"Hood, Riding, Red, Little, One Each"

[Guest]

This is an oldie but a goodie - I first saw it almost 30 years ago, and it is repeated below for your enjoyment.

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Bedtime in The QuarterMaster's House

Hood, Riding, Red, Little

Once upon a time there was a female personnel whose nomenclature was Hood, Riding, Red, Little (one each). She was a girl, little, happy. Her duty uniform consisted of the following named items: (1) Dress, red, cotton, shade 76, (one (1) each); (2) Cape, HBT, red w/hood, (one (1) each). Her MOS was 94B4S, food handler.

One day Hood, Riding, Red, Little received a TWX from her Mother, Grand, Old, who was billeted off-post in a cottage, brick, red, Capehart type, w/chimney, w/o TV, initial A/DPEN issue, (one (1) each). The TWX read as follows: "Dear Hood. This is to advise you that morning report should read: DY to SK conf to qrts as of 0100 hrs, 1 Jan 68. Went on sick call yesterday (LD:yes), conf for indef pd.

However, I am feeling somewhat better. Love, related-type Mother, Grand, Your. Added: Pls see about Sep Rat for me. MGY."

Hood took the TWX to the message center with the following 1st endorsement: "Basic communication complied with. ETA your station approx 1600 hrs this day."

While en route to the TDY destination, personnel concerned came to a forest, thick, primeval. Suddenly, out of the thicket, briar emerged a wolf, brown, bad, big, (one (1) each).

Wolf said, "Halt, who goes there, and what are your last four?" Hood answered, "Hood, Riding, Red, Little, 4032. I am en route to my TDY point and am looking for the house of my Mother, Grand, Old."

"It is two klicks down the road; turn left at building 2355," instructed the wolf.

"How do you know where she lives?" questioned Hood. "I've pulled guard duty in those parts," said the wolf, who then caught a bus to the Granny's. Upon arrival, wolf, bad, swallowed Granny with a gulp, single, (one (1) each). Wolf then policed up the area, including butt cans, and jumped into bed, initial A/DPEN issue type, and pulled on Granny's AC 14692's.

Hood, entering: "Hello, Mother, Grand."

"The fool, little, stupid, does not know that it is really me, the wolf, bad, big," chuckled the wolf. "My, what big EENT you have," exclaimed Hood, Riding, Red, Little.

"All the better to maintain maximum efficiency at minimum cost with Zero Defects," replied the wolf.

Then, entered the chopper, wood type, handsome. Chopper killed wolf with a blow, (one (1) each) and performed the necessary surgical procedures to remove Mother, Grand, from the stomach of wolf, bad, big, dead. With allowance for quarters and rations, they all lived after, ever, happily.
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mh
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"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[unformed 0]

I think one of my brain cells just strangled itself.

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