Al Qaeda Labour Problem

[SkyDekker 1,465]

Hi folks:
I thought you should be made aware of this serious setback to the UK branch of Al Qaeda.

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they
are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this May from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years
of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs, (B.O.O.M.), responded with a statement
that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of
Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama
bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their
demands. They are not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace".

"Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice
between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting pension benefits, but I'd hate to have to
tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the northeast of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated
that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway".

A strike may not be necessary, however, as the number of suicide bombings has been decreasing lately. This has
been attributed to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that suicide bombers know what a
virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.

[skycop 0]

I guess we don't need an economic recovery afterall......

That's good stuff.

"Just 'cause I'm simple, don't mean I'm stewpid!"

[Gawain 0]

I needed a good laugh...that's funny shit there!!

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!