miked10270

Ahh Jeffrey, My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. Unquote . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Nah.... I'd bet that all he REALLY needs is the following 2 headlines: "House of Saud toppled. Osama Bin Laden new president of Saudi Arabia by popular acclaim." Then he's gotta get: "Saudi's announce increase in oil production to help stabilise world oil prices." In before the B-2s lift out of Elmendorf. And there you have it... "Evil Terrorist" to "Defender of Bastion of Democracy" in 2 newspaper headlines. Go on. I dare anyone to accuse me of being more cynical than accurate. Mike. Edited to add... It's OK Botellines, I got the don't release videos joke . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Since you ask... In about 3 years it'll cost him about $20 Billion... Give or take... Depending on how much his "Leader of an oil producing nation / bastion of democracy" discount works out... And how much he wants to spend on our not quite latest defence technologies. Let's call it 2 frigates, a destroyer, HMS Invincible (complete with harriers etc... - One previous owner - and she was a little old lady who only used it for going out to wave to her subjects...), a Diesel submarine, re-equiping his army with M-16A1s, a couple of squadrons of F-15s... Assorted tin helmets and NBC suits... A promise to lose to Scotland at the next soccer tournament... That brigade of Centurion tanks we left lying out in the rain after Korea... Oh... And about £19.42p cash. That should about cover it I'd think! Mike. Hug delivered. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Could be... Then again it could be bigahim?! . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

HEY!!!!! There's a queue for that! Get in line . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Either... "Oi! Get your filthy hands off my desert!" Or... "Overhead the albatross Hangs motionless upon the air And deep beneath the rolling waves In labyrinths of coral caves The echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand And everything is green and submarine And no one showed us to the land And no one knows the where's or why's And something stirs and something tries And starts to climb toward the light Strangers passing in the street By chance two separate glances meet And I am you and what I see is me And do I take you by the hand And lead you through the land And help me understand The best I can And no one calls us to the Lord And no one forces down our eyes And no one speaks and no one tries No one flies around the sun Regardless, everyday you form Upon my waking eyes Inviting and inciting me to rise And through the window in the wall Comes streaming in on sunlight wings A million bright ambassadors of morning And no one sings me lulabyes And no one makes me close my eyes So I throw the windows wide And call to you across the sky." Mike. Edited to add: "Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way Tired of lying in the sunshine Staying home to watch the rain And you are young and life is long And there is time to kill today And then one day you find Ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run You missed the starting gun And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death Every year is getting shorter Never seem to find the time Plans that either come to nought Or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way The time is gone The song is over Thought I'd something more to say" And, of course "I'm not afraid to die. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it. You've gotta go sometime." "I never said I was frightened of dying." . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hmmm... I susopect that "Realpolitik" has jumped into this situation. Along with Britain's Middle-East Policy, which hasn't changed since 1915!! Firstly, this isn't about the "Moral High Ground", it's about the Oily Sandy Ground". Secondly, It's vitally important to maintain the "balance of power" in the Oily Places. This means having one friendly country for each unfriendly country there. One nice guy in power (even if he was previously misunderstood - like Saddam was in 1980) for each evil megalomaniac in power. That way you can have them permanently at each other's throats, buying all your not quite latest weapons and selling you their oil to pay for them. So here we are. In the late 1970's we had that nice Shah of Iran to balance that commie russian sympathiser, Saddam Hussein. Then the Shah was ousted by tat evil Megalomaniac, the Ayatollah, and we quickly realised that we had really misunderstood that nice guy Hussein, bastion of democracy in the middle east.... Who was now a buyer for all the slightly surplus stuff we were just about to sell to the Shah. Then the Iran / Iraq war ended in 1988 and our previously excellent customer, Hussein stopped buying our stuff in the desired quantities. By 1990 the evil despot Husein attacked those plucky Kuwaitis (bastion of democracy etc...), who, once liberated, became most excellent customers for all the stuff we never sold to Iraq. Now, it turns out, once Kuwait bought all the stuff off us they could, we NOW realise thatthe evil despot Gaddafi was really just misunderstood. Not only misunderstood, but contrite... The fact that he's RICH has nothing to do with it. He's now rready to rejoin the community of nations... AND incidentally is in the market for loads of weapons to replace the old Russian stuff he had. Libya is a true bastion of democracy in the middle east, especially since it's not sure which way Iran & Iraq will go. While we're there, that evil despot in charge of Egypt may well turn out to be misunderstood, and may well become another (weapons buying) bastion of democracy... Just in case Jihad stops Saudi? The important thing is to draw comfort from the fact that there will always be countries willing to trade their oil for our defence equipment. Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Oh my God, Please, PLEASE not the "Diana Memorial Fountain" reopening. That thing is positively lethal.... Last time it was opened it injured 4 people. OK, they were mere peasants, but it still nearly killed them. I thought you were posting good news stories from Britain. Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Ahh... Alabaman! If Kennedy is Alabaman, then WHY are you trying to argue verbally with him? Wouldn't it be easier just to slash the tyres on his house? Mike. PS. We're NOT invading Belgium. Belgium is between us and Luxembourg, and for the reasons given above I refuse to cross Belgium... ESPECIALLY when carrying anything pointy!! . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

The following are (allegedly) genuine responses British women have put on Child Support Agency forms. For all you Americans, the CSA is part of the British Civil Service charged with assessing child support for kids... Yeah, even that is centralised! Anyway... 01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins; child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue, where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad, as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket. 08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? 09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized. 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby; after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. You know, the strange thing is that in ALL my travels in Britain, I've NEVER seen a proper, Alabama Style, trailer park!!? Then again, I was VERY worried when famous people like pop stars, footballers, etc... started naming their kids after the place where they were conceived. I was scared that the fashion would percolate down. You see, it's all very well calling your kid "Paris", "Phoenix", Romeo, etc... But how would YOU feel if you had to go through life called "Ballingry Cemetery"?? Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Jeffrey, Unfortunately you have taken a 2 line piece of "news in brief", and, without any understanding of the background, history or environment which produced this request, you've chosen to attack it!? Britain does not have a significant problem with underage drivers. Britain DOES have a significant problem with antisocial behavoiur by large groups of 13-17 year olds drinking alcohol in quantity. The problem is their drunken behavoiur, which is fuelled by alcopops and cheap chemical cider (8% alcohol and 97p for 2 litres) which is popular in some depressed areas. A solution is to curb their supply of alcohol. Now to licensing of alcohol sales in the UK. Public Houses (Taverns? - the word is ancient and not in "official" use) are licensed to sell alcohol for consumption on OR OFF the premises. As such, it is possible, and legal, for someone to buy beer, etc, in a closed container to take home. Or at least to take out of the pub and consume elsewhere. It's also possible for an 18 year old to buy such a "carry-out" for his underage pals, who then get pissed (in the British sense) and make an effin' nuisance of themselves! So, in an effort to curb this problem, many councils have passed some frankly draconian byelaws, for example, a ban on drinking in public, where possession of an open or previously opened container reasonably suspected of containing alcohol constitutes drinking. Or making a condition of any "off-sales" license granted that no off sales will be made to under 21s. Having made such a law, it then gets enforced selectively of course. For example, a police officer on patrol may well not notice the 2 well dressed adults sitting drinking a beer at a table on the street outside the pub, but sure as hell WILL notice the 5 or 6 half drunk kids staggering about on Saturday evening! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Good God!! I turn my back for 2 minutes and you're bickering with the Americans! Again! Remember that they're supposed to be invading Germany... Enticed by the prospect of the foot long hamburgers. Anyway.... While you've been playing among yourselves, my further research has uncovered a problem with the Brits getting to Luxembourg. Belgium!! The People: Belgium is the most densely populated country in Europe, and at the same time fiercely divided on the subjects of language and religion. This means that it is impossible to move anywhere in the country, which is packed with mobs standing chin to chin and screaming incomprehensible insults at one another in the certain knowledge that God is on his side... Whoever he is. The fact that there has not been more bloodshed is entirely due to the fact that there isn't space to swing a fist. Consequently, what the Blegian authorities fear most is cuntraception: If it ever catches on, and the population thins out to the point where rifles may be comfortably unslung from shoulders, the entire nation might disappear overnight The Land: The land is entirely invisible, except in the small hours of the morning, being for the rest of the time completely underfoot. It is therefore no surprise to learn that belgiums largest industries are coal and mineral mining, as underground is the only place there is room to work. Plans have been suggested for reclaiming the land from the sea, on the Dutch pattern, but were always shelved as soon as it was realised that there was neither room for the water that would have to be removed from the sea, nor, alternatively, any spare land to spread to extend the coastline outwards. The History: Belgium has always suffered horribly at the hands of occupying forces, which, given the overcrowding, is only to be expected. The bayoneting of babies by Pussians in WW I, for example, was never intentional; it was simply that it was impossible to walk about with fixed bayonets in such confined spaces without finding something stuck on the end of them! For the same reason, the Sprout was developed by Brussels agronomists, this being the largest cabbage a Belgian housewife could possibly carry through the teeming streets. So, sorry guys, but Luxembourg is kind of out for the moment. Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

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These stories just in.... Satirists Avoid Kerry/Edwards in Favor of Bush Humor. "Stop Me If You've Heard This One...." Hoping for a "post-Convention Bounce", the Kerry/Edwards ticket has fallen flat on the humor front. "No one except amateurs are touching Kerry/Edwards right now," Jay Leno said in a pre-show interview. "But apparently that hasn't stopped them from touching each other," he quickly added the punchline, punctuated by sycophantic laugher from bandleader Kevin Eubanks and a sharp snare accent. But, seriously folks, satirists and comics in all venues have been avoiding Kerry/Edwards like a plague. "Basically, they aren't funny enough. People laugh at funny, not boring," performer Chris Rock said in passing. "Now, if they had Al Sharpton on the ticket...now we're talking humor heaven!" Even pundits like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly have steered clear of the democratic dream-team. "I've got ratings to think about. Sorry, when it comes to those two, I've got nothing," Rush Limbaugh replied when asked why he was ignoring them. A quick search for 'Kerry' or 'Edwards on Google yields a bounty of boring sites dedicated to mundane political issues and posturing, but few if any humor related items. After a flash of Kerry related parodies just after the Convention, he has all but fallen off the radar in terms of joke material. Bush is clearly ahead, cleverly timing bike accidents and assorted malapropos musings to keep him in the comedy game. Bush's handlers clearly understand the dynamics of comedic dialog and work hard to keep Bush related satire prominent. "If you don't have the top three television comedians and at least 30% of the on-line satire sites regularly lampooning you, you're losing the election," remarked Karl Rove. "We've calculated that every cleverly circulated parody on a high-volume site accounts for a half-point bounce in the polls. At this rate, Kerry and Edwards will be living under a bridge by November," Rove laughed maniacally. And speaking of Trolls, even Dennis Miller has been stifled in his effort to glen serviceable material out of the Democratic dynamic duo. "I've had to revert to my emergency stash of Clinton jokes. The Kerry/Edwards gags are killing me out there." And the Democrats have of late grown nostalgic for the glory days when Clinton jokes ruled the roost. But as the Bush-Joke-Juggernaut continues to hit hard and fast in the weeks leading up to the election, it is increasingly apparent that there is just not a damned thing funny about Kerry/Edwards. But, Bush supporters can rejoice, because there's much more to come. And by the way...did you hear the one about Bush and the anti-depressants? And... President Bush asks Google to find Osama Bin Laden. Google researchers are hot on the trail after President Bush commissioned them through their fee-based "Google Answers" service to find Osama Bin Laden. Mr Bush, speaking at a fund raiser in Baltimore today said that he was confident that Google would locate the master terrorist. He added, "We don't expect Google to bring Bin Laden to justice or anything. Our special forces people will take care of all the details .. once Google tells us where to go pick him up". Google CEO Dr. Eric E. Schmidt says that his company has been presented with some pretty "Mission Impossible" type research requests before but nothing quite as challenging as Mr Bush's. He however said, "We can find anything. For the right price we can find God. A great deal of our revenue comes from out our fee-based 'Answers' service. People go there, type in their question and for as little as $2.50 our expert researches will answer your question. Mr Bush typed in 'Where is Osama Bin Laden?'. We have not given the president an exact quote on how much that research will be but we think it might be a bit more than $2.50." Sources say that Bill Gates, on hearing of the Google deal offered to undercut Googles price, whatever that price might be, by finding Bin Laden 15% cheaper than Google can. Gates told reporters, "Our new MSN search engine blows away any program, system or algorithm that Google may have in it's possession. We are not trying to take over the Search Engine market simply trying to improve it for the good of all. If by chance that happens to put Google and all of the other search engines out of business ..." Sources at Google say that they also recommended that the president place a couple of strategic Google AdWords .. mini-ads that might entice Osama Bin Laden into clicking on a link. One unnamed source said, "We could setup Mr Bush's AdWord ad so that we could monitor the IP address of any person hitting that link. For example Mr Bush's Ad might say, 'DISCOUNT CAR BOMB COMPONENTS'. "Once Bin Laden clicked that ad we'd relay the IP information to the State Department .. boom, we've got our terrorist. Check please." Google denies rumors that Bin Laden has commissioned Google Answers to find out out to elude President Bush. President Bush denies rumors that he is denying rumors. The State Department is denying rumors that Mr Bush denies rumors. Bin Laden sails on .. Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Can't wait for it to come over to the UK but I suspect that the very people who most need to see it won't go. Anyway: http://www.esmas.com/adaywithoutamexican/dos.html And this from The Miami Herald: Film makes Latinos disappear - and it's not a pretty picture BY SUSANA HAYWARD Knight Ridder News Service MEXICO CITY - On a recent sunny day, a mysterious pink fog descended on the borders of California, and 13 million Mexicans and other Latinos suddenly vanished. Gone were maids, field hands, car washers, waitresses and waiters, and their families. Chaos and paralysis quickly followed. Schools closed, grocery shelves emptied and garbage piled up in streets clogged with abandoned cars. Martial law was quickly declared. This is the scene painted in the movie A Day Without Mexicans, subtitled The Gringos Are Going to Weep, and its reception at private premieres in Mexico City before its official launch today suggests the satiric comedy is going to be a big success. Mexicans laughed good-heartedly as on-screen American stereotype characters were lampooned as helpless, pompous hypocrites. But there was a dark undertone from those who could appreciate what immigrant life can be life. ''I went to the United States when I was 23 to become an engineer and study music, and instead I ended up cleaning toilets,'' recalled Edgar Lira, 32, a musician who was born in Chicago, raised in Mexico and lived as an adult in California and Texas. ''It was the reality. I almost cried, it was such a great movie,'' Lira said. AN IDEA IS BORN The movie, which is in English and eventually intended for the American market with the title A Day Without a Mexican, has its roots, according to director Sergio Arau, in California's 1994 anti-immigrant Proposition 187, which denied undocumented workers state benefits. ''Our thanks go to Pete Wilson, and we give him a lot of credit,'' Arau told reporters after a screening, referring to the former Republican governor of Californi. Also in attendance: Nobel Prize winning Colombian author Gabriel García Márquez and Adolfo Aguilar Zinser, the former Mexican representative to the United Nations. Zinser was fired after he criticized the United States' treatment of Mexico. The movie was written by Sergio Guerrero, who lived for 12 years in Texas and California. Despite the word ''Mexicans'' in the title, the film is intended to address the plight of working Latinos of every stripe who think they are taken for granted in the United States, he said. ''It's a serious comedy. The message is to make visible the invisible,'' he said. ``It's like when someone takes a piece of candy away from a baby. The child appreciates the candy only when it's gone.'' EARLY EFFORT FALTERS Guerrero said the movie was five years in the making and cost about $3 million. The first efforts to open it in the United States were unsuccessful. ''We couldn't compete against the monsters such as Spider-Man,'' Guerrero said, so the movie's backers brought it to Mexico, where it will open in 300 theaters with the hope of building momentum for a return to the United States. The movie is a many-layered affair with various humorous subplots, each one pricking a cultural bias or clichéd gringo character. The plot begins with the mysterious pink fog that descends, causing the disappearance of all Latinos -- including Gov. Shaw, who no one knew was Latino. Named acting governor in his stead is Sen. Steven Abercrombie, a race-baiting Anglo politico who suddenly discovers how much he misses his Mexican maid, huevos rancheros and illegal house painters. Mike. PS. Wonder how long this post will last in The Bonfire before moving to SC!? . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

"things were much more amusing when we were always falling out instead of building silly tunnels and bickering over sheep transports. Let's sod this EU pants and start a war over one of the smaller EU countries... or perhaps a colony somewhere..." So... You gonna trade in your classic Toyota for a set of plate armour, a lance and a destrier? I'm just a working class git so it's the longbow and the pony for me! "A far more civilised form of combat." Yeah, it was that before PeacefulJeffrey & Kennedy's ancestors turned up with their bunch of snake-oil gun salesman.... Back when guns were a siege weapon and could get off 3 shots a day! So... What're we gonna fight over. I was gonna suggest we could fight over Lichtenstein, until I checked a map and find that you could spit over Lichtenstein and there isn't enough room to swing a cat, let alone a broadsword. I've basically narrowed the choice down to Luxembourg (let's kill 2 birds with one stone eh!?). It's convenient for both France & England... And I've even prepared some info on the country: ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LUXEMBOURG The People: There are nine people in Luxembourg, and they are all kept pretty busy making stamps. It is not the smallest country in Eurpoe; there are only eight people in Monaco, five in Andorra, and Herr J.F. Klausner in Lichtenstein. So, as the fourth non smallest country in Europe it enjoys a rather unique position. The people are of middle height, with the small deft fingers of master perforators, and all look rather alike, except for their Great Uncle Maurice who lost an ear in the Battle of The Somme. They are a rather arrogant people (they refer to World War I as the Battle of Maurice's Ear) but not unartistic: My Day At The Zoo, by the country's infant prodigy, ran into 9 copies and won the Prix Maurice for 1998. The Land: On a clear day, from the terrace of the Salon de Philaielie, you can't see Luxembourg at all. This is because a tree is in the way. Beyond the tree lies Belgium. The centre of the country is quite high, mainly because of the chimney on it, and slopeds down to an expanse of water, as they haven't got round to fixing the bathroom overflow pipe. The climate is temperate, remember that 90% of Luxembourg is indoors, and the local Flora is varied and interesting, especially on her favourite topic, the 1908 five-cent blue triangular. The History: Old Luxembourg (now the coal cellar of the modern country) was founded in the tweth century by King John of Bohemia, who wanted somewhere to keep the lawnmower. It escaped most of the wars and pestilences that swept Europe in the subsequent eight centuries, often because the people were out when they called, and is therefore one of the most stable and political elements in the EU. It's trade balance is always favourable (imports come in the back gate and leave by the front door as exports). Luxembourg is the oldest ally of Stanley Gibbons Ltd. Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Il y'a est clicky: http://www.britishbattles.homestead.com/files/europe/anglofrenchwars.htm "Pick up where we last left it (was it with the little guy in Waterloo?)." I assume you don't mean the onion seller waiting for the 5.45pm train to Exeter. You're talking about the little bald guy who could pee about as well as he could fight the Brits & Russians and eventually took advantage of the "Once in a lifetime, compelling retirement opportunity" of St.Helena.... Ascension Island to Texans & similar. Anyway, I concur. Next "booze cruise" to Calais; we're bringing our destriers. Perhaps the best way to keep the Germans out (they usually aren't invited anyway) may be to allow "Les Americains" one final "gloire". They could invade and conquer Germany again... (of course the French and Brits would have to help them to make sure they got it right... Yet again), and leave the two of them to get on with it. One fairly important point... We'd have to "educate" Les Americains, probably with a sledgehammer!! If the US are going to occupy Germany WITHOUT French and British supervision, then the need to know (AND REMEMBER) that "Eating the extra large hamburger" is in fact cannibalism - even with fries... While licking ketchup off a foot long Frankfurter is simply incroyable!!!!! Even for US Marines!!! Anyway, gotta go now... There's a storm outside, and I've gotta cut a 7 foot branch off the Yew Tree and work it while the thunder and lightning lasts. See ya in Calais Mike. Edited to add: PS; Any of you ever seen a BBC TV series called "Allo Allo"? There's an urban legend that the BBC guy who sells the series to the French will be imediately promoted to Director General and World President. PPS. Greenies: The way this is going, can we move it back to The Bonfire. It doesn't matter all that much, except I'm a bit worried about PeacefulJeffrey moving in and trying to get me and frenchy to use guns... Especially with me just cutting the yew branch to make a war bow! . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Superb. Love it! Yeah... The Brits promoted Rowing as an "essential" sport at the time. We saw the way Germany was going... And we could pretty much guess the way France was going to go. Plus.... Anything that would get you away from the French "fat cheeses, slim prostitutes and sweet pastries" (all of which must be consumed in large quantities to make the "sour wine" palatable) was desirable. Lets face it... At the time there were no jet aircraft. The fastest away out of France and away from the French was by rowing. Ideally in a boat shaped like one of France's slim prostitutes!! Funnily enough... I've just been reading some "faction" (sort of a personal fiction story set against known historical facts - think of it like writen docudrama!) set around the time of the Anglo-French wars and leading up to the Pestilence which swept Europe. One of my favourite bits was the way the French army would fly a red flag, called the "Oriflamme" at some battles. The Oriflamme signified that they (the French) would take no prisoners in the coming battle. Remember that this was medieval times, when a warrior of "rank", like a Man at Arms, a Knight, or even a Prince of King on the field of battle could "Yield", and would be taken prisoner for ransom rather than being killed. Anyway, if the French Army flew the Oriflamme Flag then this meant that the French would not take any prisoners. OK. Most of you will know by now where I'm going with this.... But for the benefit and elucidation of Texans and Francophiles..... The French flew the Oriflamme at The Battle of Agincourt...... And they took no prisoners. The French flew the Oriflamme at The Battle of Crecy.... And they took no prisoners. The French flew the Oriflamme at the siege of Calais.... And they took no prisoners. Of course, nowadays, the red Oriflamme is an anachronism, what with Socialists and Commies taking over the Red Flag, and white flags being so much easier to make on the spur of the moment when you're lying in bed recovering from fat cheese, slim prostitutes, sweet cakes, sour wine... or hopefully, all four. Mike. PS. As for the folk who spat on Lance Armstrong... What a bunch of Arseholes. Regardless of race. PPS. One other thing (small historical note). Next time you "flick the fingers" at someone (first 2 fingers of the right hand), think of the English Archers. The English Longbowmen became the masters of the medieval battlefield. If captured by the French, they'd start by cutting off the most valuable part of an archer's anatomy (at least from the French point of view): The first 2 fingers of the right hand - which were used to draw the bowstring and steady the knocked arrow. As such, the fingers in the "V" sign was an English Archer insult to a retreating French army and basically meant "Still Got Them... Fuck You". . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

A source for what? Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi John (and all), I've gotta jump in on this (with my serious head on) for deeply personal reasons. Most of you will know that me and Iona have 3 kids. Lauren (12/1994), timothy (4/2000), Alasdair (8/2002). Now. Iona suffered a wee bit from post natal depression after Lauren. After Timothy it was significantly worse, and after Alasdair it was a pure nightmare. By the time Alasdair was 6 months old it was bad enough that MY doctor signed ME off work for 6 months, basically to care for the family and nurse Iona. Plus, while I was too stiff neck'd (proud) to admit it, it was seriously affecting my own health. I was the one who was going to continue to work, care for my wife, care for my family... And guess what? There just wasn't enough hours in the day to do it all. It has affected my health to the point where I'm now unfit for work (since January 2004) and am now clinically depressed. Yes, the "medication" jokes are no longer jokes. I'm now at the stage where I'm actually quite thankfull for paying all my taxes ($5-7 a gallon for gas for example) 'cos our welfare state is now giving my family enough money to pretty much maintain our lifestyle. But I digress. In my own experience, Post Natal Depression can completely maim entire families. It's effects are NOT confined simply to Mom, the sufferer. The effects ripple throughout the family, from wife to husband and kids. All are affected. Because of that, I'd welcome this legislation. Perhaps if Iona were to have been "screened" this evil illness would have shown up sooner, been treated sooner, before it could have done the damage that it did to all of us. Of course, it's now that I blame myself for my pride, my previous determination to "sort this out myself". My belief that this was MY family, and I would fix ALL it's problems WITHOUT outside help. That sounds so asinine now, but at the time... I wanted to maintain my independence, and, for want of a better term, mine and my family's "honour". Like all too many people, I firmly believed that I was well adjusted and snae. Mental health problems were something that affected OTHER people. not me. A major part of my job was to help OTHER people resolve THEIR problems. I saw myself as a "problem solver", not a "problem sufferer". Like I said, asinine. It's easy to see it from here. The point I make is that all too often the people with the problem can't see it 'cos they're in it. It takes people outside the problem to see it. Trained people. People with some authority to compel the sufferer to realise they have a problem. Friends are no good, 'cos the thing with a friends advice is that you don't have to take it, and ultimately you break the friendship 'cos you DON'T have a problem. You're coping, and the friend can't see that. Yeah. I've done A LOT of apologising, and I've still a lot to do. You can sometimes NEED a total (trained, qualified) outsider to TELL you that there's a problem, ideally BEFORE it gets serious. One more proof of my idiocy, I worked in "mental health" in the past. I heard the old psychiatrists joke: "25% of people are diagnosed with mental health problems at some time in their life.... That means that 75% of people manage to hide it!" Oh yeah... One other thing... It's actually "Sieg. Heil" (victory. Hurrah). Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

In response to Jjiimmyyt: Oh yeah... the old "Fat Cakes and Silm Prostitutes; France won WW II argument". Just remember that the Germans got exceptionally fit just trying to keep up with the French retreat! In response to Jakee: Yeah, the "Tour de France" and the "Force du Reddite des Bicyclettes" were both formed in 1903. This was because France saw the way Germany was going. Hence the plans for the rapid 2,000km (1,275 REAL miles) retrait strategique (rout). (Historical note: Germans are mainly comprised of Vandals, Goths and Vikings, who emigrated South from Sweden about 500 bc. This was becaiuse these tribes realised the way Sweden was going. ie; Neutral. Until the 1890's Germany consisted of separate states who spent their time fighting each other. Then they got together and started fighting everyone else. In 1945 Germany got split up again and once again started fighting each other. In 1989, Germany got together again, and we can but wait!!!!!!). As for the 3 hour lunch breaks, it all comes down to national character. If you've just cycles 2,000km shouting "les Allemands viennent" (The Germans are coming) then you need a rest. If you're British and you know the Germans have just overrun France, then there's just time to grab a weapon and a sarnie and head for The White Cliffs. Mike. PS: Edited to add: Oh yeah... 1066. That wasn't actually an invasion. 10,000 French troops landing on The English south coast is actually a pretty normal French reaction to the news that 2 Germans, a herd of goats and an Alsation Dog have crossed their border heading west. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Like I said, perhaps SC. Unfortunately my periodic comments on the French tend to demonstrate the fine line between humor (humour?) and racist rants. Actually, I quite like the French. They're close, they're available, and their history is glorious (from a British point of view). They're our closest neighbours, so we're bound to them by envy, jealousy and hatred... Kind of like the US and Canada! Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

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Depending on the replies, maybe this should go in SC.... Anyway: CHIRAC EXPLODES THE MYTH French President Jacques Chirac has now come clean and says that France would have won both world wars without any British or American assistance. "If anything the Allies were more trouble than they were worth. Germany's invasion of France was nothing more or less than a French plan to encourage tourism during a slow period". Asked about the Germans raping women, looting, shooting defenceless citizens getting drunk and being sick everywhere, Chirac said that the journalist had obviously not visited Paris during an England away game. Or just before the Battle of Crecy, The Siege of Calais, etc... Chirac went on to say that he was sick and tired of hearing that the French had abandoned their posts and run away : "It was nothing like that. The Germans will confirm that it was a skilfully worked stampede with crying, begging and screaming thrown in to give it a touch of realism, but nothing more than that. Anyway, who stayed at Dunkerque while the British sailed away?" What about wholesale collaboration? "As I have said before it was not collaboration, it was tourism at it's finest. The Germans were so impressed they stayed for four years." What about "D" Day then? "Yes, well we're still annoyed about that. Just as the Germans were readying themselves for a long term stay what happens? You guessed it... Those verdamt schweinhunden (!??!) kids and hooligans come storming up the beaches. Do you think we have been able to entice one German onto the beach in the last 60 years? Non!" But if the Allies did not liberate France how would you have got rid of the Nazis? "One man's Nazi is another man's tourist. We were fully occupied, well, mostly occupied, it was a country's dream". Frenchmen did join with the Allies however. "Indeed there are those many many Frenchmen who felt duty bound to rid France of the Germans. All 4 of them joined the Allies." Do you think France avoided Iraq because the French are lovers and not fighters. "What nonsense Frenchmen are worriers to a man. There's not a man in uniform who doesn't have a hiatus hernia or ulcer. Indeed no greater sacrifice can be expected of any man." Mr President what if France leads the EU army? "If attacked we would simply turn Europe into one massive tourist trap." Mike. PS. Congratulations on an American's world beating win of the Tour de France. This famous event has it's origins in a French Army recruiting campaign in 1939 and showed potential volunteers of "Le Force du Reddite Des Bicyclettes" just how far they could retreat in less than a week. It's always nice to know that an American can beat the French at their own game! . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

OK, I read it. Personally I don't see Denver Skydivers having a leg to stand on with regard to them using THEIR down time to shoot weapons in the airport. Firstly, is the place an airport / skydiving centre or a shooting range. I don't see the 2 activities being in any way compatible!!!! If skydivers can shoot on the airport when they're not jumping, then can other folk at the airport shoot when they're no doing whatever it is they're there for. Let's be blunt. we'd be the FIRST to complain good and loud if folk were firing guns into the air anywhere near where we were skydiving. Suppose for the moment that "Brush Livestock" became "Brush Skeet Shooting Range" (open every day)? with a bunch of yahoos shooting into the air in which I'm flying. Yeah, you bet you'd hear me, and any canopy damage or personal injury as a result of the skeet shooting activity would likely be met with a round of drinks... Like... Molotov Cocktails! I also sympathise with Brush Livestock in that if I were running a business which involved keeping livestock then while I'd accept than "out" landings on my property would be simply a hazard of operating my business next to a skydiving centre, to the occasional mild distress to my animals. What I WOULDN'T want is folk wilfully making loud bangs and letting bullets fly next to my livestock. Not anymore than I'd accept folk making loud bangs and letting bullets fly into the air where I'm skydiving. Let's get real eh? If you're at a skydiving centre, then skydive. If you want to shoot guns, then go away and shoot guns somewhere else. Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.