miked10270

Oh I don't know... I've never seen Hilary clinton's face look quite so inviting!!! Has she been taking lessons from Monica?!!! Don't know if I should sign this... Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

"Non-Lethal Weapons" Who the hell coined that phrase? Tasers, Rubber Bullets, CS, Pepper spray, Etc... are NOT non-lethal. They are properly classified as Less-Lethal. Again, it comes down to "Situation Assessment" and the officer's selected "Minimum Force". I seriously doubt that the weapon used was so accurate for the officer to say "Watch me shoot that bitch in the eye" As for the "Media Coverage", I bet that by the time the cameras got there and sufficient cops were present, most of the rioters were doing the "Who-Me?-Walk": This is the walk folk do between throwing the bottles, smashing the windows and generally buggering up the environment, and moving to somewhere the cops ain't so they can start throwing the bottles etc... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

You know, there has existed a VERY fair way of "setting" police pay. It'd also work VERY well for all other essential services (Fire, EMT, Nursing etc...) It was called The Edmund-Davies Formula What you do is take the national average earnings (The IRS can give that) for the previous tax year, and pin the median police salary (say a patrolman with 8 years service) to that point. Everyone above and below that point is paid a fixed percentage of the previous years "average earnings". For example, a new recruit may get 85%, a Sergeant 115% etc... In that way the average "essential person" doesn't get screwed, but doesn't get better than the average

"What else do I think they should do?... no idea... maybe vote with their feet - get another job... petition - peaceful protest..." "Resign" doesn't work. Along with having no right to strike, a police officer can't just resign. They can apply to resign, but such a request can be refused! "Petition" is what their union body already does. "Peaceful Protest"? It is a disciplinary offence to "sow dissent". THey could (and in the circumstances most certainly would) be fined for it!!! That leaves "Work to Rule". By definition police officers HAVE to "work to rule" all the time. One of the "rules", hammered into police officers from day one, is that they should use "Minimum Force" in dealing with transgressions in the law. (Then "minimum force" is defined as sufficient to enforce the law and no more. In effect, Just Sufficient to Win Son. Once THEY'RE Coming Second, You Can Stop.) That's why a police officer doesn't point a gun at you for jaywalking - why "Tackleberry was such a funny character in the "police Academy" films. So, you have officers at the scene of a minor transgression. They have to assess the incident and apply "Minimum Force" to sort the problem. If the problem CAN be rectified by "Advice and Instruction" then the police officer has done his job. Plus, a police officer who solves a minor transgression through "Advice and Instruction" instead of a fine invariably contributes to the police service's "positive image". For example: Take a minor speeding offence. "You were doing 53mph in a 45 area. I catch you again and I'll fine you. Slow down a bit" or "You were doing 53mph in a 45 zone. That'll cost you $80." Which one leaves you bitter? Which one leaves you grateful and more likely to drive a bit slower? Which one was the correct PROPORTIONAL response to the transgression? I've done both in my police career, it depended on the offender passing what's called the "Attitude Test". Believe me, a cop WILL be more likely to resort to "Advice and Instruction" if it looks like you'll actually heed it. As I said before, I bet that the cops NOT issuing tickets are gaining the respect, and thus the compliance of the vast majority of the citizens. The town council are probably worried about not being able to afford their 5-course lunches out of the city budget". Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

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While taking an impromptu "rest break" recently, Senator John Kerry was approached by a potentially Republican photographer. The attached pic shows the result of Sen. Kerry's poorly co-ordinated haste to "make himself decent" While the injury is not life threatening, the resultant change in Kerry's voice kind of spoilt a killer speech. As a direct result of this incident, William Jefferson Clinton is to offer Kerry coaching on the "Rapid Trouser Fastening Techniques" which were such a hallmark of The Clinton Presidency! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

"Yes discretion should and is used... but not where a deciding factor is their own gains." Is this an argument against the police officers for not issuing fines, or against the council demanding fines money for revenue. Police officers ARE NOT local tax collectors! A police force is raised and maintained to preserve public safety and maintain public order. This public safety and public order should be maintained by use of "Minimum Force". If a problem can be solved by the police giving instruction and advice then "fines" or other more coercive methods should not be used. So... Strictly speaking, those officers who can effectively police WITHOUT issuing tickets are the better, more efficient police officers. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Actually it sounds like the start of a cunning plan to me! Let's see. They annexe us and not only give us the pretty blue passports (no immigration queues and bag checks

You gotta love the peace-loving Guardian... Personally I prefer "Plan B":http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=32374 "Yesterday afternoon at the close of European markets (16.00hrs GMT) leaders of the UK, France, Spain, the Netherlands, and Denmark filed a letter of intent to re-colonize the Americas. The move was widely expected after several European leaders declared the American people unfit to choose their own government. Germany, Italy, and the Republic of Ireland called for a UN backed plan that would see EU peacekeeping troops occupy the USA before their scheduled Presidential election on 2 November 2004, but hesitated to operate outside of a UN framework. Portugal has allied itself with the invading Europeans and has offered use of Portuguese territory; it has not yet committed any troops. At the time of publication it was still unclear if this policy change would affect the sovereignty of Canada, Mexico or any Caribbean or South – Central American country. Geoff Hoon, British Minister of Defence, released a statement saying, “We are working closely with our allies in Canada, Bermuda, Barbados, and other former British Crown Colonies in the Americas to co-ordinate our plan of action. We understand that Denmark is operating through its territory, Greenland, whilst France has begun preparations in St. Pierre et Miquelon. It is our understanding that Spain has sent a delegation to Mexico, Cuba and several other former colonies.” The Dutch Ambassador to the USA has called upon all liberal minded Americans to join the European forces when they arrive. The Portuguese Foreign Minister stated that Portugal supports the acts of the invading countries and that further Portugal shall exert all its influence in the region to garner more support. Developments in the Americas seem to suggest regional countries are on-board for what is being billed as the Euro Invasion. Canada has assured the Euros that it will not stand in their way. The Canadian Department of National Defence has even hinted that it may join the Euros with its own invasion of Alaska. Paul Martin, the Canadian PM, has declared, “This may be the ideal opportunity for Canada to strike first and resolve our border dispute with America over the Alaskan panhandle.” Sources later clarified that the Canadian Armed Forces would not stop at the panhandle, but would continue to annex the entire state. Spanish and Southern American officials were unavailable for comment because the announcement coincided with the traditional siesta. Australia expressed interest in annexing the US state Hawaii, until officials saw how far away it was. “You know we really feel close to America, so it was a shock to discover just how far away Hawaii is, especially as it’s far away from the rest of the USA,” John Howard, Australian PM, said to national broadcaster ABC. Most Americans were not yet aware of recent developments. The National Geographic took the opportunity to highlight more places Americans can’t find on maps by proclaiming, “An astonishing 67% of Americans in 10th grade cannot identify Denmark on an unmarked map, but what is even more worrying is that only 45% of these students could identify Denmark on a marked map.” The Department of Homeland Security has called National Geographic unpatriotic, the US Senate has voted to change its name the French National Geographic Society. Back in Europe, when asked how the Euros intend to defeat the USA in armed combat, Tony Blair, the British PM, replied, “We Europeans have more experience with war then anyone else, I’m sure we’ll find a way. Plus most US soldiers aren’t actually in the US, believe it or not a large number of them are still in Germany, Japan, South Korea and yes even here in the UK, not to mention the ones in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Bosnia.” Islamic fundamentalist groups couldn’t figure out if they should support this obviously anti-American action or if they should oppose it because it is Western Imperialism. In the end Hamas issued a statement saying that, “We will take whatever side Israel doesn’t.” Israel decided to not take any side in an effort to sow confusion in the Arab ranks. Of course no actually army has yet been raised as the European working day had come to an end at the time of the announcement, but the Euros insist they will set about it first thing in the morning, unless tomorrow is a Sunday, or some other public holiday in one of the member states, in which case it’ll have to wait until Monday week." Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

SCOTTISH!!! Seriously, "England" or Britain for that matter is ethnically 2 nations. In "the North" it's originally "viking" (Sewdish, Fresian & North German) ethnicity. In the South, you find the Pouffy Froggie ethnicity is dominant. This is proved by mapping the relative sales of beer and hairgel! Britons (and the term "Great Britain") comes from the French region Breton. And the term "Great Britain" is simply a contrast to "little Breton" Size. Not pride. Incidentally, a few years back they did this potted genetic test on "Northerners" and "Southerners". Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Northerners all ahd "viking" genes, while the Southerners had French Welsh and (of all things) Negroid genes. At one point over 20% of the population of London was negroid, but 60 years later it was down to virtually 0%. This wasn't because they'd all shipped off back to Africa or elsewhere. It was because they'd interbred and had been assimilated

Perhaps the problem is that Fidel Castro was never a "politician". He went in and "did the revolution" with a simple purpose... To improve the lot of the Cuban People... And in this he was singularly successful. Let's face it. His nationalisation of industry in Cuba wasn't unreasonable. Even Hershey (Cuba) had some "interesting" shareholders, and he set out to eradicate the Mafia hold on Cuba. Yes, there was some collateral damage. Call it "friendly fire". "The Cuban people are indisputably better off than under Batista (or "big Moe" from the South Side)." "Indisputably? I will dispute that. When they had casinos/hotels/tourism, there was the opportunity to make money and live a better life." Dispute away... Surely this a sideways return to your "organised Crime was good for Cuba" argument. Where was the opportunity for a "better life?... When the profit from industry was leaving Cuba fast headed for Atlantic City / Las Vegas / Care of Don Miguele's offshore bank accounts? Cuba has had a solid tourist industry for many years (even if it was unavailable to US Citizens)? What Cuba does have is a socialist state - socialist education, medicine, etc... I'm not sure how best to put it... While I'd love to live in the US (and may yet do so), if I fell ill, or was worried about my children fulfilling their educational potential, then I'd rather be living in Cuba!... WHere how many dollars I had didn't matter as much as how ill I was or how clever my children were! I'd like to cite a few personal examples from bitter experience: A "bruised bum" in the US costs $2,903 to diagnose and treat. Without adequate insurance that would have been 2 complete AFF courses! Very little treatment was forthcoming prior to the production of a credit card and a valid insurance!!! The overall attitude was "WE don't care... Oh. You have money... We care deeply". Compare that to Cuba - a broken leg and infected (tropical disease from coral) cut. The Cuban attitude was "You are injured? We'll treat it. You are unwell? We'll treat it. You're going home? WE'll give you copies of your notes and we'll be available for any phone calls from your hospital at home. Here's our phone #. Money for the treatment? Someone will worry about that later. First we fix you... We'll worry about the bill later". Now that's service AND correct priorities. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Am I (and perhaps the FBI) alone in thinking that's fundamentally insane and flawed? Should federal law enforcement have stayed the hell out of Las Vegas? Chicago? New York? Atlantic City? "Normalised relations"? What are normalised relations? perhaps it's a lifting of a 40 year embargo (that hasn't worked)? I don't know if living at subsistence level can be considered success. If he was a successful leader, he would have figured out how to normalize relations and bring trade back to his country. Do you REALLY think the problem is at the Cuban end? The Cuban people are indisputably better off than under Batista (or "big Moe" from the South Side). The Socialist Cuban state may not have thrived, but given the attitude of her nearest and obvious trading partner, I'd say Cuba's done pretty well. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

"Too bad he didn't break his neck, too." A churlish remark worthy of the US State Department. Strangely I admire Castro. His revolution deposed a completely corrupt government where Cuba was largely owned by the American Mafia. After more than 40 years of socialism (damned commie piracy) he still seems to enjoy the support of the people. Despite 40 years of US antipathy towards him he's still there in power and if Cuba isn't an economic powerhouse, then it's certainly survived 40 years longer than the US wanted it to. It's also survived the demise of Russian & European Communism by 15 years. He must be doing something right. Plus... When Jimmy Carter was granting full US citizenship to ANY cuban who landed on US soil Castro took the opportunity to empty his prisons... ... Now that's not only clever, it's funny and subtle as well. Of course, his style of government wouldn't be overly popular in the US ( or Britain for that matter). I mean... Imagine firing senior government members for incompetence!!! We can be certain that sort of thing won't happen here. And there's absolutely no way that we're going to stand for "important" people being actually jailed for things like corruption. I bet Enron & Halliburton wouldn't dream of having a "Cuban" division. So... Here we have a Honest Socialist and a state reminiscent of The Soviet Union before Stalin gained primacy. Long may he and the state he made continue. Oh yeah... Personally I wish Fidel Castro a speedy return to full health and a long life. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Bungee is certainly more harmful. The human body is very well designed to take accelleration (deceleration) in terms of positive G, I.E. feet to earth. It is very poorly designed to take negative G (head down). Our rigs put you the right way up before deceleration. A bungee band around the ankles does exactly the opposite. If you INSIST on strapping a big rubber band to your ankles and being stopped from hitting the ground by same, then it's your detached retina!! Mike. PS. Best student wind-up: Iona's first jump and she's beside the pilot in a C-182(no door). Bob (the pilot) does the engine run-up and cut before takeoff, sets flap and then turns to Iona and says "First time?" Iona does the nervous nod and Bob replies "Me too" (!)and throttles up for takeoffto drown out Iona's "WHAT!!!!!". Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

The problem seems to me to be in 2 parts: 1. Having signed up to the reserves for the money and the wonderful water-skiing opportunities, it must be upsetting to be sent to a desert. 2. Where is this reserve unit from? It wouldn't be some part of the US like Louisiana, where there's a tendency to speak French? Seriously, I understand that this is a transportation unit... Which allegedly lacks mission capable vehicles. Who does the maintenance on the vehicles? I assume the unit does! At the most generous this shows a degree of incompetence. At worst, the question of sabotage rears it's ugly head. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

To: Gullible Bill @ canadagov.co.uk From: Salty Pierre at BayouBargains.com Subject: Canadian Submarines. Hiya Y’all, Me and the good ole boys down here and over at Cousin Jack’s Swamp surplus have heard about the bad times y’all’ve had with dat good fo’ nuthin’ England Navy tin can. An’ we is in a damn rootin-tootin fix to sort yout yo’ li’l ole problem right down heah in the good ole southern U S of A. Now the way we sees it is that y’all’re needin’ a little sumthin’ to make GODDAMN sure that them Yankees ain’t gonna come a headin’ north on yo’ sorry li’l asses blockadin’ ports an’ shee’it. I mean, it’s all just fine and dandy while we gotta good godfearin’ godtalkin Texan in d’ seat o’ power, but all that can change faster than a possum hearin’ a rifle bolt! An’ de only good t’ing about that Bean Eatin’ Yankee competitor is that he’s sure no’ gonna come over on the invasion boats in person, is he. Anyways, me and cousin Jack have the right dandy weapons system fo’ yo’ specific needs. We ain’t gonna give y’all some bull about surface speed, submerged speed, endoorance an’ all that moosecrap like them fancy England guys woulda’ done. No Sir-ee. What way we see it is dat yo’ all is worried about a Yankee Navy Blockade. So what we is offering y’all is a submerged wee-ay-pons system that’s already been PROOFED SUCCESSFUL in just dat sityooashun. Now y’all just sit back an’ relax while I tells y’all about about the good ole CSS Hunley class submarine. Dis submarine’s combat record speaks jus’ fine fo’ it’s little ole self; One mission – One Damn Yankee ship good ‘n’ sunk. An’ all without the crew having to eat those damn silicone chips. We all knows silicone is only good fo’ one damn thing, and that was fixin’ Flat Louise’s superstructure (if yo’ know what I mean) so’s she could marry Mayor Clement. Now, at this point I jus’ know what y’all are thinkin’. Y’all is thinkin’ back to how the CSS Hunley never got back that time. Well, lemmee tell you this. We fixed dat thing. What we is gonna do is supply the Hunley Class submarine with it’s very own launch vehicle and damn foolproof homing system. Maybe I shouldn’t be a tellin’ y’all this (but you seem honest folks). What we gonna do is give y’all Burt’s ole breakdown truck with it’s winch. We replaced that big bulky steel towing cable with a whole sheeyitload of premier salmon & Pike line outta Mayor Clem’s Fish and Bait Shop (Flat Louise got us a damn good discount – which we is passin right along to y’all). Y’all just winch yo’ Hunley Class into the water, She goes and sinks the Goddamn Devil Lovin Yankees, and when yo’ Launch System operator sees the bang, he jus’ gotta start the winch on Burt’s truck, and home yo’ heroes come. We think’s itta damn good blend o’ hi-tech and reliability, an’ none of Clem’s fishin lines have ever broke, even when some white trash outta Georgia wuz dynamite-fishin’ jus’ upstream. Instructions in French is gonna be a cinch. Most of the folks aroun' heah parlez the Franglaise jus fine. We is even got a crew simulator set up for y'all at http://www.hunley.org/main_index.asp?CONTENT=SIMULATOR The other advantage we is givin’ y’all is that yo’ don’ gotta sail the t’ing all the way to Canada. Yo’ complete weapons system (includin’ launch vehicle, trailer and homin’ system) can just boogie on up I-55, an’ it ain’t gonna sink there, is it? Like I was a tellin’ y’all; RELIABILITY. Export licenses is gonna be no problemo. Mayor Clement,s got a guy Dozy George in his pocket up in Dee-Cee and can get us the licence just as soon as the ink’s dry. Oh Yeah. Mayor Clement sez that “time is of the Essence” or sumthin’ and we can accept payment in US Dollars if y’all are fast about this. Yo’ can jus’ drop the money in Washington with Dark Connie an’ yo’ truck is on it’s way. If yo don’t make it by November 3rd, then Clem says we gotta have gold or diamonds (uncut). Y’all is gonna have to take that to Harry’s Bar, Nassau. Yo’ won’t miss dark Connie there, She’ll be in the bar. She’s the one with the big beard and the Raybans. Y’aa jus’ get back to us right away, heah. Yours an’ stuff, Salty Pierre. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Just a thought... Get onto your nearest custom balloon supplier - you want about 110 balloons, red colour, with "99" on them in black. 99 of them get pinned to black baggy T and trousers. The rest are spares. Oh yeah... Helium may not be such a good idea. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hey. Maybe they've got a defence. Maybe one of them can claim Texan ancestry and the other claim Mexican Ancestry. Then they can always say that it was their interpretation of a historical re-enactment? It'd work on LA Law. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

The ultimate question of the universe is . . . . . .What is six times seven? Hitchhiker's Guide to the GAlaxy Err... NO!!! The ultimate answer WAS 42. The ultimate question was "What is seven times FIVE? Thus proving that the universe itself is fundamentally flawed. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

To: Honest Tony @ Subs4u.con From: Gullible Bill @ Canadagov.co.uk Subject: HMCS Chicoutimi Dear Sirs, Thank you for your recent memo, which is now in the hands of our solicitors. We would like to raise the following points regarding HMCS Chicoutimi. Incidentally, perhaps you will be good enough to learn to spell the vessel’s new name. 1. We now realize that the inspection by messrs Bush Haliburton & Buggerit was inadequate due to the fact that Bush & Halliburton did not have sufficiently good eyesight to see, let alone properly examine the vessel from Waco, Texas. We have also learned that the third inspector is normally employed as a shopping trolley collector at the Faslane branch of Tesco Supermarket. 2. An inspection of the submarine by the crew lead us to suspect that this is NOT a “State of the Art” underwater weapon as advertised due to the following: a) The “Silent underwater propulsion system” allegedly capable of attaining 20 knots submerged actually consists of a rubber band, which has snapped. One of the crew, who happens to be a skydiver, has pointed out that the rubber band was of inferior quality, and had it been made of Tube Stoes then it would never have failed. b) The surface propulsion system, capable of 12 knots, is in fact 2 hamsters on a wheel. One of the hamsters has died after drinking the diesel oil fed to it instead of water by our crew believing this to be the appropriate fuel. c) We were very disturbed to find that sections of the pressure hull still have the remains of “Heinz Baked Beans” labels affixed thereto. d) The “Schnorkel” underwater breathing tube was found to be lacking the ping-pong ball in the little cage at the top. e) The periscopes are made from numerous Bacofoil cardboard tubes and 2 of Cherie Blair’s vanity mirrors. We believe that leaving the last 7 inches of cooking foil still on the cardboard tube is not sufficient waterproofing of the ‘said cardboard tubes. f) Examination of the vessel’s propeller reveals the inscription “Messerschmit A.G. 1939” on the hub and it appears to come from a WWII German Bomber. As such, we doubt it’s suitability for sea water use. 3. With regard to the armaments system, we are also dissatisfied with the following: a) The instructions “Do not overwind” on the torpedo keyholes do not inspire confidence. Plus, we can’t find the winding key. b) Quite frankly we expected a somewhat more advanced surface to surface missile system than a catapult and some ball bearings. c) Likewise, the CIWS (close in weapons system) appears to consist of the wardroom darts set. 4. We accept your claims regarding the previous owner. These claims are in fact borne out by the fact that Numbers 3, 5 and 8 ballast tanks were still full of export proof (60% volume) London Gin, and our Grizzly Mascot is presently indisposed after eating 12 cartons of Marlboro (By appointment etc…) which he found under the chart table. We would point out however; that we feel the vessel was not properly valeted prior to delivery. We will be sending you the vets bill for our mascot. As a gesture of goodwill, our crew have volunteered to drain the aforesaid ballast tanks. They mentioned something like “They’ve bloody earned it” in a recent signal to us, but we cannot confirm their exact words since for some reason the signal was not entirely clear. 5. We expect the vessel to arrive back with you shortly. We further expect that the dockyard workers will moderate their behaviour compared to last time. In particular please instruct them NOT to laugh like they did when our crew set out. 6. We would take this opportunity to point out that we have been approached by Shady Pierre, a representative of Rumsfeld (Alabama) Mfg.Co. He informs us that he can obtain a former American submarine which is presently available for recommission in Charleston. He points out that not only is the “CSS Hunley” Class submarine considerably cheaper, but that is has already been proven successful in combat. In conclusion, we expect you to repair and refurbish the vessel to an adequate and safe standard, failing which we will be forced to consider Shady Pierre’s offer. We also want some of the used notes back from your Chancellor of the Exchequer. Failing this, our Grizzly Mascot will be paying a visit to the offices of your associate Clever Gordon to check out his wood paneling. Yours Faithfully, Gullible Bill. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

To: The Colonial Government of Canada. From: Honest Tony @ Subs4U.con Subject: HMCS chica... HMCS Chocki... HMCS Chucka... Your Recent Purchase. Dear sirs, Thank you for your recent purchase and the payment thereof in used non sequencial notes. We understand that you have since experienced and publicised some teething troubles with our wonderful product. As such we feel duty bound to point out the following: 1. The vessel was "sold as seen" and was the subject of an independent inspection by messrs Bush Haliburton and Buggerrit, who pronounced it suitable for Canadian use. 2. We can confirm that the vessel had only one previous owner, a little old lady called Liz who only used it on Sundays to nip down to the shops at Calais to get cheap Gin for her Mum and Fags for her Sister. Further, Liz only used it when she didn't feel like waving to people. 3. All sales are final, and we note that you did not purchase the after sales care package from Barrow Shipbuilders, perhaps believing that since the vessel didn't have a wheelbarrow you wouldn't need the package. 4. Please note that any warrantry expressed or implied does not cover damage caused by the following: a) Nailing Moose Heads to walls, particularly external ones. b) Cutting holes in the floor to go fishing. c) Modifications to the propulsion system - specifically making Kayak holes in the top, even if you think you can paddle faster. d) Mistranslations of instructions and warning signs to include French. Frankly, in this case you have only yourself to blame. British Submarines are NOT fitted with an automated "Reddite" system! e) Damage to fittings, floor and wall surfaces due to skates, pucks and sticks. 5. We would remind you that there is no wood used anywhere in this vessel other than the Captain's cabin. Consequently, it should have been obvious that your Grizzly Mascot would have nowhere else to shit! 6. We are presently towing your vessel back to the point of sale. Please note that the guys in the salvage pedaloes will NOT go faster if you use a long pole and some string to dangle a 6-pack of Molson in front of them. They've already tasted it. 7. Any repairs carried out by us will be charged at the rate of $CDN 12.00 per roll of Duct Tape. The tape is guaranteed impervious to fresh water only. Perhaps when you get it home you can just use it on lakes, rivers and stuff. Let's face it, that is your main threat axis. 8. We would remind you that The Submarine arm of a navy is known as "The "Silent Service". So shut up and stop bleating. In conclusion, we're keeping the money, and would point out that claiming your recent purchase is; "About as much use as a submarine with screen doors" is an unworthy pun. Yours Faithfully (yeah, sure), Honest Tony. PS. Can we interest you in some nice assault rifles which are manufactured to the same high standards? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

If skydiving into a wedding is good enough for James Bond and that guy from Hawaii Five-O, then I really don't see how anyone can complain if you... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Some Wal-Mart customers (Al & Tx) will soon be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. "While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to toss a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine", said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said, "but the right name is important." So, here we go: The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine: 12. Chateau Traileur Parc 11. White Trashfindel 10. Big Red Gulp 9. Grape Expectations 8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays" 7. NASCARbernet 6. Chef Boyardeaux 5. Peanut Noir 4. Chateau des Moines 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. World Championship Riesling 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (Possum) and red meat (squirrel). Any more name suggestions? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Interesting theory... Does anyone know if they make Kevlar vests with the flaps in the back as opposed to the sides or top? I hope no-one's suggesting that he's dumb enough to put his Kevlar vest on back-to-front!? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

"the score group?" Yeah. The Score Group. Just think of them as combination Accuracy Judges and bouncy pad. Of course, you gotta jump barefoot with a $20 bill tucked between the toes of your touchdown foot! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.