Michele

Duck Fairly accurate. However, would have been more like "MotherF*#*@g dissembling puddle of diarhetic dz shit in league with the vicous air-imp who wouldn't know truth if it leapt up and bit him on the tip of his wart encrusted nose." (I never write just one word when 33 will do) bleus to all but trolls- Michele

Duck Fairly accurate. However, would have been more like "MotherF*#*@g dissembling peice of overcooked dz shit in league with the vicous air-imp who wouldn't know truth if it leapt up and bit him on the tip of his wart encrusted nose." (I never write just one word when 33 will do) bleus to all but trolls- Michele

Josh, The only way you fuck up is to not realize you have. You realized it, you are taking steps to change it. This is not a fuck up. This, my friend, is courage. I am behind you 100%. O.K., 150%. Alright, honestly, 1000%. Kick ass. ciel bleu- Michele

I try to sleep, but really can't. It's hot but the cats want to cuddle, and the clock keeps ticking through time. Will I be actually be graduating tomorrow? Really? Nah, I've just been pretending, they'll find out I really can't do this, they will finally see through the sham. I can't graduate, I don't know what in hell I'm doing! I don't have a handle on the fear yet, Ed's been taking it easy on me, I really will kill myself or someone else. And all those DZ.com'ers are going to be there, everyone else will be watching me, they're sticking me under a smaller canopy, I just know I will tank the landing. I want a sunset load, Ed beside me, and the SkyVan. I don't want to go and fail - myself, Ed, or anyone else. I turn my face into the pillow, trying to sleep. But I peek at the clock to see how much I'm not sleeping. ******** Zclubber, his friend Nick and I are running late, and pull into the parking lot at about 9:30. We get out, and here comes Albatross, yelling and running across the lines of cars. "Michele, c'mon - Nelson's in the hospital". My heart clenches, my throat closes off. I hand my stuff to Zclubber and take off, but Albi has gotten into a truck, and I didn't see which one. I can't find him - did he mean for me to follow in our car? No, wait, there he is, and I climb in. What happened, how is he, will he make it is all I can say, and Albi reassures me that it's nothing life threatening, but that Nelson didn't flare or flared to late, and has seriously broken his leg. "Flaring doesn't count if his feet are already on the ground", I say, and realize that my friend is really hurt. We get to the hospital, and we go into Nelson's room. He is really high, has been given morphine and something else, and still in great pain. I see him pale as the technicians try to realign his leg, making him hurt even more. I try to think of something to do, maybe distract him, but in the end I can't, there's nothing I can do, nothing I can say. Nelson's hurt, and I can't help. Nelson's doctor is a really interesting man, reminds me of Apoo of the Simpsons, bad haircut (looks like he'd been freefalling without a helmet), wild temper and a foul mouth. He keeps shouting at people on the phone, and hanging up on them, then yelling at whoever is nearby about how medicine is not what it used to be, and how come there is managed care when it means no care, and something about passports which I just don't understand. I keep thinking that he's going to offer us a slurpee like Apoo, and that makes me giggle. Which isn't right, because this is serious, and I shouldn't be laughing. But the doctor is a cartoon character, Nelson is way doped up, and this whole day is shot to hell. Nelson gets x-rays, and damn that's a big break in his bones, and my stomach rolls. It's so easy to get hurt, and that's my friend lying there, and I still have to find some strength, some way to jump today. To graduate today. Nelson is finally transferred to a different hospital, and Albi and I get back to Perris. We catch up on how everyone is doing, and we find out that there has been another incident with someone and he turned to low and the ground didn't get out of his way so he has shattered his pelvis. What is going on, and am I really going to jump today? I meet everyone from dz.com, and find out that our record attempt was pretty much a bust, and I feel worse than ever now. I get over to the school, maybe for the last time, and there's someone I don't know sitting in the office. I tell her I am late for my level 8, and she says she may not be able to get me in the air. Which is almost o.k. with me, because this is such a weird day. But Zclubber has been jumping, and he is ready to take his level 8 and graduate, and Kimmer is landing as I watch, and she does really well, so I push a little with this new girl, and she is really snippy, and says "well, we'll just have to see". I finally convince her that it will be o.k., and she then says "it will be with who I set you up with, you will use the plane I put you on, and I am not making an instructor wait until sunset so you can be happy. I mean, they've been working all day". I decide not to smack her, and just walk out. I go to the bleachers and sit. Nothing is happening right today. Should I really push my luck? Am I tempting the skygods with this? How odd and forboding the day has become. How daylight dark. I am close to tears, feeling overwhelmed with all of this, and so I just watch the jumpers land. I watch Clint and J.C. and Jim and Luigi, and they're so incredible; I see all those swoopers, and I relax a little. I watch a main and a bag come floating down, and my brain cramps. There's three, I think, I just don't believe it, what is in the air today? And should I get up in the air with it? I feel like there's some vicious evil air-imp up there, just picking and choosing who it's going to play with, poke and prod, tease out of the air, and I wonder if there is a target painted on my soul. I am getting truly frightened now. Ed comes over, and says to me that he won't be jumping with me today, that he has too many jumps and Moley will be jumping with me, and that I'll be o.k., and I am really angry and it is NOT o.k. I want Ed there, not because I need him there, but because of all he has done for me, all he has taught me about myself, all he has given me in these last weeks. I want him to see what kind of a man he is, how he has changed my life, how I value him as a person and as a friend. And the only way I can think of to show him, and not just tell him, is by graduating for him, with him. And I can't even do that. I start to cry, just a few tears. My throat closes down, and my eyes get blurry. I try to tell him what he means to me, what this jump means to me, and I look at him, and hope he understands. He tells me to just graduate, that this would be the best gift I could give him, but that feels so empty. He has to go, and I am there, now, alone with my fears, and this ungiven gift. I get up, and walk around. I go back to the group of people, and try to talk and joke myself out of this mood, and distract myself. It's got a hold of me today, this fear, it's holding on hard. I can't get it away, I can't chase it out with good thoughts. I can't focus away from it, it is utter and total now, swarming through my head like a flock of sparrows and it's migration time. I get called into the harness room with Eric, and he askes me what the five main things in any skydive are. I say "pull, pull at altitude, pull stable, and land safely" and I am wracking my tired and overheated brain to have the fifth one, when he looks at me and winks. "Bring beer is number five". Somehow that is the perfect thing to say to me, as Zclubber and I have lots of it in the ice chest already. I laugh, and start to relax. Eric and I get through the harness room, and now I have to wait - I have about a 45 minute call, and Zclubber is going to jump with Moley on his level 8, so I can watch him land and then get ready. I notice that at least I have the SkyVan, but now I am nervous because I have seen that thing on take off and landing, and it is the most unusual aircraft I have seen. It's hard to believe that it can fly, let alone fly safely. And it strikes me then that I have no idea how to leave this plane, so I run around trying to get as much information as I can about what it's like, and what to expect, but everyone has gone, and there's not much information except "oh you'll like it" and "it is fun", which doesn't do a darn thing for me. Zclubber lands, and all went well. He graduated! It's my turn, and now I get ready to go. Moley and I walk through the jump, Viking is there taking pictures, for some reason he thinks me in a smurff suit will be interesting. I am shaking, and near tears again. I get the rig from the wall, I will be in a smaller and different one. I do a gear check, and it looks fine. I get it on, Moley does another gear check, and off we go. I am trailing behind Moley, and as we pass by Square One, Ed, Dana and Blue are standing there, doing the wave and cheering me on. Which nearly makes me cry. We get to the Skyvan, and there is DZBone, Shark, Albi and Nick, and they are climbing in. So are Jim Slaton, Luigi, Clint and J.C.; Damn, I have heros and friends on the plane with me. I am a lucky girl. This is a wide plane. I choose my seat, because it is not a full load. I sit right up next to the pilot, because I can't handle the door being up in twin otters, so I don't think I could handle it if I had to watch the floor disappear. We take off, and Moley and I are talking, and I am trying to get this jump through my head. Barrel rolls, and a delta track. Shouldn't be hard. I then remember to ask Moley how I get out of this plane, and he says, "take a deep breath, and run". Excuse me? I cover my mouth with my hands, and shut my eyes. I can't picture this. I try to get over to automatic pilot, but I can't quite make it there. I am breathing hard, sweating and trembling. I move my hands to my eyes, and pretend that I can do this, pretend that it doesn't matter if I fail, or biff the landing, all that matters right now is getting out of the plane. Everything will flow from that. I look up, and Shark is watching me, and smiling his gentle and wonderful smile. I take a deep breath, and smile back. Why not? I think, if I am already pretending, then I should pretend a smile, too. But it's real. And it being real surprises me, and helps me breath. Now it's at 11k, and we are letting the CReW guys out. Everyone crowds to the door to watch them hang from under the plane, and then just drop off. Moley asks me if I want to, and there is no way I want to be any closer to the gaping hole with no floor until I am getting out. Then the guys get ready to lauch their formation, and I watch Albi, DZbone, Nick, and Shark leave the plane. It's my turn now. I stare at the place where five minutes ago there was floor, and now there is none. I stare at Moely, who smiles and nods his head. O.K., I say, O.K., and I'm ready and I am not really running but more like 58 teeny little stuttering steps and now I am out - out into the sky, out into the air - and there's nothing, dead space.....my heart beats once and then, bang, I am into the relative wind, and I am doing a forward layout flip, then I stop it, but somehow get into a back layout flip, and go over. I feel like I am going over again, so I arch really hard. I finally stabilize, and rest for a moment. That was not a poised exit, but now I have to do a barrel roll. Which is a wimpy, sorry excuse for a roll, because it only goes half way and I get stuck on my back, so I kind of jerk my body around back to the neutral position. I decide to do the next one with more verve, more intention, and I really throw my arm into it this time. And here I go, spinning, and rolling over, feeling like a flopping fish. But this is fun too, now, and I check altitude, and I am fine, and Moley signals to go into delta, so I do, and it's like I had always dreamed - arms back, soaring through the sky, cruising with the speed of the wind, flying through the day's end, mountain shadows stretching long beneath us. I see the dropzone under my right arm, and push that direction, but gently, and now I am a bird, sailing through the sky. I am directing my body, I look where I want to go, and I fly into the 6 o'clock sun. It's over all too soon, I am at 6k, and I break into a huge grin and blow a kiss at Moley. It's time to pull, it's over, this freedom, over until next time. I am under canopy, and we are really far southeast of the dz, far downwind. I guess I can really move in a track. I bring myself into the wind, and test out this canopy. I turn hard right, left, right, and then left into a 360 which really isn't, watching to see how much altitude I lose under this parachute. I plan out how I need to approach, and then I feel the tears prickling. I have done it, I know I did well, I am in the sky again, and I know Ed is watching from below. I dance in the deepening daylight, I float in the softening sun. I chase the evil air-imp, knowing that I will be alright, knowing that I can tempt and tease it, pay it back a little for the damage it has done to my friends today. I am in charge now, in the sky, under this chute, I am in charge, and I get aggressive, for me. I turn, and spin, and sashay side to side. I am free, for now, free, and alone with the world in the sky. There is no sound, the whispering of the pilot chute and slider a distinct harmony to the silence, and I shout "I did it"... and then I whisper "I did it", just to test the difference. I check to make sure I am still where I want to be, and decide the exact spot, right in between two flags, where I want to land. I remind myself to flare, and I settle into my landing pattern. I make small adjustments, and angle nicely and gently into my path. I am coming down a little faster than I am used to, and I see all my friends there, waiting for me. I near the earth, I begin the final descent. I go to half brakes, hold, hold, and then finish the flare, standing it up - and taking only one step. I ground the canopy, and burst into tears. I get helmet and goggles off, wipe the tears away, and shout -shout against my fears, shout in triumph, shout in joy, shout for being alive, and living my life. And here comes Shark, hugging me through rigs and chutes and tears. And now Albi, who hold me tightly and just won't let me go (even though my nose is squashed against his gear). He kisses my cheek, and then here is everyone else. And now Ed comes over, and just gives me that look. I know he's proud, and I start crying again. He hugs me, and then stops but I won't let him. He laughs and keeps hugging me, and tells me that I need to stop crying, that I am getting my face all dirty and dusty, and we laugh. But it is bittersweet, because this is the last time he will meet me after a jump, yet the next time we jump it will not be as student and teacher, but as friends. I graduated. ******** I solo next week. I am too tired and hung over to do it today. ******** Ciel bleu- Michele

Hi, everyone. Nelson Woodford, aka Sinister69 here on the boards, was jumping with the dz.com'er's practice record attempt first jump of the day, and had a bit of an accident. He has broken his left tib and fib, about 3 inches up from the ankle. There is no muscle or circulatory damage (thank god). They have not done surgery at this point. Nelson says they are not intending to, although that still may have to happen. He wanted everyone to know he will be back on the boards as soon as he gets home (likely sometime Monday or Tuesday); he also said that he will be back in the air as soon as he can. He says thanks to everyone at the dz who was worried about him, and especially to Albatross, who spent most of the day with him at the hospital. Nelson has also promised to flare on time from here on out. Ciel bleu- Michele

My condolences and best wishes for the famly and the witnesses. John's skies will be blue forever. Viking, I understand how you feel. It saddens and frightens me too, but those emotions will happen whether or not it's posted on Friday or any other day of the week. This is part of the sport. And as part of this sport, it should be dealt with as it arises. To be reminded just before we jump may assist us in making that one gear check, or checking our friends' gear, which may prevent such occurances, or minimize the chances of it happening. I'll see you tomorrow, Viking. ciel bleu- Michele

WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (some alliteration is appropriate in this auspicious occasion). See you tomorrow!

Hi, Alienangel.... Welcome....hey, I got a question from Newbie to Newbie. How come you jump an Icarus Extreme 78 ft2/Sharpchuter 135 ft2? And when did you get to start photography? You really must be a skygod..... Of course, experience is relative.... but I was just curious as to who you're trying to lie to - the boards, or Sangiro? One way or another, it's one of us... Some cheese on that hamburger, penguin? And thanks for your good wishes for my graduation. bleu- Michele

Great conversation starter, and a scar in the making, to boot.....makes things interesting. At least you will be easily identified now. Don't worry, you will have enough Wild West Medicine to make all the owies go away. But I do think you should stop hitting on those chicks with full metal braces....

Nimbus (what a great name, btw) Go, girl - taste the sky, hold your dream in your hands, and make it happen. You are the only person who dreams your dreams; and you are the only person who can make those dreams your reality. Feel the sky, see your world in a new and amazing way. Learn about yourself at 12,500 - and find yourself in the sky. You are all that you imagine, and so much more. You will not see your limits until you reach - stretching and straining, past them. In hindsight, then, you will understand what you were. Turn your eyes now into the future, towards your dreams. Only then will you understand what you will become. Love harder, dance more, and sail through the blue sky, knowing the love you feel will always remain with you. Knowing you will see things differently. Knowing that your world will open up: the colors brighter, the feelings more intense, and life will be a little "more". Know that it does change you, and that faith and trust in yourself is the absolute greatest gift you will ever give yourself. You are amazing. The sky is amazing. What better match? You belong in the blue. Come home, darlin', come home. Ciel bleu- Michele

Thanks, SkyMonkeyOne. That does indeed help, and, as always, I can count on you guys to help me when I need it.

(now, what was that song? Oh yeah....It's raining men, hallelujia.....) Welcome, Schroeder! Glad to see you here! (And glad you like my stories...) (ClayFowler, have you ever noticed the little "edit" button next to the "reply" button?....) ciel bleu- Michele

My Hero! I got beer, and ice can be purchased down at Perris (there's a market there somewhere, I'm sure). I have a cooler, too, but not enough for all the sodas and beer I think we're going to have....

Kimmer - best of luck (although you don't need it, you're over the hump...)..you rock, chica, and you are the best! Zclubber - you will have a ball, and again, best of luck.....I want to see your face after level 6..... Gman, Viking, I can't jump with them, either, so we will be their audience... Well, all you ".com'ers" coming out: even if you don't jump with the attempt, make sure you come over and say hi; there will be a little post jump party going on, I'd love to give you all hugs (I am a hugger, so be prepared)... and maybe there will be enough beer to go around...(does anyone have an extra ice chest? I have to keep at least 4 cases of beer cold...) As for me, well, Ed's making me jump an unfamiliar, smaller canopy, so be sure you're there for my landing - it should be either a) outstanding or b) fastfalling. Either way, should be good for a laugh. Bring your cameras! And all you east coasters, and everyone in the other parts of the world - I swear I will lift at least one beer in your honor! Let's....get.....iiiiiiittttttttttt....onnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ciel bleu- Michele

3rd Aff jump (no tandems or any other jump), line over, unstowed brake, or something like that (we will never be sure - I was too inexperienced to know exactly, and anything now is colored by more education). Whatever it was, I was spinning. Hard. Cut away. I have asked in recent harness rooms if I am to cut away if there is nothing behind me - total mal - nothing comes out. They say "absolutely". For two reasons. 1) The reserve may jog the main loose, and if I haven't cut away, then there is entanglement, which is not so good. and 2) you will do as you drill. The less thought, the better. The more automatic the action, the faster you can get a good canopy over your head. It's the same drill every time, and therefore no decision is necessary - just react. That is what I have been taught and taught and taught. They teased me because of the way I remembered the drill - "red red silver red silver silver"....but they don't tease me any more.... ciel bleu- Michele

Thank you both!!! Appreciated information and adds to my education! ciel bleu- Michele

Not wishing to look foolish, I won't ask "whatinheck is a crossport...."

Hi, Tried. I have been reading your posts, and the responses. I would like to offer an observation based on nothing else than reading - which means that I miss all the vocal inflection, intention, body language, etc. Please keep that in mind. Also realize that I have been betrayed in a major way, and I understand that Karma is bitch. Please forgive me if I step on your toes here. It is not intended. That being said... Communication is vital. And I notice that there is little or no communication going on - his lying, your issuing ultimatums. There is a control thing I sense happening here, and there will always be a fight against the control (from wherever it comes...). It may be that he lies because he doesn't trust you to accept it, and that the truth will simply instigate a fight, so he avoids the issue (not an o.k. thing at all). It may be that you are giving deadlines and ultimatums as your way of declaring yourself, your intentions, and letting him know his actions are unacceptable to you (again, not really an o.k. thing, either). BUT: is either way a good way to resolve the problem? Is there perhaps another way to communicate with him? I know that if I heard the option of Counselor or Lawyer, I would be on the phone to my - lawyer.....because there is a threat in that statement which I would not tolerate. There is a control, too, inasmuch as 'I'll give you the options to choose from, but thy're my options, and your wants and needs don't matter". When I work that hard to control something, I try to see what it is I am really trying to control - and what would happen if there was no control, and if I just let things happen. What am I afraid of that I have to control so hard, and take so much time and energy making the people around me do what I want them to do? If you need to control something, control *your* life. Is this what you want? This fighting, arguing, un-trusting? Will it get better? Can *you* take steps to change your communication so to be able to tell him what is really going on? Get totally vulnerable, tell him your heart. Tell him your fears, and dreams, and needs - without demanding it from him. Figure out what you are missing and what you want. Then take the steps needed to get it into your life. *Ask* him for it, don't demand it. And then, if he can't or won't give it to you, move on. And learn to give it to yourself, so it never is dependent on someone else to give you what you need and want. And then, when you have a good relationship, it is not based on "I'll get it out there", but instead "I have it inside, I can easily get it for myself". This allows for a choice in relationships - a choice that has no pressure, no ultimatums, no nothing other than a genuine enjoyment of being with each other. If you and your husband cannot do that for each other, then take the steps you need to get it for yourself. But don't issue ultimatums, don't threaten. He knows, he is aware, and he has to make the choice for himself and his life. Just as you, Tried, need to make the choice for your life. I know, easier said than done. I truly wish and hope for the best for both of you, but especially your children. I really don't mean to be harsh, and if this comes across that way, I am very sorry. Ciel bleu- Michele

Hey, Hot Tamely- I will be there on Sunday, although you won't be able to jump with me because I will have (hopefully) graduated on Saturday.....and I would venture to be there will be several more people coming out the weekend, too! Ciel bleu- Michele

Diva - how funny! Made me giggle right along with you this morning! Mouth - too right! And that is why we hug him - just to hear his body and mind talk to us........ And Albi, you will always be very special in my heart. I am going to look at all the men, too!!!! After all, it is summer in southern california, and you all walk around without your shirts on, and then you wonder why we girls look......geesh. ciel bleu- Michele Edited by michele on 7/25/01 10:31 AM.

Hey, Shark Don't know how many are confirmed, but there are at least 65 Perrisians and 45 Elsinorians registered here. So we *should* have about 100 (lol - not really. But we should.....). ciel bleu- Michele

You guys are all so special to me. Stephen King I am not - he's my fav too! I so want you guys to be there, so I can share this with you. You have all been there for me, holding my hand, lifting me up, encouraging me, laughing and crying with me, I want to give you all hugs. (o.k., pretend you have my arms around you right now - there!). And yeah, no pressure? yeah, right, sure! Performance anxiety in a girl? It could happen. What if I tank? You guys will laugh your butts off, I'm sure (actually, I will probably laugh the hardest). I told Dennis that I wanted to go in the SkyVan, and that I wanted a sunset load for my graduation jump....he said, well, we'll see. So I told Rob (one of our pilots) that I wanted at least some extra alti, and he said I have to earn it. Whatever on earth could he mean? (uh, yeah, like that'll happen...I'm shy!) As for the pool, you're not getting me near the water.... In any event, I can't wait for the jump. Should be an adventure, to say the least. And even if you're not in the plane with me (or not at Perris, even), you all are in the plane with me, every time. And each time I jump, you jump with me (Skymedic, that would explain all the "voices").

Hi, all. I have been able to tell all my clients that I will not -repeat, NOT - be available to them for the weekend, so I can be there from Saturday morning to Sunday night. However, since my ex has all the camping gear, I will be coming home late saturday and returning early Sunday. Since it will also be my graduation jump (if I don't screw it up too badly), I will be bringing some (o.k., more than some) beer for all of us to celebrate with. So come on out! (I will also be bringing soft drinks for those of us who have to drive or who don't drink). See ya Saturday morning ciel bleu- Michele

Good on you for handling it! That training stuff really works. And of course, self-preservation is a great motivator.... And you're a hero in my book - I know how hard it is to get back up there; you did, twice, and had a great day afterwards (except for the contacts thing...). Excellent job, great thinking, and I am glad you're here to tell us about it. Ciel bleu- Michele

Hi, guys. I am still in AFF, and while we do pull high (5k) for the first few jumps, we are "worked down" to a pull altitude of 4-4.5k by our graduation jump. We are taught to pull high so that we are able to have more time to identify and correct (if possible) any partial malfunction. We 'dents need a bit more time to remember things, such as "look at your canopy when it opens". Also, if we separate from our jm's at 5 (in the begining), they have time to track away from us and pull, leaving themselves some room to handle any problems *they* may encounter. They also need to be on the ground way before us so that they can help guide us in via radio for the first 4 or 5 jumps. On the other hand, I do have a concern about pulling lower than 4k. But I think that after a few times in the air alone (alone???????) I will be able to modify my brain enough to pull around 3.5k. However, if there is an emergency on the way up, I will do as I am told - and leave if told to. I don't plan on being the one left as I see the other jumpers pitching out.....I'm rght there, and will pull silver if lower than 1500 (which is what we're taught). Higher than that, I will pull main with about a heatbeat's delay (unless we're at a height higher than my pull alti). Just a thought or two. ciel bleu- Michele