Living and dying

[CanuckInUSA 0]

Today someone started up a thread in the Bonfire area of DZ.COM concerning a sick loved one and how they were worried that today could be this loved ones last day on earth due to the fact that they were going in for surgery. I thought about responding to that thread, but decided to start this one here instead. What I am about to say is controversial to some (hence the reason why I bring it here), but I feel that a dialogue should be started anyway.

I wonder if this person really has a grip on the fact that their loved one (who is very very old) will die. Maybe not today, but they will die, as will this person who started that thread, myself and all of you reading this thread. No amount of prayers will change this. We are born to the fate that we will die one day. No one gets out alive. And the sooner people come to grips with this reality, the sooner they can get on with their lives. It amazes me the number of people who think they can control their destinies. If only I do this, and do that, then I will live to be a old person. Ballony I say. Anyone of us could be killed or come down with a terminal disease today or tomorrow, next week, next month, next year or years from now. So stop trying to control your death and live life.

I feel I can talk about death in this way concerning a dying relative as my father is on death's door himself as I write this. Several years ago he was diagnosed with throat cancer and things have just gotten worse and worse. Recently he developed leukemia and if you can believe it, only a few short weeks ago he broke his femur walking ... I repeat ... walking down the street. To my sister, this is all horrible as she feels he's too young to die (he's 75) and she is one of these types of people I speak of who thinks they can control their own death and thinks it's horrible that he will die. For some reason, she wants him to hang on for months and even years and I sit in the opposite corner and say, if it was me, fuck that, pull the plug. What kind of life can my father expect to live from now until his death? I shitty painful, bed ridden death (his femur will never heal). He lives in agony day after day. What kind of life is that? Not one I wish to live that's for sure.

So stop thinking that you can control your life as you can't. And get out there and live each day to it's fullest. Be happy for what you have and don't forget, you can't take it with you. "He who dies with the most toys, still dies"

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[IanHarrop 42]

This study, published recently, backs up the thought that we cannot delay death

http://www.iht.com/articles/2004/12/22/news/death.html

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[JohnnyD 0]

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I wonder if this person really has a grip on the fact that their loved one (who is very very old) will die.

In that case, yes he does. The loved one has lived a long and wonderful life. That person is just sad and frightened and venting and leaning on friends in a time of need, although it may come across a bit differently.

I now return you to deep philisophical discussions.

[SpeedRacer 1]

well, I think you bring up a lot of good points. sometimes some people (not anyone heere in particular, just in general) seem to think that they are in CONTROL. well, you're right, being in CONTROL is just an illusion.

however, you can do things to push the odds in your favor, ie, don't smoke, eat right & exercise, get your vaccinations, etc. sure, tomorrow a taxi cab could jump the curb & kill you. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try. You just have to understand that human effort is about pushing the odds, and not about securing guarantees.

For example do the polio & smallpox & other vaccines render the recipient completely immune to those diseases?? No. They just lower the odds of catching them. sometimes that can make all the difference in the world.

but yeah, no matter what we should realize that we are all gonna die. I would think that skydivers DO think about that from time to time when the plane levels out on jumprun.

Speed Racer
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[Paulipod 0]

I can follow your reasoning, and being not an overly emotional type - probably have similar views....

However, I hope you take my lead and never apply for a job as a grief counsellor !

Bodyflight Bedford
www.bodyflight.co.uk

[flyangel2 2]

Steve, I agree 100%. After everything I've been through, I am at peace with death. I have a living will and my boys know that they are not to keep me going on and on. Pull the plug. I also refuse to go through surgery after surgery just to keep hanging on to life. I'm always telling my doctor, "It's the quality of life I want, not the quantity."

Keep in mind, I still have a lot of living to do, and I plan on doing it till death knocks at the door. I'll go with him, but it's going to be kicking and screaming

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[CanuckInUSA 0]

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"It's the quality of life I want, not the quantity."

Amen.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[ladyskydiver 0]

When my dad was dying, I prayed and leaned on my friends and asked for their prayers. Not because I didn't expect that one day he'd die, but to have his suffering eased - whichever way it was be it getting healed or dying. I know that one day I'll die...so will my mom....so will everyone that I love and care for. It doesn't mean that when the time comes for someone I love to pass away that I won't ask for prayers, vibes, etc. There is a point where that is the only thing you can do, and it's not much but it's something.

The person you speak of, I believe, is quite aware of the reality that their loved one will die. It doesn't make it hurt any less, and the reaching out to friends to say "pray...give me vibes...etc." isn't negating the the fact they know that one day the person will die. The prayers may be something as simple as "May my loved one pass when their time is come in as gentle a way as possible with as little suffering as possible." not necessarily "Don't let them die."

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[lawrocket 3]

Peoples' views on death are typically approached from a sense of selfishness. However, my thought is "how can you expect it to be any different?"

We all know death is inevitable, which usually doesn't make it any easier. The 80 year-old man who dies with family at his side? Hey, that guy probably lived a helluva life, and most that age go without too much issue.

Still, it's sad when something that is a part of our life is gone. If my wife died today or tomorrow, I'd be devastated because I depend so much on her, as does our son. I plan to grow old with her, and have grandchildren with her. My life is planned "with her." It seems the converse is true.

I could drop dead of a heart attack before I'm done writing this. I could have a car come through my house in one minute. Is death inevitable? Sure it is. But when one is cut down early, it makes it that much more difficult to handle.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[SpeedRacer 1]

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We all know death is inevitable, which usually doesn't make it any easier. The 80 year-old man who dies with family at his side? Hey, that guy probably lived a helluva life, and most that age go without too much issue.

well some things do make it easier.

I noticed when my Grandfather died, after living into his 80's and seeing his own great-grandchildrenand living a full life, it was sad, but bearable. Another friend of mine died at 24. Granted it was his own fault (a drug overdose) but that doesn't change the fact that when a friend of yours dies at 24 it feels MUCH different than when they die at 82.

Speed Racer
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[Falko 0]

That was well written and I can relate so much! My parents drowned when I was 4, the only survivor being the third person, a neighbor and good friend, who lived to have 2 more children in the 80's. If that's not Irony, what else?
So I absolutely agree: Live Life NOW!

Right now that scene in "Fight Club" pops up in my mind, where Tyler burns Jacks hand with lye and says: First, you have to KNOW that someday, you are going to die."

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Be happy for what you have and don't forget, you can't take it with you

Yes!

And I'm gonna live life now... countdown for RyanAir flight to Empuria: 3 days 20 hours 1 minute.

blue skies & happy landings

Ich betrachte die Religion als Krankheit, als Quelle unnennbaren Elends für die menschliche Rasse.
(Bertrand Russell, engl. Philosoph, 1872-1970)

[lewmonst 0]

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Ballony I say.

Don't you remember Oscar Meyer has a name, it's b-o-l-o-g-n-a?


oh, and I agree. It's not a question of when we die, but how we live.

peace
lew

http://www.exitshot.com

[raggdoll 0]

Yes, it is about control. It's also about fear.

We don't absolutely know what's going to happen to us after we take that last breath. We don't know where our loved ones are going, what, if anything, they will experience. Different religions have different theories, but until such time as there is a definitive answer, people will still mourn and be afraid for themselves and their loved ones.

It's also a fear of change. As lawrocket said, it is selfishness. Humans are creatures of habit; we get into our comfort zones and are quite content. When someone close dies, though, everything is thrown into a tailspin. The world stops. If it's a long process involving sickness, there's the added stress of hospitals and doctors, a habit no one wants to endure. If it's unexpected, it's a quick change and the world will never revert back to what it was before, with little to no time to prepare.

Some people can see it objectively; some people are emotional. Neither is wrong.

Just my opinion on this Christmas Eve.