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Michele

I'm Back

By Michele, in General Skydiving Discussions

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Michele    1

Michele
As I slip into the misty morning, I am both terrified of jumping, and anxious to get back into the air. It's been such a very long time, more than 75 days, since my last jump; and my body has been put through a bit in the interim.

Driving through the gauze, I begin to wonder if I can do this. I know I *can*, but can I? It's been so very long, and while I have confidence in my jumping, and confidence in the gear, I wonder what it is that brings me back into the blue again. What do I find there, hidden in the sky, that feeds me, makes my soul sing so loudly? What lays there, in the crisp air, in the sunset's rays, that feeds my mind, that touches my heart, that makes me understand how the world works, and how I work within the world?

And then I am at the DZ, and all philosophical thoughts flee. I say hi to friends, and go to the office to sign up for the recurrency jump. I've felt the need to retrain, to go through the emergency procedures, to practice on the ground. And I feel the need to be with a friend - a known person - in the sky. I'm offered the chance to jump early with someone I've never met, and decline. I want to jump with LewMonst...and if that means I wait all day, then so be it. I need the comfort, the reassurance, and the friendship today more than I need the training, I think.

And so I wait. Rosa, chipper and beautiful as always, hangs out with me between jumps, and then Crystal Sanchez comes over and we are introduced. And then Nightengale arrives, gear over her shoulder, and then Aubrey shows up. He is looking as nervous as I feel, and is wondering if he's going to jump. I watch the day pass, sitting on the picnic benches, feeling the winds, and seeing how very odd things are.

I listen to a TM brief a group of first time tandems, and he has a very funny spiel. I am laughing, but the group listening is serious, intent, focussed on learning everything right away. He talks about not charging for a second freefall if a reserve ride is needed, and I laugh out loud.

That group goes up, and then jumps. I'm watching the blooming of the parachutes, loving that sight - bright multicolored canopies splashed against a spring blue sky - and Lew comes over...

"Um, do we have a solid orange tandem canopy?" she asks, worried face peering skyward.

I look. I have no idea what equipment has been borrowed, so have no answer. I do point out that there is no pilot chute, and Lew takes off, running for the landing area. Not knowing how to contribute, I sit there, watching. Vibe-ing, I suppose. It's a perfect stand-up landing, and the passenger doesn't seem to think there was anything odd about it...the TM says that there was a line over that went into a spin, so he told her to arch, and then he cut away and pulled reserve. I am duly impressed, as he is fairly nonchalant about it.

And then Kris relates how a shoe plopped in front of her while she was arriving, and we try to figure out if anyone is missing a shoe...but there is no claim of that, so we let it go. And then Aubrey is so nervous, he agrees to jump if I'm on the plane with him. But I'm not sure when I will be on the plane as I am getting recurrent, there is a slew of tandems, and there is one tandem rig short now because of the reserve ride. And I am now beginning to think I don't really want to jump today - it's a weird day, and do I really want to do this? Airweenie is peeking her head up, after a year's absence, and I am surprised and dismayed with that.

Lew comes over and we start the retraining. That lady's style is so smooth, so gentle, so personable, that this goes very well. I remember everything I'm supposed to remember, and we sit there, on creepers, talking. She gets called to go video a tandem, and I sit there, chewing my nails, wondering what I am so nervous and scared about...I am all right, it's skydiving, sure, but I'll be all right.

And while that brief moment of confidence is there, I manifest Lew and me for the sunset jump...and make sure Aubrey is on it, as well.

And now, it's time. Get geared up, new goggles, check everything, dry mouth. So get some water, and need more. And sling the familiar weight of my container on my back, touch handles a gazillion times, and get more water. And retie my shoes, put my helmet on, take it off, get more water, and now it's time to board...

Climb in, sit down, belt in. It's automatic now, it's routine. I remember this so well. My belly is settling down, and, as we take off over the lake, I peek out the window. It is a beautiful gentle sunset, and soon I will be in that sky...soon, I will be playing in our playground. I reach my hand out the door, and feel the softness of the early evening air, touch the velvet sky, and smile. I am coming home.

I look across at Aubrey, and he is really nervous. I smile at him, and try to let him know all is well, all will be well, and this will be fun. And as we climb into the sky, I realize I am seeing myself in him, and know exactly the hard heartslamming beating at his ribs, the sweat beading up, and the inward consideration that is going on. And I want to tell him I know - oh, I know - but I also know that will be no real help, so I just pat his leg.

And then the tracking group in front of us begin to chat about where we are - it seems the pilot is holding us up there, and it's getting darker and darker. It's going to be a seriously close call, and I reconsider jumping. I decide to jump anyway, although it will be rather dark when I land.

And now comes the green light. And out goes the tracking jump, and Lew climbs out. And I take grips and signal I'm ready - all business now. And the count comes, and I follow her leg out aggressively, and we are stable right away, and release grips quickly. And I stay stable, and I am facing the sun. As it melts into the ocean, the rose rays penetrating the mist, I realize why I am here - I love this, I am happy doing this, and it satisfies me in a way no other thing can possibly do.

I look over at Lew, wave, and throw a backloop - solid. Open perfectly, absolutely no change in heading, no waffling. I grin. And then decide I will try to do the things I've learned in the tunnel - the leg turns, not the knee turns, and I do, both ways, 360s, on heading. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And then do the subtle arm turns, 90 each way. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! again. Man, I can do this stuff. Here I am, back in the sky, playing with my body, exploring the slipstream of the sky and of my mind. How amazingly fun is this????

And then I just grin at Lew. She's grinning back, her eyes twinkling, and there is such a joy on her face, such a beautiful grace, that I am touched in my heart.

But now it's 6K, and it's time to turn and track. Wave bye bye, turn, "be the airplane wing", and shoot off into the sunset for the briefest moment it's just me and the sky and the sunset and my body and if I could do this for the rest of eternity I would but then my hamstring cramps and it's time to deploy.

Open goes the canopy, and I have a moment when I can't locate the DZ as it's gotten rather dark. Off come the goggles, and it's marginally better, but not really, but I can see the DZ and I get over it and just play. In the darkening sky, I dance, free, whole, complete. Turning, spiraling through the dusk, the sun's last breath touching me, turning me rose and gold, and I revel in the softening air.

At about 500, I hit some turbulence, and it startles me. But that's all right, too. Open the canopy and let it fly. And then I realize I will be rather long, and it's dark, and I make my turn onto final and I have some speed and I really will be long, and now it's time to flare so I start it slowly, realize I am very very high - the ground retreated once I started my flare, but I've committed, have to fly this out and slowly slowly increase the flare and work it as I realize I am downwind and then I think well I can run this out and then decide no I can't and finish the flare and hit the ground with lots of forward momentum and drop and tuck and roooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll at least twice and then onto my feet and the dust is settling and I am fine and that was a great jump but what a landing and I gather my stuff together and grab Lew and hug her.

What a wonderful jump, and what a wonderful friend and what a wonderful day and I so needed to remember who I am when I'm in the sky and how whole it makes me feel.

And to see the sky - indeed the world - while in the molten gold and rose air, the muted bluebrown of the mountains, the mist creeping in, blending the outlines into indistinct shapes; to see that, to know that, to breathe that in...how special that was, and how blessed am I...

I'm back, in many more ways than one.

Ciels-
Michele


~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

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Kramer    0

Kramer
Michele, great story. Your writing abilities are incredible.

I just did a jump for the first time in two months like a week ago...it's a fun sport isn't it? B|

Hope ya can stay current!!!

The FAKE KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!

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skyyhi    0

skyyhi
Oh man, I am so sorry I didn't stick around and jump on Sunday. It would have been great to see you in the sky again. . .

You brought a tear to my eye as usual girl. . .
________________________________________
Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ
FGF #6
Darcy

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Michele    1

Michele
Quote

I was the one comforting her, the big baby.


Yup. Sobbing, quaking with fear, peeing in my underpants. YOU manifested me, and you checked with me to make sure I wanted to jump when it got dark, 'cause you know me's skeeeeeeered of the dark...

ROFL!!!!!!!!!! It was great to see you, Aubrey.

Thanks, guys. It's nice to be back. I had a really busy day, and all through it, I was back in the sky, bathed in the gold, playing with Lew. I had a wee smile on my face all day long, even when it wasn't going the way I wanted...why? Because I flew in the sunset, danced in the sky, and rode the last edge of the day into the coming night.

How could I not smile?

Ciels-
Michele


~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

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flyangel2    2

flyangel2
I'm really glad to hear you got to make a jump. I'm sure having Lew there to help was a great source of strength.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

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Michele    1

Michele
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I'm sure having Lew there to help was a great source of strength.


Goodness yes. Lew's such a wonderful lady...and Ed's pretty cool, too.;)

And Cindi, thanks...

Ciels-
Michele


~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

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Decibel    0

Decibel
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I look across at Aubrey, and he is really nervous. I smile at him, and try to let him know all is well, all will be well, and this will be fun.



About a month ago one of my AFF ground school class-mates was out for (I think) his level 4. He was nervous as hell and told me that might be his last jump. I was sad to hear this and told him he just needed to relax and have fun. We talked for a while, and I tried to reassure him that if he relaxed everything would work out fine.

Luckily I was on the same load he was. I was part of a 4-way, so one of the first groups out. Right before the red light came on, I pointed at him to get his attention, gave him the hand signal to relax, a thumbs-up, and a big grin. He returned the thumbs-up and a bit of a forced smile.

There was nothing forced about his ear-to-ear grin when he got down on the ground! Hopefully he'll have a long skydiving career.

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