SkydiveMonkey

Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes. These are NEW (mostly) and are the collection made by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas mag..... "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog out and smothered it with a blanket." Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus? A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A Moo "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard." "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke." "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control." "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight" "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk." Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan. "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car." "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo." "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again" "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident." "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment." "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it". "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way". "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face". "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car". "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car." "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident." "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian." "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle." "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." "I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him." "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him." "I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car" The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth" I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

Me too, Me too !!! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

IMHO women should flash for all us blokes anyway, and extra altitude should be a bonus !! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

I'm 38.2% pure. Thought I would have got less than that !! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

All the women say that !! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

not when I used it on you last night !! [tonugh] I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

It was only 12 inchs? I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

I personally prefer normal analogue ones. Not sure on this one. I think analogue would be better. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

She has me in for that time as well ..... I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

your girlfriend said I was amazing !!! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

The alti will be sticking out in your rig bag, if you fall over on landing it could damage the alti etc. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

It's a Vortex II, ZP EXE 170 and Decelerator 185. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

I'm voting for the Suzuki GSX-R. (and Denise as well !! ) I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

What happens if you're a UK jumper and get your reserve packed in the US? Is the limit when you get back to the UK 120 or 180 days? I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

This is what I don't like. Taking the piss out of someone is fine - I do it enough and I can take it when people do it to me. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

Some of the best FPS games I've played are Rogue Spear and Ghost Recon. Awesome games, esp. playing human players over a network. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

Actually - yeah !!! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

It always does that - both on my home computer, and every computer I've tried it on in uni as well. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

What's the point in getting all bitchy with each other on these threads? If you can't put in a point without seriously insulting people, keep your mouth closed. Not hard to do. I like to think of every other skydiver as member of my family, cos that's what you guys are. Can't we keep it cool? Sorry, rant over. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

If you click on "MyDZ", then "Forum Control Panel", you just get bumped back to the list of forums and not the actual control panel. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

For quake fans everywhere. That reminds me - I haven't killed anyone in ages (on screen anyway ) I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

There's a sucker born every minute - but a swallower is hard to find !! I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

It will be 80*79*78*77 ...... 20 times. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

whore. I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

What's the best way to exit a rodeo from a C182? I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver