Michele

Man, what a day. As I write this, I realize I haven't been this sore and achy from skydiving ever, with the exception of my crash. And that is NOT what happened today... After a night filled with skydiving nightmares (in one, I get to the dz, and there's no gear, so an instructor lends me his "spare", which has no leg straps and fits a 37 sq. foot canopy. He tells me I'll be "just fine"...), I manage to get to the DZ at 7:30, only to discover that the gear store is not open until 8...so I walk around, and wait. I talk to some sleepy and hungover folks, and, in the overcast, damp, grey morning, I wait...gear is obtained, and I find Grasshopper, and ask him if he can pack for me today. He agrees, and, in his own way, wishes me a great day. I see Mark the Shark, and get the first hug of the day from him. He is great, cheerful and happy to see me. While we can't jump, he's sort of a touchstone for me - his presence there is good for me. I see Melanie, and she introduces me to MJ, who is running the free 2-way camp (we only pay for our own tickets...) and I decide to go ahead and do the camp. MJ's blue eyes, sharp and intense, size me up...who is this person? Can she jump? Can she learn? And then I realize that is all my own insecurities...he's prolly actually thinking about what he's going to have for breakfast. We get into the mini-seminar, and start watching videos. I can feel the insecurities mounting. Jay, the other first timer at the camp, has something on the order of 450 jumps, while I have all of 49. I am stressing badly - first jump of the day, at a new-to-me dz (except it's really not), a new instructor who seems like he's going to be hard and all I want to do is sleep...or find some more coffee. And the pace he's setting, should the clouds ever clear, is going to be, for me, challenging. He wants 5 jumps from me, and while I agree, I condition it on how gently the ground catches me today. I know he's expecting a lot from me performance wise, and I haven't a lot to give. We get out onto the creepers, and I learn all about center point, what it is and what it is not, how to turn around it, how it holds me stable, and on the creepers, he compliments my form. It hurts, this bottom clenching thing. I think I need on of those Jane Fonda tapes or something...and we are learning the Mantis position - "hands in front, like holding a basketball getting ready to toss it", he says. This analogy doesn't work well for me...I don't think I've held a basketball in more than 2 decades, let alone tossed it to anyone. I try anyway, and finally get the position. But it feels awkward, and I wonder if I'm going to revert to the boxman position in the middle of everything. Sigh. Something to learn, and that's what I'm here for. Learning...and now it's cleared up and we are manifested. I get a jumpsuit from the school, and clamber into it. It's tight, though. And as I move in this, I feel it pulling and tugging, not letting me find the arch. I figure everything is always harder on the ground, and go get geared up. I get to jump with Melanie, and we're trying a new exit...she floats, and I dive. O.K., this is new, too. At least, new to doing it right. She and I talk about it, but only get through the mockup once. She's such a sweetie, my new friend, and is playing and laughing; liquid silver sprinkles the air, and she grins, flashing her humor at me. She relaxes me, her teasing and generosity with her joy. We get on the plane, and squeeze together rather tightly. I am feeling nervous, but not too badly...I have soooooooo many new things to remember, and to try. Up and away, and while in flight I look at the container of the guy next to me. His flaps are undone, and his pilot chute has worked loose. We put him back together, and I try really hard to not touch his kit again. And as we approach jump run, he does not ask for a gear check...which bothers me a little. Green light. Door open. Cold air comes washing in. And they start to disappear into the hazy blue, pairs, trios...and then Melanie and I make it to the door. I take grips, and out-in-out and free and grinning and smiling and laughing and it's steep but we don't funnel. I push hard for my arch, and we level off quickly. But now, however, I am chipping all over the place, and drifting right. She gives me the arch signal, and I try again, but I guess this jumpsuit is a little tight, because I never get into the hard arch position. Just can't get there. Somehow, though, I get my hands down and in front, and I stabilize. And then go right back to chipping and drifting. I cross my eyes at her, and try again...and this time, somehow, manage to get stable again. But I'm still drifting. Finally I signal her I'm going to try a center point turn, and do so. And then the other way. She grins, and now it's time to break off and track...which we do. I open high, because I want to see where I'm going, and there's the huge X...canopy was uneventful, winds were at about 5-7, and I make it close to my target. Debrief, and we decide to chuck the jumpsuit. Jeans and turtlenecks it is. And now I'm wishing I had some long johns on. It's chilly on the ground, and I wonder what it will be like in the air...back to the creepers, and more work on body position. And more owies on my bottom, and now my lower back is aching. Not to mention my upper back has just cramped. Time for water. And back to the creepers. Now work the exit with MJ, who teaches me how to go about it. Down, drop the left shoulder, present, leave right foot behind. over and over, trying to do this right, to the point where my legs are tired. I still can't get it right. Still too high, still launching instead of falling. Still not dropped left enough. Ahhh, shit. And back into the plane, and up into the sky. As the plane travels down the runway, we bump and lurch and feel the plane suddenly correct itself like a swerving car. Jumpers exchange nervous glances, and we brace ourselves, looking at the pilot for reassurance. He is a great pilot, not the one I flew with before, but still. He's great. He must've been avoiding something, because we accelerate and are soon airborne. Clouds dot the horizon, but are far enough away for me to not be terribly concerned. I am antsy in the plane, thinking and worrying and pretending it's all good. Fake it til you make it, as they say, so I sit there and grin at the jumpers, not really seeing them. I look at Melanie, and she grins a real grin, and yells "fuckin' awsome, girl!" and I have to laugh. Jumprun. I get to the door tentatively, and am slow taking my grips and getting my shoulder dropped. MJ shoves my shoulder into position, and gives the count...and I try to leave my right foot behind, and just drop, but am seized with the sudden thought that I'll whack it on the plane. O.K., it's not sudden, this thought, but it's now gonna happen. I'm sure of it. That hesitation, though, means the timing was wayyyyy off, and I am dragged from the plane. Which means, of course, that we hit the hill really steeply. So I arch, and grin. These are my only solutions. We manage to level off, and get face to face. I let go of him, and get my hands in front of me. And drift. And he's giving me the tighten your bottom signal, lift your knees signal, and I try. Really hard. I manage it for a brief moment, and can feel the difference in my fallrate, but then can't hold it. And now my legs are uneven. And so are my shoulders. I start at my head, trying to realign the position, straighten out everything. And as soon as one thing is right, all the rest go do their own thing. I'm all over the sky now. And while I am still grinning, it's more because that's what I do and not what I feel. But I am not chipping, at least. I roll my eyes at him, and try again, all the while being really aware of where we are in the jump. At 6500 I am finally holding a heading and not backsliding so badly, so he throws a centerpoint turn. And now it's time to break, and track...which I do, and deploy and now I'm under a good canopy. I decide to play a little bit, even though we're kind of far upwind. I turn, spot all the other canopies in the air, and just rest, just relax. My bottom hurts, my back hurts, and damnit that was a shitty jump. But it's not over just yet...and as I set up to land, I realize I'm not where I want to be, so make the best of it. For the first time I see the spot which doesn't move, and know I will be landing in a field littered with small purple flowers. And it's time to flare. Gently, slowly, smoothly I flare, trying to remember what Jim taught me, and it feels good and right and timed well...and I hit the ground, take one single step, and lay my canopy on the ground. And there, just behind my canopy, as I am gathering it up, I see one lone yellow flower mixed with the purple ones. As I stand there, looking at it, I realize I have just jumped from a plane, used a canopy, and landed well, at a dz I am not yet comfortable at, and there are friends here for me, too. How fucking excellent, and I grin...I just flew through the February sky, and sailed through the day. No matter it wasn't a good performance, no matter I have no idea what I'm doing yet. No matter all the little insignificant failures I experience on a daily basis...I am, for a brief moment, pure and hopeful and expectant and joyous. I am me for this fleeting moment in a way I've only just begun to discover. I am whole. And back to MJ, debrief; back to the creepers, and back to the mock-up exit and leaving my foot behind. Back to the sore bottom and pained back. Back to the angst and the worry and the performance anxiety. Back to the stress and the weather concerns and watching windsocks. Back to manifest, and then back to the plane. And back into the air... And now the clouds are closer, but the DZ is still clear. The cloud tops are at 4,500, exactly where I'm supposed to pull. I frantically search my mind, trying to remember what I'm supposed to do if I track into a cloud, or if I get into a cloud under canopy...and then MJ realizes what's cruising through this mind of mine, and reminds me....pull. Do the dive plan, no deviations. Just jump...but when the door opens, I feel the fear grab my throat and close it off. I peer out the door, and there is a hole directly under me. I know this fear is in my head, and has nothing to do with reality, but I briefly consider riding the plane down. But that would be giving in, that would be quitting. And I don't quit. I take a deep breath, look at the large hole, and nod at MJ - "hey, let's go already!" I declare. To the door. Reach up, grip, drop the shoulder. Line up legs and feet, and the count is given. And we are out, far better this time, not nearly as steep. And that's the last thing which went as planned on that jump. I release my hold on him, and promptly turn sideways, and slide away from him. He chases me down, gets in front of me, and gives me the 'flatten signal". I am very high with my chest, and my knees are dropping badly. And my legs are uneven. But my hands are in front of me. I can't control my legs, and I start wobbling, side to side, pitching around the sky. I think I should just track away...I am a danger to him...but then realize I still need to fight back. The jump's not done, and there are clouds now because I've traveled so far. But I still have a little bit, still have a little time. And I fight back, trying to get my legs even, my hips down. MJ cruises to me, and gets down to my legs. He gets his hand under my thigh, and lifts it while at the same time bends the calf, literally putting my left leg in place. Pity there wasn't two of him, because my right leg ignored me, and wouldn't cooperate. And as soon as MJ let me go, the left leg did it's own thing, too. Damn it to hell and back...and now it's turn and track time, so I do...directly over a cloud. Shitfuck. Wave off anyway, deploy as I start to fall into it. Open the canopy, grab the toggles, and spiral down yelling all the while, as if someone could hear me or something. And finally the ground appears, gauzy and indistinct, and I make out the lake. I'm going the wrong way. I turn 180, and check my alti. No tourism this time, no dancing or sailing. I grab rear risers and lift my legs a little, and manage to get close to the dz...and because I've overreacted, I still have plenty of altitude to set my pattern. But for some reason, instead of a downwind, crosswind, upwind pattern, I do an upwind, crosswind, downwind, crosswind pattern...and realize it only at about 100 feet, as I go to full flight and watch the ground slide sideways under me. Well, too late, this is it...and now it's flare time, and even though I know it's crosswind, I don't get the hands uneven until too late. I yank the right toggle down for some stupid head-up-my-ass reason that I still don't get, and prepare to slide...feet up, spikes out...and come to a stop crosswise to my canopy. Yep, a crosswind landing. I stand, and I stomp my feet. I am furious with myself. I trudge back to the packing area, and see the wall of rain in the distance. Nope, I'm done. I don't even need to tell MJ, he's seen my face. He hugs me, tells me it's o.k., and asks what I learned today. I tell him the biggest thing I learned was that I have to learn everything. He laughs. I tell him I'll be back for sure, and that I will be good someday. Maybe not today, maybe not soon. But damn it, someday I'll be good. I just hope it's soon. It was such a struggle for me today. Such a damned hard struggle. And while I am struggling, I am laughing and smiling and having fun. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Shoot, come on over, guys! I have, as we speak, green salad fixings, tuna (already made up), deli rye, cheeses, yogurt, a roasted chicken (with lots of garlic), and some leftover beef stew; apples, oranges, and one lone pear. Then there's the stuff to drink - apple juice, orange juice, milk (lots of that), water, beer (Asahi, Henry Weinhard, and Sam Adams), and various assorted hard liquors in the freezer - vodka, and tequila. That's not to mention everything I have in the cupboards, either! LOL, I went to the market yesterday...and, as usual, I can feed anyone who's hungry... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

#3 is Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody. The rest I dunno about, but they sound interesting! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, Doreen Actually, Mike gave some really good information. If it's not what you need, that's fine, too. No need to slam someone you've not interacted with because he may have misunderstood your request, or simply gave you the information he had available, in hopes he could help, and offered you something you couldn't use. It's got to be hard on you, and I hope someone will be able to give you the information you are looking for. And I hope Al is fine and well...and simply choosing to not be in touch with anyone at the moment. Sometimes, I wish I could do that, too! Life can be a little tough sometimes, and like another poster said, taking a breather, or "submarining", as I call it, is a good option if it's workable. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Anyone going to be at Elsinore tomorrow? I will be. There's a 2-way skills camp that starts at 8, which means I have to be out the door at 6...but I was curious if anyone's heading out to Elsinore? If so, come say hi, and give me a hug - maybe that way Airweenie won't get a solid toe-hold, and I'll be able to make it outta the plane.... Sigh...what is with that, anyway???????????? Geesh! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I'm fairly far away from the epicenter...and of course, slept right through it. No major (or really even minor) damage, from reports I've heard. Some things off shelves, but most people didn't even feel it. And no-one at my office did. Here's a great link for recent CA eq's... http://www.scecdc.scec.org/recenteqs/ If you look, the big square is the originating quake, and the overlaid squares (which are generally smaller) are aftershocks. Click on a square, and you can get a 2 degree map. Click in there, and you have everything from epicenters to waveforms. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

No fair starting with the equivalent of the final question in Jeopardy! How about this: "You do the hokey pokey...." Now you sing!

Jacob's Ladder, Rush... Doesn't the rest go like: All at once, the clouds are parted Light streams down in bright unbroken beams Follow men's eyes as they look to the skies The shifting shafts of shining weave the fabric of their dreams Much better jump day. Edit: Damn. Beat me. But I had to find the rest of the lyrics... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

My prayers added to all the rest. And lots of get well soon vibes, too! Hugs, Arthur. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I won't read the logs. I clicked into it, and thought, well, maybe, but then decided I don't need to "gawk" at his death, nor attribute blame to those others who were in the chat room at the time. That's something they have to live with. I choose instead to light a candle for him, and wish him godspeed. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Nope. It's somehow our fault. I'm sure, if we really look hard and use our imaginations, we can find out why, too. I mean, really examine our motives and where we, 20 years ago, sent supplies. Hey, I know, we can tie this to some administration, too. I mean, if we can even tenuously tie it to the downfall of the former Soviet Union, then we can say we destroyed a country, created serious economic difficulties, and because of that, it's our fault. Yes, I'm being facetious. But sadly, there will be some who think it is, somehow, our fault. I have been thinking about this whole kinda blame thing. Know what? It's a lot like the litigious society we live in right now. When harm comes to us, we search out deep pockets, whomever has the most $$, and then throw the blame at them. It never really has anything to do with who really is at fault...only who can pay. I am not surprised. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Since my company does not insure it's agents, my broker doesn't really give a darn if I get hurt or not. OTOH, my former assistant broker used to see me getting all stressed out and tell me to go jump and relax a bit. He got it, and my broker doesn't. Most of the agents think I'm a bit off-kilter, but in the nicest sense of the word. And someone in relocation has a photo of me jumping on her bulletin board. She thinks that's neat. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAlright, AAAAAAAmy!!!!!!!

I am just now learning where I am in the air, +/- 500-1000 feet (which, should a situation occur, would be quite enough to kill me). While I don't look at it as I/we leave the plane, I do use it often during the rest of the jump. Why? Because I kinda like to know when to pull. Look, it's fine for experienced people to go without a piece of equipment. And yes I've experienced a jump wherein my alti was reading weird. And yes, I decided to pull high because I'm not really good at math in freefall. Did I know it was wonky before I left the plane? Yep. Did I leave the plane anyway? Yep. Would I do it again? Perhaps, should the conditions be appropriate (last out, solo, and no-one above me to worry about pulling high). Should students/"young" jumpers use one? I choose to. Can't say for anyone else...but I choose to. Call me equipment dependent should you want. I don't think I am. I have enough stress on a jump to want to NOT contribute more by wondering - "hmmmm, how's my internal altimeter doing today??? Geesh, I hope I'm right". Maybe in 500 jumps I'll know I'm right. 'Til then, I'm jumping with one. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Every once in a while, I get to feeling bad about myself - feeling fat, and just overall utterly unattractive. And then one of y'all post something like this. Compared to them, I am a supermodel. Of course, compared to supermodels, I am a hairy troll... (But I also can't help feeling bad for those women [and men like that, too], you know?) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Rawk ON!!!!!!!!!! You go, girlio! Now, not only can you stalk Sebazz, you can repack for him, too! Such a deal! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Not at all, Val. I'll be around tomorrow night (I have that seminar thing tomorrow and friday)... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

You're in my prayers, Scott. Godspeed and stay as safe as you can. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Condolences to all involved. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Val, there are lots of ways to approach the speech. Humor, poignancy, friendship...many different ways. And a good speech involves the audience, and has part of all of those elements and more. If you'd like me to help you, I'd be happy to. Think of some great moments she, she and he, and she and you and he had. Well, that came out wrong, but you know what I'm saying. Write them down, and pm them to me, and I'll try to work something up for you.

Well done, Mark! Now, if only his interest in a fair story would win out and he goes and talks to the folks at K-pow. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Um, well, yes. Yes, I am. And no, no photos of those, either. ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

While I haven't written that in my log book, I concur. The one and only sunset jump I did (and it was sunset, not night) was jump #13, and resulted in me making several mistakes which contributed to a downwinder which hurt very much and broke two toes, scraped my chin, and shattered my goggles. Not fun. I'm gonna wait for a long time before I do those again, and beautiful as it was to be in the melting sun...and frankly, night jumps scare me to pieces. Not like I'm not scared to pieces anyway...it just makes it worse. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I'm lost (so what else is new...). Doesn't the FAA have regulations which state something along the lines of the less maneuverable aircraft have the right of way, and then go on to establish that the order is something like parachutes, gliders, small planes, less small planes, etc? And are the pilots declaring "jumping activity going on at XX location" like I've heard them do? And if the guy in the small plane who got the video tape is known to "buzz" the dz, isn't he the one who has to yeild the right of way? Like I said, I may be lost, but if what I've heard and read is correct, then the pilot of the plane is in the wrong. And any federal investigation should be made aware of that. Of course, I could be totally wrong. Can anyone clarify this for me? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~