Late breaking Election News

[flyingferret 0]

In a stunning October surprise, the Kerry-Edwards campaign has given Dan
Rather some documents signed by Noah, which prove that Ezekial Bush, an
ancestor of George W. Bush (who has friends in the oil industry), was
responsible for the 40 days and nights of rain which resulted in the
Great Flood. The documents also show that Ararat Arks, a subsidiary of
Halliburton, made excessive profits by building Noah's Ark on a no-bid
contract. Because of these excess profits, the ark was built too small
so the last two dragons, unicorns, and patriotic liberals, were left
behind to drown.

Dan Rather admitted that while the documents may be forgeries the facts
aren't as important as the intent. Enraged environmentalists across the
country have parked their Volvos and gone on hunger strikes, vowing to
eat only Camembert cheese and tofu until John F. Kerry (who was awarded
three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam) is elected President.

CNN (the Clinton News Network) also ran a story showing that the Titanic
and the Hindenburg had both been manufactured by subsidiaries of
Halliburton. John Edwards immediately took time off from the campaign
trail to file a class-action lawsuit against Halliburton, Dick Cheney,
the city of Elmhurst, and all icebergs in the North Atlantic. Jesse
Jackson was heard to react by saying "Their boat didn't float, and their
blimp went limp."

Michael Moore is producing a mockumentary showing that because of close
family ties to Emperor Hirohito, George H. W. Bush had been personally
informed in advance that Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked, thus
giving him time to get the family yacht, named "Obscene Oil Profits",
out of the harbor before the bombing began. Howard Dean's voice is
being used to dub in the screams during the attack scenes in the movie.

The Ninth Circus Court in California has just ruled that since
citizenship status is not a constitutionally valid criteria for
eligibility to vote, illegal aliens are to be allowed to vote one time
for each different Social Security card that they have, provided that
the addresses are different. They excepted families in which the parents
and children all have the same last name as being too Americanized to be
allowed this special non-citizen privilege. Senator Hillary Clinton
immediately clarified that the ruling only applies to illegal aliens who
are on welfare, and who vote for John F. Kerry (who was awarded three
Purple Hearts in Viet Nam).

Jimmy Carter announced that since only fraudulent voting practices could
possibly elect George Bush (who has friends in the oil industry), he
will invite France, North Korea, and Iran to oversee the nationwide vote
re-count if John F. Kerry (who was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet
Nam) is not elected.

Ralph Nader was allegedly seen last night wandering the streets of
downtown Biloxi muttering "What about me? What about me? What about me?"

Peter Jennings announced today that he has DNA evidence that Pontius
Pilate was a direct ancestor of George W. Bush (who has friends in the
oil industry). He also has papers showing that Dick Cheney still
receives an annuity from the company that manufactured the nails used in
the Crucifixion. John Kerry told a cheering crowd of morons that he had
a plan to prevent future crucifixions of saviors, but that his plan was
a secret. The anti-business wing of the democratic party praised his
secret plan in the hopes that he would increase taxes on nail companies
until they move to China.

And last but not least, MoveOn.org has a story on its website which
claims that the Republican Party, guided over the centuries by ancestors
of Barry Goldwater and Ronald Reagan, is in reality a secret society
which has been working to undermine world equality by planning and
creating the Great Plague, World War One, the Depression, the Holocaust,
World War Two, the Korean War, the Vietnam War (in case you didn't know,
John F. Kerry was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam), 9-11, the
death of Lacy Peterson, Michael Jackson's face, AIDS, and the pending
implosion of Social Security.

Spontaneous demonstrations are planned for the weekend preceding the
election. Charles Rangel and Nancy Pelosi have called for an independent
investigation to be completed by Al Gore as soon as he gets back on his
medications.

--
All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI.

[wmw999 2,589]

That's funny as all get-out.

Well, except for the part about patriotic liberals -- we liberals take our patriotism very seriously
Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Rebecca 0]

Awesome!

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[markd_nscr986 0]

Thanks......I needed that today!

Marc SCR 6046 SCS 3004

[miked10270 0]

Superb!

So they've finally found out about Ezeikel (Burning) Bush!

Now that the documents are in the public domain, the way is clear for the Liberals to launch a class action lawsuit on behalf of The Dragons and the Unicorns.

In a surprise move, Both sides of the "Abortion Issue" Campaigns Have backed this class action. In a joint press statement the unlikely allies stated: The enforced extinction for your children, their children and all descendants is the ultimate betrayal of both the "Pro-Life" AND the "Pro-Choice" parties campaigns!

If course, Eziekel (Burning) Bush is not the only family member to have earned such a nickname...

Who can forget WW II and the completely impartial diplomacy (in the field of weapons supply) of Herbert (Profiteering) Bush?

And of course The Vietnam War, where not only did John Kerry win 3 purple hearts, but which also saw the careers of George (Spying) Bush and his son, George (Hiding in a) Bush?

The world will also soon learn of the further deeds of Governor (Oily) Bush and his association with Haliburton (Voting Machine) Mfg. Co.

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[lawrocket 3]

60 Minutes will be running a story on Sunday that either Karl Rove or George Bush + Dick Cheney have been determined to be the AntiChrist as predicted by Nostradamus.

A Snippet:

"Ed Bradley Reporting on "Bush Administration - We can't be sure who is the Antichrist, but he's in Bush's administration."

"Nostradamus wrote:

Quote

Those at ease will suddenly be cast down
The East also the West will weaken
King and Reb will face an Antichrist so false
Under murder, murder will come to be perpetrated

""King" and "Reb" is abbreviated as "KR" which stands for "Karl Rove." Like Nostradamus was apt to do, he added the clue that te AntiChrist is "KR" or "Karl Rove."

CBS, seeking to scoop the Drudge Report, with its history of false and flippant reporting, has interviewed international experts.

"Nostradamus was French and could always be trusted. For a while, we thought that this quatrain was referring to 9/11. However, upon review of the undisputed evidence, we have determined this to mean that Karl Rove, who has so weakened the world both east and west, is indeed the AntiChrist."

"Some disagree that the Antichrist is Karl Rove.
Robert Faid of Greenville, South Carolina, is an expert on AntiChirsts and Mathematics. Famous for calculating theexact odds of Mikhail Gorbachev of being the AntiChrist (710,609,175,188,282,000 to 1), see here, he was asked to calculate the odds that Karl Rove is the Antichrist.

"The evidence suggest that the odds of Karl Rove being the Antichrist are 3.14159:1. However, in calculating George W Bush's probability, it is 1.618:1. Dick Cheney's is 0.618. Note that by dividing 1 by 1.618, you get .618, and that by dividing 1 by .618, you get 1.618. Any reader of the Da Vinci Code would understand the scientific and biblical overtones of this number:

"The holy grail is that when put together, Dick Cheney and George Bush are the AntiChrist. Karl Rove may merely be the great heretic."

"SUNDAY NIGHT ON 60 MINUTES."

My wife is hotter than your wife.