How do you make difficult decisions?

[sartre 0]

I can't believe I'm posting here in hell, but I have a serious question. I don't want to debate anyone about the existence or lack thereof of God. I want to know: if you don't have a faith in a supreme creator who has a plan for you and loves you unconditionally, and wants you to be happy and protected,

.....how do you make difficult decisions? Life altering decisions. Stay married, or divorce. When there hasn't been abuse or adultry. Resucitate, don't resucitate, when you don't know your loved one's wishes. I know there's such a thing as personal integrity whether or not you're a "believer", but what about the decisions that aren't so black and white? Where right and wrong are not all that clear?


What about when you are scared? Maybe you find out you have a terminal illness. Or someone you love dies. Believers turn to God in prayer. What do non-believers do? How do you find hope and comfort and the feeling that eventually things will get better?

I am not asking this in anything but a serious way. I'd really like to know how other people handle the crap that life hands them when God is not an option for them.

I'm going out for the night. I hope to find some interesting answers when I come home. I hope the thread doesn't disintegrate into another argument about the existence of God. Is that too much to ask?

yeah, I know, you post in SC, you take your chances...

[unformed 0]

For decisions where neither is right nor wrong, generally, as I'm still young and single I take the decision that is more frightening in the short term. This has generally resulted in leaving everything behind and going somewhere where I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I've since found it to be good general advice, for myself, that if I realize I am scared of a decision, I know which to take. I can't say it has faltered for my essential well-being and long-term contentment.

Whether to resuscitate or not? You usually know what your loved one wishes simply by the way he acts and things they have said in his life. Whether the person making the decision will actually pay attention to that or their own desires (understandably, as it's a moment of extreme stress) is a different question.

But, in the event I don't know, I would base it on whether I would live with the equality of life that is expected of the person.

There are three decision you can make. You can decide yes, no, or decide not to decide. Only the weak and fools take the last.

Something I was taught early in college, was once you make a decision, stick to it. No regrets, no looking back, it's done, and go with it. If it was a good decision, great. If it was a bad decision, make a note of it and you learned something. Either way, you come out for the better.

That was among the best advice on life that's ever been given to me, even though it was specifically aimed at judging a beer die game.

This ad space for sale.

[nanook 1]

Without guidance from God, you don't have that extra thing to worry about when you make decisions. there's one less entity that will judge you and one less thing that will bite you in the ass for making such decisions.

Quote

What about when you are scared? Maybe you find out you have a terminal illness. Or someone you love dies. Believers turn to God in prayer. What do non-believers do? How do you find hope and comfort and the feeling that eventually things will get better?

Hope is hope, you really don't need a Deity to have hope. I just hope to hell I survive this and move on.

Quote

am not asking this in anything but a serious way. I'd really like to know how other people handle the crap that life hands them when God is not an option for them

I found it easier to handle serious things my way without God. I do not disbeleive in Him , but I do not in any way rely on Him to give me any comfort or to help me out when I'm in trouble. I am my own last and first line of Defense/Comfort/Responsibility.

_____________________________

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

[wmw999 2,584]

Quote

You can decide yes, no, or decide not to decide. Only the weak and fools take the last.

Sometimes nothing is the right decision. You can insert yourself into a situation that you're really not required in, or you can let the situation play itself out. It's not always the wrong or chicken thing to do.

Try having kids sometime and you'll begin to see that one .

That said, while I do believe in a God, I also believe that my life is largely in my own hands, and that it's my greatest gift to myself and to others. How to make hard decisions? Sometimes they're made for me; I'm really not in charge. Generally, I'm happier if, like unformed up there, I take the decision that scares me more. It's a more interesting outcome, and one that challenges me more.

Most of the time it's not that hard. Because, well, there is a good path possible from nearly every decision, and the real key is figuring that when you've changed your path, then you have to commit to the new one. You can't unmake a decision. But if you don't like the new path, it's not hard to pick a new direction if you do it early.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Jaden 0]

I usually follow my heart. It’s led me to many great decisions…

It is also thoughtless, impulsive and irrational. It's gotten me into a few bad situations as well. I would probably save myself and those around me a lot of time, pain and frustration if I could get my brain and my heart to co-operate.

All I do know is that you can't change the past no matter how bad you want it. Every decision has consequences and they should be more carefully considered...Especially when they involve someone else's life.

[micro 0]

ouija board.

that, or the magic 8 ball usually works for me.











just kiddin.

I miss Lee.
And JP.
And Chris. And...

[NWFlyer 2]

I am not a believer in a supreme creator, so I don't know any other way than to just make them.

Sometimes make them myself.

Sometimes I consult my loved ones for advice or guidance or just to be a sounding board.

Sometimes my decisions are right.

Sometimes they're wrong.

The only faith that plays into it is faith in myself. Faith that no matter what decision I make, I can deal with it.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[micro 0]

it's no secret that my wife and I are staunch catholics. however, we don't sit down and say a rosary before every tough decision. true, we try to pray about difficult things, hoping and trusting that insight will come, but you know, sometimes it just doesn't.

and sometimes, we either forget to pray or we just don't, for whatever reason.

one thing i've learned to trust is my wife's gut. she has an incredible "woman's intuition." when we meet someone and she says "there's just something not right about" so-and-so, she is almost infallibly correct. And when it comes to making big decisions, if I've analyzed everything, written all the pros and cons out on paper and made a solid cost/benefit analysis of the situation and she just doesn't feel "right" about something, we don't do it.

i've disobeyed her gut before, several times... and I've always been wrong. even when my choice looked so perfect on paper.

i can't explain it. just one of those things.

I miss Lee.
And JP.
And Chris. And...

[akarunway 1]

Quote

Quote

You can decide yes, no, or decide not to decide. Only the weak and fools take the last.

Sometimes nothing is the right decision. You can insert yourself into a situation that you're really not required in, or you can let the situation play itself out. It's not always the wrong or chicken thing to do.

Try having kids sometime and you'll begin to see that one .

That said, while I do believe in a God, I also believe that my life is largely in my own hands, and that it's my greatest gift to myself and to others. How to make hard decisions? Sometimes they're made for me; I'm really not in charge. Generally, I'm happier if, like unformed up there, I take the decision that scares me more. It's a more interesting outcome, and one that challenges me more.

Most of the time it's not that hard. Because, well, there is a good path possible from nearly every decision, and the real key is figuring that when you've changed your path, then you have to commit to the new one. You can't unmake a decision. But if you don't like the new path, it's not hard to pick a new direction if you do it early.

Wendy W.

Good answer on the do nothing. One of my daughters (middle name spelled w/ a capital T, almost 30 yrs old) threatened to kill herself a month ago. My son did so last yr. I had the option of A> call the police and have her locked up and lose her kid or B> do nothing and let her do it if she so decided. I'm on the losing end either way. She'll hate me forever sitting locked up or her death might be on my conscience for the rest of my life. I let the powers that be handle that one and did nothing and all is well. FOR NOW As far as other life decisions. I sleep on em and make a gut call. Depends on how you where reared and what your morals and values are I guess. W/ age DOES come wisdom. The older I get the more I know how much I DON'T know.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[Muenkel 0]

Quote

Good answer on the do nothing. One of my daughters (middle name spelled w/ a capital T, almost 30 yrs old) threatened to kill herself a month ago. My son did so last yr. I had the option of A> call the police and have her locked up and lose her kid or B> do nothing and let her do it if she so decided. I'm on the losing end either way. She'll hate me forever sitting locked up or her death might be on my conscience for the rest of my life. I let the powers that be handle that one and did nothing and all is well. FOR NOW As far as other life decisions. I sleep on em and make a gut call. Depends on how you where reared and what your morals and values are I guess. W/ age DOES come wisdom. The older I get the more I know how much I DON'T know.

Man, what a heartbreaking situation you are in. If it doesn't offend you, I will definitely keep your daughter in my prayers.

I hope for the best,
Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[akarunway 1]

No probs Chris. What's gonna happen is gonna happen is my new belief. I might can tweak it a little bit by bit but I think that's about it. And I hope you're feeling better too! Should we take this to bonfire? LOL

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[Gawain 0]

For me, I try to diversify the approach as much as I can, using the context of what I personally believe to be right or wrong as a boiler-plate.

If possible, I'll talk to others (a limited number mind you) whom may have something constructive to contribute, whether it be perspective, insight, whatever...

I also try to imagine all practical options available to me, and try to think them through, with the hope that I might glean something from it.

From a faith perspective, I don't ask for "God" to show me the right way, I seek clarity of thought to enable to make a sound decision.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[sartre 0]

Quote

From a faith perspective, I don't ask for "God" to show me the right way, I seek clarity of thought to enable to make a sound decision.

Who or what are you seeking clarity of thought from?

[freeflir29 0]

I say post a poll in Bonfire.

[Andy9o8 2]

Your line of questioning, both in your original post and in post #13, presupposes that if there isn't a deity from whom to seek clarity, then it must be very difficult to seek clarity without the deity. Not so.

Yes, clarity can be sought from others, either spiritual or corporeal. Clarity can also be sought from within oneself, and there's nothing deficient in that process.

I've found in my 40+ years alive that people who believe in a deity simply cannot fathom the thought processes of those who do not, and people who have never really believed in a deity have trouble fathoming the logic of those who do.

Incidentally, most atheists would conclude that a person who comes to a decision by praying on it really has obtained clarity from within himself, and simply attributes it to the deity.

------------------

Edit: Oh, by the way:

Quote

I can't believe I'm posting here in hell,

...thanks for the compliment!

Speaker's corner isn't that bad! As you can see, the responses thus far have all been quite respectful. If you'd posted this in Bonfire, we'd have asked you to take off your shirt by now.

[likearock 2]

Interesting to me that someone who calls themselves sartre would not understand how it is possible to answer questions and make difficult decisions without a belief in God. Perhaps you should study the life of your namesake? Much of his life and work concerned just that question.

[Gawain 0]

Quote

Quote

From a faith perspective, I don't ask for "God" to show me the right way, I seek clarity of thought to enable to make a sound decision.

Who or what are you seeking clarity of thought from?

Difficult situations will often cloud judgement and thinking.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[sartre 0]

Quote

I say post a poll in Bonfire.

[sartre 0]

Quote

Quote

Your line of questioning, both in your original post and in post #13, presupposes that if there isn't a deity from whom to seek clarity, then it must be very difficult to seek clarity without the deity.

That is exactly the opposite of my intent in asking the question. I am not challenging the supposition that clarity can be found without praying to a deity, I am trying to learn how people have done so.

Quote

Clarity can also be sought from within oneself, and there's nothing deficient in that process.

I am in no way implying that it is. That's what I want to know~how do you seek clarity?

Quote

I've found in my 40+ years alive that people who believe in a deity simply cannot fathom the thought processes of those who do not

,

I find myself somewhere in the middle of those two groups, not sure of much of anything these days.

Quote

Incidentally, most atheists would conclude that a person who comes to a decision by praying on it really has obtained clarity from within himself, and simply attributes it to the deity------------------

Edit: Oh, by the way:

***I can't believe I'm posting here in hell,

...thanks for the compliment!

Speaker's corner isn't that bad! As you can see, the responses thus far have all been quite respectful. If you'd posted this in Bonfire, we'd have asked you to take off your shirt by now.

.

LOL! Yes, but because this is posted in SC, I believe you read a hostility or a challenge into my questions that truly is not there. Thank you for you answers and for sharing your thought processes.

• Quote

[sartre 0]

Quote

Interesting to me that someone who calls themselves sartre would not understand how it is possible to answer questions and make difficult decisions without a belief in God. Perhaps you should study the life of your namesake? Much of his life and work concerned just that question.

I do understand that many, many people are able to function without consulting a God. By asking these questions, I am trying to learn from people who are here now and can give me feedback.

[likearock 2]

Quote

Quote

Interesting to me that someone who calls themselves sartre would not understand how it is possible to answer questions and make difficult decisions without a belief in God. Perhaps you should study the life of your namesake? Much of his life and work concerned just that question.

I do understand that many, many people are able to function without consulting a God. By asking these questions, I am trying to learn from people who are here now and can give me feedback.

Nothing wrong with that. But I'm still curious as to why someone who is obviously a person of deep faith would choose "sartre" as their DZ.com username.

[sartre 0]

Quote

Nothing wrong with that. But I'm still curious as to why someone who is obviously a person of deep faith would choose "sartre" as their DZ.com username.

If I could change it, I would. It was a very random choice when I really didn't think I would ever actually be posting on the forums.

I think you may be assuming too much about me. I'm not sure there's anything deep about
me these days.

[unformed 0]

Quote

Incidentally, most atheists would conclude that a person who comes to a decision by praying on it really has obtained clarity from within himself, and simply attributes it to the deity.

I second this.

Meditation/praying does wonders for aiding the decision process. Whether you pray to a being for clarity or meditate to bring clarity within yourself, the process and the result is essentially the same.

This ad space for sale.

[tbrown 26]

With great difficulty.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[sartre 0]

Now there's a deep answer!