AMERICANS SNEAKING INTO CANADA IN RECORD NUMBERS

[IanHarrop 43]

I don't often come to SC (for good reason when I look at the posts here) but I got this in an email this morning, found it funny, and this seems like the appropriate place to share this kind of humor =====

AMERICANS SNEAKING INTO CANADA IN RECORD NUMBERS


The Manitoba Herald - as Reported by Clive Runnels

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are
prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that
blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said.
"The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that
they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive
them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa
Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show (Myron
Floren in case you could not remember) we become very suspicious about
their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael
Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the
Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How
many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to
President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter,
Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on
postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said. The
Herald will be interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary from
the dead in time for the concert!

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[CanuckInUSA 0]

Quote

What's the difference between an American Liberal and a Canadian Liberal?

The American Liberal knows a firearm will not automatically turn on them for simply being in the same room as the inanimate object.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[Andy9o8 2]

Quote

Quote

What's the difference between an American Liberal and a Canadian Liberal?

The American Liberal knows a firearm will not automatically turn on them for simply being in the same room as the inanimate object.

Aha!! I can prove you wrong!! We have a small shelf on the wall with little knick-knacks. From vibrations of footsteps and traffic, they tend to very slowly migrate toward the edge over a period of weeks. Now suppose we had a loaded gun on there, with a round in the chamber, safety off and hammer back. And it slowly migrated toward the edge. Eventually, it could fall off the edge. It could go off! And if someone were in the room (preferably a gun-o-phobe), they could get shot- simply from being in the same room as the inanimate object! Dig that.

[turtlespeed 226]

Quote

Quote

What's the difference between an American Liberal and a Canadian Liberal?

The American Liberal knows a firearm will not automatically turn on them for simply being in the same room as the inanimate object.

They want everything given to them without having to work for it -
No - that's not it

Umm - They want free healthcare -
No - not it either - that still goes with the first one.

They want the environment cleaned up 100% while they still utilize what makes it dirty -
No - that can't be it either

I know - The want to hug the French!
No - No one likes THAT . . .

OOh OOh - I got it -
They can agressivly agree with them selves by saying "Eh?!"

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[skyrider 0]

I'll have to pass this on to my Canadian buddies!

[CanuckInUSA 0]

Quote

I'll have to pass this on to my Canadian buddies!

We do have Randy Quaid. He's here now claiming refugee status. But we sent his wife back to California to face the couple's crime spree they are alleged to have committed before fleeing north where crime is not only tolerated, it is encouraged. Randy's wife already has family ties to Canada, so she can come and go as she pleases. But not Randy, if Randy returns to face his accusers he may never be allowed back into "Hug a Thug" Canada (only country in the world where you can admit that you built the bomb which blew up an airplane killing 329 people and still be allowed to walk the streets as a free man).

Omar Khadr, is the Canadian Liberal's number one poster child and will soon be welcomed back to Canada as a Liberal hero with his victory parade through the streets of Toronto. But Randy Quaid ranks up there very high as another poster boy for the "Hug a thug, the more delusional you are the more you will fit in" Liberal cause here north of the border.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[mdrejhon 8]

Quote

What's the difference between an American Liberal and a Canadian Liberal?

There's almost no difference between an American Liberal and a Canadian Conservative.

Our Conservative government (which many of us hate) is more left-wing than Obama in many ways.

How ironic.

[DSE 5]

That story must be false. I'd NEVER consider sneaking into Manitoba.
Sweetgrass is SO much easier.

[Amazon 7]

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That story must be false. I'd NEVER consider sneaking into Manitoba.
Sweetgrass is SO much easier.

Hell I have snuck into Canada and did not even know it..... The RCMP dude knew it though.... he almost went into apoplectic fits with what I had in the 4x4

[shropshire 0]

Well they do the jobs that you lot wont do ...

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[popsjumper 2]

Where's Dudley Do-right when you need him?

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[SkyDekker 1,465]

Quote

Hell I have snuck into Canada and did not even know it..... The RCMP dude knew it though.... he almost went into apoplectic fits with what I had in the 4x4

Should be lucky it didn't happen the other way around, you would have ended up in Guantanamo Bay.

[Amazon 7]

Quote

Quote

Hell I have snuck into Canada and did not even know it..... The RCMP dude knew it though.... he almost went into apoplectic fits with what I had in the 4x4

Should be lucky it didn't happen the other way around, you would have ended up in Guantanamo Bay.

Hey it was the hunting season in 1978.... long before the US Government completely nutted up and started shipping people off to other countries for torture.