Skydiving & kids

[SDiver218 0]

I have a son, and I started thinking about this just the other day. Does the practise of skydiving when you have children an act of irresponsibility? If so, why?...and if not, then why not? What benefits to your kids can you provide through skydiving?

This question goes out to those who actually have kids, because I think that if you don't have one, its hard to relate (like skydiving, unless you've done it you don't know what its like).

At this point I'm not sure one way or the other, so I thought I'd get some perspective from those of you who I am sure have had these thoughts before.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Ah that's just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk. - Barney Gumbal

[skymama 37]

I have 2 teenagers and I've wrestled with this a lot. Skydiving brings so much to my life and I'm so happy after jumping that I think it makes me a better mother since I bring that happiness to other aspects of my life.

My son and I had a conversation a few months ago about the skydiving accident I had in 2000. He said, "mom, when I came in the house and you looked so bad, I thought you were going to die". I asked him if he wished that I had stopped for good. He said, "no, because you're living your life and you're happy". I think that is a great lesson for the kids to learn through all this. Although, I have a feeling it's going to bite me in the ass when he decides to become a BASE jumper and I'll have to hear him say, "but mom, you always told me to do things that make me happy!"

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[SDiver218 0]

Thanks for the input. I'm just waiting for the inevitable conversation with my exwife when she brings up the fact that I shouldn't be skydiving, when we have a 6 year old son together.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Ah that's just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk. - Barney Gumbal

[skymama 37]

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I'm just waiting for the inevitable conversation with my exwife when she brings up the fact that I shouldn't be skydiving, when we have a 6 year old son together.

I do think that when you have children you do need to be a little more conservative in your jumping choices. You can always go over the fatality statistics with her that are published every year in Parachutist. I think that once you look at each one individually and look at the specific situations, it makes it a little less scary for whuffos who don't really understand. That's what I did with my parents, and it seemed to reduce their fears somewhat. Plus, I always point out that I don't hook turn, my wing loading is conservative, I don't jump in squirrely winds, etc. so they can see that I'm being as careful as I can.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[steve1 5]

I think you need to do something for yourself, but at the same time be a responsible parent. If you are spending all your free time at the drop zone or spending all your money on jumping, you are not a responsible parent. Kids need your time and financial support. But at the same time being a parent can be a very draining thing. You need time to recharge and have some fun. There's nothing like skydiving for that. I don't see anything wrong with finding a balance between the two......Steve1

[Thanatos340 1]

I have fought this internal (and sometimes external) battle for 11 years now. I made my first Jumps right after my daughter was born and then quit after my now Ex convinced me that I was being irresponsible. I started up again several years later and got the same lectures from the ex (She hold a PHD in Guilt) and once again gave up my dream to meet the perception of being a more responsible father.
Last year I finally felt that my daughter was old enough and mature enough to discuss this with her directly. She thought I should follow my own advise and continue jumping if it was I really wanted to do (She has done a pretty good job of raising me so far, just ask her). It has still been challenging because she gets priority on weekend and feels that the DZ is quite possibly the most boring place on the planet so I don’t get to go to the DZ as often as I would like. Fortunately for me she has also reached an age where hanging out with friends is cooler than hanging out with dad so I have finally been able to get the DZ enough to finish AFF.

The best advice I can give you is set an example for your child. If you really want to make something happen, Do it.

[lazyfrog 0]

well... we have many people with kids skydiving at the DZ... even instructors.. is skydiving more dangerous than motorbike ? I mean on streets with turns like we have. is it safer to go scuba diving ? the only thing is you have to remember you have a family, and take a bit more care on what you do, take less risk, maybe stop doing these mega hookturns, why not upsize or get a smoother canopy... is it better for your children to have a happy mom or dad, rather than frustrated parents ???

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Fumer tue, péter pue
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ourson #10, Mosquito Uno, CBT 579

[audsky 0]

I think it's a tough one. Both My husband and myself were experienced skydivers before we had our 3 year old. We both wanted to keep jumping and felt that we were already careful jumpers, not really into taking unnecessary risks. We rarely jump together anymore, as we tend to alternate unless we have a babysitter!
I think it's down to individual choice really.

[Blahr 0]

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Thanks for the input. I'm just waiting for the inevitable conversation with my exwife when she brings up the fact that I shouldn't be skydiving, when we have a 6 year old son together.

I've had that one with my ex-wife already. We have 2 sons.
But she couldnt make me stop when we were still married, she cant now either.
Does she think I'm being irrisponsible? Yep.
Can I change her thinking? Nope.

The other side of the coin is that I'm always there for my kids. I pay my support regularly and she never had to fight to get it. I pay more than a court would require
and I do so not because anyone else tells me I should. I do it because its my moral responsibility to support my children.
I go to all school functions, I talk to them on the phone several time a week and I see them every weekend even when I dont have them with me I go for a quality time visit to their house.

My boys KNOW that they are important to me and that I love them. They never have to wonder.

As long as you are a good, responsible father to your son, spend lots of quality time, you dont shortchange your ex-wife on support so you can make more jumps,
and dont blow your son off in favor of going to the DZ,
then keep on jumping. As long as you have your priorities in order, there is no shame in making yourself happy too.

[SDiver218 0]

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Thanks for the input. I'm just waiting for the inevitable conversation with my exwife when she brings up the fact that I shouldn't be skydiving, when we have a 6 year old son together.

I've had that one with my ex-wife already. We have 2 sons.
But she couldnt make me stop when we were still married, she cant now either.
Does she think I'm being irrisponsible? Yep.
Can I change her thinking? Nope.

The other side of the coin is that I'm always there for my kids. I pay my support regularly and she never had to fight to get it. I pay more than a court would require
and I do so not because anyone else tells me I should. I do it because its my moral responsibility to support my children.
I go to all school functions, I talk to them on the phone several time a week and I see them every weekend even when I dont have them with me I go for a quality time visit to their house.

My boys KNOW that they are important to me and that I love them. They never have to wonder.

As long as you are a good, responsible father to your son, spend lots of quality time, you dont shortchange your ex-wife on support so you can make more jumps,
and dont blow your son off in favor of going to the DZ,
then keep on jumping. As long as you have your priorities in order, there is no shame in making yourself happy too.

Thanks for the input. It sounds like we're in very similar situations. I see my son whenever I can, usually in the summers and on school breaks since he's out of state (she's in the USAF so she moves every few years)...or I'll just fly up to spend some quality time with him. Talk to him every night, and do all that I can for him. You make some good points, and I guess you could look at skydiving from the context that its actually not as unsafe as most people would think, provided that you make it safe. I'm sure that it can provide some intangible benefits to kids too.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Ah that's just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk. - Barney Gumbal

[Harksaw 0]

What do you ppl think that most skydivers do when they have children? I imagine that most people who stop skydiving dont post to dropzone.com.

__________________________________________________
I started skydiving for the money and the chicks. Oh, wait.

[freakydiver 0]

Hands down - backcountry skiing and snowboardig is a hell of alot more dangerous to me than skydiving IMHO of course...

I can honestly say I will not stop trekking around the backcountry when I finally have kids - it will be something I teach them as my father taught me. The mountains can be very unforgiving, but with respect one can be safe out there.

I believe this is more true with skydiving. I honestly believe I have true control over my safety 99 percent of the time while jumping, moreso than with snow covered slopes. I will teach my children the love I get from both jumping and trekking, as we live to live, not the contrary.

-- (N.DG) "If all else fails – at least try and look under control." --

[SDiver218 0]

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What do you ppl think that most skydivers do when they have children? I imagine that most people who stop skydiving dont post to dropzone.com.

Go read the original post. This wasn't a question or a poll of who has or has not stopped skydiving. It was simply a question posited towards ***current skydivers*** who have kids.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Ah that's just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk. - Barney Gumbal

[kitof1976 0]

I personally have two young daughters (4 & 6) and I honestly don't see my skydiving as an act of irresponsability. Jumping out of a plane isn't an irresponsible act in itself. To me it's just an other activity in life that could be dangerous like motorcycling, scuba diving, driving a car, crossing a busy road...I do everything I can to be safe and I leave the rest up to fatality.
Life is dangerous no matter what you do and no one can control fatality. I personally figured that my chances of dying skydiving are not much greater than the chances of dying from other accidental causes in everyday's life.
As long as you keep your skydiving addiction in balance with the emotional and financial responsabilities you have towards your kids, then skydiving is not irresponsible. Skydiving becomes irresponsable when it takes over one's life.

My 2 cents.

"We see the world just the way we are...

[Casch 0]

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Skydiving becomes irresponsable when it takes over one's life.

Are you saying I'm irresponsible??? I suppose you'd be right

[SkyMissy 0]

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."

-Helen Keller-

________________________________________________
Mike

[freakyflygirl 0]

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is it better for your children to have a happy mom or dad, rather than frustrated parents ???

Agree with you 100% on this.

I don't consider skydiving to be irresponsible, however all of my whuffo friends and relatives will disagree with you emphatically. Especially after I broke my ankle, the judgement has tripled. They look at it like I was so lucky to only get away with a broken ankle....it could/should have been much worse. I just don't get their way of thinking .

[wmw999 2,589]

Awesome, Blahr. Really awesome. Your kids have a great dad, who demonstrates great values every day.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[jimmytavino 16]

When our daughter, who will be twenty this year, and our son who will be 18, were little......my skydiving took something of a back seat... on my list of priorities..... My wife, who never has made a jump and I ,,, both shared in the time, and energy needed to concentrate on the kids.....
I really did not feel it was fair for me to run off to the DZ on the weekends,, while Nancy dealt with toddlers.....( I had 1,200 jumps when we met.) so...... I didn't..But We both knew that I was not likely to simply stop skydiving.....There were quite a few years in succession,,, where i only made maybe a dozen,,, or so, jumps in an entire calendar year....( It took me 9 or 10 years to get through a 150 jump log book,, back in the mid 80's. ( and usually they were made 3 or so at a time,, and so you can see how seldom I got out... to the club.....)
AND yet,,,it was good, and it was worth it.... and the kids never really even knew,,, that Dad wasn't going jumping very often...... we just played,,, and did things,,,went on walks, went to the zoo... and the kids schedules had priority......if they had to go to a birthday party or something @ school....etc.
Now,, many years later,, the kids have activities of their own,,,,( once in a while they'll come out to the dropzone) , They generally plan things on the weekend with friends etc.,,, which do not include ME!!!... and since the local club has had a turbine for the last 7 or 8 years.... I have increased the number of jumps I make each year to a little over a hundred, or so..... by more regular attendance at the dz.....( There Must be something about 13- Five.... which i just can't ignore..).
I feel very little guilt,, because it is tempered by my sense of satisfaction at having slowed down,,, back when the kids were little...... when I should have slowed down a bit......Our daughter enjoyed her first jump almost a year ago....and yet has not shown a "burning desire" to make her second.....Still, When she's ready,, there is a good chance that 'dad' will be around to join her......Always Do what you know you MUST do,,,, in the present,,
,It will make for a happy past,,,
and encourage you expect a happy future.....
Skydiving & Kids.????....... Sure,,
I'll have a healthy dose of BOTH..
.. wouldn't want it any other way......
.good luck with your children... enjoy,,,,'cause they grow up REAL fast.......of skydiving with a GRANDCHILD !!!!!!!!!!

[Deuce 1]

What's your most vivid memory of your Dad when you were a child?

My kids dig watching me skydive, and everbody at the DZ really likes them.

Pulling cars over in Oakland at 3:00am was way more dangerous, and never allowed me to ask "Have you ever been pulled over before?" "Uh, no." "BEER! "

Being an alcoholic is more dangerous. So is just killing time in a job you hate waiting for that first fatal heart attack.

My favorite skydiving couple with kids raised their son and daughter on the DZ and they turned out fine (the kids and the parents).

[skybytch 273]

I was a single parent getting no help from my 6 year old son's sperm donor (he'd never been involved) when I started jumping. I was told repeatedly how irresponsible it was for me to be jumping out of airplanes when there was no one else other than my parents to take over if anything happened to me.

Did what people said affect me? Sure it did. Was I worried about what might happen should I be injured or killed? Sure I was. But I would not allow the fact that I had a child stop me from doing what I loved to do - from my first jump I knew that skydiving was going to be a huge part of my life.

I handled it by doing everything I could to reduce the amount of risk I was exposing myself to. I jumped a big canopy (still do). I was very careful about the conditions I jumped in (still am). Eventually the people who's opinions mattered to me (my parents and my son) began to understand that while shit could happen to me jumping, it could just as easily happen to me driving down the highway. It didn't take too long; seeing me truly happy with myself and what I was doing helped alot.

My son spent many a weekend at the dropzone while I was jumping, packing and teaching. Maybe not the best environment for a child, but he's turned out just fine. He's far more mature than most kids his age (he's 19 now); I credit a lot of that to hanging out with mostly (skydiver) adults during his childhood.

I don't think having kids and jumping should be mutually exclusive. Like others have said, as long as you're taking care of what needs to be taken care of then you're doing your job as a parent. You deserve to live your life too after all.

[lazerq3 0]

I have a 4yr old and a 16month old and by not trying to sound like the hard ass I've never struggled over the thought of jumping and being a parent!! I started when my first was only about 2yr old and havnet looked back!! My wife knows that I do everything I can to make each jump safe. I feel I'm a very responcible parent if not more than a lot of parents that dont jump!!! When I'm home I am home with my kids doing things with them and making the time count..... Hell like I said I see people that would never jump think its to much of a hassle to take there kid across the street to play at the park with them...But I'am also the type of person that needs a "gun to there head" and have a sence of danger /thrill in there life....and just becuase you become a parent doesnt mean you have to lose that....you just may have to cover your bets a little better!!

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I don't think having kids and jumping should be mutually exclusive. Like others have said, as long as you're taking care of what needs to be taken care of then you're doing your job as a parent. You deserve to live your life too after all.

I think that right there somes it up perfectly!!!

jason

Freedom of speech includes volume

[freakyflygirl 0]

Very well said Bytch!!! In my experience (and I could be off on this) but it seems Moms tend to battle with this question more than the Dads. It might be just that I talk more with the Moms vs. the Dads, I'm not sure.

I've heard a lot of couples that both jump and have kids say that they won't jump on the same load...just in case. I don't really agree with that statement, I think jumpin with your SO is important. I can see if it's to keep an eye on the kids but how cool is it to do some jumps with your SO?
To each his own.

[lazerq3 0]

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In my experience (and I could be off on this) but it seems Moms tend to battle with this question more than the Dads.

Being a dad I think I would agree wiht that statement>>> I mean I love my kids to death along with my wife but i believe that mothers may have a deeper bond with there kids that fathers may not understand and thats ok!! Not all moms but I think more than less!!

jason

Freedom of speech includes volume

[Scottyb 0]

My wife & I have 2 kids 17 & 8 and our youngest is at the drop zone with us often and can't wait for those 10 years to pass so she can jump. our 17 year old is going to do a tandem when he's 18 so he can see what mom & dad are so hooked on. I think skydiving teaches our kids that when you can do something that involves risk with the proper training and within your abilities you can achieve anything! We usually go on separate loads and are careful in all aspects of skydiving. I think we are pretty responsible parents and skydiving is passion and a challenge that can be applied to life in general. I have a bumper sticker on my truck that sums up skydiving well "take risks not to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping".

Blue skies
scottyb