Jack Handey lends himself well to SC - pick one and argue about it

[birdlike 0]

Oh, that Jack Handey. He'll really make you think!

1) I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

2) If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

3) I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

4) I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

5) If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.


If y'all can't find some way to fight about this stuff, then you're just not as good as I thought you were.

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire

[1969912 0]

Nice. I remember some of those from National Lampoon or something years ago. Be nice to see a major list of them.

"Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ."
-NickDG

[downwardspiral 0]

Haha I still remember my favorite on from when I was highschool.


Would man be so cavalier to cut down treets if trees could scream. Maybe......if they screamed all day for no reason.

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[birdlike 0]

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Nice. I remember some of those from National Lampoon or something years ago. Be nice to see a major list of them.

I can't vouch for that, but they used to be little interludes on Saturday Night Live.


I'm fairly certain that if you just Google "Jack Handey" you will get more postings of long lists of them than you know what to do with.

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire

[birdlike 0]

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Haha I still remember my favorite on from when I was highschool.


Would man be so cavalier to cut down treets if trees could scream. Maybe......if they screamed all day for no reason.

Did you ever see the South Park where the class was taken by this environmentalist teacher-lady on a tour through the rainforest? By the end, so many things had eaten or attacked them that when she and they were saved by a guy with a bulldozer who squished all the dangerous animals and plants and knocked down trees, she was thanking him, saying, "Fuck the rainforest, I fuckin' hate it!"

(You had to be there...)

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire

[SpeedRacer 1]

Pumpkins should be registered, and there should be a 3 day waiting period before purchase.

Think of the children!!!

Speed Racer
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[HeadCone 0]

http://DeepThoughtsByJackHandey.com/

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[vortexring 0]

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Did you ever see the South Park where the class was taken by this environmentalist teacher-lady on a tour through the rainforest? By the end, so many things had eaten or attacked them that when she and they were saved by a guy with a bulldozer who squished all the dangerous animals and plants and knocked down trees, she was thanking him, saying, "Fuck the rainforest, I fuckin' hate it!"

(You had to be there...)

'The jungle is neutral'

'for it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "chuck 'im out, the brute!" But it's "saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot.'