Marriage or relationship question..

[pajarito 0]

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The way I read your post was that you feel that hanging out with/emailing/whatever someone you were romantically involved with in the past would be a bad idea. I don't think that's always the case. It depends on the individual circumstances.

You're right. It would depend on individual circumstances. Generally speaking, however, things of that nature aren't very healthy for a marriage. It may in fact be completely innocent. I don't know. People can not realize that they're tredding on dangerous ground until it's too late, though.

[rhino 0]

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The way I read your post was that you feel that hanging out with/emailing/whatever someone you were romantically involved with in the past would be a bad idea. I don't think that's always the case.

It is a bad idea..

[rhino 0]

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He is YOUR WIFE's best friend

No he isn't.. He is someone she's known for years.. They don't converse regurlarly..

[skydyvr 0]

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This is an isolated incident.. She tells her girlfriends that..

Yea, end of story then.

You are being bullshitted and disrespected. Hope you guys work it out.

. . =(_8^(1)

[br0k3n 0]

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I dare say that in most cases, however, marriage does in fact strengthen that relationship and add a bit more cement to it.

Ok I agree, in cases does, but this is becoming less and less common. More and more people these days decide to remain un-married, but are quite committed in the relationship they are in.

I know several couples who are un-married and will remain that the way, which will raise a family and aside from the “contract” are a perfectly normal loving family.

That’s why I believe in say 50 – 100 years time the concept of marriage will only exist in the history books….

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--+ There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.. --+

[rhino 0]

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it doesn't sound like you "asked".

It started as a request.. Believe me..

[Nightingale 0]

so, she tells her girl friends "love ya", She tells her guy friends "love ya" I'm really not seeing a difference here.

[Nightingale 0]

if it was a request, she'd have had the option of saying "no" and giving you an explanation. It doesn't sound like she's getting the option to turn down your "request" without you filing divorce papers. Like someone said above, ultimatums are never good. they take a bad situation and make it worse.

[pajarito 0]

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That’s why I believe in say 50 – 100 years time the concept of marriage will only exist in the history books….

Marriage has been around for thousands and thousands of years. Pretty long time to be erased in 50-100. That's just my opinion, though.

[mcarchangel 0]

So now I'm a liberal huh? I thought I was an agnostic liberatarian hawk. If this guy is a friend of his wife for their entire lives he's not just "some fucko".

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"These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choice left, and I'm ready for war."

[Nightingale 0]

it's only in the past few hundred years that marriage has been about love rather than property. Although, from seeing some of the posts on this thread, I'm starting to wonder rather it's STILL about property.

[rhino 0]

Bottom line... It's wrong.. It's as wrong as fucking your best friends ex.. It's an un written rule. Common sense. something you take into consideration if you care for your partner’s feelings.. If you are doing it and you are in a relationship YOU are in denial. If you are justifying it YOU have value problems and are probably doing it yourself.

Maybe I read her email maybe I didn't. Maybe she told me.. Maybe she didn't.. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. I have my issues and so does she.. Neither of us are perfect. I realize that.. She has TONS of friends I have very few because that is what I choose.. A couple that are skydivers.. My wife happens to be my best friend. I married my best friend.. And when my best friend thinks something that I feel so strongly about is ridiculous that bothers me very very very much.

It is wrong.. It cannot be justified... My wife telling another man she was intimate with Love You or Ya or LY in an email is not going to be accepted. That's me.. Like it or not..

RHINO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[br0k3n 0]

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That’s why I believe in say 50 – 100 years time the concept of marriage will only exist in the history books….

Marriage has been around for thousands and thousands of years. Pretty long time to be erased in 50-100. That's just my opinion, though.

ok hit me up in 100 years if im wrong .... ill put 100 bucks on it

The point being that less and less people these days in the western world believe in a god or deity, and less and less see the need to get married..

(Bumpass, NSFH Paper #66, 1995) The percent of couples being married in the United States declined 25% from 1975 to 1995. The Official Catholic Directory reported 406,908 couples married in the Catholic Church in 1974; in 1995, it reported a 25% decline to 305,385 couples.

So according to this statement then the decline in people choosing to get married is approx 1% per annum currently, therefore at this rate it is only another 75 years before it becomes extinct…

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--+ There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.. --+

[rhino 0]

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so, she tells her girl friends "love ya", She tells her guy friends "love ya" I'm really not seeing a difference here.

Engage with me here... She wasn't romantic with the girl.. Bummer eh joking.. Just think about it and you will see the difference..

[rhino 0]

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if it was a request, she'd have had the option of saying "no" and giving you an explanation.

Well you see... Here's a little more info.. This guy is married right?

While my wife and I were dating "before marriage" I showed up unannounced at her place.. They were both sitting outside kicking back only he was shirtless.. That didn't necessarily bother me as much as his QUICK reaction to me pulling into the driveway did...

I am a guy.. I know how men think.. I saw something very guilty in his actions.. I saw intention.. It doesn't matter how innocent or naive she is.. I caught his ass trying to backdoor, low key mack on my lady...

[rhino 0]

Now you know why I call him "some fucko"

I wonder if his wife agrees with the Love Ya language?

[Nightingale 0]

well, if you read her email without her permission, you should be able to understand that you wouldn't get a good reaction to that. I know if someone read my email without my permission, they would get a very negative reaction to whatever it is they were trying to get me to agree to, simply because of the gross invasion of privacy.

If she LET you read her email (or told you), she's obviously not hiding anything. People hide things when they're being dishonest. They sneak around. If she had feelings for this guy other than that of a friend, there's pretty much no way in hell she'd be telling you about how she signs her emails. Just the fact that she TOLD you is a strong indicator that there's nothing other than friendship going on.

[PhreeZone 20]

I don't see the difference... I've never been romantically involved with a few women yet I still tell them I love them (like sisters) when ever I say good bye to them. I've also hung out with one ex years after we split and I told her the feelings had moved from love to love as in that of a sibiling. I'd help her out and be there for her if she ever needed it... but I would'nt want to sleep with her again.

You can easly love someone and yet have zero desire to take the relationship anywhere.

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[br0k3n 0]

Ok im signing off from this thread…

I would like to thank everyone involved, its helped me waste 4 hours of work today and now im going sneak out of the office and hit the beach for a surf….

Finally, Rhino …. Dude there are issues that you need to sort out with your wife, perhaps on a public internet forum is not the best place, but each to there own… I wish you good luck… and if worst comes to worst then there is always…. http://bride.ru/

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--+ There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.. --+

[skydyvr 0]

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I wonder if his wife agrees with the Love Ya language?

95% of women I've ever met would hit the roof, and rightfully so.

Just start saying "love ya" to women on the phone, the neighbor lady, any woman you have contact with. I bet your wife gets a little perspective on how you feel.

. . =(_8^(1)

[skydyvr 0]

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If this guy is a friend of his wife for their entire lives he's not just "some fucko".

In the context of Rhino and his marriage, the married guy recieving emails signed with "Love you" is indeed a fucko.

. . =(_8^(1)

[rhino 0]

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well, if you read her email without her permission, you should be able to understand that you wouldn't get a good reaction to that. I know if someone read my email without my permission, they would get a very negative reaction to whatever it is they were trying to get me to agree to, simply because of the gross invasion of privacy.

If she LET you read her email (or told you), she's obviously not hiding anything. People hide things when they're being dishonest. They sneak around. If she had feelings for this guy other than that of a friend, there's pretty much no way in hell she'd be telling you about how she signs her emails. Just the fact that she TOLD you is a strong indicator that there's nothing other than friendship going on.

You are missing the point totally..

[rhino 0]

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In the context of Rhino and his marriage, the married guy recieving emails signed with "Love you" is indeed a fucko.

Yep.. And with that... I'm retiring from this thread.. Thanks for the opinions..

Night all..

[Michele 1]

Rob.

Take a breath, and relax a minute.

You and I know a fair deal about each other, right? We've been friends for a while now. Don't I always sign my pm's to you (and others I care about) with "hugs" or "big hugs" or "hugs and love to you!" ?

Granted, you don't sign yours to me like that, but my point is...

We women think differently about that. Men think love=love, while we think love=friends, dogs/cats, great shoes, massive amounts of chocolate, a great sunset, or an incredible piece of music.

Ever hear a man say he loved a book? I can't recall that. I hear women say it all the time. When a jump is exceptional, guys are likely to say "wow, fuckin' fantastic jump! Yeahhhhhhhhhhh!" while we say "wow, fuckin' fantastic jump! I love you all!!!" That doesn't mean I want to have group sex right there on the landing zone, you know? Women express themselves with emotion descriptors far more than men do....take that into account when passing judgment on your wife.

Another thing I've noticed is that she isn't saying "I love you, Fred." She's saying "Love Ya" or even "Luv Ya", which to anyone reading it it's clear that it's more a lighthearted friendship thing than a serious, amorous, romantic/sexual thing.

A couple of other things I want to mention.

~That permission she gave you? It wasn't permission, exactly. It was "I'm fed up to here with you, do what you want." It wasn't saying "hey, let's get the folks on DZ.com's opinion, and take it from there." Your posting this is about being right, and not about finding out if "love ya" is an acceptable closing to an email or not. Hey, that's all right if you want to pay the cost...but do you know what the cost is?

~It "started out" as a request, but the moment she opened the discussion (or yelling, or ignoring) and didn't immediately agree with you, it became something more; it became about being right, her obeying you, her respecting your wishes, and so on. It left the realm of request a long while ago, and if you still believe you made a request, then you really need to learn how to make requests in an appropriate manner.

~You should NEVER read anyone else's personal correspondence, even if they've given you permission.

I'd say that you and she need to take some time and really talk about what's going on. If you married your best friend, then you can get through this...as long as there's understanding and compromise on both parts on important issues. The "luv ya" isn't an important issue in the long run. Her respecting you, her trusting you, you respecting and trusting her - see, those are important. The "luv ya" thing is symptomatic of issues that only you and she know about. Look for those, work on those, and one of two things will happen if you're successful...you'll stop caring if she says "love ya" to a lifelong friend, or she'll start saying "hugs, peace, friendship, and all the rest of that shit" as she closes her emails.

All that being said, "love ya, Rhino."

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Gralala 0]

Well spoken!

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." -- Helen Keller