An Atheist In The Woods

[akarunway 1]

AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS


An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees'!
'What powerful rivers'!
'What beautiful animals'!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw
that the bear was closing in on him.He looked over his shoulder again, & the
bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to
pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for
him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny
my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit
creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this
predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me
to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could
make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very Well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped
his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through
Christ our Lord, Amen.'

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[narcimund 0]

Funny story.

Too bad for christianity that evidence like that doesn't actually occur. Time stopping in a moment of danger so we could have a coherent conversation with a supernatural being would be a hell of a lot more convincing that an old storybook.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[akarunway 1]

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Funny story.

Too bad for christianity that evidence like that doesn't actually occur. Time stopping in a moment of danger so we could have a coherent conversation with a supernatural being would be a hell of a lot more convincing that an old storybook.

Don't know. But I hear a lot of people asking for god while they are dying. (or in prison). I'm agnostic myself. People ask why I wear a cross. I say "Just in case"

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[narcimund 0]

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Don't know. But I hear a lot of people asking for god while they are dying. (or in prison).

An athiest saying "Oh god!" right before the airplane crashes is no more invoking religion than saying, "Oh shit!" is invoking scat.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[akarunway 1]

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Don't know. But I hear a lot of people asking for god while they are dying. (or in prison).

An athiest saying "Oh god!" right before the airplane crashes is no more invoking religion than saying, "Oh shit!" is invoking scat.

If the airplane is going to crash I'm saying "Get the fuck outta my way" while trying to find a door to get out.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[penniless 0]

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But I hear a lot of people asking for god while they are dying. (or in prison).

Do you spend a lot of time listening to people in prisons?

[akarunway 1]

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But I hear a lot of people asking for god while they are dying. (or in prison).

Do you spend a lot of time listening to people in prisons?

No. I tell em "Bend over BITCH"

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[grue 1]

Cute story, but not particularly on-the-point. When I call someone a dumb motherfucker, do I really believe he has sex with his mother? No. Just an expression. When Jewish people say "jesus fucking christ!", are they calling for help from the zombie overlord of the christians? No.

cavete terrae.

[akarunway 1]

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Cute story, but not particularly on-the-point. When I call someone a dumb motherfucker, do I really believe he has sex with his mother? No. Just an expression. When Jewish people say "jesus fucking christ!", are they calling for help from the zombie overlord of the christians? No.

Jeesh. I try to lighten up SC and everybody want's to get nasty. Lighten up people. Everything will work out in due time. Lord willing> I'm running away to Bonfire

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[KidWicked 0]

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I hear a lot of people asking for god while they are dying.

Because they are afraid, just like every other religious person who clings to the idea of life after death.

Coreece: "You sound like some skinheads I know, but your prejudice is with Christians, not niggers..."

[willard 0]

I couldn't imagine having sex and my gal start sceaming "Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster! Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster! yes! Yes YES! ".

"Oh God" is so much shorter and easier.