Michele

Hi, everyone. I told the student to talk to the chief instructor, and as far as I know the 'dent did. I don't know what the resolution was, though. As for the spinning problem, I haven't got a clue as to how long this has been happening...could've been the first, may have been many times; I just dunno. Sorry. Not being there, and not having a video tape to see (hah! as if I would know what I was looking at!!!) this 'dent's word is all I can take. All I know is how much I respect and admire you instructors, because you are (literally) flying for two for the first I don't know how many jumps. I know I have almost kicked Ed in the head several times. I made it a point to tell Rob (my JM on level 6) that I tended to have a lazy drift left, and that I dropped like a rock, and asked him to read my log book. I figured that way, he would know what I had been dealing with, and he would be as prepared as I could make him. He did, and we had a great jump. I appreciate the advice. I have told this 'dent about coming here, and reading and posting, because of all the help I have gotten, as well as other people I tell about this place (like Kimmer). Thanks a million, and ciel bleu- Michele

Hi, everyone. I told the student to talk to the chief instructor, and as far as I know the 'dent did. I don't know what the resolution was, though. As for the spinning problem, I haven't got a clue as to how long this has been happening...could've been the first, may have been many times; I just dunno. Sorry. Not being there, and not having a video tape to see (hah! as if I would know what I was looking at!!!) this 'dent's word is all I can take. All I know is how much I respect and admire you instructors, because you are (literally) flying for two for the first I don't know how many jumps. I know I have almost kicked Ed in the head several times. I made it a point to tell Rob (my JM on level 6) that I tended to have a lazy drift left, and that I dropped like a rock, and asked him to read my log book. I figured that way, he would know what I had been dealing with, and he would be as prepared as I could make him. He did, and we had a great jump. I appreciate the advice. I have told this 'dent about coming here, and reading and posting, because of all the help I have gotten, as well as other people I tell about this place (like Kimmer). Thanks a million, and ciel bleu- Michele

WWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I knew you could do it; you did it; and I am so pleased. Welcome home, Divadiver. Welcome home! ciel bleu- Michele

It's a gorgeous day, hot but not too hot, light winds, and everyone seems so happy. I walk through the dropzone looking for familiar faces, but I see none til I get to the school. I go inside to say good morning to the staff, drop some photos and stuff off for Dennis. I get outside, and there's Ed, teaching plf's to the AFF1 guys. I look at him closely, make sure there's nothing immediately wrong with him. He looks o.k., not a bandaid in sight, and when the class takes a break, he looks at me and comes over. I have the question on the tip of my tongue, but he once again anticipates me and says it was the sweetest opening he has ever had. And while I don't believe that, I do think it went o.k. because he would have said something else if it hadn't. He asks when I am jumping, and I tell him after Kimmer does. Zclubber is there, bright blue eyes and great smile. We sit and chat, Kimmer ZClubber and I, pretending that we are just here, and that there's nothing we are doing that is unique and unusual. I keep waiting for the sweaty palms, waiting for my old friend fear to get here, but it is at bay this morning, and I am happy about that. I know that I have some things to get done today in the air, but I don't know all of it, and so there's nothing really to think about except the experience itself. I do know that this level is about matching fall rates, Dennis has warned me that this level may be difficult for me because of my arch, and I tell him "No, it won't be, because I can do this". He looks at me, grins, and says "atta girl, that's the right attitude". I stick my chin out in mock defiance, tilt my head back, and strut wth fake bravado for about three steps, and we both laugh. Kimmer and I get called into the harness room, and while we are there, Albatross walks by the window, and I say "oh look, there's Chris" to which Ed says "you need to be thinking in here, Michele, stop looking out the window. Work with me". He's totally right, so I drag my eyes away, and pay more attention to the practice drills. Kimmer, Sinister69, Zclubber and I all gather out at the bleachers, and now the waiting for us has begun. I see Albatross, and shout for him. He turns, and comes running over, and gives me the best hug a girl can have (Albi, where did you learn to hug like that!). Steve and Craig are there, too, and Kimmer and I are surrounded by all these great men. When the next group of jumpers are landing, I can't help it, but an old line from a song creeps through my head, and I sing "It's raining men, hallelujia, it's raining men...." and now that song is stuck in my head for the rest of the day. But it's true, so I just sit there and enjoy myself. I sit in the bleachers, waiting for Kimmer to take her jump. I don't want to be in the air with her, I want to wait for her on the ground. She gets called in to get ready to go, she has a quick call, so she suits up and walks out to the loading area. She has been having such a rough time, and I am so proud of her for sticking with it, for attacking the problem, and not allowing the problem to win over her. She is battling, and I cannot but admire and respect her for what she is capable of. She is winning this fight, but doesn't know it yet. Kim lands, and has had a hard time in the air, but she goes in and signs up again; she has declared that she will not leave until she has made it through the level. I know she will, and I know how she feels, and I wish I could help. But now I am called over. Ed and I walk through the jump, and he tells me what he needs from me. He wants me to control the rate of fall, which seems easy enough, but I am worried about my arch. What if I go unstable, what if I can't do it, what if and how come and then what and well, hello, fear, how are you today? There is a weird separation in my head, with the voice of fear on one side, calling for me, and the reasonable and logical side calling for me on another. I make a deliberate choice to listen to the reason side, and try to shut out the other voices. I turn back to the task at hand, start to get suited up, and my video guy is there - and it's Clint Clawson, human being extraordinaire....and I know I am going to have a fun jump, whatever happens. I've got Ed, I've got Clint, it's a beautiful day, and I am going to jump. I try to convince myself that the tingling in my belly is excitement, but I am not sure it is. We walk out to the plane, and we go through the jump once more. Climbing onto the plane, I realize that we are going to be in the first group out, maybe even first out,and that means I have to watch through the door. I try to sneak over to the other side of the plane, but Ed gently nudges me into the right seat, directly across from the door. O.K., so be it, I'll just close my eyes the whole way and pretend I am in a convertible. Which doesn't work, but is fun while it lasts. I touch everyone's knees that I can reach, just wanting human contact, reassurance, and I can't reach Moley's knee, so he lifts it up for me. Clint interviews Ed for my tape, and I can't hear them, but they are laughing. The door opens, and depsite my best effort to ignore the ground dropping away fast, I can't help looking out. All the things I have read here and elsewhere about bailing out, all the things I had been taught go through my head. Then we get to a height where we can just relax. So I try, I do the deep breathing, I go through the muscle groups and relax them, and then I wait. And wait, wait, wait. It's time to get the goggles and helmet on, and I notice that my hands are shaking. Almost too hard to geet the clasp hooked under my chin, but I do, and then the door goes up. John is at the door, but he just gets this really odd look on his face. Steve his student is waiting, and then the door closes. We have to go around. Now I am doubt my legs, will they work, because the trembling from my hands has moved into the rest of my body. I can't figure out what I am tripping out for, but I figure it will go away in the air, it almost always has, and then Ed sticks his tongue out at me. Which makes me laugh, and I feel better. The door opens, and John and Steve go out. It's my turn. I kneel, grasp, and elevate myself out of the door into a flaoting exit. I take a deep breath, relax, smile, and let go. I am falling, feet to earth, straight down. I am stand flying, which isn't quite what I should do on my ninth jump, but it's fun! Oh, I think, arch....and so I do. And we are leveling off, Ed is right there, and I go into a gentle left spin. He grabs my arm and stops the spin, and then the hugging begins. He goes up, I try to go up. It doesn't work - I'm still falling away from him. He goes down, falls past me, and I meet him easily. He goes up again, and I really push my arms down and forward, "hugging the earth", and I shoot right up to him. I am so surprised! He gives me a big thumbs up and says "yeah!", thank god I can lipread. I am grinning, and having soooooo much fun. I can do this, I am not unstable, I can meet Ed in the air, and this is a blast! It's now 6k and I have to stop. Clint is floating right in front of me, and he's sitting - just like an indian, crossed legs, right there - he is such a darling! He grins, and I grin back. I look at my alti, o.k., we're at five, and now we're at 4.5, and - oh, shit, I forgot to pull at 4.5 so I do at like 4, but it feels rougher than usual. Something feels off, wrong, out of place. I look up, the canopy is fine, so it's something else. I discover that I had a personal equipment failure, and I have to unzip the neck of my jumpsuit and get my bra back over my breasts. After those gymnastics are done, I get the toggles in my hand, and everything is just incredible. I spot the dz, and it is far to the south. I get the wind at my back, trying to run with the wind, get over the hangar. I make it over the hangar, and I start to circle, to play. I see a hawk - under my feet - and I match his movements. I mirror him from above, as much as I can, and I feel the turns and the freedom and the dance, and I am here, in the sky, and I join the sky for a moment, and I feel the joy and the bliss which comes with this merging. I let go, and let the wind take me, held by the sky, cupped in the palm of God's hand. I see the patterns in the brown summer dead grass - someone has made a daisy chain which stretches outward under my feet, and I thank this unknown person. The picture they drew could not be seen from the ground, but the gift of this transitory art seen only from the sky is miraculous, an unexpected communication from the land. I turn back into the wind, set up to land, and I will go long again, into the grass, I know I'm not supposed to land there, so I had better stand on my feet. I pass over Steve, and I hollar WHHHHHOOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO, the wild skydiver mating call, and I hear answering hoots from several places on the ground. Steve waves at me, so I kick my feet at him, and then, I wait - wait - and, now, start, flare, reach with my toes, and I set it down and whoop again, and Ed whoops back, and I get the canopy to lie down and run around the back of it. Albatross Sin and Kimmer are whooping it up on the side, it was a great landing, and I found the peace I crave in the sky. Kimmer takes her next jump, and when she lands and starts jumping up and down I know she has done well. Zclubber jumps again, and he does equally well. We hang out, get something to eat, and sit around and chat with people. Zclubber and I stay through sunset, and I notice how soft the air has gotten, how gentle and gauzy it is now, in the leaving of the day. I marvel that I can see this, feel this, know this thing called life, and learn it in a different way than I had known it before. I have a deepening gratitude of the beauty around me, and people, the things, the world itself, that has become known to me in a manner that I never knew before. I watch an owl take flight in the darkness, underlit by the hangar lights; I see a little plane take off in the darkness, it's lights brightly shining, and I notice the lights in the hills, ringing the dropzone like a necklace. My eyes are opening, and I like what I see. I take my graduation jump next week, Saturday the 28th.....how amazing is that? Ciel bleu- Michele

WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! (Doing a little snoopy happy dance for you!!!) (oooooopppppppppp, did someone say - BEER?) ciel bleu- Michele

Please God I hope you're right.....

Hey, Zenmeister May sound kida loopy (it is me, after all), but evey time I jump I expect to use my reserve. And then, when I don't have to, I consider that a good day. This began after the cut away, five whole jumps ago. I wonder if this is just a phase or something.... (Listen to her talk, all of eight jumps under her feet...) ciel bleu- Michele

Hey, Skybytch - Uh, I guess that makes me (like, waaaaaaayyyyyyyy) below average??? lol at me.... ciel bleu- Michele

Well, Spectre, that's what I wanted to know. Ed told me he would rather have it not open than to open hard. Like I said, I am sure I will hear all about it tomorrow......and not necessarily looking forward to that..... ciel bleu- Michele

Go, littlewing, go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whooo hooo for you indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!! ciel bleu- Michele

With no names (and no, it didn't happen to me), I want to ask your opinion as to a situation which occurred to a friend of mine. The person it happened to is a student (level 5). This student has a spinning problem. This student's instructor let go of them, and the student started spinning really hard. The student looks around for their instructor, and the instructor is about 50-75 feet *below* the student. The student was unable to regain control, but upon opening, was fine. However, the instructor was nowhere near the student at any point after the release. When the student landed (a perfect stand up), they asked the instructor "where'd you go?" to which the instructor replied "you were spinning uncontrollably. And I could see you, so don't worry about it...." and then asked the student why they hadn't responded to the signals this instructor was giving. To which the student replied "you were too far away, I couldn't see any signals". The instructor asked why the student didn't pull early, to which the student replied "there were 10 tandems after me, and I didn't want to open early because of them". The student is really ticked off. Keep in mind, though, that I only have this student's version as to what happened. Is this o.k.? I'm too new to know, and any time I have jumped my instructor stayed right with me (well, except for the time I lost Ed.....). And even when it posed a danger to Ed, when I was spinning, he grabbed my arm or my leg to stop me, so I could correct myself. I was just curious as to your opinions as instructors. Thanks- ciel bleu- Michele

Hi, all. O.K., so I just heard from someone who was at Perris today. After screwing with me for a while (well, he's limping and has crutches, etc...), she said that Ed was fine. Thank God!!!.....now to hear from Ed (and I am sure I will hear *all* about it)....... ciel bleu- Michele

Hi, Lisa Just about 5:30 ish or so. I was in grey shorts and a "FRED SANDS FIRST CLASS REAL ESTATE" t-shirt...was it me? I will be there tomorrow, about 11:30 ish, and trying to jump about 12:30 or 1ish...and then trying to pack that chute, too (geez!!). If you're there, let's hook up - I would so love to meet you!!! I'll be there for most of the day. ciel bleu- Michele

Could you all say a tiny little prayer for Ed, my AFF Instructor? I had my first packing lesson with his chute yesterday, and he's going to jump it today. (gulp)........ I asked (o.k., begged) him to unpack it and do it right, but he just laughed.... ciel bleu- Michele

I was there; the bar was opened late, and that may have been why you didn't find it. Sorry we missed you. We saved a few beers for you, though, so we'll see you next week? ciel bleu- Michele

Damn! Hey, didn't someone invite you to come work for them on another thread? This might not be such a curse after all....... Well, of course it is, what am I saying. How rotten! Damn employers. hugs, and ciel bleu-and see you tomorrow.....sometime around 11ish or so. Michele

A "seige"....I kinda like that...... "Look out! It's a siege of swoopers!!!!!!!!!"......

Men and their cars......not all women want your money. And not all are jealous of your cars. Date different women, you guys. I don't want your money. Your time, yes, but not 24 hours a day. And I participate in the high risk sport of crocheting and knitting (how fast can you make a baby blanket, huh?), and sometimes needlepointing makes my fingers hurt (I keep stabbing myself); so sometimes you won't get my attention either....As long as you hug me, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear at interesting moments, I am fine. As long as I know you are near me, so you can "rescue me" from those frequent earthquakes or other nasty little natural phenomena (tornados, hurricanes, ex's...), I am generally a happy lady. Granted, the occasional fancy restaurant or theatre ticket is nice, sometimes some flowers, but hey, a telephone call is just as good. As long as you show up at the charity functions, I could care less if there is grime in your knuckles.....there's something quite, uh, tantilizing about a man in a good suit who has grime in his knuckles....as long as his fingernails are clean. Just my thoughts. I'll go away now, cause how DARE a woman invade the men's territory on a car thread.......ooooops! ciel bleu- Michele

A few "true crime" stories from a cop friend of mine.... #1: "I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away". #2 Some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. #3 A story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. #4 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs. #5 Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. #6 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. #7 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. #8 Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Just a few thoughts. ciel bleu- Michele

Thanks, RemiandKaren....replaces a really weird mental picture......

Billy, I have to ask: what is a horny gorilla? (you all keep talking about it, but all I can think of is flying as fast as I can AWAY from a guy in a gorilla suit....) ciel bleu- Michele

You guys are so neat. I keep waiting for one of you to tell me to quit writing, that you're bored, and you haven't (please don't start now....lol, kind of). I talked to Ed today. He called to see how everything went (how freakin cool is that!!!). He had read the paperwork, said it was the first thing he did when he got to the school, but wanted to hear about it from me. He told me he was proud of me, and that he knew I could handle it; but that I had to learn it for myself. I am still so way high from the experience. And if my delta position is any indication, I have a realllllly long way to go before I can even call myself anything other than a faller. After watching the vid, (I left the videographer a looong ways back, so I am a really tiny dot through most of the delta), I understand that I may - and I stress "may"- understand a little bit more about air and body position. Albatross, I know that the journey is long, and begins with the single step. I am still crawling - and that is fine with me. I haven't taken the first "step" yet. No rush, no hurry. But this infusion of joy, fun, trust - wow. I knew it would come, I had tastes of it in other jumps; but to experience it like that was intense. Still grinning like a fool, and dancing in the seat of my car......and wanting the air so badly..... ciel bleu- Michele

My name is Michele Lesser, and I do as little as I can get away with. When I do decide to work, I sell houses in the San Fernando Valley (that's according to my broker....she wants to know why I have been so distracted the last 6 weeks or so. I told her I "was in love", but didn't tell her with jumping...). Actually, that's only what I do to make money. I don't have a living. I have a life. (lol) Know what I mean? ciel bleu- Michele

Hi, Sin 0:2:at least one....ass over teakettle exit...... but on student status, so that means it's optional, right????? (oh, I can feel the beer debt creeping up on me). As to being jealous, now you know how I feel about *all* of you who have more numbers than me (in each column). Sinister69, you are such a support to me that I cannot tell you how appreciative I am. And Zclubber had that flushed, bright eyed over-stimulated look that when it happens to a two year old, you know they need a nap.....good job, Zclubber, btw. ciel bleu- Michele

Friday: Ed tells me he won't be around this weekend, and tells me to jump with either Eric or Vinnie, as they both have fast fall rates. Eric won't be there, and I plain just don't want to jump without Ed in the air with me, but I sign up for Sunday nonetheless, thinking I can just back out if I get too freaked out. *** Last night. I lay in the bathtub, trying to identify and name the fear I have about the jump tomorrow. They are making me bend over, grab my calves, and then they are going to push me out of the plane. I lay there, glass of wine in my hand, eyes closed, and give my imagination free reign in the safety of my bath to create the very worst freefall I can - I let my mind go there. All sorts of images drift through my mind; upside down, head down, on my back, laid out and spinning on my back. Ed's not there to help me, and no-one can catch up to me - and I burn past the assigned pull altitude. It all gets too much, I can feel the panic begin, the breathing becoming sharper, the belly flopping around like a dying fish. I have to finish this, so I imagine myself arching hard, flipping over easy as pie, pulling and landing just fine. I get out of the tub, and crawl into bed, knowing that sleep will be a long time coming, and the morning will be here far too soon. *** I wake up this morning to my 1 year old cat teaching herself to freefly. She unfortunately plf's on my back, so, wincing, I reluctantly get out of bed. I plod through my morning coffee, and get in my car. It's overcast and oddly chilly; I am hoping that I will get weathered out. At least that will take the decision away from me, and I won't look like such a wuss. I talk to myself as I am driving the 84 miles, talking out loud. I will have 7000 feet to recover if there's a problem. I will never have to do this exit again if I don't want to. I can get out the door and accomplish everything I need to, they are not asking too much.... and on and on, for most of the miles. It occurs to me that the fight or flight instinct is violently triggered by skydiving, at least for me. And, as Albatross said, I cannot fight the elements, I cannot fight the world. Fighting, therefore, is out of the question. I am already in flight, flying above the ground, so that aspect is already present. What's left, then? I wonder. Flow. Flowing with the feelings, allowing them room to be, but not control me, giving them space and acknowledgement so they will go quietly into the corner of my mind and stay there, not invasive, not demanding, there but ignorable. Flowing, dealing with the mistakes I make, not letting them flow over me, but flowing with them, using them, correcting them. Flowing with whatever emerges to deal with. I realize what a mistake I made, letting my imagination go there last night. I run my imagination, it does not run me, and so I imagine another flight, this one perfect, no mistakes, easy and free. Then I imagine the fears as butterflies, and make them fly an rw pattern I make up. They fly around my belly, but they are not escaping into my mind. I spend the morning with Kimmer and Sinister69 (you are both such excellent friends!). Kimmer goes to do her jump (she did so well!!!!), and then the waiting for me begins. Sin does everything he can to make me comfortable, but then I am called into the harness room - not with Vinnie, as I expect, but with this man who I don't know, Rob. He is very patient with me, and brings me through without making me feel as if I know nothing, and reassuring me when I don't have the exact right answer. I keep looking at his legs; they are a great distraction, but I really can't let myself be that distracted, not right now. We are on a call, and I still somehow think I am supposed to be jumping with Vinnie. I check the sheet that Lisa tacks up, and here is Rob's name next to mine. Uh, wait. I see Vinnie, and total insecurity engulfs me. Did he decide to not jump with me? Doesn't he want to jump with me? What if he doesn't like me? So I go and ask him. No, it's just he needs to do a tandem, and I will be fine with Rob. I go over to Rob and tell him that I really fall fast, and while he believes me somewhat, I can tell he may not understand how fast this body can go. I tell him again, and add that if I lose him, I was just going to continue with the dive and he could watch from above. He just looks at me, tells me to trust him, then tells me to trust him again. But I don't know him, and he's not Ed, and I can't tell him all of the fears because I am pretending they don't exist, and I consider pulling out of the jump because Ed's not there. I walk away, thinking about this exit, and this flight, and how much I want to move past this wall, but how high it is, smooth and slippery, and I wonder if I can do it. And then it strikes me. Ed is not always going to be there. Even if I want him to be, even if he wanted to be. Pretty soon I will be jumping with lots of other people, and that if I was ever going to be able to get in the air without Ed, then I would have to start now. I apologize to Rob for being so snippy and bitchy with him, and explain that I am frightened of jumping without someone I know by my side. I tell him that I need to break the ties, and that I would be happy to jump with him. He can tell I am not happy about jumping, but that I mean it anyway, so he laughs and tells me to never mind, he's not taken it personally at all. He walks me through the jump, tells me what to expect, what position to take ("O.K., Michele, you're just going to cross your ankles, bend over and grab them and then I'll push you. Pop open after a few seconds, and arch hard." Shit.) and then teaches me the delta position. We get ready, and get on the plane. I am busy imagining that this time everything will go right. He and I talk, about my work and his, about martial arts, and he is working so hard at keeping me calm and focussed. The rw's across the way are giving me a hard time, and so I play back. They are people I have briefly talked to before, and they are just goofing around. It's fun with them, and Rob and I are joking right back. I keep waiting for the panic, when is it going to start, when will I get dry throat, when will the butterflies creep out of my belly and hit my head like a mac truck. It's 13,000, hey we got extra altitude, what do you mean it's our turn yes the light is green so what?. Well, here's the fear, the panic. I get my heart out of my shoes, and Ok, well, fuck the fear, here I go and I peek my head out of the door, pretend I'm spotting (yeah, like I can uncross my eyes long enough to see the ground), bend over, cross my ankles and grab myself behind the calves, think well, crap, I'm falling out, feel a gentle little shove and then I am airborne..... And I start counting -1- I feel the sun on my face and now it's gone -2- the sun again and now a sideways feeling-3-I close my eyes because everything is-4-upside down round about and my head is down and I can't think and hey, this is fun-5-open, but not into a hard arch......and I am still falling, out of control, doing a layout and then staying on my back and spinning and I look at the sky and I decide to arch harder and my legs twist over and here I am on my belly and I am arching fine, but I start to spin so I relax -flow- and the spin stops and I hold the heading and I look at my alti and it's 8 already and it's time to delta, so I try, and here is Rob grinning at me so I take off on a sloppy and bizarre delta - I feel like I think dolphins feel, and so I stop, arch again, and really think about where my shoulders and hands go, and hey, wait, this is fast!!!!! and then Rob is with me again, and still grinning, and I can feel the grin break out on my face, and damn, it's 6 and I have to stop, so I sit there (well, arch there) and wait until 4,500 and then I reach back, and I tug and then I am under a full, happy canopy. Everything is really fine until I realize that the wind is really strong, that it has picked up since we left, and that I am really travelling when I get with the wind. I mean, really moving. I turn, and try to see the windsocks, but I am too high up to see them that clearly. I try to see how everyone else is landing, and there are two guys but they are landing in different directions, and now I have to get ready but wait, there's the flag near where I will landing and it is facing the same way I am and I start to turn right then change my mind and go left - hard - but not too hard, and now I am facing the correct way, and most forward motion stops. I go straight down, well not straight but really steeply, and here is the ground coming fast, and there's a gust and now it's time to flare and I do, nicely and smoothly and I am directly into the wind, and I reach with my toes and they hit the ground and I am standing up. I have to turn really fast because this monster canopy is not even near the ground and it's pulling me and I will NOT fall over because I landed on my feet so I dig in my heels and wrestle the canopy to the ground. I grapple with the lines as I run around the back of the canopy, shouting in exhuberance and joy, and laugh as the canopy folds over my face and engulfs me in it's depth. The canopy hugged me! I think, get untangled from it and gather it up, and smoosh the air out of it so I can get a good grip. Rob hugs me, and then teases me about holding the tuck out of the plane for a bit too long and tells me that he was a tad concerned so I tell him I had fun and he has great legs and he laughs and turns red. He asked me how many times I counted to five, and then tells me he counted to five twice. I said I had decided I was not going to fail the level because of not having a long enough tumble, so I took my time counting and he said that was something I shouldn't have worried about. I passed the level. Then he looks at me and tells me "you're right. You do fall fast." I run around hugging everyone. This was by far the best jump I have ever had, and it was amazing and wonderful and exciting and thrilling and I can't wait to tell Ed about it. And now, if I jump with Ed, it will be out of choice and not out of necessity. I feel the awe and the joy and the freedom in a way I had never felt before. Today's jump is the reason I keep jumping. I am a happy girl tonight. Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooo!!!! ciel bleu- Michele