clousseauMinnie

Thanks, I saw XKeys on my search and they looked good. Thx for the warning, don't know what a skyride is, will take your word for it. At this point of my (maybe non-existent) skydiving career I'm taking no chances!!. Minnie

Hello all, I am visiting the USA and staying mostly in Springfield, just outside Philly. I have had a break from skydiving but am thinking about doing a jump - tandem or recurrency - while I'm here. Can anyone suggest a dropzone near me? If at all possible, I would prefer to jump out of something bigger than a Cessna 182! Thanks Minnie

Thank you, I love the sport and the community. Whether I return or not, I'll always be a fan and a supporter. Blues skies and much envy. Clousseau

I'm so glad I have found this thread... I went through AFF quite easily, then just before my conversion to BOC I did a few solo's and suddenly found myself in a kind of anticlimax mixed with a fear I couldn't conquer. I couldn't even get myself to manifest, and eventually just stayed away and became uncurrent. I flaggellated myself mentally for months about not going out to the dropzone, feeling like a complete failure, until eventually I made my peace with the fact that maybe this is not the right thing for me right now. Skydiving was also on my list of things to do after my divorce, and although it captured my imagination more that I had expected, perhaps it had its time and place in my life. I haven't jumped for 9 months, and although I watch my skydiving videos regularly, follow the forums here at least weekly, stay in touch with my skydiving friends and have an irresistible flip in my tummy when I see an aeroplane or anything to do with skydiving, I comfort myself with two thoughts: I did 15 freefalls, which is more than most people in the world can claim, and it's a sport I can go back to again one day, if I feel like it. At the time, what also worried me a bit was the fact that I have poor vision in one eye and that freaked me out on landings, but I have seen a thread on that topic here and know that it doesn't have to deter me next time. What is encouraging to me is the fact that you returned to the sport after a two year absence. There is hope for me, then. Good luck, well done, stay safe. Blues. Clousseau

OK, I'll be off to my DZ this weekend... and it had better be good weather! M

Thanks, guys, for the welcome and the advice. I'm not quitting!!! Minnie

Thanks for that, and the rules are pretty easy to stick to. Non-skydivers could also apply some of them... I have not posted anything for a while now - so here's the update: Yes, I graduated AFF on 7 Dec 2003, after having to repeat my Hop'n'Pop. (AFF student waiting to stabilise before pulling, go figure! The ground doesn't wait for my stability - it has its own!) First ever repeat, and I had to choose a low altitude jump! The good part was that both of them were really fun, and that I actually managed pretty decent landings! Over Xmas and New Year I went to Citrusdal, about 2 hours outside Cape Town, where the Citrusdal Club had their annual boogie. We got to jump from 14,000 feet from a Pilatus Porter, which for us capetonians is quite a treat. (We do Cessnas...). I had one RW instructional jump, and two fun jumps. The rest of the time I ignored the crick in my neck and watched the experienced - and some champion - skydivers that came from around the country, do their stuff. I had a good time, but I am currently going through a strange phase of indecision and general fear of jumping. Nothing like the anxiety of the early jumps, something more vague and hard to describe or define. I am still obsessed - still reading everything I can get my hands on and watching every piece of footage I can stuff into my video machine or DVD player, but I wonder if I will ever be as comfortable doing this amazing thing as the people I see around me seem to be. My friends at the DZ tell me I read too much about malfunctions and such, and that I should trust that I will be given the information I need at the time I need it. I disagree. I would like to be as prepared as I can possibly be when I am confronted with a split second decision. Instructors tell me it is because I am used to the structured nature of the AFF jumps, and that I am probably finding it hard to let go of the hand and deciding on the dive plan for myself. Has anybody else experienced this after AFF? All I see is the excitement of graduating AFF and the fun everybody is having, and yet many experienced jumpers tell me they went through the same emotions. I realise that it is probably just a matter of notching up the jumps, ie that I need to jump more, and more often, to get the best rewards out of skydiving. I have only 15 jumps to my name, I love the whole idea of skydiving, I love the feeling after I have landed, and I get goosebumps when I see Dale Stuart's performances. So what is wrong with me? Perhaps I am taking longer than the average skydiver to learn to trust myself - or maybe it is just performance anxiety? I definitely feel that I put more effort in when I jump with an instructor! And then when I'm on my own, I am hesitant with everything I do, which is infuriating, to say the least. I am starting to feel like a wannabe, or worse, a groupie! Comments and advice welcome... Minnie

Same thing happened to me on L4 - the video (mounted on my JM's helmet) is a hoot, seeing myself practically disappear against the background of the landscape. I didn't realise what had happened until I saw the video. I just did a full 360 instead of my 90 deg task turn, looking for my Jm, who managed to catch up with me by sitting just about when I deciced to stop looking and pulled, a little below the sceduled altitude but with lots of time to spare. It was a great jump, because I realised afterwards that I had really been on my own for a while.

You're so right, and i have received mostly patience from the experienced people in response to my millions of questions! minnie

It's been mixed feelings like I have never experienced before, but that L6 glimpse was quite something... I figure I cannot quit until I have at least repeated or bettered it. Is it perhaps a telling sign that I'm already planning what to do on my 100th? Minnie

Thanks, I expected to feel overawed by all the experienced people, instead I just feel welcome! I hope to graduate AFF this weekend, weather doesn't look too good, but parties are already planned. Fear level when I next arrive at my DZ is unpredictable... Group drinks all over the world will be most appreciated! minnie

Thank you, and yes, I hope that one day I will be in a position to return the favour to other newcomers. I just have to work on acquiring something worth giving away...! "Pay it forward?"

Hi all - I have been rude and not introduced myself, although I have been watching the forums for a while now. I have almost completed my AFF, one hop'n'pop to go. My big regret is that I haven't kept a diary every time I jumped, because although I remember every jump, the intense emotions that went with it and stayed for a few days afterwards, are now fading with new experiences. It would have been good to be able to look back on what exactly went through my head every time I completed a new jump - I went from stubbornly thinking that I won't give this up until I have finished my AFF, to wondering why the hell I was putting myself through this, to knowing that this virus is probably going to stay with me for a while... maybe for life! The proof - total unproductivity at work, neglect of home, plants, garden and dogs, calls from family for Sunday lunch starts with "Are you jumping today or should we hold lunch until you get here?" My L6 was a turning point - it went absolutely 100% smoothly, everything was just perfectly balanced and under control. That was when I first had a real glimpse of what it could be like when you start to know what you are doing up there - one day. I have yet to repeat that feeling, but I think it is going to keep me coming back. There is just nothing like it. Having read many of the postings in this forum has helped me tremendously with realising that many of my fears are totally normal - think door fear on a Cessna, getting onto your knees in a cramped space, obsession with malfunctions - and I have in fact begun to control much of it. What has impressed me most is that everybody, including the very experienced skydivers, responds to questions and problems from newcomers. I have gained an enormous amount of insight into my own problems from the generous responses posted here, and feel less inhibited to join in the discussions. I don't have any really interesting stories to share (yet), and I have found answers on most of my current questions here - so I'll be watching the forums with interest until I can contribute something. Minnie

I bought your book after my 2nd AFF jump, and found it really helpfull, since I am the kind of person who just hates to tackle anything when I don't feel as if I know enough about what I am going to do. I have quite a fear of malfunctions (apart from the usual exit and door nerves - big ones...) and found it comforting to educate myself on the different aspects of malfunctions. Although my instructors are brilliant, and very patient with my million questions, I am always worried that I am not asking the right questions, or all the questions, so reading up about malfunctions - even fatalities - kind of normalises the risks and makes me aware that I CAN do something about it, if I keep my head. I think that static line progression has its merits, those being that firstly, you always jump by yourself, thus avoiding the comfort zone I find myself in now. I am about to do L7, and I really worry about my first solo jump after that. Secondly, you exit so many more times on static line progression before you reach the same level as an AFF student, that I reckon the door and exit fear starts to be a little more manageable by the time you start your freefall progression. AFF merits are obvious - what I enjoy most, is the intense personalised attention I get from the instructors. I like going to the professionals when I need anything - personal trainers, career coaches etc. So the attention I get in AFF suits me perfectly. I get the feeling that every aspect of myself as an individual is taken into consideration - my body type ( I am quite heavy for my size, so I fall fast), my personality (demanding and questioning, very fearful at this point!) and my pace of learning. What do YOU get out of teaching AFF? Just curious - I have my own theories about that. I think for instructors, working with students puts some of the edge back into their work - not only because of the rewards of passing on knowledge and seeing the pleasure and growth it brings their students, but also because the student's reaction can only be controlled up t a certain extent - during your briefing, you get to assess the personality and can adapt your teaching to it, but once you are up there, you don't really know how he/she is going to react... I guess you are super aware and attentive to the entire environment, as always, only this time you have a big x factor with you!

Good advice. I expect a malfunction every time, but I haven't looked at it as a routine procedure, the way you describe it. I'll apply that next time, thanks!

Thank you for the reply. The funny thing is, I am very comfortable in freefall, very stable, I hardly ever destabilise and when I do, I find it very easy to re-stabilise. Between exit and pull I am very OK. Apart from the nerves before the time and the door, it is pull time and malfunctions I have started to fear, since my big burble. I read as much as I can about malfunctions, so that if the time should come for me, I would have an enormous database in my head - I figure, SOMETHING is going to work, SOMETHING is going to pop into my head to do, I WON'T freeze up, etc, etc. So I am probably a bit obsessed at the moment. Your idea about desensitising is good, but I feel that I would be embarrassed to ask for this kind of support. It has become slightly easier, not much, but controllable. Mostly. One of the drawbacks of my situation is that I have only once managed to jump more than once a day, and I can testify that that day was different from others. Between L2 andL3, three weeks passed. Way too much. I plan to do L7 and 8 this weekend, will let everyone know how my first solo went.

I am new to skydiving, too, having had it on my to-do-list for about a decade. I am adventurous without being reckless, and thought that this would be something I could conquer easily, since I have had to deal with some adversity before and believe myself to be a survivor above all else. I am surprised - read shocked - at the intense anxiety I experience every time before a jump. I ride in the same small Cessna 180, I sit in the front, and I still have the same fear when the door opens 3mm from me. I experience the same recovery of mental balance once I am out, and am usually quite cool and calculating at this point, with most of my attention on perfomance. I also experienced a bad Level2 jump, not only because I had a 7 second delay on opening, but because I was really not ready for this one, and the obsession with my insecurity compounded the panic on the way up, and caused me to go through my routine in a conservative way, not committed like it should have been. What you said about the anxiety was interesting - I suffered for years from anxiety, being in a high pressure job, type A personality (I'm told). During the past two years, I have managed to get rid of this anxiety problem, my life has changed radically for the better, and then I went and chose to tackle skydiving first on my to-do-list! Now, every time I ride up to altitude, I remember the bad feeling that was my companion for so many years! About to do Level7, I ask myself constantly why I do it, and can come up with no better answer than that I am too stubborn to stop before at least the end of my course, that it feels amazing the day after (bit slow to react!) and that I just know something really good is going to come of this if I see it through to the end. I also enjoy the skills I am learning - it is a whole new area of science that I have never explored before, and although it feels a bit overwhelming to think of wind direction, wing load, altitude, landing, etc, it is an amazingly stimulating mental exercise. I am finding that I am challenging beliefs I have always had about myself (like, I'm so tough!) and I think that if I can learn more about myself, and become more realistic about my abilities, without losing my self confidence, then I'll probably show my appreciation by staying with the sport. Mindy, I am going through the same things - I thought that the squashed feeling (so clumsy, trying to get on your knees, isn't it? I hate that!!!) was just me...