Two Most Important Events in History

[rickjump1 0]

Sadly, the author is unknown. I feel this is just a friendly reminder of how we men and women choose our political affilations, and who knows, maybe some have been lost along the way. I hope this might help to bring you back into the fold. This is important stuff.
...........................................................................
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth: the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc,with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, Ivy League professors, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

[marks2065 0]

Quote

Sadly, the author is unknown. I feel this is just a friendly reminder of how we men and women choose our political affilations, and who knows, maybe some have been lost along the way. I hope this might help to bring you back into the fold. This is important stuff.
...........................................................................
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth: the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc,with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, Ivy League professors, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

well it looks like the liberals are going to be running the white house soon. i think i will be changing to liberal. i am getting tired of working to feed the liberals so maybe i should sit on my ass and let Obama figure out how to feed and clothe me. it seems to work for 20-30% of this country. o shit i can't become liberal because if everyone like me stopped working Obama and his buddies wouldn't have anything to take from us and give to the lazy.

[nerdgirl 0]

Quote

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

How are we defining history?

History of the planet? I would argue shift from reducing atmosphere to oxidizing one was much more important. Extinction of the dinosaurs, which facilitated the rise of mammals, perhaps the second.

If history is defined as 'human history," #1 & #2 are unquestionably domestication of animals and plants. That had to happen for wheel, beer & soap(invented in the area of ancient Iraq), writing, mathematics, etc.

If recorded human history, I'd offer steel and germ theory. Altho' might revise that one.

VR/Marg

Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters.
Tibetan Buddhist saying

[Andrewwhyte 1]

Quote

If recorded human history, I'd offer steel and germ theory. Altho' might revise that one.

VR/Marg

Gotta go with gunpowder and the printing press.

[billvon 3,107]

> I would argue shift from reducing atmosphere to oxidizing one was much more
>important. Extinction of the dinosaurs, which facilitated the rise of mammals,
>perhaps the second.

Such small things. I think I'd go with formation of the planet Earth in the liquid water band, and the first emergence of heritable genetic coding.

>If history is defined as 'human history," #1 & #2 are unquestionably
>domestication of animals and plants.

I think I might go with the ability to hunt using tools (along with agriculture.) It kicked off a lot of other technological development, especially when the first hunter realized that that obsidian-tipped spear worked just as well against Grog the woman-stealer as against that gazelle.

>If recorded human history, I'd offer steel and germ theory. Altho' might revise that one.

Hmm. There I might go with the development of writing (which sort of defines the beginning of recorded history) and natural philosophy (later to be known as science.)

[lawrocket 3]

Personally, I'd go with the Big Bang, bill. Without that, the universe as we know it would not exist.

After that? Well, I'm having a hard time arguing that the discovery of alcohol is not damned important.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[rickjump1 0]

Quote

Quote

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

How are we defining history?

History of the planet? I would argue shift from reducing atmosphere to oxidizing one was much more important. Extinction of the dinosaurs, which facilitated the rise of mammals, perhaps the second.

If history is defined as 'human history," #1 & #2 are unquestionably domestication of animals and plants. That had to happen for wheel, beer & soap(invented in the area of ancient Iraq), writing, mathematics, etc.

If recorded human history, I'd offer steel and germ theory. Altho' might revise that one.

VR/Marg

Regarding human history, I would add gunpowder and alcohol to steel and germs. This combination certainly helped "settle" the country; similar to winning the hearts and minds of indigenous people in other countries (not always successsful). The wheel and beer is cleaner.

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.