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ExAFO

2008 RNC Agenda

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7:00 P.M. Opening rant about late-night liberal media news reports
hosted by Pat Buchanan

7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to NRA and opening speech
Charlton Heston

7:30 P.M. Proposal for a Fundraiser
Jack Abramoff (via teleconference from Club Fed)

7:35 P.M. Church and State Unification prayer and worship
hosted by Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Matthew Hale, and Pat Buchanan

8:00 P.M. Proposal for a Fundraiser
Jack Abramoff (via telecon from Club Fed showers--NC-17)

8:05 P.M. Ask-a-page to breakfast program
Mark Foley

8:15 P.M. Evangelical Crystal Meth Toast
Ted Haggard

8:30 P.M. Women in Politics Tea and Book Club
with Phyllis Schlafly and a reading of "Sisters" by Lynne Cheney

8:35 P.M. Find Saddam's weapons of mass destruction rally
Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney

9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "Gerrymandering, The Good Ol' Days"
Tom DeLay

9:15 P.M. Proposal for a Fundraiser
Jack Abramoff (via telecon from Club Fed infirmary)

9:20 P.M. Dept. of State collection to send a Saudi Prince to college fund
Condoleeza Rice

9:30 P.M. "How to not to appear like a crazy former Senator"
Zell Miller

9:40 P.M. "Why I love the military lobbyists"
Randy "Duke" Cunningham, inmate no. 8765432

9:45 P.M. Republican Outplacement Forum
hosted by Rick Santorum, Jim Talent, Mike Dewine, Lincoln Chafee, and Conrad Burns

9:50 P.M. Presentation of Truth in Drug-Free Broadcasting Award to Rush Limbaugh
Anne Coulter

9:55 P.M. "Plausible Deniability - The Art of the Cover-up"
Scooter Libby

10:00 P.M. "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld were Right about Iraq"
George Allen

10:30 P.M. Nomination of Jeb Bush for President; "It's his turn!"
Barbara Bush

11:00 P.M. "How to Always Carry a Big Stick! - The Power of the Pharmaceutical Industry Lobbyist"
Bob Dole; sponsored by Pfizer

11:05 P.M. "Eliminating the Dept. of Education and National Spelling Bee"
Dan "Potatoe" Quayle

11:15 P.M. Proposal to change presidential eligibility rules
Arnold Schwarzenegger

11:30 P.M. Coronation of Arnold Schwarzenegger as write-in candidate
Karl Rove

12:00 A.M. "How to Succeed in Government Without Really Trying"
Michael Brown; sponsored by FEMA and the Arabian Horse Federation

12:05 A.M. Jack Abramoff tosses the ceremonial salad
Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW.

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now someone needs to post the DNC version.:P;)



Just Released!
Agenda for the 2008 Democratic National Convention

7 P.M. - Opening - Flag Burning

7:15 P.M. - Pledge of Allegiance to United Nations

7:30 P.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:30-8 P.M. - Non-Religious prayer and worship, Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton

8 P.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:05 P.M. - Ceremonial Tree Hugging

8:15-8:30 P.M. - Gay Wedding, Presided by Barney Frank

8:30 P.M.- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:35 P.M.- Free Saddam Rally - Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon

9 P.M.- Keynote speech; "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender," by French President, Jacques Chirac

9:15 P.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

9:20 P.M. - Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden's Kidney Transplant Fund

9:30 P.M. - Unveiling of "Plan to Free Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay," Sean Penn

9:40 P.M. - "Why I Hate the Military," a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton

9:45 P.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

9:50 P.M. - Dan Rather awarded the "Truth in Broadcasting Award," presented by Michael Moore

9:55 P.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

10 P.M. - "How George Bush & Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center" by Howard Dean

10:30 P.M.- Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton, by Mahmud Ahnadinejad

11 P.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 P.M. - Al Gore reinvents the Internet

11:15 P.M.- "Our Troops are War criminals" by John Kerry

11:30 P.M.- Coronation of Mrs. Rodham Clinton

12 A.M. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:05 A.M. - Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW.

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