SkyDaemon

I hear you have "cut away" dialed in ;-) Alright enough drunken harassment, you're welcome here on Thursday for dinner and place to crash... although it was recently flooded.... -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Krisanne, Aren't you supposed to be finding a new job? Or skydiving? Or cleaning up your guest room which is now filled with the junk from your last housecleaning? You're doing better than I am... my lover woke me up at 6am with lines from 'Office Space': "Yeaaah, I'm going need you to work -Sunday- as well." which meant cleaning up the flooded basement :-( We spent 5hrs getting the water up... I spiked my morning coffee with Baileys, then ended up at the office, where I did some truly brilliant programming. (and critique of Oregon Pinot Noir) It's great to be me :-) -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

You're a good man. ;-) I'm rolling in good Oregon Pinot Noir, Apache configs, mod_rewrite rules, perl systems, setuid scripts, perl wrappers, tcp wrappers, jails, chroots, mod_perl configs, and recursion to a level that would frighten Hoffstadter (author of "Godel, Escher, Bach"). And soon I'm going to go play darts at my favorite English pub and raise another glass to my friend Josh... it's been that kind of day. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

In addition to being a FreeBSD god, I'm a PERL god. I just did some amazing things in perl and as per the requirement of all system administrators I did it while absolutely drunk. That's one of my favorite things about being a system administrator. I'm always on call, and when you have over 26 servers, 2 routers, 4 switches, 2 firewalls, and massive amounts of misc monitoring equipment your pager/cell phone can be notified at any moment without any concern about your current mental state. One of my least favorite moments is the when the UPS fails while the sys admin is the in hot tub with his lover. Or when dinner guests arrive and a BGP route starts flapping, and for me (the most common) when I'm having a good time, had a few (or more) drinks and a server gets attacked or for some reason decides to malfunction. Suddendly the phone goes off the hook with customers calling wanting to know what the problem is, and the sys admin gets to do some truly amazing programming/system administration while inebriated. While today wasn't a record or an all time best, it's pretty damn good and I'm here to write about it and even post it dropzone.com. For those of you who clicked on this and have a clue what I'm talking about, I wish you well in all your programming and server endeavors. My hat is off to all those who enjoy the constant pressure of running internet servers, you're good people, and should be thanked. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Practice your "freeze"... it took me a lonnnng. time to get that right. If you practice before you go, it'll make a big difference. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

I've been 'online' way before the web, back when 'online' meant old modems measured in Baud and BBS were the hot thing. I've probably met over 500 people from 'online' channels, web chats, BBSes, IRC, web based bulletin boards, etc. Most all of which are really nice people, with a few occassional freaks ;-) -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

I think you've hit on something key here. This is the aspect of the entire conundrum that brings about intense, although directionless, emotion. One goes through feelings of sadness, pain, anger, longing, and whatever else hits at the moment however the feelings do not directly correlate to anything. It's an aimless and directionless series of powerful feelings that stem from the heart and have little to no interaction with the rationality of the mind. While one's mind understands that Josh is dead and isn't coming back, and any letters sent to him won't be read, calling his phone won't result in him answering, sending him email won't be responded to, setting a place for him at the table will remain empty and inviting him to do things isn't going to be successful, the heart pays no attention. In some ways it hurts that it's been so long since I've heard from him, and after feeling that small jolt of sadness, (and only afterwards) does cognitive memory remember "Oh right... he's not here anymore.". It's akin to having a piece of equipment that's broken and constantly forgetting it's broken and then feeling frustrated every time you try to use it. I miss him. The fact that he isn't coming back hasn't quite 'clicked', and I still feel the gaunlet of things that I did the day he died... I suppose the volume has been turned down on those feelings, although even as recently as yesterday I felt a crescendo. I look forward to one day being able to think of Josh without feeling the perpetual painful pinprick attached to the loss... Perhaps in time... -- I had a beautiful experience this past weekend, as I did something I considered important in the saying 'goodbye' process. Josh opened a very beautiful "A" in Seattle, which was later decorated with christmas lights. We planned a two way off that "A" where he would mount his helmet camera backwards, and he'd do a short hand held delay and I'd static line it. The plan was I'd wear my Santa hat, and some other tacky, but seasonal apparel and we'd do a synchronized landing, and put that up on the net as a 'Season's Greetings'. We even approached it one night ready to go, although the winds weren't right, our blood/alcohol contents weren't quite right either, so we ended up playing darts, and talking that night. The plan was to get out there and try again... unfortunately that moment never came to be. It was supposed to be our jump, a silly moment of humor between us, and something we were going to do for the sake of celebrating the comraderie we shared. I know he's still a part of me, and that we had an unfinished project... (we still have others and I'm going down the list..) After several unelegant attempts at gaining access, I finally got onto to object (after comedic attempts which served to amuse (and waste the time of) my generous ground crew. ;-) ) I climbed up the antenna, and arrived at the top of the structure in about 20 minutes. As I rested and caught my breath, I stared at the beautiful night time cityscape of Seattle. I looked up the sound, the lakes, the top of the Space Needle, the pretty scene of the hustle and bustle of the Saturday night life, and smiled as I imagined Josh up on top in his fancy suit and polished shoes with his new rig on his back, struggling around, just like me, trying to find a good exit point. I setup my static line and exited from one side of the antenna, leaving plenty of room for him next to me, so our 2 way would go smoothly. We both jumped together, and I flared by myself, and then I saw him behind me... he was there in smiles and high fives from Todd and Scott. It was a fantastic moment... and for a few seconds I really felt at peace... I have a few more unfinished projects, but each one is a moment of beauty. It's a pleasure to share with those who remember him, and hopefully can see some of him, in me. (although he used to land better than I do. ;-)) -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

It's been two weeks since the memorial service. I wish I could say the healing powers of never neverland have found their way into my life and removed the thorn which replaced the place in my life that Josh once occupied. The painful experience of enduring a sharp and pressing pain, combined with the absence of that which was sacred and loved is an odd and bitter mixture. Fortunately Josh's memory has become an eternal part of us and a source of strength and inspiration. I spent today with Andy, Todd, and Scott, and enjoyed building new friendships and bonds inspired by Josh and his memory. :-) Thanks guys. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Keep it up lummy... now go skydiving! -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Strength and peace to all those who are still burning candles to our lost friend one month ago, today. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

You have to admire a guy who deals with a cutaway and still focuses on landing for accuracy... especially under a tempo. Anyone here seen or experienced a tempo landing? The picture looks like most I've seen, although Josh kicked ass in terms of accuracy! -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

In the same vein as Karen, I thought I'd post my Remembrance. This is what I wrote, although my actual delivery involved some ad-libbing. Here's to you Josh... find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Greetings from the Rose City! I've just woken up from a much needed nap and as I yawned, stretched and opened my eyes, I felt a new piece of jewelry knock gently against my skin. As I looked down I noticed the curved metal closing pin, that reads "Serenity, Josh 7/70-2/05", and it was then I realized this weekend actually happened, and it wasn't just a dream... Barry really did spend the past two weeks working hard with Todd and Andy to coordinate the venue, the speakers, the catering, the kegs, the guest book, and the photos. Kelly really did sift through what must have been thousands of miles of mylar digital video tape from shoe boxes to assemble the most beautiful visual tribute ever created. It wasn't an random memory because Todd really did tap into a vein and bleed his soul all over the musical staff and find the words to express what Josh meant to him, and then had the courage to share that catharsis, sorrow, and joy with us all. It wasn't drunken slumber that made me believe Jen really was able to channel Josh's spirit in her beautiful music and song, as she brought Josh's spirit of kindness to each of us through her fingertips and her voice... and her kind and touching hands of support during and after the ceremony. Josh's nieces, showed tremendous strength as they stood in front of us all and showed us their courage as they learned some of life's most painful lessons at such a young age. My heart goes out to those beautiful children who will, in time, come to peace with the lost opportunity... (as will we all.). It's wasn't a figment of my imagination that Josh's aunts telling us about Josh's past and childhood, and sharing with us stories about his strength and difficult trials as a young boy. It wasn't a dream that Andy, Josh's loving brother, came out to the dropzone last week, and was taken in by Elaine's loving embrace and sincere words of compassion, then woke up at 4am the next day to attend a Memorial BASE jump, then worked madly to organize and coordinate the memorial service, and was able to share himself with the congregation, and find strength in those around him, who are forever connected to him through the common spirit of his blood brother. I can't go back to sleep and pretend I didn't hear the beautiful words Karen wrote and were read by Barry, centered around the circle of life, and eternal memory Josh will maintain in her heart. And even though I'm awake the words of Barry's closing, the stories on Sally's face, the supporting arms of Debbie, Karen, Jaye, Heidi, Jen, Andy, Anne, Brice, Chad, Katie, Mike, Gabe, Elaine, Angie, Todd, Craig, Brian, Mellisa, Tom, Alan, Katya, Judy, Peggy, Sally, Mark, Krisanne, Jeff, Denzel, Kelly, Annie, and everyone else who was there for me when I need a kind word, or a gentle touch of comfort as I waded through a river of sorrow. As I lean on my crutch of caffine and consciousness washes over me this evening, and I'm again reminded of the events of the past weekend, I realize how much of me is still numb to the idea that Josh isn't coming back. It's as though he just gone on a long vacation, or moved away, or 'needs some time alone'. I would love to pretend that I can administer my own psychological counseling and speed through the grieving process, or least get past the initial state of denial, but I'm no closer now, than I was the moment I first heard the news. The moments of numbness are shattered by moments of intense and firey, passion, as though my frozen and icy spirit of denial was dipped into the steaming hot bath of sorrow, loss, and pain as though you'd taken your frostbitten hands out of the cold snow and run them under extremely hot water. There's the moment of numbness, followed by what feels like pleasure and warmth, followed by extreme pain as you cognitively realize that you are burning your own flesh. And my heart still rides the step functions of this emotional thermometer. I've stared at the Memorial service program and wondered: did this really happen or was it all just a bad dream? Am I going to wake up and get a call from Josh saying "Hey, where were you last weekend, I thought we supposed to meet at your place on my way south."? But I'm not going to get that call, he's not going to stop by, and I'm not going to get to see him again... there's that denial again. I wonder if I should remove his name from my address book? It seems so petty and artificial, but when the message: "Do you wish to delete this person?" is present I almost break down... I wish that psychology provided a quick answer to the question of "How does continue to climb the mountain when one of their arms falls off?" How does one continue to race when a loose tire picks a bad time to leave? How does one land a canopy with one only three ring attached? Independence is lost, and we're helpless to achieve greatness on our own. We're scared, we're sad, and we're flailing in the cold winds of life... how do we continue? I hope it's the same way I got through my Remembrance, relying on the strength and compassion of everyone else there. Leaning on those shoulders to cry on, accepting the white tissue papers, and doing my best to provide the same. You are good people, you come with the highest recommendation any human being could. You're a part of Josh and he is a part of you. Being united with you through the common spirit of our friend. He'll be with us always. The service gave a sense of closure to many things, but there'll be much more grieving over time. It'll be the small things that remind us that a part of us is missing and we'll do our best to adapt. But always remember that you have my shoulder and ear when you need it. When you're in the middle of dinner and you just break out crying, or when you're packing a parachute, and you just can't help remembering him, or when you're sipping a shot of Scotch and you can't help but think of him... I wish I knew where to begin... to live my life without him. I wish I knew how, but I don't, was that bad planning on my part? I don't think so. Thank you again for all your kindness and support. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Some demons are daemons... some hang around the sky (although they mostly hang around unix systems, sometimes suspended, sometimes interrupted, sometimes zombied, and sometimes they just plain hang...) It's an obnoxious part of life... While I didn't see Nick's thread, answering one's problems with a keyboard and a bulletin board probably isn't going to alleviate the underlying problems and motives. Just another unsolicited opinion brought to you by: -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Jose, It was Josh's wish to be cremated. There is definitely a get together at the Memorial this Sunday at the Horticulture Center at the UW campus in Seattle at 2:30pm. (1430). I'm certain after the service everyone will adjourn to some other location (perhaps the K&K? Skydive Snohomish?) I'm not certain about any get togethers on Saturday, however it would certainly not surprise me if there wasn't going to be one. Skydive Snohomish would be the likely gathering spot. I'll post any information I find out about a get togethers and Memorial Jumps. Thank you B, I really appreciate your kind words. I'll definitely be there at the service on Sunday and plan to arrive in Seattle Saturday afternoon. I'll be nice to see everyone again. As much as you can during these hard times: be well! -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Thank you for posting that, it's well composed and celebrates him. I look forward to seeing everyone there on Sunday. It'll be excellent and helpful for us all to get together and hold one another, raise a glass, and spout off a few jokes. See you in a few days. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Now that's well done! Kudos! -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

I bet we can work something out. Maybe on Saturday. I'm hoping to do some Memorial jumps to Josh on Sat night, I need to coordinate that though... -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Hehe, BASE is a crazy enough sport to attract plenty from existing minorities including girls and gays among all sorts of other types... Although they tend to be united under the banner of some kind of insanity, which is part of what makes it a fun group. I had a good time this past weekend sharing an exit point with nine other BASE jumpers from all walks of life. It was a lot of fun... -=Raistlin BASE 787, Night BASE 134, Gay BASE 1 find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Some have boyfs ;-) Some BASE boys are pretty cute :-) -=Raistlin BASE 787 ;-) find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Krisanne, You're such an IRCer ;-) I remember talking to Josh about the 'old days' of computers and online chat before the www was invented... those were the days. He used to make fun of me by doing old man impressions and saying "back in my day..." Those were good times Sorry I missed you this past weekend, I hope to see you at this weekend. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Does anyone know if there will be a post-memorial jump? (either at Snohomish or off an object. The moon will still be pretty bright I suspect). -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Rhonda, I apologize for the brevity of our meeting... I wish I'd stayed at the party longer and gotten to talk to you for awhile. I'll definitely be back this weekend, and plan to be in Seattle Sat afternoon, and most of Sunday. I hope the Bar-Mitzvah went well. (Mazel Tov) I look forward to seeing you at the Memorial. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

Last I checked the Memorial will be: 2:30pm Horticulture Center at the UW Campus in Seattle. -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

I'm going to do a "Gonzo" jump in honor of HST... It won't be my next one though... I have some more memorial jumps to make to a departed friend who I lost to suicide last week... :-( -=Raistlin find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;