You Know You're a Republican/Democrat If...

[nerdgirl 0]

[tongue planted in cheek]

You know you're a Republican if you can't stand your gay uncle, but you invite him to your son's wedding because he's rich.
You know you're a Democrat if you can't stand your rich uncle, but you invite him to your daughter's graduation because he's gay.

You know you're a Republican if you support George Bush's plan to put a man on Mars.
You know you're a Democrat if you want that man to be George Bush.

You know you're a Republican if you think Colin Powell might make a good President, if he weren't black.
You know you're a Democrat if you think Colin Powell might make a good President, if he weren't conservative.

You know you're a Republican if you think every Democrat is a closet Communist.
You know you're a Democrat if you think every Republican is closeted.

You know you're a Republican if you wouldn't mind if the Commonwealth of Massachusetts seceded from the Union.
You know you're a Democrat if you wish the Republic of Texas had never become a state.

You Know you're a Republican if you start off on third base and think you've hit a triple.
You Know you're a Democrat if you hit a single but believe you deserve a triple because the other team got one.

You Know you're a Republican if you believe the U.S. Constitution clearly supports strip mining.
You Know you're a Democrat if you believe the U.S. Constitution clearly supports strippers.

[My favorite!]
You Know you're a Republican if you can't fathom that Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican.
You Know you're a Democrat if you can't fathom that Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican.

Copied from “The Specious Report,” which excerpted from: You Know You're a Republican/Democrat If...

/Marg

Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters.
Tibetan Buddhist saying

[lawrocket 3]

How about some more:

You know you're a Republican if you are the rich gay uncle.
You know you're a Democrat if you are the poor gay uncle.

You know you're a Republican if you hate people because you are intolerant.
You know you're a Democrat if you hate people because they are intolerant.

You know you're a Republican if you want to cut corporate taxes, thus keeping more money for yourself.
You know you're a Democrat if you want to raise corporate taxes, thus getting more money for yourself.

You know you're a Republican if you want to stack the courts with conservative-leaning judges.
You know you're a Democrat if you want to stack the court with liberal-leaning judges.

You know you're a Republican if you call the threat of Democratic filibuster "partisan politics."
You know you're a Democrat if you call the threat of Republican filibuster "partisan politics."

You know you're a Republican if you think that it's the poor's fault that they are poor.
You know you're a Democrat if you think it's rich's fault that the poor people are poor.

You know you're a Republican if you think that blind faith in Jesus - not the government - is the cure societal ills.
You know you're a Democrat if you think that blind faith in the government - not Jesus - is the cure societal ills.

You know you're a Republican if you think your backward state has the right to be a backward state, and other states can be backward, too.
You know you're a Democrat if you think that other states are backward states, and the government needs to bring them in line with your mainstream thinking.

You know you're a Republican if you think that the government has no prerogative to take care of anybody, except where there is oil and they don't want us to take care of them.
You know you're a Democrat if you think that the government has the prerogative to take care of everyone, except where there are Republican voters who don't want us to take care of them.

You know you are a Republican if you preach about fiscal responsibility, accuse the Democrats of being "tax and spend" and drive up deficits.
You know you are a Democrat if you preach about fiscal responsibility, accuse the Republicans of being "tax and spend" and drive up deficits.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[wmw999 2,589]

If I try not to think at all, does that make me an independent?

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[kallend 2,150]

Quote

If I try not to think at all, does that make me an independent?

Wendy W.

No, it makes you a woman government employee skydiver.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[wmw999 2,589]

Quote

No, it makes you a woman government employee skydiver.

Ooooh. Now that's going on your permanent record.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[PLFXpert 0]

Quote

If I try not to think at all, does that make me an independent?

That's me! That's me!

Yessss!!!

Wait, what were we talking about?

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.