Shell666

If you have a metal allergy (like I do) you'd want to avoid nickel in your jewelry. It gives you a loverly rash. 'Shell 'Shell

Hmmm ... that's where our snow ended up. Here in the frozen north we haven't had any snow since November and the outlook for this weekend ... +6oC to +10oC ... might have to mow the lawn. 'Shell 'Shell

Almost happened in LP a few years back ... Skyvan stalled on a formation load (64 way or something like that). Video is VERY interesting! Glad I declined that jump! 'Shell 'Shell

Uhh ... Bridge Day?? 'Shell 'Shell

Do you have a garage or a shed and did you check in there? I "lost" my cat for a few days not too long ago. Little goofball went into the garage and I didn't see him and I locked him in there. He was not a happy camper when I let him out. Speaking of campers ... I also locked him into my tent trailer this past fall when I was winterizing it and getting ready to take it to the farm. He was in there for 24 hours before I found him. He snuck into one of the storage bins under the seats and I didn't see him and I put the trailer down and locked it up. Thank goodness I thought to check in there when I couldn't find him for a day. He was hungry, thirsty and had no voice but at least I found him before I took the trailer to the farm! Kitty will come back. They know where they belong! 'Shell 'Shell

Here's a story a friend of mine sent me many moons ago about his roommate's cat and dog ... Back in 1967 I roomed with two other guys, Gary and Morris, in a Winnipeg apartment. The best things that could be said about the place was that it was: 1. inexpensive, and 2. it had the worlds greatest bathtub and hot water supply. The tub was one of those gigantic claw-footed cast iron jobbies that was about three feet deep - a depth of water that would cover even MY ample tummy - though come to think about it at that time I was about 175 lbs and was not preceeded through life by that part of my anatomy. You could fill this tub to the brim with hot, hot water and Mr. Bubble, put your mask and snorkle on, and soak away a bad day. Another 'feature' of the apartment were my room mates pets - Chow Mein, a fat and fluffy Persian cat with a high temperment - and Snork, an exhuberant but horribly stupid eleven month old German Shepherd. Whenever anyone would use the bathroom Snork would come busting through the door (cheap apartment - no maintenance, no locks) to see what was happening, have a drink from the toilet bowl, try to sniff your crotch, throw up in the corner, etc., etc. - and Chow would saunter in behind him and prowl around looking bored. If you were taking a bath at the time Snork would then inevitibly try to get under the tub where all the stray Cheezies and popcorn use to fall and Chow would climb up onto a narrow ledge above the taps and lie there, idly swatting at the drips coming out the spiggot (no maintenance, remember). It was a homey scene and one never felt lonely in that part of the house. Female visitors, though, could never quite reconcile themselves to this brouhaha in the bathroom and would go home whenever their bladders got full. It took me a couple of years to figure out why my love life was so pathetic - which, I suppose, makes a statement about how stupid guys can be. ANYway... One Saturday evening, after a hard day of playing football in the park, I was lying quietly in the tub soaking away my aches at about mid-mask depth with beer in one hand and a book in the other (Did you know you don't have to lift your head out of the water if you pour just the right ammount of beer down a snorkle? It takes a couple of cases of practice to get it right.) Snork was bumping around under the tub by my feet eating Cheezies and Dust Bunnies, and Chow Mein was dozing on her ledge with her head and one paw dangling over the edge after an hour or so of intense drop swatting. My eyelids were sagging as well by this point and it took a couple of seconds to register the fact that the stupid cat had fallen completely asleep and was slipping off the ledge. By the time I managed to sit up all that was visible of Chow above the water line was part of a vertically rigid tail with all the hair sticking straight out. I knew she was active though 'cause she had all of her claws sunk into my ankles, then my calves, then my thighs. While I know SHE thought she was running as fast as she could towards the air - as far as I was concerned she was slowly and painfully puncturing her way up my soggy carcass. I finally managed to get a firm hold of her when she got to my upper body but, while I could get her badly distorted, I couldn't get her unstuck from my chest and shoulders. As we were sitting there, nose to snorkle, the soapy water drained from her eyes - and with clearing vision her eyes registered a single thought - "KILL THIS BASTARD!! " Fangs bared and spitting, she wrenched one pawfull of claws loose from my body and started beating me around the face with it (thank God for SCUBA masks). As I arched backward in the tub trying to get away from the cat, from the corner of my eye I saw Snorks head pop up over the far end to see what all the fuss was about. As I strained still further back away from the cat my private parts broached the surface of the water and I saw his ears go straight up and HIS eyes register a single thought - "WOW, A GIGANTIC CHEESIE!!" - and he went for it. And deep water didn't slow HIM down at all. Things get a little blurry at this point but I do remember that there was any number of cats and dogs and rubber ducks, what could charitably be described as Tsunami conditions, some skidding around on a cold tile floor after flopping out of the tub, being introduced to Garys date, and finally getting Chow off me while constantly stumbling over Snork who was mournfully scrabbling around the floor looking for his lost MegaCheezie. It took about a week for Chow Mein to forgive me and over a month for her to swat drops again. As far as I know, Snork is STILL looking for his Cheezie. It took me most of that night to clean up the bathroom and two days to paint the ceiling of the apartment below ours. Well, that's about it. No matter how hard I try I can't find a moral to this story and it just sort of tapers off at this point. 'Shell 'Shell

Hmm ... no, I'm not the person that started this. It was forwarded to me and I thought I would share it as well. I don't think that warrants a "shame on me". 'Shell 'Shell

I lost mine just over 20 years ago myself. Definitely call your mom! Or substitute "mom" with "dad". You'll make their day. 'Shell 'Shell

Bwahahahaha ... you're good at this! 'Shell 'Shell

Well, poems with a twist! A contest asked people to make up Valentine poems with a twist .... the first line was the most romantic thing you could say to your beloved ... the second line was the least romantic thing you could say. Some of the winners ... Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. - Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. - Of loving beauty you float with grace. If only you could hide your face. - I love your smile, your face, and your eyes. Damn, I'm good at telling lies! - My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you really screwed up my life. - I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. - My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? - My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe "Go To Hell." - What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. - My love for you is like a rose One that's dead and never grows - You are my sun, my moon, my star I wish to see you... from afar - You turn me on like Britney Spears With even less between the ears - Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you're not - Your face belongs up on a screen Behind a mask, on Halloween -My darling, my love, you've stolen my heart, My wallet and my car, you thieving tart! - I need you please, forevermore To stop showing up at my door - My love for you is never ending until you get this note I'm sending - They say true lovers need time apart, I think today's a good time to start! - I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother - Sweet and charming love of mine Find another valentine - I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that bag off your face - 'Shell 'Shell

Sorry sweetie ... I have an office so no one saw me crying.

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who had been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my 3 children and made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" She asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded. Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much." That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an Angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting." We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. " Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation-- nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" Asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place where mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless I paid for two plates -- one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son." At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I love you," and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time." Somebody said it takes about 6 weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby . . . Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history. Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct... Somebody never took a 3-year-old shopping. Somebody said being a mother is boring . . . Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit. Somebody said good mothers never raise their voices . . . Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window. Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother . . . Somebody never helped a 4th grader with his math. Somebody said you can't love the 5th child as much as you love the first... Somebody doesn't have 5 children. Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books... Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears. Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery... Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the 1st day of kindergarten. Or on a plane headed for military boot camp. Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back... Somebody never organized 7 giggling Brownies to sell cookies. Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married... Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son- or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings. Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home ... Somebody never had grandchildren. Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her... Somebody isn't a mother. 'Shell 'Shell

How you doin ... 'Shell 'Shell

Bushy Von Bushy 'Shell 'Shell

I'd say it should be double that ... 'Shell 'Shell

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a...?" "Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom." "We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, "housewife covers it," said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day..I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed. What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," Said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom." Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants. 'Shell 'Shell

Awww too cute! Looks like a mini version of my boxer! 'Shell 'Shell

But it is ... Canada = approx 30 million US = approx 300 million By my math (even in the metric math we do here!) that's about 10x 'Shell 'Shell

And if there were, there would be warm beer, sucky skydives, crappy weather and TOO MANY DAMN CANADIANS!!! Ev, it's gonna feel like a lot of the other boogies you've been to, just Montana-style.

There's no boogie in Lost Prairie. It's a myth. 'Shell 'Shell

Hmm .. first time I've seen it. Then again, I am in Canadia and things tend to get here a little slower. 'Shell 'Shell

Saw this on a poster at my local Shoppers Drug Mart advertising their lifeexperiences packages. Recognize yourself?? 'Shell 'Shell

Bwahahaha ... Two Hours of 'Shell in Just Two Calories 'Shell 'Shell

Sometimes You Feel Like a Michelle, Sometimes You Don't hehehehe 'Shell 'Shell

That could go either way... Anyone else find it funny that he used "shoot-off" and "gay" in the same sentence?? 'Shell 'Shell