Dave Barry: Religion according to Four-year-old girls

[SpeedRacer 1]

4-year-olds show wisdom on religion

By Dave Barry

Sunday, May 9, 2004

So I was pedaling along on my bicycle, towing a little kiddie trailer that contained my daughter, Sophie, and her friend Sofia. I like to tow Sophie when she has a friend with her, because they quickly forget that I'm up there pedaling, so I can listen in on their conversations and find out what is on the minds of 4-year-old children. Usually it's something like this:

FIRST CHILD: You're a tree head! (Wild giggling)

SECOND CHILD: No, YOU'RE a tree head! (Wild giggling)

FIRST CHILD: You're a pinecone head! (Wild giggling)

SECOND CHILD: No, YOU'RE a pinecone head! (Wild giggling)

And so it goes, for mile after insight-filled mile. But sometimes they have serious discussions back there, and on this particular bicycle ride, the topic turned to religion.

I should explain that my wife is Jewish, and I am not. We celebrate Hanukkah, but we also celebrate Christmas, which means that each year we open presents, sing songs and eat high-carbohydrate foods for roughly 137 days in a row. It's a good deal for Sophie who, as children do, has adapted effortlessly to her parents' different religious heritages. We've told her that Mommy's family comes from one place, and Daddy's family comes from another place, but the important thing is we all love each other, and we always try to be nice to everybody, and we wash our hands after we go potty. These are our core values.

Sophie goes to a Jewish preschool, and every now and then she comes home with a story from the Old Testament, which she sometimes acts out using her dolls. For example, Barbie, who is generally not regarded as Egyptian, has played the role of the Pharaoh's daughter, who rescued Baby Moses from the River Nile. The River Nile was played by a bath towel. The Baby Moses was played by Ranjan, the impish little Indian boy from Disney's "Jungle Book." Ranjan, a versatile doll actor, has also played the role of the baby Jesus.

So anyway, on this particular bicycle ride, some story from preschool bubbled into Sophie's brain, and she and Sofia had the following conversation, back there in the buggy:

SOPHIE: Do you want me to tell you a story I learned about the Jewish people?

SOFIA: What is the Jewish people?

SOPHIE: That means they're Jewish.

SOFIA: But what IS Jewish?

SOPHIE: Well, it means you're the Jewish people, and you're Jewish. My Mommy is Jewish, but my Daddy isn't Jewish, because his family didn't come from the same place. My Mommy comes from Miami, so she's Jewish.

SOFIA: But what IS Jewish?

SOPHIE: It means you're the Jewish people, and you come from Miami. My Daddy didn't come from Miami, but he lived in Miami for a long time. So maybe now he could be Jewish.

SOFIA: But I live in Miami. Am I Jewish?

SOPHIE: Well, if you live in Miami, you could be Jewish, or you could not be Jewish.

SOFIA: But what IS Jewish?

Unfortunately, just at that point we reached our destination, so the buggy conversation didn't come to any definitive conclusion. But what I liked was the relaxed and open attitude they had about the issue of what religion everybody was, in contrast to the way this issue is often dealt with among adults:

FIRST ADULT: God says I'm right!

SECOND ADULT: No, God says I'M right!

FIRST ADULT: You're a pinecone head!

SECOND ADULT: No, YOU'RE ...

And so on. What's my point? Just this: If people of all different faiths -- Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Yankee fans -- spent some time together, talking AND listening to each other, maybe -- just maybe -- we'd all begin to see that, despite our differences, deep down inside, all of us, except for some of the Yankee fans, are human beings, riding together in the buggy of life. Is that being too naive?

Ha ha! I'm an idiot. Of COURSE that's being too naive. So I'll just close with my auxiliary backup point, which is: Little girls sure are cute.


Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

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[SpeedRacer 1]

so are they right?

Are the people who argue about religion just a bunch of pinecone heads?

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[billvon 3,132]

from Sarah Silverman:

So I'm Jewish and my boyfriend is Christian. I don't think that will be a problem if we have kids, because we'll just explain the differences in a mature and honest way. I'll explain that Mommy is one of the chosen people, and Daddy thinks that Jesus is magic.

[lawrocket 3]

I think that Jesus is proof that you only need to have Jewish blood from the mother's side. Assuming the Christians are right, Jesus's father was not a Jew. Right?

Or, what if Jesus's father WAS/IS a Jew, and Jesus was merely in the midst of an extended teenage rebellion?

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[SpeedRacer 1]

I think you're all a bunch of pine-cone heads.

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[Guest]

Quote

I think you're all a bunch of pine-cone heads.

heh

mh

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[Skyrad 0]

Many years ago when my little sister was three years old the following happened..

It was a sunday morning and my parents were in bed, my sister went into their room and climbed into the bed with them for a cuddle. As she lay there she looked out of the window at the tree outside blowing in the wind.
"Mummy, whats moving the tree?"
My mother was half asleep and replied, 'the wind, dear'
My Sister asked 'Where does the wind come from?'
Still half asleep my mum answered, 'God makes it'
After a little thought my sister asked, 'Where does the tree come from?'
Mum replied, 'From an acorn'
'But where does the acorn come from?'
My Mum replied, 'God made it'.
My sister asks 'Does God make everything?'
Mum still trying to doze back off...'Yes, darling God makes everything'
My sister went quite for a while then asked
' Does God live in Hong Kong?'
(It turned out that she'd asked my other sister where her dolls came from and been told Hong Kong)
Kids logic, can't fault it

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[pirana 0]

Quote

We celebrate Hanukkah, but we also celebrate Christmas, which means that each year we open presents, sing songs and eat high-carbohydrate foods for roughly 137 days in a row.

The dimensionless universal constant of 137 strikes again.

It's everywhere, it's everywhere!

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[SpeedRacer 1]

I heard someone say once that the basic theme behind all Jewish holidays is: "They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!"

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[StreetScooby 5]

Quote

Does God live in Hong Kong?'

LOL!

We are all engines of karma