ChrisL

According to my recollection, the Diablo is actually a fully elliptical 7-cell, not semi-elliptical. __ My mighty steed

You are WAY overthinking this dude. Just relax and have fun. __ My mighty steed

Not even remotely alone, brother

I'm happy to give him one. It just wont be booze It could be money, food, free work, free jump, sexual favors (depending on the gender!) Theres lots to life besides booze! __ My mighty steed

Actually I didnt really change my tune. My first "tune" as such was poorly written and didnt convey the message I was trying to send. My original post was in response to a thread started by someone else in which he spoke about all the beer he "owed" and my thread was simply a response to that. The title was designed to resemble the title of the other thread. I dont think anyone noticed that though, and consequently misunderstood my words. I owe the skydiving community a lot and am well aware of that. I always pay my debts whenever possible. I just wont pay in alcoholic beverages. In my case, the long-standing tradition is gonna have to be set aside for what I consider to be very good personal reasons. I'm glad you all will still treat me the same, especially since your dropzone is also mine. In fact, you yourself taught me how to propack :-) Cheers, Chris __ My mighty steed

I thought I did :-) The answer, more succinctly put, is yes. they deserve a bonus. Just that if its coming from me, the bonus wont have any alcohol in it. __ My mighty steed

Absolutely. Based on those responses though, it seemed that a more detailed explanation of why I feel this way might be helpful in order to further the cause of universal peace, harmony, and understanding __ My mighty steed

I'm not really sure I understand the question. To define my feelings clearly..I owe them my life, my gratitude, the price of a pack job, and maybe many other things. I dont owe them a bottle of liquor though. I dont owe anyone that. If I had to take a guess, I would say that my rigger is cool enough to understand that. __ My mighty steed

Liz, the clear intent of my post, regardless of the exact wording, was that I dont feel I owe any alcoholic beverages to anyone. And I dont. __ My mighty steed

Sheesh, you all take shit so personally PErhaps I should have explained myself better initially so here goes. I'm a recovering alcoholic 9 years sober. I very nearly died as a result of my drinking, lost many things that meant a lot to me which I will never get back, and I have a VERY close family member that just put a bullet in his head because he couldnt get that monkey off his back. I'm sorry. I'm just not buying anyone any booze. Not now, not ever. Period. I dont owe anyone any booze. Think me an ass if it pleases you, but this is a tradition that continually bugs the hell out of me and hey I have as much right to express my thoughts on this matter as anyone else. __ My mighty steed

Yell beer all you like. First time for something? Landed on the wrong side of some line? Took a reserve ride? I'm not going to buy a single beer for anyone. No bottle of booze either. Ever. In a sport where a clear, sharply focused mind is paramount, I cant possibly imagine a more absurd tradition. I love you all, love skydiving with a passion, and would love to jump with lots of you. I respect my rigger and what he does and if I take a sucessful ride on my reserve I will thank my rigger wholeheartedly for his diligence. But you are all just gonna have to buy your own hooch I dont owe nuthin to nobody __ My mighty steed

__ My mighty steed

The latter. Look at this as an opportunity to score some points for professionalism. People will remember

I know. Thats why I asked how you would have dealt with it if they were not casual, but rather, were actually important friendships to you. Would you still be so willing to give them up so that your fiancee wouldnt feel threatened by them? Maybe you would, but you would resent him like hell for forcing you to make that choice, and that couldnt possibly be good for your marriage either. I dont think I specifically asked for people that thought I was wrong to reply. I just asked if people thought I was wrong. My dilemma was not whether or not I should give up my friendships for my wife, but rather it was to find out how wrong I was being in not telling my wife that I was in contact with this person. I have no dilemma about the former. I feel very strongly that my wife should trust me and that I should be able to have any friend I want, regardless of their gender. Thank you for the good wishes. I dont think that refusing to cave in to her insecurity means that I'm insensitive to her feelings. The fact is that her lack of trust is irrational. I am not the cause of it, but I am the victim of it. After a lot of thinking, and reading of peoples thoughts in this thread, I have decided that not telling her this to avoid the inevitable shitstorm IS wrong. It would be catering to those same insecurities just as surely as giving up my friends would be, because I would be compromising my own values of honesty and trust because she has trust issues. If I keep this a secret, then I also validate her mistrust. Those of you that pointed this fact out were absolutely right. I am going to tell her about it and hope for the best. I'm NOT going to give up a single friend to make her feel less threatened. She needs to learn how to trust. When she CAN, we will both be a lot happier. Thank you to all of you that posted your thoughts. That goes to everyone, not just people that agreed with me Although I do like those folks more __ My mighty steed

Maybe if I just let her pee on my leg whenever I go out without her... That would be far easier to cope with than this stuff __ My mighty steed

It means you are starting to sober up. Its about time! I havent had a drink in 9 years __ My mighty steed

Perhaps. But neither is it for him to say who you should or should not be friends with. Thats your choice, and ONLY your choice. What would your choice have been had either of those friendships actually been important to you? Additionally, if your fiancee trusted you completely, then what would he have to feel threatened about? Being required to make these kinds of sacrifices may be common, but it is not normal or healthy in my opinion. Its definitely not an obligation. __ My mighty steed

I saw this too and found it difficult to fathom. I dont understand why someone would be (or should be) willing to make a sacrifice like that to cater another persons irrational insecurities. This accomplishes nothing more than to validate and give credence to another persons neurotic behavior. Playing the martyr is not my way, but perhaps others think that thats how you show your love. Besides, being that self sacrificing is just a roundabout way to be selfish. Look at me! See what I have given up for you??? I'm wonderful! I can think of better, less self destructive ways to show my love than by throwing away things that matter to me in some kind of silly gesture __ My mighty steed

Hi Dawn, I appreciate your comments and understand where you are coming from. I must stress that the idea that a marriage is where "two become one" is only ONE idea of marriage. One that I dont subscribe to personally. One thing I have learned through painful past experience is that I can not totally submerge myself in a relationship to that extent. I lose my identity, my individuality, my independance, and I cant deal with it. But I dont think that that type of relationship is healthy for anyone. My idea of marriage, or at least the only one that works for me, is "Two who chose to walk the same path side by side, but still remain two people" This may not be as romantic sounding as some would like, but its the only way I can go. I have my own issues as well, you see? My life is about learning to deal with my own issues so that other dont suffer from them, and the reverse should also be true. Call it abandonment (her), call it abuse and neglect (me) wherever we came should not become the burden of the other if we are truely trying to grow beyond our baggage. __ My mighty steed

I support my wife 100%. I do not support her insecurities as well nor do I feel that they should be supported. They have nothing whatever to do with me or my love for her. __ My mighty steed

You mean reward bad behavior???!? __ My mighty steed

He is 15 and you are cutting off his playstation privelages in favor of manual labor? My 16 year old would rather just be savagely beaten and get it over with rahter than yank his gaming privelage

If the sky is Blue, they will be jumping

I dont have enough fingers and toes to keep a count of how many times I've told her this. She then always replies that she DOES trust me. What can you say to a statement that is so obviously wrong? Man did you ever just score a direct hit on the heart of the matter. I cant adequately describe how I feel when, after a lifetime of being an honorable, honest man, she blithly calls my honor and integrity into question for NO reason. You (and others) are correct. I should not call my wife names no matter how frustrated I am. She has one problem. In all other areas I could not ask for a better wife. Unfortunately that one problem is HUGE Thanks to you all for the advice. __ My mighty steed

Very well said! Chris ~ You should try to work on this issue of your wife's insecurities together with your wife. You may think that it's her problem and she should get over it, but having a "secretive friendship" (not that I think that there is anything wrong with you being friends with your ex) with an old girlfriend is not going to help your relationship with your wife at all. As a matter of fact, your wife will probably become even more jealous and insecure before this is over, once she finds out. My advice is to tone down the friendship with the ex for a little while, until you can talk things over with the wife. Let her know that you want to have this person in your lives. Then, when your wife is ready to meet the ex, invite the old friend over to visit with the two of you. You two can then integrate her into your lives together. Who knows? Maybe the wife will become friends with her, too. Above all, your ex shouldn't be taking away from your confidences with your wife or from your private time with your wife. I agree with you on all points. Others have said pretty much the same thing. I really do want to tell her. Even though theres nothing going on it makes me feel kind of sleazy. The real problem is, that there is no way I can bring this up without having a MAJOR explosion. It is completely unavoidable and that simple fact really makes me angry. As you and others have said, it will be worse if she finds out on her own. The worst thing of all is that no matter how it turns out, I will have to pay a price for it. My wife will basically say "Its her or me" and by all rights my response to that SHOULD be "If you force me to chose, then I will chose her for no other reason than you forced me to chose." If i chose my wife, then I lose a friend in favor of someone that forces me to give up friends to cater to theri childish insecurity. Its a lose/lose situation I predict that I will lose. Frustration is: I'm 40 years old and my wife is 43. I honestly thought this kind of nauseating highschool crap was WAY behind me __ My mighty steed