A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As
he
turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside
him
and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled
and
he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in
room
1221."
********************************************************
# 7 A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?"
the
bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the
young
man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first
blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence,
sir.
But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
*******************************************************
# 6 A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next
to
an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices
she
is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and
she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It
identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and
Polish
men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill.
What's
yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
********************************************************
# 5 One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and
says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and
I
want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep.
A
few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time
he
whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
********************************************************
# 4 A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma
for
several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead
of
just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out
and
tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try
rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes
in
and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor
suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later,
white
as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what
happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
********************************************************
# 3 A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make
you
a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
Then
the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth
and
I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle,
each
of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man
stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in
the
alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator
hard
on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed
his
genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his
free
drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll
pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the
crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly
spoke
up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with
the
beer bottle".
********************************************************
# 2 A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices
a
huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon
the
small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3
pound
left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy
faints!!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to,
slapping
his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?".
The
small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black
dude
looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left
ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy
says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"
********************************************************
# 1 There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were
sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said
to
his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah,"
she
replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast
table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting
here
naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do
you
say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and
sat
down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years
ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal!!!! -----------------------------------
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone
