BBKid

I was bitten by the beer monster big time last night, and found that I was also attacked by the beer mugger! Looked in my wallet this morning, onyl had about £3.40 instead of the £15 I should have! D'oh! Average about 4, but this is proper beer, not the watered-down piss you guys drink! Average for what anyway? A day? An evening? A booze up? Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

A guy goes into a bar, and says "Barman, get me the strongest drink you have on the premises!" The barman gets out the really strong stuff, pours out a shot, and the customer swigs it straight down. He then asks for five more, and necks them too. The barman says, "you're hitting the stuff pretty hard, is there any special reason?" Customer replies "yes, I just had my first blowjob." Barman then says "Ah, so you're celebrating then?", so the guy replies "No, just trying to get rid of the taste!" Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

"Well, it's not my fault - the speedo needle wobbles between 10 and 90 mph!" Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Hugz to the little guy, and to you too. My little pup had back surgery a few months ago, and I know it's a really worrying time. Thinking about you both. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

You are all bastards. I can't get off the bloody thing. If it were ten feet longer... Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Q:What's white, and can't climb trees? A: A fridge. Q: What's white, wears check trousers, and can't climb trees? A: Rupert the Fridge. There's been some here that I don't get, so I thought these might fox some non-Brits Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Go running. Put on your favourite music and head to a secluded sport where you can just sweat and listen to the tunes without anyone watching. This works for me every time. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Of course, you're right. That would require some length of Velcro to secure it in place... Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

And you're a f**kin potty mouth too! Seriously, did you head out on Sunday too? Man, this pisses me off. I can't even arch enough to get on DPs, and Mr. "personalised jumpsuit" here gets on 5 second delays so quick. Bastard. BTW, just use the "shagging a leper" method to get a good arch. Might see you Wednesday mate! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Or their bridle! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

I'll come if someone wants to hold my static line and track away hard at pull time! Seriously. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

If we're having a pop at Rednecks, here's an oldie but a goodie: How do you circumcise a Redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Not a personal insult - he won't mind. Trust me on this! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Wanker. Edit: depends which team he supports! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

It was an absolute shitkicker in the Yookay this w/e! Boiling hot, low wind, zero cloud, and Sunshine Sheilas aplenty! 2 jumps Friday afternoon (both static line - I'm stoopid): nearly thumped head on step on jump 1, jumping my first packjob (beer, I know). Jump 2, dearched with shoulders, but had twists from hell and had to kick like a baby to get out. 2 sweet landings and cool Dr. Pepper waiting when I got back to manifest. 2 jumps Saturday too: dropped knees on stepoff, best fun ever, followed by "interesting" crosswind/downwind landing. I plf-ed like a bitch for that one! Jump 2, rolled shoulders (again!), slider didn't want to come down, thought hard about chopping, but numerous pumps on brakes got the boy down ok. Look down "I'm nowhere near the PLA, might have to go for the factory roof - crap!" Curl up in ball, let the canopy fly, I just cleared the barb wire fence/petrol tanker nearby, flat turned into wind about 250 feet, nearly kicked a rabbit as I flared. Was just walking back to hangar when I had to hit the deck, as the Turbolet roared over my head on takeoff! No jumps on Sunday - too poor, sunburnt, and sore to get out of bed early! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

. Seriously though, my accent sucks. Why? It's not a Cornish "country bumpkin" accent is it? I kinda like mine, except it tends to change depending on who I'm talking to. Kind of mild scouse/Lancashire mix, if you can imagine such a thing. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Heehee - it's 3.58 pm here, and I'm drunk! Bet you aren't! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Dude, I will have a degree in Anthropology, that's no use to anyone!!!!!! No-one's going to employ me, except for the military!!!! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Whoo-hoo!!!!!!! I'm finished with college!!!! Education is going out the windae right now, I'm forgetting everything I pretended to know about anthropology, and now I'm getting rat-arsed!!! I'm SOOOOOOO not sober at the moment, but I don't care! I have no more revision to do, no reason to get up in the morning, and no reason not to get blind drunk every night from now till I die. Apart from skydiving of course. I've already bought (and drunk) the BEEEEEEEEEEER!!!! I love you poople pipple popple people (got there in the end) sooo much right now!!! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Yeah, if I do that the mud on my ass will match the mud on my knees from previous attempts! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

OK, I know nothing about anything, but I asked one of my instructors about this after I creamed in my first two landings, and he advised me not only to look ahead, but also out to the side slightly. That way you'll avoid the temptation to fixate on something ahead of you, which could end you up staring at your feet. I tried this method since and it works for me. I did start to fix on something, but since my head was turning more to one side I realised and kept adjusting. Nice, heel-first, step away landing. Relax bro, you'll get there! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

Yes, but you have 117 jumps, opposed to my 3, and I've never been in freefall, so you are at least 114 times better than me! Therefore you, sir, are the bastard!

DZ not open Tuesday afternoon, and I don't have a rig. Other than that, great plan! Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

So it can be done? It helps if you can average more than 1 jump every nine months. A year and a half in the sport and I've only fallen out the door 3 times. Now I get scared when I get to the DZ too, but I just keep watching Crosswind and that inspires me to keep going back. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

So, I have my last ever college exam on Tuesday, so I'm locking myself away to do some revision. Three years of anthropology and crappy weather, and now I'll be able to spend ALL my time at the DZ instead of the library! Whoohoo!!! Shame I just have a sucky social evolution exam at 9.30 Tuesday morning. Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"