Let the annual lying festival begin!

[freethefly 6]

Well, that fat bastards ass will blip off their screen if he comes ho-ho-ho-ing down my chimminy, And, if he doesn't stop here, well, he has to come through this hemisphere and I am pretty sure that I can hit a freaking reindeer in flight. Hell, how many of those damn things does fat boy have strapped to his pimpsled anyways. No problem. I'll just unload the clip on them. I have been gunning for jollyboy since 1968. I was explicit in my letter when I said to that no good union busting prick that I wanted the "Super Scientist" science kit. The one with a bunsen burner and highly explosive chemicals. Not the "Little Scientist" kit. Can't blowup much with a microscope and some crappy slides of dead bugs that I didn't even kill myself. The bastard also shorted me on "Hot Wheels". Instead that card carrying commie cocksucker brought me some off the wall dogdung from China. Freaking wheels fell off after throwing them at the pavement only three times. Imagine that! You can blame Walmart for the decline in manufacturing jobs here in the US, me, I blame the original sweatshop king. Slumlord to the north. Well folks, St. Prick's days are numbered and I have been polishing the brass casings. I have called in a favor from some heavy hitters who are in tune to the deed that has to be done and they have sent me the tools needed for me to clean the slate. A highpower sniper rifle with a nightscope (I like to keep it sporting) and also some RPG's, a couple of TOWS and some close action machinery, a ak-47, one mac 10 and just for the fun of it an Uzi. At this point I would not be giving any apoligies for my actions. I do realize that millions of sniveling snot nose rugrats will not get any toys come the 25th. But, they will thank me some day when they are standing on the assembly line installing their part day in and day out. When their spawns look up at them someday and ask "why" daddy did he kill Santa. They will be able to say "so your daddy can have a job on the line, Shut up you little fuck and be happy that you even have a roof over your head". I feel good about what has to be done and feel no remorse. Hell, I have been sending sleighboy letters since 1969 telling him that I was not happy with my cut of the loot in 1968 and that the day was coming. It is not like he is not expecting it. Short me on the goodies, the prick! Now that I have fallen off of his radar, I have the element of surprise. I will get the drop on him and be eating reindeer for years to come. To all the people north of the Ozarks, Merry Christmas. To all those south, well, you'll thank me.

"...And once you're gone, you can't come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black."
Neil Young

[slug 1]

You don't have to remind me never to piss you off.
Merry Hunting

R.i.P.

[akarunway 1]

All you are wrong. My African American (gotta be PC) friend just infomed me that Santa is really black=====================================

Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, everybody be sleepin' and dey be sleepin' damned good.

We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat dear ole Santy Claws, gunna brang us our check.

All of da family, was ly'in on the flow, my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some hoe.

I dun passed out on da flow too, right next to my baby's maw, when I heared such a fuss, I thunk....
"Sh'eet, it must be da law".

I looked out thru da bars, to see what I'ze could see, I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.

But what did I see, made me say, "Laaawd look at dat". dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big ass rats.

Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white, but it looks like us brotha's, got a black Santy tonight.

Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came, and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Leroy, On Jerome, On Virgil, On Willy, On Yolanda, On Crayola, On Kiesha, and Nefilly.

Ol' Santy landed dat melon, right there in da street, I knowed it fo' sho', da damnest thing I ever seed.


Dat black Santy didn't go down no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe, an I sez to myself, "Sh'eet...he don dis befoe.

He had a big bag, full of presents I spect, wif Air Jordans and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.

But he left me no presents, just stated stealin my shit. He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.

Den, wif my shit in his bag, out da windoe he flew, I sho' woulda chased him, be he snagged my knife too.

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two seconds, dat son of a bitch.

So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git, 'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit !!!!

Merry Crizzmus to All !!!

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[miked10270 0]

From Norad:

"The tradition began after a Colorado Springs store's advertisement for children to call Santa on a special "hotline" included a misprinted telephone number. Instead of Santa, the phone number put kids through to the CONAD Commander-in-Chief's operations "hotline." The Director of Operations, Colonel Harry Shoup, received the first "Santa" call on Christmas Eve 1955. Realizing what had happened, Colonel Shoup had his staff check radar data to see if there was any indication of Santa making his way south from the North Pole. Indeed there were signs of Santa and children who called were given an update on Santa's position. Thus, the tradition was born."

Meanwhile, a link:

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0IBP/is_12_44/ai_68507673

The only REALLY amazing thing about this tale is that Harry Shoup didn't get his Star for this.

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[rickjump1 0]

The FAA gives Santa a multiengine checkride because of all those "engines". After announcing, "engine failure", on takeoff, the examiner pulls out a 30-06 and shoots the lead reindeer. Santa always gives the examiner a big piece of tenderloin if he wants to pass his checkride.

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

[Breezejunky 0]

" 'ey Santa Clause you cunt!
Where's me fucking bike?!
I've unwrapped all this other stuff and there's nothin that I like!
I wrote you a fucking letter and I've been to see you twice.
'ey Santa Clause you cunt, where's me fucking bike?!"


See this is what happens when parents and governments lie to kids.

(They grow up to be comics and make money poking fun at their own horribly confused and tortured souls)

Edited to add that the above little diddy is compliments of Kevin Bloody Wilson

[jcd11235 0]

Quote

Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, everybody be sleepin' and dey be sleepin' damned good.

We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat dear ole Santy Claws, gunna brang us our check.

All of da family, was ly'in on the flow, my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some hoe.

I dun passed out on da flow too, right next to my baby's maw, when I heared such a fuss, I thunk....
"Sh'eet, it must be da law".

I looked out thru da bars, to see what I'ze could see, I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.

But what did I see, made me say, "Laaawd look at dat". dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big ass rats.

Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white, but it looks like us brotha's, got a black Santy tonight.

Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came, and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Leroy, On Jerome, On Virgil, On Willy, On Yolanda, On Crayola, On Kiesha, and Nefilly.

Ol' Santy landed dat melon, right there in da street, I knowed it fo' sho', da damnest thing I ever seed.


Dat black Santy didn't go down no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe, an I sez to myself, "Sh'eet...he don dis befoe.

He had a big bag, full of presents I spect, wif Air Jordans and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.

But he left me no presents, just stated stealin my shit. He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.

Den, wif my shit in his bag, out da windoe he flew, I sho' woulda chased him, be he snagged my knife too.

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two seconds, dat son of a bitch.

So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git, 'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit !!!!

Merry Crizzmus to All !!!

It's nice to see that Racism is still alive and well in 2004.

D.A.R.N.

"A dog, a dog. A cat, a cat. A human is a human." --Pato Banton

Math tutoring available. Only $6! per hour! First lesson: Factorials!

[slug 1]

Affirmative

SC

R.I.P.

[Ron 10]

Quote

Not actually.

I remember this from when I was a small child and at the time thought it was pretty cool. As soon as the news would play the NORAD clip we knew he was coming our way.

As I grew older and figured Santa out it hit me as very odd that the entire adult world actually was in a sort of loose consirpacy to control kids with certain myths; Santa, Easter Bunny, Boogieman.

If Santa, who the entire adult world was telling be was real, was in fact a lie, then what about other things? What about the things that even the adults believed in?

Call it the beginnings of skepticism.

Wow...All I can say is WOW!

I think someone got coal in his stocking to many times.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334