped me WRITE it (she got the inspiration from her love sessions with 3fliEr) and my sister ...well...put it this way, she makes the Twins look like the Virgin Mary..so no strangers to smut... Anyway...I know it gave you a boner...you really pictured 'Karen' in her red negligee..didn't you? But you are right - I am a lady on the surface....it's just once you get beneath the layers of pie lard that it gets ugly....(Thank god for talented surgeons....now where did I put that strap-on....?) Alien's anus

..although I got a better response from Kreamer when he thought I had a dick...go figure.....(Sherlock)

Good God! how ridiculous! Emma's Anus ..uh...I mean...shite! Fuckssake man..how'm I gonna pull the laydees now?

Well..I guess it's true to say I think Kreamy's only interested in the parts of me that are...uh...covered in short, curly wee hairs.....Poodle-esque, I guess...

Yeh man, you try screening Skreamer's butt-obsessed mails form your inbox every day...fukin pathetic. Stop it, butt-lover!

Skreamer has an obsession with my anus. And who can blame him? It is, in all truth..an angelic specimen... (Jus' stop sending me your fukin love letters bitch...You aint my type)

Up YOUR anus, my angel

You're doing COKE? At WORK? Fuckinell man...you are one hard assed dude...Respect...

What? Oh sorry, thought you were talking to me...

Nah...small penis and overwhelming desire to make one's sad, self-abusing self more attractive to opposite sex by creating 'daredevil' image as Lord of the Skies, gravity-defying sex god etc etc... Or do I only speak for myself?

Ew.....icky

Yeah but if you do the latter and THEN the former (and don't forget, no johnny guys) - it really saves on the apple sauce. The flavour aint the same, but if you do enough chang first (and hey, it IS Xmas!) - it don't matter anyway..Old Auntie Ada won't notice coz ur tastebuds die past 60... Aanus

Nice. Classy. I think I may know this old crone, incidentally, she cost me a fortune and I never retrieved the full length of my member from her crusty cavern....But that's another story. Go for the old hag, take her cash and let her fuck your brains out. Old bitches do it with venom. And that's kind of fun. AA

Eat me. Oh. Ok then, don't. (Shhhh...you are beautiful, cool and funny and I want to be your gay bumhole cleaner....I really do...Between u n me..So....shhhh....I might need to go to Perris some day...for some soul healing or something....mmm...hug me a cloud, Skyman...)

Like you would even know what that means...Go and get a job packing or something. Even if it DOES support the frivolous, extravagant lifestyles of the rich-wanker-non-packing c£$ts we all phukin hate! And while you're at it, ladyboy...get yerself a GUN...it might toughen' u up. Fag. AA