bshl

Way to funny, man!!! Blue skies and happy landings!

I spent 10 minutes wandering around work from office to office looking for my CD case. I finally broke down and asked a coworker if she'd seen it as I thought I might have left it in her office. She pointed right to it. I was carrying it wedged between my arm and my side. You'd think I'd have wondered why I was moving stuff awkwardly. What a moron... Blue skies and happy landings!

Sweet gal, Justin. Enjoy her while you have her! Blue skies and happy landings!

I like it. Get your butt out there and bust out another thousand so we can see the sequel... Blue skies and happy landings!

Here are a few I'd never seen before Blue skies and happy landings!

Kudos to you, man! Blue skies and happy landings!

MSNBC's The Week in Pictures has a shot of a Golden Knight this week. Not the best picture but it's nice that a skydiving shot was included. Blue skies and happy landings!

C-206 C-207 Mullins' King Air Super Otter Skyvan Stay tuned for more... Blue skies and happy landings!

If he's under that thing in the first place, perhaps we want him welding closer to the petrol tank... Blue skies and happy landings!

If the person that you are thinking of sleeping with needs one, then maybe you should NOT sleep with that person at all. My point exactly - shop elsewhere! Blue skies and happy landings!

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters: TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS Blue skies and happy landings!

That's what Clinton said about Monica's dress. Blue skies and happy landings!

Read the whole thing; it's hilarious! Blue skies and happy landings!

Something tells me if you need one, you need to shop elsewhere. Blue skies and happy landings!

Contragulations, Justin! I think picture 4 is best because not only does your wife look great (not many postpartum hospital pictures do that) but the little one's sleeping peacefully. You'll learn to love those moments. Cheers! Blue skies and happy landings!

Blue skies and happy landings!

My laptop's busted. I know what happened to it but it's gonna be hard to get it covered under the warranty. C'est la vie. Blue skies and happy landings!

Gymnastics Power lifting Sumo wrestling After this, my sig is particularly appropriate. Arrrooooo!!! Blue skies and happy landings!

There's a no brainer. Take pictures and let us know how the trip went. Blue skies and happy landings!

First one Blue skies and happy landings!

Whew! Considering the fact that I like political humor and thought the clip was amusing if you ignore the recruiting part, I certainly didn't expect all this! Yowza! Blue skies and happy landings!

Clicky Blue skies and happy landings!

Notes from an inexperienced chili taster named Doc, who was visiting Texas: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cookoff, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. DOC: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These hicks are crazy. Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. DOC: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. DOC: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. DOC: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. DOC: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. DOC: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally the barmaid. Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress. DOC: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good! At autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful, and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. DOC: -------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report) Blue skies and happy landings!

If you can do it with a straight face, go for the sex one. I'd love to see the look on his face! Blue skies and happy landings!

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining room table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went. Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home, including the curtain rods. Paybacks are a bitch. Blue skies and happy landings!