slim

THE CURE FOR A BAD DAY! Hmmm, what to do for a bad day.... Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "asshole," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real setback for me; I would have to stop calling the asshole. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his voice, "Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller ID program?" "No!" he shouted and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" (Keep reading this, it gets better!) An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great," I thought, "she's finally leaving." All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping center as if I didn't even exist. I thought to myself, "This guy's another asshole; there sure are a lot of assholes in this world." Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the phone number. Then, I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an asshole!" (It's really easy since I have his number on speed dial now.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings, someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Sure..." "Don, you're an asshole!" And I slammed the phone down. Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much better for me. Now, when I had a problem I had two assholes to call. Then, after several months of calling the assholes and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with this solution: First, I had my phone speed dial asshole #1. A man answered nicely, "Hello?" I yelled, "You're an asshole!" but I didn't hang up. The asshole said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "Make me asshole." He said, "What's your name, pal?" So I told him, "Don Hansen." He said, "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black BMW's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!" and I hung up. Then I called asshole #2. Don Hansen answered, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole." He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your ass." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, asshole." And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was on my way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as I got there. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious satisfaction! Watching two assholes kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew was one of the greatest experiences of my life! Now you know what to do if you have a really bad day??? A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

but they are not us!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

Men's Speech Patterns 1. "I can't find it" MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless. 2. "That's women's work" MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless. 3. "Will you Marry me?" MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left. 4. "It's a guy thing . " MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. 5. "Can I help with dinner?" MEANS: why isn't it already on the table? 6. "It would take too long to explain" MEANS: I have no idea how it works. 7. "I'm getting more exercise lately" MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead. 8. "We're going to be late." MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac. 9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner. 10. "That's interesting dear." MEANS: are you still talking? 11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again. 12. "You expect too much from me." MEANS: You expect me to stay awake? 13. "It's really a good movie." MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women. 14. "You know how bad my memory is." MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday. 15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was wearing a bikini thong. 16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal." MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt. 17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing." MEANS: what did you catch me at? 18. "She's one of those rabid feminists." MEANS: she refused to make my coffee. 19. "I heard you." MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me. 20. "You know I could never love anyone else." MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse. 21. "You really look terrific in that outfit." MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving. 22. "I brought you a present." MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game. 23. "I missed you." MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper. 24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are." MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again. 25. "This relationship is getting too serious." MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck. 26. "I don't need to read the instructions." MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without anyone's help. A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

well that sucks!!! hehehe sucks....hehehe you can always come to the west coast, and I'll take care of ya! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

that Bunchoffreaks chop is cool!!! I need to get a space ball....wait...maybe I'll get my "A" license first!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

bad ass pics man!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

hooced on fonix werked four mee to! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

uh oh....is there is teachers....that meens there are slutty school girls!!!!! WOO HOO!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

mama didn't raise no quitter! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

rehab is for quitters!!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

hahahaha that was fun! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

glad to hear it! congrats man!!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

gettin kinida thirsty m'self! I think I might have to run across the street to the store!!!

here you go, A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

any help? anyone? c'mon you guys help me!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

you named a dog spazz....thats funny. do you think ritalin would help? I had a friend with a pugg named "adam doesn't heed direction" aka ADHD Give it a beer and it slows down to mach 1 A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

I think every one in here is!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

hey now that I have everyone's attention, everytime I get a PM I click on the link and I get this The message you attempted to access does not exist I have a hottie pming me and I wanna see it A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

come and get it! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

I always keep the beers flowing for friends so no biggie, A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

I thought beer was only for intentional firsts. am I wrong? I didn't think that so many other post whores would get this baby lit up. beers outta the tap for all eccept Zeemax beers outta the tit for him!!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

sorry Zeemax . BOOBIES A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

lets see yes yes yes no (wooo hoo) yes no hmmmm.....damnit A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

I only do this at work. I have other things to do in the evenings!!! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

thanks I think! I guess I owe a round of cybeers! A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'