Bush's Resignation Speech...

[Guest]

...a friend sent this to me. Enjoy.
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W's resignation speech or should be....

This is too good to not send !!! Ted's Kennidy's lip is swollen but doing alright.

We all have our disagreements with President Bush. Immigration, U.S. Attorney firings, Iraq, Darfur, etc. are all hot topics these days.


The following "speech" was written yesterday by an ordinary Maineiac (see Google). While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. An excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living. Sent with the author's permission.


The speech George W. Bush SHOULD give:


Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans." Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.

I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this “blood for oil" thing. If I was trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied People Died' crap either. If I was the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them. That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you. And the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor'.

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.



So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I mean.
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mh
.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[Loonix 0]

"I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world" - bush

priceless!

[SkyDekker 1,465]

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Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners.

Yup with below prime mortgages. I am just waiting for that bomb to burst....

[Amazon 7]

I think the Speech Writer caught the true essense of his rich fantasy life and his healthy dose of paranoia that he and others in this administration learned at the feet of Richard Nixon.

[kallend 2,182]

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Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners.

Yup with below prime mortgages. I am just waiting for that bomb to burst....

I don't think you have to wait.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[JohnnyD 0]

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Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners.

Yup with below prime mortgages. I am just waiting for that bomb to burst....

Bursting fantastically in Colorado, however I don't think the state wants to put it in their advertising budget.

* Visit Colorado. Great skiing and with the highest forclosure rate in the nation, you may just pick up a house while you're here. *

[ryoder 1,590]

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I think the Speech Writer caught the true essense of his rich fantasy life and his healthy dose of paranoia that he and others in this administration learned at the feet of Richard Nixon.

Hey! Stop insulting Richard Nixon!
His administration:
- Pulled the US out of a war.
- Normalized relations with the largest nation on the planet.
- Had the last real balanced budget.

I challenge anyone to show me how Dubya has accomplished anything remotely equivalent.

NOTE I am not defending Nixon. I am just saying he wasn't nearly as bad as what we have now. Of course back then congress actually had the balls to deal with crooks.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[SpeedRacer 1]

USA's economy is alright. Bush could help by not pissing the money (which we earned for the government) on useless military ventures.

And he could help in the War on Terror by not being Al Quaeda's most successful recruiter.

Speed Racer
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[NCclimber 0]

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Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners.

Yup with below prime mortgages. I am just waiting for that bomb to burst....

I don't think you have to wait.

You mean it actually started in September 2002?

[billvon 3,132]

A most excellent speech, one that would cement his legacy firmly in the minds of US citizens - and in the history of the US presidency as well.

[wmw999 2,602]

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[livendive 8]

Since we've all learned that the few intelligible portions of his pathetic attempts at speech are lies, nobody listens to him anymore. Thus, his trying to recite this would be as good as any other, and the end would certainly justify the means.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[lawrocket 3]

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office. (Impeachable offenses? PRobably not. Broken laws? Of course there have been broken laws)

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. ("You people?" Ooooh. Watch out!)

I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out. (We know what's up. We just disagree with your assessment and plans, Mr. President. This is a healthy part of a representative government of the people, by the people and for the people. Nothing personal, dawg.)

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. (Yourself included, but the warranty was no good)

Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. (That's news to me. It's other stuff that's shitty).
And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. (Yes, and record foreclosures, too. Gotta get it all in)
And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. (As is minority prison population.)
Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton Administration. (Lower, actually.)
I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in. (It has. But it aint' the whole story. My wife's got a good friend who is in fine health. It's a little difficult to focus on that since the death of her husband a couple of months ago)

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. (Indeed. We'll give you that).
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, (We understand that, too. Well, there are some who blame corporations, but I'll set that aside.)
and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security. (The same people who pay 12 dollars a gallon for water they can get from a drinking fountain usually can be found griping about $2.89 gallon gasoline. But polar bears aren't what makes fuel expensive, Mr. President)

We face real threats in the world. (Of course.)

Don't give me this “blood for oil" thing. If I was trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. (You didn't? The oil fields are workign and it seems the rest of the country HAS, in fact, gone to hell)
And don't give me this 'Bush Lied People Died' crap either. (People have died, regardless of the veracity of your statements)
If I was the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' (We know.)
Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty. (We know. Which is why we're saying get outta there because we shouldn't have been there in the first place).
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. (The rest of the world ain't there, chief)
Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? (We know. But you are the NEW president who can set NEW policies.)

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. (They are like the 1980's hijackers)
Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off (Just like now).
We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. (So they killed themselves off)
We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them. (Just like now)
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. (So we'll martyr them all).
In fact, they want to die. (Despite what the UN says)
That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. (All those suicide IED's taking our boys out)
But they are. They want to kill you. And the bastards are all over the globe. (Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you)

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. (Sure I am)
That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. (Word is slowly coming out abotu just how hard they are working, and by what means)
When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. (Yep. We arent' bitching about Afghanistan. That's a righteous fight).
I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor'. (We're still in Afghanistan and little bitching occurs. That's a long and righteous fight)

Instead, you've grown impatient. (Indeed!)
You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. (Actually, we all see history like Vietnam, the USSR in Afghanistan, the British on US soil, etc.)
You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops. (Yep. The US wrapped up WWII in 3 1/2 years because it was a righteous war that was done right - full force and no fucking around. We took the losses then because we all knew it was worth it)

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. (Huh?)
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. (This is a load of shit.)
It amounts to the same thing. (This is where I draw the line)

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. (Plenty of versions of it)
It's all over the Internet. (Not on C-Span)
It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. (Or the National Review or Fox News)
But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. (No, just more informed)
Most of you would rather watch American Idol. (True. We'd rather laugh at Sanjaya than be brought down by the realities of what is going on)

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. (And I would say that had the government not been making those promises for the past 75 years it wouldn't be a problem. I don't trust the govt to get THAT right)
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. (Look at the budgets you forward, Mr. President. The money goes to you from us)
But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads. (And F-16's would be scrambled to monitor the threatening thing passing overhead and right towards a population center. Terrorists again)

So I quit. (We won't)
I'm going back to Crawford. (Someone's gotta replace the hot air that left when Cindy Sheehan bailed out)
I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. (And if the FBI or ATF try to raid me...)
No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. (Till my Presidential Library is built)
Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall. (I'll take that bet. The strength of America's pillars lies in the fact that your pissed off that the people are not a rubber stamp)

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. (It's okay. His heart wasn't in it - it quit long ago (okay. so that was a low blow (speaking of which, Clinton got a blowjob)))
That means Pelosi is your new President. (She's got Air Force 1 now? Oooh - controversies over perks)

You asked for it. (No we didn't. We just asked that we not get Kerry)
Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008. (Pelosi and the Dems in Congress are smart enough to not end this war before the election.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I mean.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[mnealtx 0]

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[shropshire 0]

pssst. It couldn't ever be real ..... way tooo long and looks, more or less grammatically correct.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[kelpdiver 2]

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Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets.

Gotta love those 1% annualized returns! Wahoo!

[masterrig 1]

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A most excellent speech, one that would cement his legacy firmly in the minds of US citizens - and in the history of the US presidency as well.

________________________________

A simple "I quit!", works! We don't need a lengthy explanation.


Chuck

[Kennedy 0]

As much a people might not be sorry to see him go, does anyone really want Cheney, or if he quits, Pelosi to become president of the United States?

witty subliminal message
Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards.
1*

[jakee 1,611]

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As much a people might not be sorry to see him go, does anyone really want Cheney, or if he quits, Pelosi to become president of the United States?

But Cheney can't become president, he's not part of the executive (or, when it suits him, the legislative)!

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[livendive 8]

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As much a people might not be sorry to see him go, does anyone really want Cheney, or if he quits, Pelosi to become president of the United States?

Looking at the top five, I think I'd prefer either of the two women (Pelosi or Rice) to any of the men (Bush, Cheney, and Byrd).

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Rookie120 0]

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I don't think you have to wait.

Beat me to it. Look at the housing market out in Denver and look how bad it is getting out there.

If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck!

[Gawain 0]

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I don't think you have to wait.

Beat me to it. Look at the housing market out in Denver and look how bad it is getting out there.

Who's to blame for that? Did people out there buy houses too rich for their budget and figure they didn't have to actually pay their mortgage?

Did people actually take advantage of what the low-rate-ARMs were meant to do? No, they cut their payment and spent the excess as a down payment on a boat or who-knows-what...

Listen to the Dave Ramsey show and listen to the people that screwed themselves to the wall by not paying attention when they signed the dotted line.

Or, even better, they followed some scheme like A.D. Kessler creative real estate scam and WHAM!

Now, I'm not entirely on Dave Ramsey's boat, while debt is dumb, I don't think it is useless. If it's abused, I can attest that it will bite back, hard.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[kallend 2,182]

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I don't think you have to wait.

Beat me to it. Look at the housing market out in Denver and look how bad it is getting out there.

Who's to blame for that? Did people out there buy houses too rich for their budget and figure they didn't have to actually pay their mortgage?

Did people actually take advantage of what the low-rate-ARMs were meant to do? No, they cut their payment and spent the excess as a down payment on a boat or who-knows-what...

Listen to the Dave Ramsey show and listen to the people that screwed themselves to the wall by not paying attention when they signed the dotted line.

Or, even better, they followed some scheme like A.D. Kessler creative real estate scam and WHAM!

Now, I'm not entirely on Dave Ramsey's boat, while debt is dumb, I don't think it is useless. If it's abused, I can attest that it will bite back, hard.

Much of the run up of the stock market is based on debt.

In fact our apparent great economy is based on a shaky foundation of debt, which accounts for the $US being in the basement (record low against the Euro, 25 year low against the UK pound)

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[dorbie 0]

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I don't think you have to wait.

Beat me to it. Look at the housing market out in Denver and look how bad it is getting out there.

Bad for whom? In what sense is a decline in property values (after a foolishly speculative increase under multiple administrations for years) an economic problem to be laid at any specific administration's feet?

People have been buying property for a decade or more assuming it would rise in value inexorably. That "wealth" was created from nothing. Property value is a magic number picked from thin air based on nothing but future expectations and the ability to secure a loan from a lender, who themselves don't have cash or equivalents to cover all their debt.

Instead of saving for the future people have been betting it all on their home, and were happy to do so as long as it kept going up at obviously unsustainable levels. Couple that with a rise in investment property speculation as money moved from under-performing stock investments a few years ago and you have an unholy alliance.

It's about bloody time it started correcting, I view the whole property market and the rise in rents & mortgages as a massive social disaster that is completely unnecessary, and it's global too. But this is partly cyclical, we've seen this before in the 80s, as market declines go this is extremely gentle. We're not at the bottom yet and a bloody good thing too if you ask me. What a foolish way to choose to live.

[kallend 2,182]

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I don't think you have to wait.

Beat me to it. Look at the housing market out in Denver and look how bad it is getting out there.

Bad for whom? In what sense is a decline in property values (after a foolishly speculative increase under multiple administrations for years) an economic problem to be laid at any specific administration's feet?

People have been buying property for a decade or more assuming it would rise in value inexorably. That "wealth" was created from nothing. Property value is a magic number picked from thin air based on nothing but future expectations and the ability to secure a loan from a lender, who themselves don't have cash or equivalents to cover all their debt.

Instead of saving for the future people have been betting it all on their home, and were happy to do so as long as it kept going up at obviously unsustainable levels. Couple that with a rise in investment property speculation as money moved from under-performing stock investments a few years ago and you have an unholy alliance.

It's about bloody time it started correcting, I view the whole property market and the rise in rents & mortgages as a massive social disaster that is completely unnecessary, and it's global too. But this is partly cyclical, we've seen this before in the 80s, as market declines go this is extremely gentle. We're not at the bottom yet and a bloody good thing too if you ask me. What a foolish way to choose to live.

Agreed - but the comments here have to do with the bogus claims in the "speech", not with reality. Reality is that we are living in apparent prosperity based on massive debt (not only in housing, also in the equity markets).

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.