Cornhusker

Thank you. You're right I don't really have as much respect for her right now. I do love her and want her to feel better about herself before she, if giving the chance, can try to make me happy again. Perhaps I should leave it alone and we do our separate healing. Thanks for the insight.

***I will not hesitate to go out and find another/better girlfriend than her if anything would ever happen like that again. Just stringing together a few of your phrases to see if you see a pattern. I do. I'm not sure of the pattern, enlighten me! Honestly I don't know. But ya, I'm confused a fuck what to do or how to handle it. I've never had to deal with this kind of shit before :-(

Totally agree!!!! I agree too. I think we would both be better off right now trying to help each other, rather than jump back into something with bad feelings about each other. Whoosh. Missed the point entirely. I was saying you both need to be single and work on your own shit for a while. You strike me as that guy who has the hero complex. The guy who says "I'll be the first person to treat her right and I'll heal her." She needs to heal herself, with professional help. Probably alone. You need to step away from feeling like you can/should heal her. Probably alone. Thanks for the reply! That's kind of what is going to happen. I'm just there right now to give her the push/support to go through with it. She was always too proud and thinks she can deal with the past on her own terms. I've suggested it in the past to her, met with a "I don't need help, I know my past and what I've been through" blah blah. Sad that it took the both of us to hurt each other to make her realize that she does need to figure shit out. Then I'm leaving to do my own thing in the NW US while she continues to work on herself, by herself. This is where I want to see her follow through on her own. I need to see dedication and strength from her, as a friend.

The trust she has to work on, I have to try to accept it again, which will be a struggle obviously. I am putting distance between us soon enough. We both had planned on moving to the NW US (were east coast). I'm going in a couple months, by myself. Just to live my life and clear my mind. She can come out at a later date if she proves she's better, not only to me, but more importantly in her own head. She was vulnerable at the time we broke up, always was a bit weak minded, but I want her to have a strong mind, have respect and love for herself. She's a really nice girl considering all her life people mistreated and abandoned her. I just know now is the time for her to be the best person she can be for the rest of her life. I just don't want to be another person that abandons her while she tries to be better. You're right, it's not my responsibility to help her, I'm the only person that ever wanted to though. I'm too nice maybe, but I consider her a friend right now, I'll do anything for my friends.

Thanks! This would be a future idea for the both of us. First she has something to prove to me before we would even discuss the possibility of therapy with each other. Yes, I do love her, she loves me. I can see it when we hang out (told her to live with her sister for a while). I can see the over excitment in her eyes, along with the fear that I might not be there one day for her or in her life. We do have the best times when we are out and about with each other.

She knows exactly what's expected of herself now and what she has to conquer first before I would even consider being with her again. She knows well I will find someone else in a heart beat if I have to. I'll wait before I feel better before I jump into anything again, if I have to. I just have a battle in my head, leave her now forever, or be a stand up guy and help her. See if she's worth who she becomes.

Totally agree!!!! I agree too. I think we would both be better off right now trying to help each other, rather than jump back into something with bad feelings about each other.

I'm not* (edit) letting that get me, the tears and suicide. She was almost successful twice in her life though, so she's serious. Again though, we wernt together when it happened, it's the lies that bothered me. As someone else posted, she was scared of my reaction, still not the best way to go about it. The sad thing is she's never had anyone give a true shit about her in life. Her father was an abusive drunk, her mother still puts her down (mental case), they'd lock her in her room for days at a time because they didn't want her. No affection in the home, no hugs, no "I love yous". Pawned her off to relatives all the time because of the arguing of the parents. Got into drugs, every boyfriend was a shithead to her. Used buying things as a coping deal, $50,000 in worthless debt, only paying interest every month on that (filed bankrupsy so she can start over and not have the stress of financial burden). That was a big downer for her. The sexual abuse she's harbored and didn't have anyone to tell that would or could of stopped it at the time. Blah blah, she's had it fucked since a kid. She's genuinely a good person, always helping everyone she can, but alone on the inside and broken. I'm the only person, after this all happened, that has giving a shit about her well being. I'm willing to be her friend, I feel I have to, and see her through this change. I can't help it that I love her. No one should have to go through life thinking this is how it always has to be. It can be better for her if she tries, I'll support that. Billvon, she hates arguing like her parents did, I had the yelling parents too. We don't yell, the verbal abuse was just putting her in her place and with the truth, as hurtful as it is to her and how she was to me. As to what has changed, she's been seeing a therapist for her past issues for the past two months and sharing them with me. How she can cope with things differently, etc. She's giving me access to her phone records (which correlates when she stopped talking to him like she told me), to her email, bank account, etc. To try to repair the trust thing. As for her thinking she can do it again, when I had my thing with another girl, she was devastated. I didn't hide anything from her. Not that the other girl was a "payback" kind of thing, I genuinely liked her but realized I didn't want the rest of my life with her. At the same time it showed her how it feels to know someone you love is interested in someone else and being intimate. The other girl understood my feelings and respected that I couldn't be that person with her. My girlfriend could easily go out and get any guys she wants practically, she stayed home crying while I was out with her, hoping I would want to still be with her instead. That's where I'm at with her, being a friend to help her for once in her life. She's gratefully accepted it and wants to prove she can be a better person, not only to me but for her quality of life. She's pretty dedicated to the therapy and does her homework, getting self help books and trying to understand why she does this or that. Studying on how to live within her means, not buying worthless feel good for the moment things. I see her having a better outlook on her life. If it doesn't work out for me, I'll still be glad I was able to help her have a better rest of her life. But she does know, I will not hesitate to go out and find another/better girlfriend than her if anything would ever happen like that again. I've proved that to her. For now I'll be the friend she needs more. I want to see regardless, a stong, powerful and confident women I think she can be. A person that doesn't let the past dictate making wrong or misguided decisions. For as pretty and smart (book, nerd smart) as she is, she's always had self confidence issues.

She didn't really cheat. She hung out with this guy once prior while we were together. I didn't know about it, so ya it's shitty but not cheating. She had sex with him while we were broken up. The lying is what gets me. Thanks for the suggestions, I'll probably just cut her out of my life. I always had the "one lie, you're gone forever" attitude. Only used it once over something stupid with a ex, but I gave my current girlfriend hundreds of chances to come clean. Says she told me everything, then I'd figure out a lie, then another then another. It's only because I love(d) her I kept giving her chances. Should of stuck with my theory about lies, wouldnt have to have all the hatred and resentment I have now.

Hi everyone. I post on here once in a while, a few know me in the flesh, hence the new profile (privacy thing). I need your view of things on my situation. Please. So I'm a guy. My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 years. We both do love each other, just fell out of love at one point. We've had our ups and downs, just like most. We separated about 6 months ago. She was talking to someone already before we broke up, I didn't know about it at the time. She hung out with him once while we were together, then more after we broke up. She slept with him once, says it was a mistake. Then we got back together a month and a half later. At this time is when I had to piece together what she was doing, I didn't believe her that she didn't sleep with him. 5 months of lies from her about what happened between them, arguements that stemmed from me finding out one lie at a time. She must of lied to me 500 or more times. Then when I told her to call him in front of me or I'll leave forever she admitted it. I flipped out, not so much because she was interested in someone else, but all the damn lies and investigation I had to do. Even up until the last moment after she admitted they did sleep together, I found out from HIM that they did not use a condom, she said they did. I confronted her if she used one or not and told her I know the truth. I told her I'm about to ask her a question and if you can tell me the truth I'll try to work things out with her, if she lies I'm gone. She chose to lie, then I showed her the text from him, she cursed his name then told me the truth. She knows how scared of an STD I am previous to all this, yet still slept with me after him. She put the fear of death in me until be both went and got all the STD testing. She knows that's the only fear I have in life, she gave me that fear. I know she has problems from a bad childhood (the unthinkable things that can happen to a child by an adult), a bit fucked in the head, emotionally fucked her life up. She's now seeking help for all that has been wrong in her life and the effects of it. I couldn't be happier for her, I love her. I know she loves me too, she's expressed it so much to me still. I want and will always help her. She knows she fucked up in the worst way. Her emotions show it. And all the verbal hell I put her through (I was hurt and still am), all the times I've walked away and left her to her misery, she still wants me forever with her. I don't know if this shows her dedication to me or not, so I'm asking you guys. I told her I need to see if there's anyone else better out there for me. She let me, while we still live together. I did find someone by chance, someone I really liked. I was completely blunt and honest with my girlfriend that I was seeing her and that I slept with her once (we both did the STD testing too prior). I was confused, hurt and wanted to see if there was someone else for me, so I had a mini relationship with this other girl. Then realized I can only love my girlfriend. It was a mistake, the other girl knew of my situation, so everything was out in the open. The new girl kind of got obsessed with me, so I had to put an end to it because she couldn't accept just being friends with me. So my question is, is my girlfriends willingness to let me have a relationship and sleep with someone else show she's dedicated to me now. I can say, I don't want to, but it really hurt my girlfriend to know I was out with another girl. I honestly don't think she'll fuck up again, she's almost suicidal about losing me. The thing is she's a really pretty girl that gets hit on everywhere she and I go (I see guys with their girlfrinds checking out her while their girls aren't looking), I worry she might be interested in someone else again despite her obvious sorrow and willing to go through a living hell for her by me seeing someone else in front of her. Basically, she was home crying while I was having a relationship with someone else. She still wants to be with me. I'm not that great looking and obviously have not much money, I'm a skydiver! So there's nothing like money or a good looking guy to lose here, only the love she knows we have. Is she serious about me now and realizes how much she fucked up? Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading.