kjarv 0 #1 January 3, 2006 Was trawling around forums, and although I'm sure there's more to this particular story, the reasons given for leaving a marriage was: "I left my husband last Wednesday. I got tired of the broken promises, me working hard bringing in the only income, and him playing his computer games all day, and basically doing nothing around the house" I thought the vows were: "For richer, for poorer, In sickness, and in health, For better or worse Until death do us part" or something roughly equivalent. Somehow, I don't think the reasons given qualify... If marriage has changed this much, why not change the vows as well to something like "until death, or one of us is unhappy, or one of us becomes fat, or someone younger comes along, or one of us changes sexual orientation, do us part" I kinda like this idea http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=divorcesupport&zu=http%3A%2F%2Ffred411.com%2FNews%2FFLS%2F2002%2F062002%2F06092002%2F627306 -kjarv Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #2 January 3, 2006 QuoteWas trawling around forums, and although I'm sure there's more to this particular story... First of all, I don't think that raiding the Women's Forum for material and bringing it here was the best of all possible ideas, especially when you don't know the whole story. With that said, no one should be required to remain in an emotionally abusive relationship. The first three lines of the vows you quoted don't include living with abuse of any kind. Emotional abuse is murderous to one's spirit, and no one should have to live in a situation that is causing them a slow, lingering, and painful death. Marriage has always been a contract, and it has taken different forms at different times--our way is not the only way, after all. The idea espoused in the article just takes the antenuptial agreement one step further, while removing all intent of commitment. With all of us living longer, the idea of staying with one person for 60 years or more may not be realistic, but I don't see how a renewable marriage contract is going to be any better than a traditional marriage with a prenup. The same people who are going to be hurt by the end of a traditional marriage are going to be hurt when their partner refuses to renew. Some people do go through very bad spells in a marriage, but because they have a sense of permanency of their vows, they work through their difficulties and come out the other side better than before. Contract marriages would be the end of trying. I think it creates as many problems as it solves. rlIf you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #3 January 3, 2006 the phrase is Toss it Off ....... not out (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCrowley 0 #4 January 3, 2006 I feel the same way about homicide laws. TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ragnarok 0 #5 January 4, 2006 Uh, I tried marriage once. Deployed to Iraq for a year. Took her just three months to find someone else. Got back and had to find out the hard way. I was a good husband, honestly. Now I am glad to be divorced (well, the paperwork is going through now....) from her. Never would have started skydiving.......... Now life is good - though it does occasionally get lonely, like around the holidays, but at least I have skydiving and all the amazing things that come along with it. I can honestly say it has been not only the best therapy, but overall I am quite happy about life. Would I get married again? Possibility, but I will make sure that she will love me for me - not what she can change me into._________________________________________ Twin Otter N203-Echo,29 July 2006 Cessna P206 N2537X, 19 April 2008 Blue Skies Forever Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsey 0 #6 January 4, 2006 Hmmmm.....I've known men who thought they could get married, then totally change their ways without any intention of pulling their own weight or of maintaining any semblance of a relationship, and believing that she should keep supporting him....HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good for her for dumping his sorry arse. Marriage is two ways.-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #7 January 4, 2006 QuoteWas trawling around forums, and although I'm sure there's more to this particular story, the reasons given for leaving a marriage was: "I left my husband last Wednesday. I got tired of the broken promises, me working hard bringing in the only income, and him playing his computer games all day, and basically doing nothing around the house" Perhaps if he got off his ass and got a job this never would have happened. He showed his character rather clearly by sitting around and playing games all day rather than going out and trying to find work or doing housework. The word lazy comes to mind.The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kjarv 0 #8 January 4, 2006 QuoteFirst of all, I don't think that raiding the Women's Forum for material and bringing it here was the best of all possible ideas, especially when you don't know the whole story. Only quoted it as that's what generated the thought, and and felt it would seed discussion, hence the caveat for not knowing the whole story---no harm intended. /edited to fix markup/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StearmanR985 0 #9 January 4, 2006 Aren't these traditional vows more of a novelty? Much like marriage itself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #10 January 4, 2006 QuoteAren't these traditional vows more of a novelty? Much like marriage itself. No, they're not a novelty. One of the things that "gets" me is how many people simply don't get what marriage is about. Not just "kids today", but my own generation, and even some of our parents. I know more people who are simply terrified of getting married. They'll live together for years and go through all kinds of legal gymnastics just to buy a house together. And forget kids, they interfere with playtime. Marriage is part of growing up, so is having kids. If you don't do either, you're missing out on a huge chunk of what life's about. It's not always easy, some years are just plain hard, even bad. But if you can keep your eye on the long term, it's really worth it. The wife and I will be married 25 years this April. I've made a lot of bad mistakes in my life, but marrying her was not one of them. Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #11 January 4, 2006 Hmm, the marriage contract thing doesn't sound like it would work any better than the current marriage situation. I don't think that a change in the paperwork would make custody battles or dividing property any easier on a couple who are no longer getting along. I do agree that the "until death do us part" bit is now somewhat of a novelty, because there are certainly reasons that are legitimate for getting a divorce; it just wouldn't sound very nice to include all of those reasons in the vows, but you could if you wanted to. And of course you can write prenups for just about anything you can think of... I think marriage has different meanings to different people. For us, the vows were just a silly formality and they don't really have anything to do with what our marriage means to us. I suppose we could have rewritten the vows to have more personal meaning, but I don't think that either of us were too concerned about it at the time... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,589 #12 January 4, 2006 Used to be, young girls (anywhere from about 13-14 on) got married to older men who could support them. They'd start having babies, and often end up dying in childbirth. Or the husband would die in an accident, or both of some disease. "'Til death do us part" was likely to be a whole lot sooner than it is now. It takes both people to keep a marriage going, but one alone can fuck it up if they try hard enough. And each person has different limits -- sometimes you have to keep trying to find your partner's limits In general, I'd agree with tmontana. Some of the best things are the hardest ones, because if you work at them they nurture you all your life. Kind of like the "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger" Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StearmanR985 0 #13 January 4, 2006 I'll elaborate a bit as my original comment was a bit "tongue in cheek". There are many people that view marriage as a novelty, there are also people that don't share this view but treat it as such nonetheless. I have been married for over 13 years; I will say no more about that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #14 January 4, 2006 QuoteKind of like the "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger". what if you think marriage will be the death of you? ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #15 January 4, 2006 Quotewhat if you think marriage will be the death of you? Then it probably will be... And, well, it would be kinda silly to get married if that's what you think of it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dan_iv 0 #16 January 4, 2006 the 'sanctity' of marriage... ??? http://www.bangkokpost.com/breaking_news/breakingnews.php?id=70137 Obsessed tourist 'marries' dolphin Tel Aviv (dpa) - British tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match - by "marrying" a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today. Tendler, 41, has been visiting the city on the Gulf of Aqaba two or three times a year to spend time with her 35-year-old underwater sweetheart. "The peace and tranquility under water, and his love, would calm me down," the Israeli daily quoted her as saying. Last week Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage. The wedding took place Wednesday, with the bride, wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators, walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water. She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband. "I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride was quoted as saying. "I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #17 January 4, 2006 QuoteQuoteKind of like the "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger". what if you think marriage will be the death of you? http://www.me.utexas.edu/~ans/Pro/lle.html Average Loss of Life Expectancy (LLE) Activity, risk, or state and associated LLE in days Being male 2800 Being unmarried 2000If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuvToFly 0 #18 January 4, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteKind of like the "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger". what if you think marriage will be the death of you? http://www.me.utexas.edu/~ans/Pro/lle.html Average Loss of Life Expectancy (LLE) Activity, risk, or state and associated LLE in days Being male 2800 Being unmarried 2000 This confirms my theory that married men don't really have to die sooner, they only do so to get away from their wives. "The helicopter approaches closer than any other to fulfillment of mankind's ancient dreams of a magic carpet" - Igor Sikorsky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #19 January 4, 2006 No you can not toss out marriage.. the sanctimonious nature of marrige must be protected at all costs. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuvToFly 0 #20 January 4, 2006 QuoteAverage Loss of Life Expectancy (LLE) Activity, risk, or state and associated LLE in days Being male 2800 The fact that the male category has such a greatly diminished life expectancy has clear unpinning reasons. If you just use defense, for instance, only 2% of the entire casualties in Iraq were women. This despite some former feminist notions to have women on the front line. That is, those who do not acknowledge any differences between men and women consider it a slur to deprive a woman of the chance to be on the front lines. Just as true in civilian areas, statistically men occupy over 90% of the jobs considered most dangerous. The interesting part is there doesn't seem to be any equality issues raised by those who have spoken most loudly as to women's rights in regards to these ongoing statistics. I've not heard one peep from some otherwise noisy lobbyists saying, 'hey, not enough of us women died on that construction site." hmmmmmmmm... "The helicopter approaches closer than any other to fulfillment of mankind's ancient dreams of a magic carpet" - Igor Sikorsky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCrowley 0 #21 January 4, 2006 awwww thats cute. Dolphins have been known to attempt sex with humans. Why is interspecies love so wrong? If gay homosexshuals can marry why not wimmin and dolphins? Its exactly the same thing. I ph34r the MILITANT DOLPHIN/HUMAN AGENDA TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dan_iv 0 #22 January 4, 2006 Suicide 95 ??? "The table should be interpreted to mean that the activity listed lowers, on average, the U.S. life expectancy by the stated number of days" i wonder how they came up with that figure..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #23 January 4, 2006 QuoteNo you can not toss out marriage.. the sanctimonious nature of marrige must be protected at all costs. rotflmao! rlIf you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #24 January 5, 2006 Like any decision, you have to examine it from a personal perspective. What are the advantages/disadvantages? If you are a man? woman? From a strictly legal standpoint, marriage is a legal contract that gives rights/responsibilities. What are the rights/responsibilities if it dissolves? Write down the answers and weigh it out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #25 January 5, 2006 Don't you know, that in most blue states the rights are for women, and the responsibilities on men?"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
