SivaGanesha

I thought I was being pretty clear but perhaps I need to explain further. Basically I agree with you that part of the "circle of life" is being supportive of one's parents later in life because they were supportive in childhood. However I feel that that should extend to both parents--the mother and the father--as they get older, although I fully recognize that divorce can make things tricky. Now what is being proposed in this thread is essentially a lot of great warm fuzzy feelings extended towards the mother--but the father is being completely cut out of the picture even though he, too, is presumably aging and will eventually need some support. Based on what I've heard--and given that we were all asked our opinions (which otherwise I'd keep to myself)--I'm not really comfortable with that. The father's only failing mentioned in this thread was marital infidelity. So my question is--did he support, or help support, his son financially? Was he actively involved in his son's life? If the answer to those questions is 'no'--if he was an absentee, deadbeat, dad--then I could see the decision to cut him out of the picture now. But OTOH if the father supported the son then--even if he made mistakes in his treatment of the mother--I'm not really comfortable with the decision to push him aside. I believe in karma and I would also note that Anvilbrother is now himself a father. What goes around comes around. Treating his father with respect now will help ensure that he, himself, is treated with respect as a father later in life. I think Anvilbrother is doing all the right things when it comes to the financial planning and the building permits and so on. But I also think--with all due respect--that he is trying to keep himself busy with these practical matters to avoid addressing some deeper issues. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Was the father (despite his later infidelities with the "other woman") there for Anvilbrother when he was growing up? "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Yes I did catch that. I'm sure that in practice the grandkids will still be underfoot a great deal of the time if they are living basically next door. My mother met her new husband--my stepfather--when the grandkids (my bro's kids--I don't have kids) were a couple of continents, not a couple of hundred yards, away. But OTOH your plan may be exactly what everyone wants and needs. Your mother may be done with the marriage phase of her life and may be quite happy to spend the rest of her life being a mother and a grandmother. It just sounds to me like you are in a big hurry to make some housing decisions for everyone concerned for the rest of your lives, and I'm not sure I see the urgency. Based on what you are saying it sounds like something that can be eased into and that's what I'd recommend. Besides--you must have some reservations about this yourself. Both your mother and your wife sound like they are 100% certain about this plan. Unless you have some reservations or concerns there would be no need to ask the question. Since you did ask the question, I assume you have some concerns. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

I would wait and see where she is going with that area of her life before making any really strong commitments. Even if right now she doesn't think she'll ever date again, she may eventually want some companionship as she gets older--and that's the one area of her life where kids/daughter-in-law/grandkids can't help her. You haven't said how old she is but my mother remarried at age 68 so it can certainly happen at any age. And it would certainly be more difficult for her to meet anyone if there are grandkids, etc, in tow. If she needs help around the place you can always help without moving in. It sounds like a really good plan that you have but if it truly is as good as everyone says, it will still be a good plan in a year or so once she's had a bit more of a chance to process the divorce. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

What is your plan for when Mom has a date? "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

What do people typically do when they are new to the sport and buying new gear? I see a lot of new people who seem to have their own gear a lot faster than 20 weeks. And the 20 weeks is just for the container! Are new people typically buying complete used rigs? "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

They didn't work within the existing society of the time on July 4, 1776. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Because I believe in the spirit of the poetry inscribed at the base of the Statue of Liberty. Amnesty might work a lot better if there were a way to somehow restrict it to only those illegal aliens who themselves believe in that poem. Somehow I don't think Emma Lazarus would mind if the ancient lands kept their drug dealers along with their storied pomp. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

No...I'm saying that legalization won't increase the Democratic base of voters for a long time. Those who aren't seeking legalization might be (illegal) voters but legalization won't have any effect on them at all. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Well you haven't presented a plausible scenario under which they'd vote illegally. The legal immigration process requires a significant investment of time and money. While a tiny few might be foolish enough to risk that investment for the dubious benefit of voting illegally, most people will be prudent enough to act to protect their investment. Remember that legalization--if it happens at all--is only going to be available to those who mostly have obeyed the law except for their immigration violation. Those who are coming here to commit crimes probably aren't going to be interested in legalization nor is legalization going to be interested in them. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Maybe because you now live at 123 Main and sent the state a letter saying he no longer lives there? Even if he resurfaces under a new name--say Richard Roe of 456 Mercedes--it's going to look pretty strange if Jose and Maria own their home, no one else has lived there for 10 years, and there's no sign of them selling. Jose can't vote under his old identity of 'John Doe of 123 Main' because you've told the state he longer lives at that address. And if he creates a new fictitious identity at his new address, it will be easily detected because the turnover of residents is far lower at his new, upscale, address. As a result Jose and Maria won't be voting until they become citizens. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

If the only place where John Doe of 123 Main Street exists is in the state's voter database, and John Doe doesn't seem to exist anywhere else in the online or physical world--then there is a pretty good chance that John Doe of 123 Main Street is someone who shouldn't be voting. Now, if a lot of different people have come and gone from 123 Main Street then, yes, it may be difficult to smoke out John Doe's real identity, even with good software, and John Doe may successfully fly under the radar. Most newly legalized aliens, though, are going to want to be putting the flophouse lifestyle behind them. They're going to be doing things like getting good (or better) jobs and buying houses, and they are going to be establishing a stable lifestyle. Let's say Jose and Maria Perez, former illegal aliens who slept on the floor at 123 Main for three months, buy an upscale home at 456 Mercedes Way and live there for 10 years. If John Doe suddenly resurfaces at 456 Mercedes and starts voting again, he's going to stick out like a sore thumb, and may bring down everything that Jose and Maria have worked really hard for. That's why I don't think you'll see many former illegal aliens voting until they become citizens. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

If the state does voter registration by mail then they at least need a valid address. If they use a real address, but a fictitious name, even present day software technology (let alone future developments) could easily smoke them out as a potential illegal voter. I'm not aware of any state where an unregistered voter can simply walk in on election day, provide zero information about themselves, and walk out having cast a valid ballot. There's always some form of paper trail created although it is more rigorous in some states than others. Most people in the process of legalization are going to want to avoid creating a paper trail based on lies. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Another change is that in past generations women didn't work (in paid work) nearly as much. When you have two incomes it often allows both partners the luxury of being much more picky about what kind of jobs they will accept. If one partner still has a job they can and often do offer a "bailout package" for a period of time to the other partner. Back in the days of sole breadwinners that breadwinner had to take whatever work they could find just to feed their family. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

When you apply for US citizenship, it can be denied if it is found you have ever voted illegally. So it's not just a question of whether the state catches them now, but also a question of whether the feds will catch them years from now, possibly using much more advanced future technology. Right now illegals have little to lose by voting illegally. If you put them on a "pathway to citizenship" you give them something to lose. People with something to lose usually try to keep within the law especially on major issues. Maybe their illegal voting will remain forever under the radar and out of reach of even more advanced future technology. Maybe not. At least some of them won't take the risk, though, once they've got something to lose and this will reduce the pool of Democratic voters. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

The prospect of gaining additional voters as being an incentive for Democratic politicians to bring in an amnesty has one big problem. Many of the proposals for amnesty involve a LONG waiting period before permanent residency would be granted (maybe 8 years or so). And after that it takes another 5 years to get citizenship. Add in processing backlogs (likely to increase with so many people applying) and you're talking maybe 15 years before the rolls of Democratic voters increase. Do politicians really think that far into the future? Moreover, once an amnesty is granted, the former illegal aliens would have a strong incentive to keep their noses clean. So, if anything, you might see a small drop in Democratic voters, because people who have been voting illegally would stop voting until they became citizens. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

On a more serious note...though I'm not a big fan of illegal immigration, do you have a reference for these numbers? Some of these numbers seem plausible...some do not. For example the claim that of drivers in NM who have no license/registration/insurance, 98% are illegal aliens, surely must be an exaggeration. Illegal immigration is certainly one thing that could account for someone not having license/registration/insurance. But there are a lot of American citizens who are down on their luck these days, and surely some of them have let license/registration/insurance lapse because of lack of funds. The 98% number just seems too high to me for that reason. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

The Canadian idea of productive is to knock down five pins and call it a strike.

It was a funny answer

I was trying to point out that if you want a "no fault" divorce which avoids the mess of legally blaming one party or the other, often "legal separation" for a period of time followed by official divorce is the only game in town. Southern Man did come close to saying the same thing, but his comments were specific to Virginia--my contribution to the conversation was to observe that it is a fairly common situation in a lot of jurisdictions, not just Virginia. Since unlike you I'm not a lawyer I'm not qualified to go into any details about the laws in any specific jurisdiction. I may not have taken your message with as much humor as it was intended...sorry about that . "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

A number of people have chimed in on this thread offering their $.02 worth over a period of several days. I'm not quite sure why you're singling my response out as being especially untimely or unwelcome. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

In some jurisdictions legal separation for a certain period of time was/is one of the legal grounds for divorce. Usually there were other grounds as well but going the legal separation route often led to a less messy divorce than have to prove adultery, physical cruelty, etc. In general divorces have gotten easier to get over the years, but there are still some jurisdictions/circumstances where a legal separation is a convenient first legal step to divorce. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Well I'm certainly not an old-timer measured by jump totals but my first time around in this sport was in 1983. I did 10 S/L jumps (with round canopies) but wasn't making much progress. My home DZ switched from S/L to IAD (still with round canopies) in 1984. I did 4 IAD jumps my first weekend jumping in 1984 and was then cleared for my first FF which I did later the same day. It may be that IAD--which is a bit different from S/L--was more to my liking. But another explanation for my greater success with IAD would be that I was in a position to make a bunch of jumps at once in 1984. Some of my S/L jumps were good jumps--others definitely were not--but my jumping in 1983 was too sporadic to build up any momentum. My total of 14 SL/IAD jumps was probably a bit more than average but by no means a record. After being cleared for FF the progression was: 1 C&P 3 5-second delays 3 10-second delays 3 15-second delays 3 20-second delays then cleared for 30+-second delays "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

Whether he was a terrorist or not is irrelevant to the claim you are making. He is certainly a part of America's story...whatever else he might be. "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

What about Malcolm X? "It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014