Assumption of Risk and Waiver of Rights
Skydive Borracho, Inc.
Indemnity Agreement and Release of Liability
Acknowledgment of Risks and Hazards
WARNING! SUBTLE HUMOR DOCUMENT! READ CAREFULLY!
In consideration for being permitted to utilize the facilities and
equipment of Skydive Borracho, Inc., and to engage in ground
training, skydiving, parachute jumping, partying, chasing women,
drinking beer, and related activities (Hereinafter collectively
referred to as "PARACHUTING ACTIVITIES"), I,______________________
hereby agree as follows:
1. I agree that "PARACHUTING ACTIVITIES" as used in this
document includes many activities more related to partying, than to
skydiving; and that I may be at risk when participating in any
activity at the drop zone, even though it may not necessarily be
jumping out of an airplane.
2. I hereby RELEASE AND DISCHARGE[ ] Skydive Borracho, Inc.,
USPA, the aircraft owners/operators if different from above, any
city with a drop zone in it, Dan Poynter, Bill Ottley, The cast and
crew of "Gypsy Moths", The Freak Brothers, The Marx Brothers, all
members of Air Trash, the National Parachute Jumpers and Riggers
Assn, President Clinton, Duncan Mc Ewan, Rush Limbaugh, the news
media, Parachutist Magazine, Borracho Ambulance Service, The
Christian Science Church, the Budweiser Brewery, and any and all
agents, or employees of the above parties (Hereinafter collectively
referred to as "RELEASED PARTIES"), but NOT the FAA[ ], from any
liability for damages as a result of any "PARACHUTING ACTIVITIES"
that may occur at Skydive Borracho, Inc..
3. I further agree to RELEASE AND HOLD HARMLESS[ ] the
released parties insofar as is possible under applicable law. This
release from liability is intended to be not only binding to me,
but to any other person that might bring suit, including any
children not yet born, that I may yet have.
4. I further agree that I WILL NOT SUE NOR MAKE CLAIM[ ]
against the released parties in the event that I am killed.
5. I further agree that should any members of my family bring
suit against the Skydive Borracho. Inc., I SHALL RETURN FROM THE
GRAVE, AND HAUNT THEM FOR A MINIMUM OF 50 YEARS[ ], or the
remainder of their lifetimes.
6. I acknowledge that I have been advised that no insurance
agency in their right mind would be caught dead covering any of the
activities that take place at Skydive Borracho, Inc., and, in the
event of an injury, I WILL NEED TO PAY MY OWN HOSPITAL BILL[ ].
7. I further agree that "JUMP OUT OF A PERFECTLY GOOD
AIRPLANE"[ ] is only an expression, and that the aircraft at
Skydive Borracho, Inc., are anything but "Perfectly Good".
8. I understand that due to the nature of the sport, it is not
possible for an instructor to determine if I have properly sobered
up enough to participate in skydiving. Furthermore, it is
impossible for the instructor, or any one else to predict with any
certainty, how I will act under the influence of alcohol, nor how
anyone else at the DZ will act, and that there is NO GUARANTEE THAT
I WILL EVEN COME CLOSE TO GETTING LAID[ ] after green light.
9. I further agree to RELEASE AND HOLD HARMLESS[ ] anyone I
pick up at the DZ bar from any liability should I catch AIDS, or
any other sexually transmitted disease.
10. It is specifically agreed that each person providing me
sex at the DZ is an independent contractor, and not an employee of
Skydive Borracho, Inc., or any other released party.
11. I have seen the video tapes, and heard the soundtrack of
"The Right Wally" and "The Wally Stuff", prior to signing this
agreement.[ ]
12. As part of the consideration for being allowed to try to
kill myself with the facilities and equipment at Skydive Borracho,
Inc., I PROMISE NOT TO SUE, NOR WRITE NASTY LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
OF PARACHUTIST MAGAZINE[ ] for anything that happens at Skydive
Borracho, Inc..
13. I specifically agree that I have inspected the land,
facilities, and bar, at the Skydive Borracho, Inc. drop zone, and,
although I don't know shit about building inspection, that I am
completely satisfied that the big quake will convert it into a pile
of rubble, and that I will not BRING SUIT, NOR ANY ACTION[ ]
against Skydive Borracho, Inc. for any claim for an act of God.
Furthermore, I understand that if God is going to commit an act, it
will definitely be against Skydive Borracho, Inc., due to its close
resemblance to an aeronautical Sodom and Gommorra.
14. I agree that I have inspected the aircraft at Skydive
Borracho, Inc., and although I don't know shit about aircraft
inspection either, I don't care; that's why I'm wearing a parachute
anyway.
15. I certify that considering my life-style, and the manner
in which I am supporting my dependents, that I fit right in with
the jumpers at Skydive Borracho, Inc..
16. I understand that spouses do not always understand the
nature of "PARACHUTING ACTIVITIES", and that participating in
skydiving at Skydive Borracho, Inc. could cause loss of wife,
husband, and custody of my children in a nasty divorce.
17. I further agree that if any other party should bring suit
against me, including personal injury, wrongful death, or palomony,
that I shall RELEASE AND HOLD HARMLESS[ ] all released parties
from retort, for telling the marshals where to find me.
18. I further agree that should I bring suit, or make claim
against Skydive Borracho, Inc., or if any of my heirs bring suit,
that the matter first be arbitrated by a board of Air Trash
members, or a committee of not less than five Freak Brothers. That
is, if I decide to break any promises made on this document, that
I wont break this one. But If I'm going to break any of them, and
you believe I am not going to break this one too, I have an
aircraft to sell the DZ, but I digress[ ]. I further agree that
should any other family members bring suit against the DZ, that the
first born male child in each household who brings suit, shall
become the property of the DZ.
19. I specifically agree, that if the state passes any new
legislation rendering any part of this waiver invalid, TO HOLD
LEGISLATION RESPONSIBLE FOR UP TO THREE TIMES THE AMOUNT[ ] of any
suit brought against the DZ as a result of this legislation. I
further agree to vote against any and all legislators who propose
any new law that invalidates any part of this waver.
20. I further agree that the venue for any action brought
against the released parties by me in the event that I wantonly
breech this promise, shall be "The People's Court" because Judge
Wapner always rules in favor of the defendants, and because the
losing parties can still get compensation from the royalties for
the appearance on the show.
21. I specifically agree, that if the court decides that any
part of this document is not funny, that this will not effect the
humor in any other part of this document.
22. I hereby certify, that I do not suffer from any physical
defects, and that (if male), MY PENIS IS AT LEAST EIGHT INCHES
LONG.[ ] Nor do I have any mental defects beyond the norm (for
jumpers) which would be aggravated by drinking beer. I specifically
agree that If I'm lying here, that it is not the fault of Skydive
Borracho, Inc., and agree to RELEASE AND HOLD HARMLESS[ ] the
released parties from any liability resulting from the lie being
told here.
23. I agree that "PARACHUTING ACTIVITIES" are of little value
to the general public, and that I cannot expect to get paid for it.
24. This release is intended to be a CONTINUING DOCUMENT; that
is, it may be updated, modified, or changed, and that I agree to be
bound by any new clauses put into it after it has been signed.
I HAVE CAREFULLY READ THIS AGREEMENT AND RELEASE OF LIABILITY, AND,
ALTHOUGH I'M NO LAWYER, I CAN TELL JUST AS WELL AS ONE, THAT THIS
IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT, BUT I'M SIGNING IT ANYWAY OF MY OWN FREE WILL
BECAUSE I'M HORNY FOR FREE FALL.
DATED:_________SIGNATURE:________________________________
WITNESS:__________________ PRINT NAME:_______________________
AMT. PAID:_______
