Michele

SKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're still in my thoughts - sorry I missed you - work called, and it was louder than the sky...me is sorry! I'll try to call tomorrow, but you're already gone. I really feel badly. Here's hoping you'll continue to celebrate your love and life in the sky! Hugs and ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

HHHHHHHHHAhhaahahahahahahahaaa. You're still drunk, right? As to how my feet are, absolute agony friday (had to keep taking tylenol, and to sleep needed tylenol pm), saturday was a bit better, sunday was even better, and today I'm bopping around as per usual (although in tennis shoes)...not necessary to give a description of my feet, but I was at my brother's house on Saturday, and he insisted on seeing them....my 3 1/2 y/o nephew looked at them, and out of his mouth came "water, bandaids, peroo (his version of peroxide), and sauce (antibiotic ointment)". Me and my neice ended up sitting on the floor while the "boys" gave us treatment. Jonathan with his sister, me with my brother... The sauce thing still gets me giggling...I can't help but think of sauce as, well, Jack Daniels or something... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I don't believe it, but here I am, Thanksgiving night, walking down Ventura Boulevard at 4 pm. The clouds are threatening rain; they have even tossed a few sprinkles onto my head, and I am nowhere near home. Nowhere near warmth and safety and security... I think about my cats, and about the bath I will luxuriate in once I make it back. I think about the music I'll put onto the stereo and the wine I will savor, opening a hoarded bottle, allowing myself a small treat to comfort me in the face of Thanksgiving unexpectedly alone. I walk on the sidewalk, wobbling in my heels. I don't like wearing heels - but it was for the party, you see, skirt and hose and heels. I was dressing up to celebrate, to enjoy myself. I didn't expect to be walking any distance in them. The right heel feels a little odd to me as I step down yet another curb, cross yet another street. Cars pass me, and the occupants don't see me. I am, to them, just someone on the street, walking. An obstacle to avoid. They are warm in their cars, and either coming from or going to a holiday home, rife with the scents of a holiday dinner, laughter tinkling through the rooms. I can't help but be jealous of them, because I am outside and they are not. Because they are riding and I am walking. Because soon, they will be with company, while I return to an empty house. I am invisible. Tears drip down my face, and I make no effort to stop them. My legs hurt a little bit, but I think again of home, and focus on getting there. I plan out my trip, knowing it will be blackdark by the time I get home; I choose my route carefully. I am trying to protect myself, now, because I feel so vulnerable. I take off my watch and ring, and slip them into my purse. There is someone behind me, so I sort of slide over and allow them room to pass. I deliberately slow down so they will have to pass me. I don't like having someone behind me... I sit on a low wall, and take off my shoes. I wiggle the right shoe's heel, and it is loose. Well, I guess it's time to walk barefoot, and so I slide my shoes into my purse, and set off again. It's getting dark and a light breeze has picked up, and I can smell the rain coming. I hope I beat the storm home, I think, but it might be interesting walking in the rain. No, it won't, but I am trying to find something positive. It will cool my hot hurting feet, walking through water. That's it. But it will ruin my jacket. Most stores are closed, and those that have remained open are empty, and the clerks are reading or watching television. Soon, I think, they will lock up and head home, too, and this city will be deserted. Then I see the denizens of the alleyways as I cross them, and they look at me. I do not belong here - but do they, either? I begin to think about who is sharing the street with me tonight - no, not those drivers in cars who don't see the people on the streets, but those people on the streets who see anyone who's out of place. I wonder what they will eat tonight - and I understand in a way I've not understood before that they have no promise of tomorrow. I have a place waiting for me. What, I wonder, is waiting for them? I will sleep in a bed tonight - safe from the cold and rain. Where will they sleep? Will it afford them any shelter? If I am cold, I can always turn on my heater. If they are cold, what will they do? As I trudge barefoot over asphalt, around broken glass and litter, through puddles and over pebbles, I think about Thanksgiving. This feast I am not attending seems almost obscene in a way...it's not about how much we can eat, I think, but that we have anything to eat at all. It's not about how much money we have, but about how well we treat others and treat ourselves. It's not about showing off how much we have, but about sharing what we have with those who may not have as much. As I walk through the gathering darkness and increasing cold, I feel like I am understanding Thanksgiving in a manner which I have never been aware of before. I think about Thanksgiving, and about what I can, right here and now, be thankful for. I thank God I have strong legs. I thank God that I have the self-confidence to remove myself from a situation which was not good for me. I thank God that I have work, intermittant as it may be. I thank God Kitty came through her surgery passably well, and that I still have lights on in my house. I thank God that I still have a house, and a car, and health, and some semblance of wellbeing. I realize that thanksgiving is daily, and not once yearly, and resolve to appreciate what I have, instead of always wanting more. For in the chase to acquire more, I think, I lose myself, and lose my way. It is full dark, now, and I am limping, walking crooked. I am cold, and tired, hungry and thirsty. I find a bus bench which has routes and fares posted, and I sit. I light up a cigarette, and exhale slowly, massaging my sore feet and calves. I empty my purse on my lap, thanking God that I had my regular purse with me, and hadn't changed it to match my outfit. For had I done that, I would not have found the dimes and nickles and quarters which made up the bus fare. I gather my coins, and consider walking the rest of the way, but I look at my feet - they are blistered, bloody, and raw. I haven't got too much of a choice I think... The bus comes, and I lift myself onto it, hauling myself up the handrails, easing the burden on my feet. I deposit my change in the box, and ask the bus driver how to get back to Burbank. I have to change buses, he tells me, and hands me a transfer. I fumble for the change, give it over, and sit down behind him. I haven't been on a bus in 20 years. They have changed a lot. As we ride down past familiar landmarks, I look into the street. It has started to rain, and lights are reflecting off the pavement. It is surreal, me on a bus on Thanksgiving. My fellow riders are chatting to each other, or reading the newspaper, or sleeping. I look at them, and I wonder where they're going to or coming from today - is it just another Thursday for them? Did they work today, or are they visiting someone tonight? I realize I have a distance, a separation, when I'm in my car that I do not have on this bus. We reach the end of the line, and I hobble across the street to the other bus stop where I'll catch my last bus home. Again contemplating my circumstances, I look around. It has stopped raining, and so, even though I know my bottom will get wet, I sit down on the bus bench. I watch a spider spinning it's web in the corner of the streetsign and the overhanging trees, and marvel at it's dexterity, it's facility to create home and hearth in the midst of a manmade jungle. It knows it's temporary, this spiderweb, but if it can feed the spider, it's served it's purpose. And I am certain that once this web is broken, through the increasing wind or an errant child's hand, the spider will set to work re-building, dismissing it's former home out of hand with the goal of creating it's future. I wonder, then, why I always look backwards, looking for what was, instead of what will be. The bus comes along, and I stand, legs trembling, shooting pains up my feet into my ankles. No matter, I will soon be home. It is short, this last leg of my journey, a matter of 10 minutes in the bus and two blocks' walk. I hand over my transfer, smoothing it out as I do so. It is wrinkled and sweaty, having been clutched in my hand as if it were the last transfer on earth, because there is no change to buy another should it be lost. I slide into the first seat available, and sigh. Home is a stone's throw now, I think, and close my eyes. My stop comes, and the driver lets me out, wishing me "Happy Holidays". I step onto the concrete, and can feel the blisters squishing in my feet, an odd and very painful sensation. I push the crosswalk button, and find myself very impatient. I whack on it a little, and while it makes me feel better, I am positive it hasn't hurried the lightchanging process any. I step onto the street, and have to walk so carefully and slowly that I do not make it across before the light turns yellow then red, and I apologetically wave at the cars waiting for me to get out of their way. I am embarrassed to have held up traffic like this... But home, home is close. I hurt so badly I distract myself by singing some old ballads I learned as a child, just to strike a pace so that I can keep moving. As I sing to myself and hobble homeward, I see a house with easily 20 people in the front room, all celebrating and smiling. They are having Thanksgiving dinner, surrounded by joy. The front door is open, and I hear the chatter and laughter - a child's voice sails out to my ears, silver in the night air, and I smile. I am home, and manage to get up the porch, and into the house. The cats get fed, the bath gets drawn, and the wine is poured. I put on some music - Eine Kline Nachtmusik it will be, and with the joy of Mozart careening off the walls, I slide into the tub. The long walk home is done with, and I am safe and warm. My feet are a mess, but I am home. And I have a lot to be thankful for, every day of the week, every week of the year. We all do. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Rawk on! YAYAYAYAY for you... Not to pick, but as more of an observation... I followed someone in once. Once I realized he hadn't done it right, it was too late for me to change (I was too low to turn at that level), and I ended up with my 2nd most scary landing ever... I guess what I mean is yes, follow the established pattern, but always make sure it's the right one. If it's NOT the right one, know your alternatives...what if the one you'd been following decided to hook or swoop it? And started it at the right alti, but way lower that you should be turning...what then? Where are you going to go? I remember my first jump in the canopy class. Clint was going to be my side by side instructor. He told me after 1500 ft, I was on my own, and to stop following him...and I watched as he did a gorgeous swoop. I did "kinda" follow him, inasmuch as I landed about 20 feet away from him, but I didn't mean to - I missed my target by about 250 feet... Just trying to make a point that while it worked this time, it may not work again. Better you land on your own, on your own pattern, off the grass or whatever, then be left with no outs, a downwind, or worse... But hey - congratulations on your first solo. Next time, make it really solo! And tell us all about it! (And I'm really not trying to take the wind out of your sails...it's just that it concerned me.) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, Nadine Thanks for responding. You mean, after Israel was declared a state in 1947, and have had serious diffuculty maintaining that state? You mean, they shouldn't have been given a state, or that the on-going battle for their existence? I'm not sure about what the whining part is here. Please clarify for me? As for the complaining part, the Holocaust survivors I know have not complained to me...but have done what they could do to deal with the continuing issues years in concentration camps have left them with. The complaints I hear are more to the effect of "you don't eat enough, bubbis...have another plate". The tributes to those who were murdered are, imho, intensely moving and very appropriate. When you consider that 6 million jews were killed, and many millions more affected, I don't think a few tributes, memorials and compensation to those survivors is inappropriate. I think I did misunderstand you. Jews should be quiet and not stand up for themselves and their existence? (See, I don't think you're saying this, so I must've misunderstood you.) Do you feel the same about the Japanese who were recompensed from the American pocket? Do you feel the same about the American Indians? How about the blacks in America? They all have/are trying to use their "whateverness" to garner financial remuneration from me. How do you feel about that? And what about you feel about the Catholics using their Catholicness/Catholic power to supress illegal incidents as pertains to their clergy? Etc. What's a real jew? Or a real muslim for that matter? I try really hard to not generalize. Yes, I fall short of that mark on a regular basis. So, if it's the headlines that you object to, to which headlines are you referring? Again, just looking for clarification. I must've had too much turkey, 'cause I'm still not seeing your point. Will you please try again? I'd appreciate it. I will admit, I have a personal visceral reaction to some of your statements. I would not like to think you believe that my father, for example, has ever used his jewishness to garner special benefits. Nor would I like to think that you believe that Jews, in fighting back, are out of line for doing so. I don't think you really believe that Saul, one man for whom I worked, used his little blue numbers to gather sympathy from a group of people. And I certainly hope you don't believe that something as significant as the brutal murders of 6,000,000 people, some whose skin ended up as lampshades, are complaining about it superficially, and without significant memories of a war which was more evil than could've been imagined. Putting my growing apprehension aside, I would ask please to try to explain again for me your position on the Jews. I really would appreciate it. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

And, I might add, the forthrightness of some of them, as well. There have been innumerable requests for the original candidate statement from Treetop, and it has yet to be submitted. Instead, we have a litigious individual screaming for his point to be heard and acknowledged, but from his statements previously, it would be clear to any attorney that he is bent on pure provocation and not resolution. There can be good provocation - inasmuch as it can stimulate someone to think and to question - but this is not, imho, what was done, if one takes into consideration a previously disclosed "disclaimer" that can be found in more that one spot. At this point, one can only think of spoiled children and stomping feet. At least Buzz used the opportunity he was given by this website to further discussion, assess policies, and learn what the membership is thinking (whether or not I personally agreed or not is moot). Others have simply alienated the constituency. 'Tis a great pity that we still have not seen something which could've proved a position, and perhaps stimulated conversation in a good direction. Oh well, methinks the whipping of a dead horse is fruitless. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, Nadine. Notwithstanding the other arguments (which may or may not have value, from both sides of the coin)...would you please clarify - specifically - about the "whining of the Jews" that you mentioned? I'm just really curious to understand more of your viewpoint on this specifically. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, Ed... I had heard somewhere (but can't substantiate it) that calcium tablets do not absorb as well as milk, cheese, and other calcium laden products. This will not help you if you are lactose intolerant, though. There are several veggies which have a high source of calcium, as well. You may want to check it out. Also, caffeine depletes the body of B1 and calcium, so you may want to increase your clacium intake, or decrease your caffeine one. Again, I can't substantiate it, but have heard this over the years... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Morning, Tom As far as I can tell, there isn't any feature which would cc pm's. What I've done is, instead of c/p, I start out with the screen from the messages button, not click into that person's name. I type out the name, the pm, and hit send. Once it's sent, I go back to the composition screen, and simply change the recipient's name, and send again. It's worked on the very few times I've done this. Hope that helps... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Actually, he is neither. A moron is a term used to describe someone who has an IQ of between 50 and 75 (I think. Close enough). President Bush does not have that as an IQ. As to being a Machiavelian cunning who disguises himself as a moron, I strongly disagree with you there, as well. I don't see that at all. I hear constantly about how Canadians blame 9/11 on us...but I don't see them saying "thanks for all the help you've given us over the years. We appreciate it". I think that there are things to disagree with in the current adminstation, and I certainly think that previous admins screwed the pooch. But I don't think that we deserve the incredible hatred which is thrown at us regularly, from many quarters. Again, I am not saying that we are perfect, nor infallible. What I am saying is that the amount of good that we do far outweighs the bad, imho. And our forgeign policies are not always hypocritical, and if any other country was asked to provide as much to the global whole as much as we are, I am sure a lot of the naysayers would redirect their anger at that country. Ach, I know what I mean, but can't articulate it well. Scoby, I appreciate your opinion, and can see your point. I don't necessarily agree with it wholeheartedly. Can you see mine? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Whooooooooohoooooooooooooooo! Welcome here! (I would say back, or home, but it's neither for you...) Good to know you're here, safe, sound, and fully cleared by the Feebs.... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Actually, you are free to say that. Saying that won't get you put in jail...unless you're saying it while whopping on someone who is gay. Then, that phrase would be used as a sentence enhancer, and would be used to demonstrate motive for whopping on him/her. See above, same scenario It will put you in jail if you were touching her at the time. But it's true about the job thing...as it should be. But it would've put you in jail before, as well. Not just "these days". There is a difference between "free speech" and shouting "fire" in a crowded theatre. (Famous Supreme Court case on that one. I don't recall it right now...sorry - maybe one of the legal eagles could point you in the right direction). As to Gawain's original post, what the heck is wrong with being patriotic? I have yet to understand why being patriotic is not acceptable...and the essay was a great piece of writing when it came out, and is even more applicable today. There are times I would like to see those folks who benefit from American help (financially or physically) actually either a) pay it back (financially) or b) help us back when we have a class 5 tornado hit, or a 9 point eq. Or even offer, for that matter. But instead, we get lambasted and told our leader is a moron. Just my .02 Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

...the mad scientist has a sense of humor! Actually, it is interesting because I had the thought that something was "off" on my cutaway, but I can't recall if it was definitive before, or it was hindsight...thus the question. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Yes, unlike inflammable and flammable.... Fame/Famous Great reputation and recognition. Renown. Public esteem. (positive use generally, as in s/he is well known and/or liked.) Infamy/Infamous Having an exceedingly bad reputation, notorious. Evil fame or reputation. (famous use of the word infamy...FDR: "A day that will live in infamy"referring to Pearl Harbor.). DBCooper is infamous. Troy is famous. You are neither. (Teasing, Q...lest Alan, with his infamous reputation, should see this as a spurious or injudicious use of terms, thoughts, or poisoned pen commentary! ) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, CT... Just a brief note - I think Viking was wondering why you didn't reply to the S&TA's thread instead of initiating this one, not that he didn't see/get/understand your reply. FWIW, I think you've brought up a different topic...but you might want to see if any of the threads in the General Discussions section re: USPA are what you're looking for. As to not replying sooner, I was one of those click-in-and-read, but as I am new at this jumping thing, I am still learning, so will keep my mouth shut about that. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, Scoby. (And hi, Kris!) I discount that nagging feeling every jump...but I think there's more to it than that nagging feeling, that little thought that can be shaken off. I mean the other one... How's that for clarity? Like I said, it could be hindsight, too...thus the question. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Ever seen a bear which is not mortally wounded but is hurt nonetheless? Ever hear them bellow? That intensity level, and if I were the screaming kind, I'd've put that bear to shame... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I've been reading cutaway threads for a while now. Besides learning an absolute ton of things (thanks, everyone), I have also noticed that some people "feel" that something is wrong/off/bad/?? with that particular jump, but either didn't know better, shook it off, or whatever, and jumped anyway. I was wondering, then, if some people "knew" this jump would be their cutaway jump, or the one they got hurt on, or whatever - not because it was an inherently dangerous jump. Just that nagging feeling beforehand. Just really curious as to the hints I've seen in other posts...intuition? Or hindsight? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Not getting into it, thanks. I don't skydive in heels and hose...yet...and while my canopy control does suck, I haven't landed that far off... no money. No cell phone, no money, and the ones who I knew would accept a collect call were at their families having a Thanksgiving dinner. I have. Left wrist, innumerable broken toes and fingers, ribs, and ankles. I agree - blisters are preferable. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Thanks, guys (well, with the exception of Viking's tabasco suggestion)...I don't have any mole skin, but will look into that tomorrow along with an antibiotic ointment. Cool website, Quade. It's been bookmarked. I didn't pop them...they ruptured all by themselves. They are all largish (smallest about 1/2 inch, largest the width and length of my right heel) and on the bottom of my feet. Because the ones on my heels both had unfortunately gotten to the point of bleeding (although the right one more than the left), I am most worried about infection (hey, the mean streets of LA are not clean...). I've now slipped a pair of sox on, to keep them as clean and dry as possible. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Long story, not gonna get into it. Suffice it to say a 5 mile walk (2 miles +/- in 2 inch heels, three more in stocking feet) have destroyed my feet. I was leaving bloody heelprints on the sidewalk. I have soaked them in salt water (oh my word that hurt like hell), trimmed the dead hanging flesh (which also hurt like a bear), dried them off and then put hydrogen peroxide on them, and then stuck bandaids on them. What else can/should I do to prevent them from hurting as absolutely horridly as they do or getting infected? I've had two strong drinks already, and nothing to eat today at all, so they don't hurt too badly right now...and I'm sitting as well. But I dread tomorrow morning... Any hints? I've never gotten blisters this badly. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Fortune I could use....Fame? I dunno... I honestly wouldn't know where nor how to start publishing this stuff. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, guys - I have written both he and the DWP a letter thanking him/them for doing this for me. Furthermore, I have made myself a promise that as soon as I am on my feet, I will go ask him what charity he prefers, and make a donation of $120 in his name there. This last may take a while, but rest assured, like Andrea said, it's a matter of paying it forward. Now if only I can get on my feet... LOL... I think maybe I need to look into the possibility of getting some of my regular stuff out there, tho... Thanks for the hugs and the pm's - it helps. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Most of you know it's been a difficult struggle for me in the last 6 months or so. Financial, emotional, physical, and family wise, it's been about as tough as it gets. My brother stops by today, and we sit on the porch, and just talk for a while. He is a dear, loving guy, and I so appreciate him coming over, as we will not be spending Thanksgiving together. While out on the porch, he points out the disconnect notice from the Dept. Of Water and Power. I grab it, mumbling something about having already paid it (which is true), and we finish our visit. I come back inside, got on the phone, and call the DWP to see what the mistake is. Well, the mistake is mine - I have been disconnected twice in the last 6 months, and they are requiring an additional deposit of $120. I knew this, you see, but because there's been no money, I "forgot" about it. Turnoff is set for Monday. A quick call to my bank confirms what I know already - less than $10 left there, and the balance left on the credit card is only $125. Well, I could eat the earthquake supplies, I suppose.... Tears flowing and the sour tint of desperation coating my throat, I get changed, get into my car. i'm pounding the steering wheel, cursing my inability and failings. Stop lights are embarrassing, because I don't have tinted windows, and everyone can see me. I get myself under some kind of control, and get to the DWP. I walk in, and it's my turn at the cashier's window. Eyes swollen, I see Arturo, the guy who I've dealt with before. He pulls up my account, and looks at me. "Rough right now for you, Michele?" "Yes, Arturo, pretty bad. I have to pay with the credit card." I answer, slidng my Visa across the counter. I drop my eyes because he is really looking at me. Reaching for the phone, he makes a call, and tells dispatch to cancel the disconnect on Monday for my address. He slides my credit card back across the counter, and says "Don't worry, Michele. I'm waiving the deposit fees. Happy Thanksgiving". Grabbing his hand, I can't find the right words to tell him what he's just done - I say thanks, but it's so much bigger than that. I hope he understand what he's done. I squeeze his hand, and make it out to my car before I burst into tears again. For it isn't simply the waiving of the fees, although that matters significantly to me right now. It is more his willingness to help me and to give me a small break that matters. It's the generosity of self that he had to look beyond a bill and paper and disconnect and monies rightly owed, to see a person struggling. And to help if he could. And he did. It was a kindness from a stranger that I will not forget. If you find yourself in a position to help someone, please do. For it isn't the actual deed, it is the gesture which changes perspective and which reaffirms faith. Happy Thanksgiving to us all. Ciels- Michele

But why do YOU hate America? And while we're counting minutes of silence, let's not forget the millions for the Jews, Roms and Gyspies the Nazis killed. Our own servicemen at Pearl Harbor. The English during the bombing there. Or hey, what about the Israelis that have been murdered over the years. Can't forget about them. Nor the Chinese dissidents. And please don't forget the Poles, Russians, English, Canadians, Americans, Germans, Dutch, Chinese, French, and so forth that were also killed in WWII. Oh, and while we're at it, why don't we include the thought about all the Kuwaiti's who were killed during the invasion by Saddam? Don't forget all the folks under Stalin, Castro, Papa Doc, Edi Amin, Pol Pot, Milosevic and their ilk. Let's take it all the way back to Cain and Abel. Your argument is false. Again, I ask: why do YOU hate America? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~