TheBile

The blokes real thing - Cadoobah The babes real thing - Vadoobah Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

That's just too funny ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Cool lens flare on the first one ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Reminds me of when the Simpsons crashed into a model deer. Homer : "DOH !" Marge : "A Deer" Lisa : "A female deer." Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

ahh... the meaning of life!!!!! 42 - the number of seconds of my very first freefall. So it truly is the meaning of life. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Cold enough that I don't have to use a cooler for my Beer ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Thanks. That's provided me with the biggest laugh I've had all day. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

LOL It's not illegal, it's just that the sheep get jealous. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

........And now they don't have to ! (Work Safe Attachment) ((I've got waaaaay too much time on my hands ! )) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

That's the guy.

Level I - Two jumpmasters Jump 1 - 11,000ft HOTEL CHECK GOOD BUT HAD TO BE PULLED & PUSHED FROM AIRCRAFT. COA’s GOOD, PRCT VERY GOOD. MISREAD ARCH SIGNAL & PULLED AT 6,000. My first jump was not what I expected at all. I kind of figured it would be rollercoaster sensation x 10. It was nothing like that. It was a very violent experience, but enjoyable all the sam. All kitted up on the ground, My Primary JM (Pat) and I had to walk 300 yards to the plane. On the way there we went through the dive-flow for the jump. I was slightly distracted as we passed a Rallydriving school on the right. “Something else for me to try.” I thought. Close to the plane the Secondary JM (Colin) arrived, chauffered there by the receptionist at the centre. A few disbelieving laughs and comments of “Couldn’t you walk you lazy F**ker” from Pat preceded the embarkation of the plane. There were 6 of us in the Cessna. Me, my two Jumpmasters, one set of Tandem Jumpers and the pilot. This was only the third time I had ever flown. The acceleration and noise from the aircraft surprised me, as did the fact that it had no door, just a big gaping hole in the side of it which I was sitting next to. A couple of minutes into the flight, I nievely started to wonder if we were close to jump altitude. I looked at my altimeter. It had barely made it above the redline. 3000ft it read, only another 8000 to go. This made me even more nervous as I sat back and tried to relax, realising that I was in for a longer flight. My nerves weren’t helped by the fact that Pat was up and leaning out the door as if he was peering out of a ground floor window. He further showed his comfort with a situation that was completely alien to me by getting out a copy of a ‘lads mag’ to read. At 10,000ft, the Tandem was ready to go. I pulled my legs into my chest to give them room. Seeing them exit the plane and disappear into thin air (and at that altitude, it certainly is !) made me the most nervous I had been to date since this whole course had started. I still had a couple of minutes to take deep breaths as we climbed to 11,000ft (2.08 miles as I was to find out later.) All of a sudden, Pat shouted, “HOOOOAAAAHHH ! ! ! Are you ready to skydive ?” This question must have triggered an automation mode in me as I went through everything that I had learned during training. I replied, “Yep” and got into my exit position. “CHECK IN !” . . . I got an OK. “CHECK OUT !” I got another OK. “UP, DOWN ARCH !” From this point on, the common sensory overload that all first time skydivers experience hit, and all I can remember of those first few seconds are snapshots of visuals and feelings. The realisation that I was out of the plane, the sight of the lower rear of the plane, the loudness of the wind rushing past. There was no sensation of falling. It was just like being suspended several thousand feet up in the air in a wind tunnel. As soon as I realised we were pointing towards the ground I went into my first Circle of Awareness. I called 10,000ft and got an arch signal from my Secondary JM, followed by a thumbs up. I called the altitude again to my Primary JM and got a straighten legs signal followed by a thumbs up. I did my three PRCT’s without any problem. I then started my second Circle of Awareness, but as I went to call to my Secondary JM a huge gulp of cold wind entered my lungs and prevented me from talking. I then went straight to the Primary JM and called the altitude for which I got another Straighten legs signal, followed by a thumbs up. A few seconds passed when I thought I saw the PULL signal from my primary JM. I was later to find out that he didn’t signal a pull. We were at 6000 ft and it was actually an arch signal. I didn’t bother with the 5-5 and went straight for the ripcord and pulled. “One Thouand, Two Thousand, Three Thousand, Four Thousand, Check Canopy !” I looked up and muttered under my breath, “Good Canopy, thank f**k for that !” I stowed the ripcord before I released the brakes (naughty naughty). Once the brakes were free I looked down to see the airfield directly below me. I flared twice, steered left 90 degrees, steered right 90 degrees and flared again to check the canopy control. All was fine and I could finally take a relaxed look around me. The landscape of the area was flat and full of fields. Surprisingly I didn’t feel like I was several thousand feet above the ground. It was more like being suspended a couple of feet above an aerial photograph. I heard a few cackles on the radio but nothing legible and began to think the radio was busted and I might have to make this landing on my own. A couple of minutes later a welcoming voice came over the airwaves saying, “Open and close your legs if you can hear me.” It was Colin, the secondary JM who had already landed by now. Steering instructions followed right up to final approach. This was where things went slightly pear-shaped. I heard “Full Drive, Full Drive” on the radio, which in the excitement of the moment I mistook it’s meaning for ‘Flare! Flare!’. I pulled the toggles down to my crotch, felt the parachute slow and stall but wondered why my feet hadn’t hit the ground yet. I then caught my shadow coming in from the left and remembered my JM’s instruction to keep the flare on, rather than release and re-engage. With my legs together, knees bent and a slight twist at the waist to promote the roll onto my fleshy parts, I met my shadow with a thump, but didn’t feel any pain at all. Just pure relief that I had made my first jump without injury. As I gathered up the lines, Colin walked over and asked me how it went. I told him that I was slightly concerned about what I did wrong, causing Pat to give me the PULL signal. Colin assured me that no pull signal was given and that I must have misread it. On the walk back to the centre, I passed one of the packers, Steve, who welcomed me to the world of skydiving and asked if I enjoyed it. I told him that I was still numb from the experience and the cold, relative wind and that I would get back to him. He then laughed as he told me that he enjoyed the landing. I asked if it was that bad. He beckoned me towards him and said, “See that tree over there ?”, pointing at 100ft+ tree. “You were supposed to flare just where those branches start 15ft off the ground. Unfortunately you flared three quarters of the way up that tree. If you’d have done that under a regular canopy you would have been in hospital for a few days, but under that training canopy you can get away with it.” I went inside to a quiet corner of the packing area, glad to get that equipment off me after the walk back to the centre and strolled around outside to cool down and reflect on what I had just accomplished. The only injury sustained was a slight ache in my left calf muscle……… oh, and my wits. The debrief was fun. I went through the whole dive from start to finish, relaying my impressions and feelings of how it went. The Primary JM then gave his account of the dive, followed by the Secondary JM. I was complemented on my accurate recall of the dive and was reassured that they would rather I misread a signal to pull at 6000ft than not react at all and fall below the hard-deck of 5000ft. They told me that I was a proven puller and to err on the side of safety was not really an error at all. They critiscised my exit, saying that I was sitting in the plane raher than out of it, which meant that Pat had to pull me out and Colin had to push me out more than they would wish. They then cleared me for Level II. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Thought you might appreciate the subtlety of this ad, done by a Brazilian ad agency, for a lubricating gel (K-Y equivalent) targeting the French market. They were trying to come up with an ad that is not offensive or tasteless. The picture looks completely innocent until you notice the details... (Despite the product, it is work safe.) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

That's just because they have more criminals up there. (Oooh. Something tells me I'm gonna pay for that one. ) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Work Safe cartoon http://www.send4fun.com/groovin_granny.swf Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Nice one ! The world will we a slightly better place with your mellifluos voice carrying the airwaves. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

My sister had a cat called Gemma who was agoraphobic. She also had a budgie who used to chase that cat around the living room. It was so funny to see a bird stand up to a cat.....and win. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Well said ! That pisses me off too, being Welsh. I hate it when foreigners refer to Great Britain as 'England'. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Great suggestions so far. Keep 'em coming. I thought of a couple more but I would probably need permission from certain individuals to use them. Airhead & Skymama Sunshine and Skygal Question is would these four be honoured or disgusted to have Gerbils named after them ? Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

ChileRelleno has got a lot to answer for with that post. (Silly Trucker) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Man, that's a long joke. Glad I made it to the end though. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Tell you what, Gerbils are cute, but If I had two of her in my Gerbilarium I'd be a happy guy !

Thought I'd post my Brother in Law's entry : Sky and Muff. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Sounds to me like the only reason your doubting your decision is because of the neighborhood. Don't go back to his house based on this. It might do more harm than good. I'd rather you fly several thousand miles and stay in my spare room than do that. You made the right decision. All you need to do now is try to improve your residence. Best of luck. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Crude, vile & disgusting. I've never heard such filth on this forum before. Funny though. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !