miked10270

Oh come on Liebling... You're not fooling anyone... I remember you posting about how your Son met Pope John-Paul II... So we're all pretty sure you HAVE had SEX! And... All the {angelic} emoticons in the world won't change our beliefs one little bit! Then again, maybe you could try claiming that: "Eine Grosse Schlechte Schlange gab mir einen Apfel und lief weg!" Tschuess, Mike. Edited to add: For this excuse to work... We expect the "Grosse Schlecte Schlange" to resemble the attached pic, rather than the more common"eine-gemusterte Hoseschlange"! Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Incident Report: Dateline Iraq! A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. "I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back that Dubya is a good-for-nothing stupid drunk who can't speak English! So I shouted that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, ugly, mean spirited woman!" He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!" "And, so there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us. -- Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Nowadays, it's not entirely certain that this is a spoof!: FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 01, 2005 RE: Holiday Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. ============================= FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2005 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty ================================ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 03, 2005 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table . you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. ================================ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 04, 2005 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty ================================= FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All DAMN Employees DATE: October 05, 2005 RE: The DAMN Holiday Party Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**king salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!! ============================== FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 06, 2005 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Alex, Believe me, I DO know just how bad the whole PC-PC thing can be. There was a stack of folk at my work disciplined for circulating a pic of "Miss World Contestants" which suggested that "Miss Portugal" had excessive body hair! The worst of it was that they decided to discipline ALL the recipients of this E-Mail who then forwarded it.... INCLUDING (mistakenly) the person who blew the whistle on it!!! I wasn't involved in this - for the simple reason that I use my work PC exclusively for WORK... And my home PC for play. It's really the only safe way. Regards, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Back out of bed (already)! I DID go to bed... ANd I DID confine myself to playing with my own nipples. Strangely... I DID still get slapped!!! ...Somefin' to do wiff "EFFIN' COLD FEET!" Anyway... This gives me time to raise the dichotomy of SKYDIVERS demands to do an intrinsically risky thing (like goofing off at work) in a wholly safe manner? Discuss... I'm off back to bed. SWMBO:(She Who Must Be Obeyed) almost woke up last time I put my cold feet on her back! A coupla' more slaps & I could be onto a good thing!

And the Sheep!... Wiff the Lipstick!... Don't forget the sheep or The Clan MacFeegle will get all upset!... Not to mention The Kiwis! Yeah.. [v]VERY obvious! A guy under the beanbag with a kids $2 popgun.

But... BUT... BUT!!!!... There's NO NIPPLES! No Girl Nipples! No Boy Nipples! No White Nipples! No Ethnic Nipples! NO.. EFFIN'.. NIPPLES..! Specifically, for those who REALLY believe that "[gray]The Confederacy Will Rise Again[/gray]", there are NO "Male Negroid" Nipples in any form of proximity to "Caucasian Female" Nipples. C'mon guys... I'm doin' ma best here! So... If the Malteser had hit the man in the eye & blinded him then that would have been OK!? We could have CGI'd the whole thing to absolute realism!? Well... That's me buggered for forming a cult of Boobie Worshippers on this board last week! Incidentally, I don't recall saying that's "NOT WORK SAFE" either. Maybe Y'All worked that one out. Fine! They should post video. They pay good money for that sort of stuff in Britain! Cheers Alex. Mike. PS: "RSVP" is a sort of sneaky European way of saying "Go Ahead... Make My Day!". Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

So... What (in your opinion) makes either of these links "NWS"? The cartoon doesn't show "Excessive Flesh Tones" for anti-porn software to kick in, and surely it is primarily a humorous attack on national stereotypes! Isn't it? The TV Advert is a mainstream advert without any indecent exposure on the part of the models. Again, no excessive flesh tones. Nothing is actually "shown"! RSVP, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Perhaps you have just hit on A Very American Contradiction?... Which of these links makes a surprise attack on (your?) American sensibilities? After all: "I think that all THINKING people are sick and tired of being told that "ordinary and decent" people..." I think that our little spat should serve as warning enough!... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yes. I care. If something IS NWS the I say so. Is the cartoon NWS? (Admittedly the lipstick on the sheep is maybe... But when something starts with a 5 second title screen "Orgasms From Around The World" there's certainly chance to stop the cartoon. Is the TV advert NWS? How? What are you thinking when you see it? Improper food preparation? Ya know... When I'm at work, I WORK!!!!!! I save my play for when I'm not working. So yeah... I don't think this is NWS 'cos: 1. I don't goof off AT WORK. 2. Nothing in this upsets my sensibilities. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Err... One's a silly cartoon with fair warning at the start ('round about where it says "Orgasms of The World!"... And the other's a proper TV ad for a Mars PLC product! Post watershed for suggestiveness, admittedly, but go ahead & try and spot a nipple! Unless you live in one of them fundamentalist religious countries? Maybe wiff one of them leaders wot either talks to, or thinks he's God!? Ya know... Like Iran... North Korea... America!!? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

... Between THIS and THIS! Enjoy, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Unfortunately, shortly aftar flying along ghe GW Beltway, THESE PEOPLE got him! You'll need realplayer for THIS!. There's only ONE person get's escorted - all others will be shot down under Homeland Security Measures!!! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Great Idea... Regrettably, some time after YOUR forefathers sailed to Oz, the whole "Transportation - 7 years wiff hard labour!" was quietly dropped from the English Statute Books. The upside of this is that Ozzers can now re-integrate into civilised society... But we prefer this re-integration to be gradual & minimise the culture shock for all our former convicts! Hence we generally employ them as BarStaff so that they remain close to booze & drunks complaining about "T' Guvinmint" and thus feel at home. Mike. Edited to add to Kelpie: Depends on whose trash it is! Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

That'll do. And now we'll get it moved RIGHT BACK!!! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

There's nothing to say he won't receive support toward rehabilitation during incarceration. Alternatively, he may "grow up" a bit & work out that setting fire to otherpeople's stuff isn't good. At present, the Guy (excuse the bonfire night pun!) has said he's going to keep setting stuff on fire 'cos he likes to! FINE! The Guy'll be kept out of the way until he changes his mind! In effect, how long he stays locked up is effectively up to him! It certainly sounds more flexible than ANOTHER COUNTRY'S "3 crimes means automatic life sentence!" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Incidentally (from another post) Dubya has already made an appropriate comment: "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —- George W. Bush Another fine example of The English Langauge being Bushwhacked! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Good one Everyone should read "1984" again. AND Animal Farm! In the spirit of re-naming Guy Gibson's dog, maybe we could change Snowball & Goldstein to Osama!? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Can we get the poll amended please? You missed out: "I can tell the difference!" for The Brits. "I love them both!" for Windcatcher. And my own personal favourite... "WHO CARES!?" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

20% of the recorded population of London in the 1720's! Approx 15% of Nelson's Fleet at The Battle of Trafalgar! Strangely, within 2 generations they had all "disappeared". They didn't go back to Africa. They didn't die. They weren't slaves. In fact the majority of them were professionals or merchants! What happened was that they simply married, ususally outwith their race, had kids, and the "Negroid strain" diluted until it was no longer discernible. Then again, there just wasn't the issue of "RACE" in Britain at that time. Effectively, no-one gave a flying fuck what colour you were. Happy days. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

I'd assumed he'd just stayed silent! Viz: "Recession means that people's incomes, at the employer level, are going down, basically, relative to costs, people are getting laid off." —- George W. Bush "Who could have possibly envisioned an erection — an election in Iraq at this point in history?" —- George W. Bush "I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" -— George W. Bush "Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better." -— George W. Bush "A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it." -— George W. Bush "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." -— George W. Bush "In other words, I don't think people ought to be compelled to make the decision which they think is best for their family." —-George W. Bush "I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will." -— George W. Bush "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." -— George W. Bush "Listen, I want to thank leaders of the — in the faith — faith-based and community-based community for being here." —- George W. Bush "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —- George W. Bush "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —- George W. Bush "It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life." —- George W. Bush "God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear." —- George W. Bush "Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." —- George W. Bush "Wow! Brazil is big." -— George W. Bush "Do you have blacks, too?" —- George W. Bush, to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso "My thoughts are, we're going to get somebody who knows what they're talking about when it comes to rebuilding cities." -— George W. Bush "The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." -— George W. Bush "I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." -— George W. Bush "Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the — like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate — the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those — if that growth is affected, it will help on the red." -— George W. Bush "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' -George W. Bush, Feb. 21, 2001 "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas." -George W. Bush, Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000 "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." -George W. Bush "Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." -George W. Bush, Dec. 20, 2000 "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." -George W. Bush "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" -George W. Bush "I was raised in the West. The West of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California." -George W. Bush "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us versus them, and it was clear who them was. Today we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there." -George W. Bush, Jan. 2000 "I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure." -George W. Bush, Jan. 2001 "Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican." -George W. Bush, declining to take reporters' questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, April 21, 2001 "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend." —George W. Bush, On the prospect of visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005 "We're spending money on clean coal technology. Do you realize we've got 250 million years of coal?" —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005 "I believe that, as quickly as possible, young cows ought to be allowed to go across our border." —George W. Bush, Ottawa, Nov. 30, 2004 "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family" -George W. Bush, Jan. 27, 2000 "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 And finally... A personal favourite...: "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."_george w. bush Apparently there's a load more examples of the English Language being "Bushwhacked" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Actually, no I don't. For example, I read the Arthur Upfield books which are set in Australia in the 1930's & 1950's. More to the point they WERE WRITTEN in The Australian Outback in the 1930's & 1950's. Their language & attitudes reflect the times in which they were written. and the times they were written about. What DOES upset me is that these books are bloody difficult to get a hold of due to the fact that they're not often published because they're so politically incorrect by today's standards to the point that Upfield is reviled in Australia. Fans of his books all seem to be overseas & the publishing rights are all in Oz. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Don't be scared. Just as Tricky-Dicky Nixon's presidency ushered in a succession of obviously HONEST US Presidents... Perhaps Dubya's presidency will usher in a succession of INTELLIGENT US Presidents with this guy being the first. I'd vote for him! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Don't be foolish. That name's reserved. Otherwise, what'll happen when Disney finally makes the feature length cartoon version of Rudyard Kipling's Children's classic "The Tale Of Little Black Sambo"? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Amen. If someone's pointing a pistol at you in a firefight you're generally pretty safe unless he's aiming at someone else! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.