wildblue

We decided to be different, we don't hand out numbers, we hand out symbols. I am ¥

Everytime I read that one, I feel the need to post this one.... --- Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here! And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it... "Roger", Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have said... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says Roger. "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger. He's glad to finally know the correct answer. "It's just tha... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand that, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing squash one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Bill, did Elaine ever own a horse?" it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

Oh, so once you get them in bed, you don't need to impress them anymore? Damn... all this wasted energy! it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

If all else fails, make them breakfast in bed. If you can't cook, just bring them a bowl of cereal. Ok, but seriously - don't try to impress them. That just creates an act that you have to keep up forever. If they're impressed with who you are, great. If not, oh well, move on. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

We already had something like that, it was called Number Whore Numbers

just beware of corking - someone could get hurt! it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

I thought you couldn't walk.... I was hoping you couldn't make it to the computer to type. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

C is for Che, so i get to spank you!! Woo hoo!! And damnit, i got the answer first but it was over IM so you wouldn't let me post it. C is also for Carrie - and she's closer. umm... but she might enjoy it too much. Heck, he might enjoy it too much too. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

good job, beer is on me. I've had too much coffee today I think. Fuck off, it's your birthday, beer is on Dan! I mean me! Yeah.. that's what I meant.. ass-bag.. I mean 'really nice guy'

Try it in base 13 it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

Michele Can't you start putting your rent in escrow too? to be released to landperson upon completion of repairs? it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

Haha! Ya, the drain thingamajgger.... there's probably 2 draining looking thingys - one is to keep your water heater from exploding, the other is for when you actually intentionally drain it (warning - my experince with water heaters is extrmemely limited) It's *probably* your relief valve that's popping open, if it was the 'intentional drain' - your water heater would always be empty. I've heard it called a TPR or T&P valve, or some other acronym having temperature and pressure in it. Does it just do it when the water is running? or just about any time? it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

is it at the bottom of the water heater? or the top? it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

I think most guys really enjoy that too! Skydiving and sex - anytime is good with me. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

I hope you have a shitty birthday.

Now if you wear corrective shoes and you got big bunyons, Toenails smell and look like onions, Don't doowutchyalike-- Go see a foot doctor tonight! it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

Don't deny it...I saw you eyeing my new jumpsuit with envy. Just admit it....you want grippers! Actually, I think he just liked all the pink on it.... it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

but you did it anyway? it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

I'm pretty sure you added stupid in there yourself...Clay only called me ugly. Oh, I'm sorry, he called you "special" it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

WHAT ABOUT ME Well Clay's already called sunshine stupid and ugly, you think he's gonna go any easier on you? it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

You're not a godess...you're my Special Princess. Is that a nice way of calling her mentally handicapped? it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

Probably get a lot more work done.... it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

What?! Just because Mullins even says "Haven't I seen those before?" - you want me to go eat worms?? I'll accept that no one likes me and everyone hates me, but worms just don't sound that good. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

If I was unscrupulous and just plain mean I might have some for sale.... Depending on how much you believe in that whole "supply and demand" bit... you probably won't get much for them.... *runs for cover* it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

Hey, you're the one that's always getting in trouble for going too fast, not me! Don - No, she doesn't. Don't you remember when you met her, she always barked from behind Erk. It wasn't just because she's a wimp, it's because Erk actually had to tell her what to say. As sad as this may sound, he is the brains of that operation Jess is irritated - my work here is complete. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality