In the past 6 years of reading these forums I have decided there are about 11 types of posters on DZ.com what type are you??
Type 1 Lets start with the miscellaneous poster, “What’s the best ______?” or “What color ____ should I get?” or “You know what I did last night?” or “I just started AFF and it’s the greatest thing ever?” or “NSFW pics (I like these, usually scrolling so fast from attachment to attachment I miss all of the pointless words)” All enjoyable to kill time with, keeps the forums entertaining.
Type 2 There’s the working professional poster, either an equipment manufacturer/designer or respected rigger, or just someone who has worked in the field enough to have intimate knowledge of a lot of skydiving related things. A wealth of knowledge, always happy when these guys/girls step up and are giving of their time.
Type 3 The old time skydiver, “nothing is as good as it used to be” (btw I agree, maybe I’m in this catagory as well) “when we used to jump we didn’t have ________ “ fill in equipment/attitude here. These guys/girls probably fall under multiple categories. Incidentally these are the guys I like talking with the most around the bonfire after jumping at a DZ, maybe these aren’t the same as the ones posting because the posters are usually annoying and condescending. Maybe the ones that post are missing a gene or something…
Type 4 The medical poster, either giving or getting. As soon as anything is posted that even makes a slight reference to anatomy and physiology out come the medical posters, expounding on the pros and cons of medical procedures and drugs and how they effect skydivers at 13,5. Usually posting in an effort to let EVERYONE online know that they are an EMT, Paramedic, PA, Optometrist, RN, XR or whatever. Don’t forget the getter, “I’m having chest pain and have been taking _____ is it safe”? or “How soon after having _____ procedure can I ____”? Go to a Doctor!!!! If you don’t have insurance that you shouldn’t be skydiving!!
Type 5 The “I have 100 to 300 j’s, I’ve been in the sport for 1-3 years, and I’m always the 1st to voice my opinion when a question is asked” poster. We love this guy/girl, what a waste of time/bandwidth reading these posts. Nobody cares what you think and if someone with 50 j’s does care well then they shouldn’t. You are dangerous! Get out a notepad, write down what you think the answer is and then compare it to what the truly knowledgeable people say. And if you do turn out to be correct? Well I don’t want to read about it in the incidents forum because you threw your shoulder out trying to pat yourself on the back.
Type 6 “PM sent” so annoying a mod had to take the time to make a sticky…
Type 7 Lets not forget the swooper posters. The ones who take the time to explain how cutting edge they were when they started, downsizing at an alarming rate and some crazy w/l so early in their career, then berating someone else when they do it. “don’t do what I did, I was lucky, you wont be so lucky” not that I think these young skydivers should downsize quickly but please refrain from telling your “cutting edge” story all it does is entice someone to do the same thing… you reinforce their argument if not publicly, for fear of being flamed, then privately, “if ____ can survive than why cant I” These are also the same ones that will interject with an unsolicited flame about “canopy size for such a new skydiver” in a thread by a type 1 poster talking about how he is going to get a brand new rig and wants to know if anyone has ever had a red/black/white color combo before.
Type 8 There’s the hugs and vibes, “I’ve had a horrible day please send…” woe is me…” “my boss is so mean please send some much needed hugs and vibes” Do you people act like this on the DZ??
Type 9 There’s the DZO poster, usually pontificating on what a kewl vibe their DZ has, with no drama, and how they would never ban anyone from their DZ all the while everyone, and I mean everyone knows what a lame-o they are! And the only reason no one tells them where to go is because their DZ is the only one within 100 miles with a turbo prop so everyone goes on letting them act the way they act just hoping someone will come to town and open a new DZ to run her/him out of town.
Type 11 Don't forget the police poster, by far one of the most annoying, usually nothing informative to add to the conversation, just taking time and bandwidth to point out, “you haven’t filled out your profile”, or “YOUR YELLING, STOP YELLING”
and then proceed to explain that typing in all caps is like yelling (which is ridiculous, what is this some multi-player online DD game? No it’s a forum and caps can be used to separate a part of your sentence if you want to raise your voice ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? It really doesn’t sound loud when read. Always there to let you know if it is a repost, and the important instructions on how to use the search function. You know you’re this guy if you have already checked my profile to see who I am, and are preparing my beating.
Type 12 Finally the anonymous poster, what an ass this guy is…
IM SURE I MISSED A FEW, THESE WERE JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD!!
Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell > take a deep breath, relax and don't clinch your teeth together, it will all be over in a couple of minutes...
