FlyinNover

You sound like you're most qualified for Restaurant Management.

I got #2, but I guessed at it and I don't understand why it's right. Can anyone PM me and explain?

I laugh everytime I see a ping-pong table. One of my roommates and I bought a ping-pong table from Dick's Sporting Goods. We didn't play for five minutes before one of the paddles cracked. (This is why we can't have nice things.) It wasn't ruined so we kept playing. An hour later I broke the second paddle in half. I said, "Oh well, I guess we'll have to go back to Dick's." Just then our other roommate walked by and said, "Guys, I am *not* using my dick."

Asphalt about five minutes after it starts raining. Don't know why, but I like it.

Oh man, as an Ebayer seller this thread is killing me. You can't throw that stuff away! 'Bay it!. I mean, I sold a broken A:\ drive for $5.00. Last week my roommate sold an *opened* box of Breathe-Rite Nasal Strips....with two of them missing! You wouldn't believe what people will buy. Seriously, you all have tons of 'bayable stuff you're just going to trash. At least pack it up and send it to one of us who sell on Ebay. I'll split it 40/60 with you (after costs) and do all the work. (I'm serious. PM me.) Ebay's motto should be "It's Not Crap If It Sells!"

Andy and Deborah knew each other in high school. Now in their early 30s, they ran into each over Christmas and started dating. They only went on two dates before mutually calling it quits. (They slept together one of those times.) Since the breakup was done over the phone, they went out to dinner to talk a little more. Both left that dinner happy and friendly, if only a little regretful. 11 days passed, and he got this email. I'm going to post her letter, but I want to hear our stories about crazy breakup emails or letters. You get extra points if you post it! Here's a few things you need to know. Him: Andy Her: Deborah. (Jill is her sister.) The "mailing list" is the "Quote Of The Day", a not-quite-daily comedy email which is usually a short quote he overheard somewhere preceded by a page or so of his observations, ramblings, and rants. Here's a random quote from the list: "Geoff: 'Women are like a fine wine. You pay a lot of money expecting a nice experience. But most of the time they end up being bitter and dry. That and they stain the carpet.' " Here's Andy on GWB: "Bush - I still can't believe this monkey is actually our president. But he's a resilient one, you have to admit. He didn't win the election but he still became the president. The UN said he couldn't go to war, he went to war anyway. I'm starting to think he didn't even get accepted to Yale. He probably just showed up there one day and started going to class. Ugh. D+" This post isn't about the quote-list, but even the writers of The Onion called his stuff hilarious. In the most recent Quote he compared the times his car has run out of gas. Anyway, here's her email. Keep in mind: they went on two dates. ----- Andy - Although Jill suggested that I not be mean, I really just need to be honest - brutally so - but damn it, at least I'm honest. Ready? 1. Take me off this mailing list. Its crap, uninspired, there's not even an ounce of being interesting there, and not even about interesting things that you've said - its what other people freakin' say. What ever happened to YOUR creativity?! 2. You can't even begin to comprehend the disappointment I've experienced with trying to get to know you. First of all, there's nothing interesting to know about. I tried so hard to find a thread and there just weren't any. What happened to the person I thought you were - maybe you were never that, I don't know.... surely getting a degree in film would suggest that there was some creativity going on in there, that you had something worth expressing that was new or different or interesting or weird or anything inspired! 3. Over dinner in MD you said you wanted to be tested, to find out what you're really made of when it matters. A- HELLO! You were completely oblivious to the tests. Did you miss the fact that you - f**King you - were sitting across from/ next to/ etc. etc. ME?!?! - the ultimate quizmaster?! Its just the way I interact with everyone; believe me there was no special need to test you. You were being tested every single moment. Unfortunately, you failed EVERY test - and I kept making them progressively easier. What's worse is you didn't even know you were being tested. No wonder your 90% happy with your life - you're complete oblivious. 4. Perhaps the most interested you seemed to be in me was while asking about my fantasies. Surprise, surpise. And I gave you so many "benefits of a doubt," WAITING and even setting up situations for you to ask questions that would convey that you were even remotely, truely interested in getting to know me (as you say you wanted to - and have wanted to for HOW MANY YEARS???). 5. You got your fantasy fulfilled and what did I get? Jeez - how much further out of my way could I have gone to get to know you? And I get back nothing.... and you call me "Deb" even AFTER I told you that I abhor being called that.... Not a smart thing to do if you're expecting to get anything back. Honestly, you're lucky I drove you back to my house to get your car. 6. Gas is a problem for you. Your car seems to run out of it, but you didn't. EEEW. Why am I still wasting my time even telling you this? (I'm wondering - 'cause I know you're not.) Perhaps I'd like to see you challenge yourself to actually experience the subtext of your life. As an ex-filmmaker, you must know of the concept of catharsis, right? When is yours going to begin? (Test yourself for your own sake!) Good luck. Seriously - You'll never need to ask Jill again about me - Shit, you had every opportunity to ask ME about ME and didn't... so don't waste her time either. You must have really not wanted to know about me for any reason other than to get a piece of this action... Unfortunately, you were given far more than you could handle. Start paying attention to something other than football.... like even your gas tank would be a good start. No one should really be suprised you've run out of gasoline so many times - not even you. It speaks volumes about how you live your life - symbolism anyone?!? Even now - I hope this helps.... but yes, it should hurt to know all of this. At least I have the balls to tell you how to you improve by getting a clue. -Deborah ----- This chick is batshit insane. I'll admit that if you don't know Dan or how well he writes, the first two bullet points go in her favor. But I know them both and I'll vouch for his creativity. He gave me a lot of the lines I used in this. [1] All names have been changed to protect.......well, to protect me from getting murdered by this girl. [edited........just because]

Great stuff! How do you prepare for using the Internet? Go to your local Middle School chess club and hand out crystal meth and guns.

My mom actually gives the newest one to all of us each year for Christmas. They've been around 10 years or so. I can't tell you how often my family is talking and someone says, "Yeah, I read that in the Bathroom Book!"

Does anyone have the song on mp3 and could send it over to me? PM me please. Edit: Nevemind, I found it. Here are the lyrics, in English and Romanian. Drogostea din tei ---Nover

This guy has been disappointing. I live in his hometown, a suburb of Philly. I wish I could brag about that. Warning, there are some spoilers. The Sixth Sense was awesome.* Outstanding. Luckily I didn't even know there was a twist, so I enjoyed it even more. To be honest I thought it was bad until the twist happened (the wedding ring dropped onto the floor). I saw it two more times after that to see how many references there were and how well they were hidden. He wrote it extremely well. I still think it's one of the best movies of the last couple years. Great acting, great story, great dialogue. Unbreakable. Ehh. Great acting, cool storyline, but it never did much for me. Signs. I loved this one at first. First class acting from every one of the main characters, especially the two youngest kids. MNS' cameo was perfect. He played that character exceptionally well. It was scary in the right parts, touching in the right parts, and even the dumb parts of the dialogue (Swing Away!) were okay because they fit in with the plot. This was one of those movies that, even though you know there's a twist, it's still a surprising movie. Now on to the twist: It was a phenomenal, unexpected, shocking twist. One of the best twists ever........EXCEPT THAT IT WAS ALREADY USED!!! I can't be the only one to notice that it's exactly the same twist that H.G. Wells used in War of the Worlds in 1953. Aliens come to take over earth. Just as they're about to succeed, we find out that there's something about earth that they can't handle. In one movie it's germs, in the other it's water. And speaking of water......if you're an alien about to take over a planet, and you know that H20 can hurt you, why would you invade a planet that is mostly water, inhabited by beings who are 75% water, without wearing protective gear? It's embarassing that we almost lost to them. The Village. I had zero expectations of enjoying this movie. But it was good until the stupid twist at the end. It was essentially a 110 minute long movie that should have been a 22 minute Twilight Zone episode. Clever, but not worth the marketing they threw at it. In his next movie, I hope the twist is that there is no twist. That'll be surprising. *And it helped continue Bruce Willis' tradition of starring in movies with numbers in them. First Deadly Sin Four Rooms Fifth Element Sixth Sense Lucky Number Slevin (that's what it's called) Whole Nine Yards Whole Ten Yards Twelve Monkeys Ocean's Twelve ---Nover

High: Talking to my nephew and wishing him a Happy 5th birthday! Low: Being called into work on a day off, only to discover they didn't need me. Total lost time (with commute): 2 hours. ---Nover

Check out this thread. ---Nover

What's the definition of making love? What a woman does while a man is fucking her. "Ah-thank you." ---Nover

Can anyone tell me with any kind of certainty if the October 1982 cover shows the Ben Franklin Bridge in Philadelphia? It sure looks like it, but I know that the architecturals on some large projects are copied onto other projects. (Veteran's Stadium/Candlestick Park/Three Rivers Stadium, for example) I ask because if it is the Ben, it looks like those guys are going to land either in the Camden Prison, or almost exactly where I work. ---Nover

My favorite line of his is from the episode where the Jewish guy accidentally ran over a black kid in Harlem, and the case led to what was, basically, the L.A. riots. Briscoe and Logan are showing a suspect (drugs, I think) the video of a murder. They think the suspect knows who the killer is. Lennie: We don't really give a damn about these people looting and bustin' up people's cars. That's not our department. We're homicide. Suspect: So? Lennie: So, your friend there is homicidin' somebody! ---Nover

Hogmanay (Scottish New Year) was the best New Year's I've had so far. That's even considering the fact that I got separated from my friends at 11:45 and didn't see them again until I stumbled back into our hotel room at 6:00 am. There was beer and food and bathrooms at every intersection, five live bands, a ferris wheel, and thousands of people from everywhere in the world, all in view of that castle............what a sight. Highly recommended. Don't worry about the booze. I was carrying around a two liter soda bottle full of hard cider. The only hassle I got was from a cop who wanted some. I attached some pics. Have a great time! Make sure you read up on the kissing tradition. ---Nover

My buddy and I were in Germany starting out on our two week bar tour of eastern Europe. I was navigating us towards Prague, and so I made sure to notice all of the road-signs in order to figure out how close we were. I saw a sign for "Ausfahrt", but couldn't find the town on the map. Five miles later I saw another sign for Ausfahrt. In the US it's common see signs for the same city so far away from each other, so I didn't think anything of it until I saw yet another Ausfahrt sign, twenty miles further. I mentioned to my friend that this must be the longest town in Europe, and he said. . . . Mike, Ausfahrt means "exit". ---Nover

I saw this on the web back in '01. --- I was in Manhattan today. I crossed the Hudson River on the George Washington Bridge just as Ari Fleischer came on the radio to confirm that the US and Britain have begun retaliatory strikes against cities in Afghanistan. The local New York radio host then informed us that Mayor Guiliani had warned that when the attacks began, New Yorkers should be prepared for the possibility of a lockdown of Manhattan. In Midtown, around 35th and 9th, where I parked, you could have thought that nothing had happened a month ago. Tourists craned their necks to take pictures of the Empire State Building, sidewalk vendors hocked sabretts, two homeless men played chess in Bryant Park. Another beautiful day in New York City. I rode my bike around midtown, taking pictures, just enjoying being in the city. Times Square was as loud as ever. The cabbies blared on their horns, giving the other cars they're own sort of "New York Hello". A police car sirened by. I didn't plan on going downtown so early in the day, but I found myself heading that way, watching the street signs count down until I was in Greenwich Village, north of the WTC site. Then I went further south. You can get surprisingly close to the site, even though the National Guard and NYPD have sectioned it off as what it is: a disaster site, a clean-up, a crime scene. I saw the walls of fliers posted with pleas for information about the missing. I saw children's drawings, black outlines of two identical towers, scratched over with red crayon fire. The wind whipped around corners, making the fliers and police tape flap frantically near an almost motionless group of people making their way to the site. On some of the darker buildings, you could see the dust still clinging to the side. On the streets, it looked like the floor of a bakery, a blanket of fine white dust marked by footprints. I stayed to the back of the groups, back from the amateur photographers crowding against the metal barriers set up by the police. I let them take the pictures. I simply looked around, taking it in, making it real. I thought of it not as a memorial or a tourist attraction. This is a place where people *live*, where they *work*. This is not a destination to them, it's a part of their daily lives that fades into the background. Rather, it *was*. What made it real to me wasn't the crushed hulls of the mammoth buildings. It wasn't the steel girders hanging, precarious, from the roofs of buildings. It wasn't looking up to the sky and not seeing the towers, a sight like seeing your mother with her front teeth punched out. What made it real was the store awning still covered with dust and debris. What made it real was the fire escape strewn with paper, dust, and a cracked flower pot. What made it real is that someone lives on the other side of that broken window. Someone will have to clean that awning. Someone works in that windowless jewelry store with the mannequins fallen over. Someone planted that flower. What made it real is that in that hulking pile of rubble, underneath the steel and concrete of more than 200 stories, underneath the remains of the buildings that fell on them from above, there are more than 5000 bodies. The bodies of people who can't plant flowers anymore, or wear jewelry, or see the skyline of the city they were working to maintain. On my way back I read a flyer posted on the fence at City Hall Park. It admonished the "vultures" who came to see the latest New York attraction. It said that we profaned the lives of the people who died by seeking pleasure from the wreckage. We didn't show a sign of care for those people before September 11th, it said, so what right did we have to trample over their graves now? We didn't go to seek pleasure.We didn't go to gawk. It wasn't just another sight to see on a tour, like Times Square, the Empire State Building, or the U.N. We went for the same reason you go to the Vietnam Memorial, even though you're twenty-four and never knew anyone who died in the war. For the same reason you go to the Holocaust Museum, even though you're not Jewish and to you World War II is little more than a multiple-choice test and a documentary on the History Channel. We went because it's our experience, our way of life, *our* greatest city in *our* greatest country. We went because it could have been us. We went to make it real.

Turn up your speakers! >>>NOT SAFE FOR WORK

Two cool things I've found: In Los Santos, there is a small property that has exits for all four BASE letters within a 5 second walk. I have a picture that shows all four at once, but I'll wait to see if anyone else found it before I post it. The hardest thing for me was getting on top of the building before I found out how to get a helo. In another area there is a skyscraper that is hollowed out in the center (in the same way a doughnut is hollowed out). It's cool to jump on the "inside" of the building. It's wicked hard to land, though, unless you pull real low. What's even cooler than that is to freefall into the center of the building. I've been playing close to a month and I still only know of the one place to get a rig, on top of that building in Downtown Los Santos. Where else are they? ---Nover

The Comcast.net webpage has a video on Luis Cani and Jeb Corless and their goal of landing a wingsuit. The video is called "Skydiving Without Parachutes". I don't know if there is a direct link, so just open up "The Fan" at Comcast. (This is the second skydiving article this month on The Fan. Coincidence.............or psychic phenomenon?) ---Nover

I've seen this done, which takes the prank one disgusting step further......... (of course I never did this myself), but here you go: 1: Flip up both lids of a toilet. 2: Place Saran Wrap *very* tightly over the toilet opening. 3: Wait a few minutes/hours/days, and then try your best to pretend you have no idea what they're talking about. From experience, it's less disgusting and more funny if you do this in a place where a) it's mostly guys using the bathroom and b) it's number 1 they're doing, not 2. ---Nover

Oh yeah, you're right. I did feel bad doing it. But I'm thinking I won't ever have to make that decision again. For what it's worth, both times were in areas with a bit of a homeless population. I doubt the packs remained "trash" for very long. I know, it's a horrible thing to say, but it's true. ---Nover

I'm wondering how you're doing with it.........and also, how you're doing it. I know Adam is simply "not buying any more packs". This sounds simplistic, but it's actually kinda working for me. I'm working on 8 days without a cigarette, and only 2 cigarettes in the last 20 days. (I've also discovered another method.....the "After-Moment-Of-Weakness" Method, which involves buying a pack of cigarettes, smoking one, or less than one, and then throwing that smoke, and the entire pack, out of the car window before you even get home. I've used that twice now. ) Good luck to you all. For me, cravings don't get me, it's the habitual cigarettes I used to light up without even thinking about it. And this book, which help me quit before for 9 months, and is helping again, Alan Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking Ex P-Funk Smoker ---Nover

The same President who said: "Arbolist...Look up the word. I don't know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it's an arbo-tree-ist, someone who knows abut trees." ---Nover