Dear Limey assholes

[Skyrad 0]

I saw this on Guardian online (alsoo read the Telegraph and Times) found this quite enlightening thought I'd share it with you. I loved the response that just said 'i've forwarded this to the CIA and FBI'

Dear Limey assholes

Last week G2 launched Operation Clark County to help readers have a say in the American election by writing to undecided voters in the crucial state of Ohio. In the first three days, more than 11,000 people requested addresses. Here is some of the reaction to the project that we received from the US

Monday October 18, 2004
The Guardian

Dear wonderful, loving friends from abroad,
We Ohioans are an ornery sort and don't take meddling well, even if it comes from people we admire and with their sincere goodwill. We are a fairly closed community overall. In my town of Springfield, I feel that there are some that consider people from the nearby cities of Columbus or Dayton, as "foreigners"- let alone someone from outside our country.
Springfield, Ohio

Have you not noticed that Americans don't give two shits what Europeans think of us? Each email someone gets from some arrogant Brit telling us why to NOT vote for George Bush is going to backfire, you stupid, yellow-toothed pansies ... I don't give a rat's ass if our election is going to have an effect on your worthless little life. I really don't. If you want to have a meaningful election in your crappy little island full of shitty food and yellow teeth, then maybe you should try not to sell your sovereignty out to Brussels and Berlin, dipshit. Oh, yeah - and brush your goddamned teeth, you filthy animals.
Wading River, NY

Right on! Just wanted to say thanks from California for your effort and concern. This IS a very important election ... There are so many people here in the States that care about the impact America has on the rest of the world. I am personally saddened for the loss of all innocent lives. The best statement Americans can make to the rest of the world is to not elect Bush for president. Thank you so much for getting involved in our world.
California

Consider this: stay out of American electoral politics. Unless you would like a company of US Navy Seals - Republican to a man - to descend upon the offices of the Guardian, bag the lot of you, and transport you to Guantanamo Bay, where you can share quarters with some lonely Taliban shepherd boys.
United States

I am a student and life-long resident of Clark County, Ohio. I just wanted you to know that this is a wonderful idea you've initiated; people here love and respect the United Kingdom, especially the prime minister. I hope this campaign will be successful for your newspaper and for us voters.
Springfield, Ohio

KEEP YOUR FUCKIN' LIMEY HANDS OFF OUR ELECTION. HEY, SHITHEADS, REMEMBER THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR? REMEMBER THE WAR OF 1812? WE DIDN'T WANT YOU, OR YOUR POLITICS HERE, THAT'S WHY WE KICKED YOUR ASSES OUT. FOR THE 47% OF YOU WHO DON'T WANT PRESIDENT BUSH, I SAY THIS ... TOUGH SHIT!
PROUD AMERICAN VOTING FOR BUSH!

Shame on you for using the people of Ohio like this. The US presidental election isn't just about foreign policy, it's about healthcare, taxes, education, transportation, natural resources and all manner of issues with little to no impact on the people of Britain.

We live in a globalised, interconnected world. If China shuts its borders to US imports, you better believe American companies, shareholders and workers are affected. Should US citizens therefore have a direct say in Chinese policies? No - Americans should demand that their own elected leaders address the issues with their Chinese counterparts. The British have a similar voice in US policies - through your own elected representatives who have any number of diplomatic, economic and military tools at their disposal. You vote for your leaders and we'll vote for ours. Your problem is with your leaders, not ours.
Washington DC

Real Americans aren't interested in your pansy-ass, tea-sipping opinions. If you want to save the world, begin with your own worthless corner of it.
Texas, USA

Thank you, thank you, thank you! What a wonderful idea! I am a US citizen who is scared to death that Bush and Klan will get back in. We need all the help we can get to ditch this bunch of maniacs.
United States

I just read a hilarious proposal to involve your readership in the upcoming US presidential election. At least, I'm hoping that it is genius satire. Nothing will do more to undermine the Democratic cause in Ohio than having patronising Brits wander around Clark County telling people how to vote. Just, for a second, imagine if the Washington Post sent folks from Ohio to do the same in Oxfordshire. I'm saying this as a Democrat, and as someone who has spent the last few years in the UK. That is, with all due respect. Please, please, be rational, and move slowly away from the self-defeating hubris.
United States

I enjoy reading your paper and agree with your politics, but this is really too much.Your plan, if carried out, will hurt the Bush opposition TERRIBLY. We cannot afford to have this associated with John Kerry or anyone else. It will be; the press is going in for a kill, days before the election.
United States

Your idea is superb and frankly, we need a little help over here right now.
Ohio

My dear, beloved Brits,
I understand the Guardian is sponsoring a service where British citizens write to Americans to advise them on how to vote. Thank heavens! I was adrift in a sea of confusion and you are my beacon of hope!

Feel free to respond to this email with your advice. Please keep in mind that I am something of an anglophile, so this is not confrontational. Please remember, too, that I am merely an American. That means I am not very bright. It means I have no culture or sense of history. It also means that I am barely literate, so please don't use big, fancy words.

Set me straight, folks!
Dayton, Ohio

Hey England, Scotland and Wales,
Mind your own business. We don't need weenie-spined Limeys meddling in our presidental election. If it wasn't for America, you'd all be speaking German. And if America would have had a president, then, of the likes of Kerry, you'd all be goose-stepping around Buckingham Palace. YOU ARE NOT WANTED!! Whether you want to support either party. BUTT OUT!!!
United States

Please be advised that I have forwarded this to the CIA and FBI.
United States

As an American who is very anti-Bush, I applaud your letter-writing campaign. I have read some of the letters that you published, and while I agree with most of the content, I also believe they will not be persuasive. This is because they are too aggressive and, as stated on your website, you don't know anything about these voters. If they happen to be leaning toward Bush, these letters will not put them off.
New York

THE AMERICAN TAXPAYERS HAVE SPENT TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS PROTECTING THE PEOPLES OF THE EU, AND WHAT DO WE GET IN RETURN. BETRAYAL, BETRAYAL, BETRAYAL. I HAVE BEEN TO YOUR COUNTRY, THE COUNTRY OF MY ANCESTORS, AND I KNOW WHY THEY LEFT.

MAY YOU HAVE TO HAVE A TOOTH CAPPED. I UNDERSTAND IT TAKES AT LEAST 18 MONTHS FOR YOUR GREAT MEDICAL SERVICES TO GET AROUND TO YOU. HAVE A GREAT DAY.
Harlan, Kentucky

We all enjoyed this at work. Cheers.
United States

Thank you for taking such an active interest in the elections here in America. I appreciate what the Guardian is doing. Your effort to reach out to "swing states" and make a difference is commendable. I hope that many of your readers will take your challenge to help make a change in Washington by contacting voters.
Clarke County, Georgia

Keep your noses out of our business. As I recall we kicked your asses out of our country back in 1776. We do not require input from losers and idiots on who we vote for in our own country. Fuck off and die asshole!!!!!
Knoxville, Iowa

Gentle folks at the Guardian,
In your plea to get your non-American readers to write to voters in Clark County, Iowa, you are correct that events in the US have had, and will have, effects on world events. For example, we have pulled your chestnuts out of the fire in two world wars that were occasioned by European diplomacy. Maybe you'd like a vote in which American president will oversee the next rescue. The next time you have elections in Great Britain, I shall endeavour to send names of your citizens to people in France, Iraq, India, the United Arab Emirates, Botswana, Pakistan, China and Argentina so that they may attempt to influence your election. It's only fair that everybody in the world should have a say in the selection of the prime minister.
California

Mind your own flipping business.
United States

Dear Guardian folks,
While I empathise with your plight, this attempt to influence voters by sending letters from foreigners will have a negative effect on your ultimate goal. You will cause people to empathise with the president, not the other way around. People will read these letters and say, "John Le who? Never heard of him, but who is he to tell me who to vote for?"
Ohio

I am a registered voter in Clark County, Ohio, and am very much interested in hearing what our overseas friends have to say about our election. You are correct in assuming that this election in the US is the most important election in memory. The threat of terrorism is a very real threat, not just in our country, but all over the world. In this day and age there must be worldwide unity against these fanatical groups who just hate. Not just Americans, but all western civilisation.
United States

Thanks for running this initiative. It may be the only way I get to have an impact on the American election, despite the fact that I'm a registered American voter. See, I vote in New York, which is solidly Democratic. Due to the electoral college system, once a majority is secured in any state, subsequent votes don't really matter. Whether NY goes 51% or 99%, the impact on who actually wins is the same. So thanks for the opportunity to impact somebody else's vote, where it may really matter.
Amsterdam, Holland

Who in the hell do you think you are??? Well, I'll tell you, you're a bunch of meddling socialist pricks! Stay the hell out of our country and politics. And another thing, John Kerry is a worthless lying sack of crap so it doesn't surprise me that a socialist rag like yours would back him. I hope your cynical ploy blows up in your cowardly faces, you bunch of mealy-mouthed morons!
United States

I used to visit the UK every year. I love the history and culture of your country. But after I heard about your campaign to influence our elections, I've decided that neither myself, nor my family will ever visit again. I'm offended by your campaign and because of it, I'm remembering more of the negative aspects I've seen in the UK than the positive ones. Though I still love the castles!
Detroit

Dear British friends,
I think you have an interesting idea to encourage international grassroots efforts, but I sincerely doubt most Springfielders are going to be influenced by letters from a country they probably can't even point to on a map. I wish you luck with your campaign, but I warn you that you're not likely to accomplish much.
Dayton, Ohio

You radical leftwingers are worse than the Taliban. I suggest you stand back and take a good hard look at yourselves.

PS: When do you propose to add Michael Moore to your staff of lunatics?
United States

I suggest that if a particular reader of the Guardian would like to vote in America - would really like to influence the American election, say - that reader should move to America, become a citizen of the United States. Everyone is welcome here. Even the readers of the Guardian. But if you don't wish to be an American, to live in Ohio, for instance, and participate in the American political process, that is too bad. Perhaps there is something wrong with you. Perhaps it is your teeth.
New York

Go back to sipping your tea and leave our people alone.
Ohio

As an American who is afraid of the terrible ramifications if Bush is elected, I commend your efforts to try to get Britons involved. Although many Americans would be critical of British people "meddling" with our politics and elections, all the world will share in the disaster if Bush is re-elected. Many of us are very concerned. I teach young adults, most of whom have been very uninvolved in voting and politics. Many of them are going to vote. We need all the help we can get.
United States

As a US citizen, I want to advise you that you and anyone that participates in subverting the US presidential election can be criminally charged and perhaps even charged as spies.
California

Thank God above for you English! Just when I was beginning to despair at the thought of Bush being re-elected, you come along with a strategy to help us! Your invitation to your readership and rationale for offering it are provocative at the least, and laudable at best.
Springfield, Ohio

· www.guardian.co.uk/clarkcounty

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[PhreeZone 20]

Great.... they are only about 45 minutes from me

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[DrunkMonkey 0]

Wouldn't this thread be better titled "Dear Limey Arseholes?

[wmw999 2,589]

I think my favorite one was:

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We all enjoyed this at work. Cheers.
United States

Sense of humor, and appeared to have given the inputs the attention they probably deserved.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[lawrocket 3]

Hmmm. I guess the British really DO wish they were Americans.

Long ago, I had a discussion with one of my best friends, a Brit. During this discussion I made my point that the US should annex Britain into a 51st state.

Think about how that would be? We could afford the written Constitutional protections to the Brits, while the 10th Amendment would allow them to maintain many of their own laws. It'd be kinda like a Massachusetts across the pond, only they will not lose money to New Hampshire for car registration.

Think about all we could offer Britain. We could, indeed, offer them a say in the Presidential elections! Furthermore, the Brits could get some enforcement against the Irish in South Boston funneling money to Sinn Fein. While the US would simply send a missile in to the comunity doing, the Brits lack that ability. We could arrest them and extradite them to East Massachusetts.

We could also send a number of our best dentists and orthodontists to train those hopeful of launching a new and exciting field in Britain.

Furthermore, football (not soccer), baseball, hockey and NASCAR can find a new following. Enough of this F-1 stuff where it's a given that Schumacher will win it. Instead, the sport section will replace its coverage of cribbage and snooker with football, hockey and baseball. Americans will field sides at rugby during the spring and summer, when football season is inactive.

Finally, your society will have the protection of the Second Amendment, which would allow Brits to be armed. No more of this leaving it solely to the unarmed police for your protection against raving thugs, Brits can pack some heat and protect themselves, as well as their knocked up 15 year old daughters who cannot keep their knickers up.

On our side, we can restore some integrity and dignity to the court system by donning appropriate courtroom attire (you know, I would like that).

Furthermore, we can make C-Span more fun if we adopt some parliamentary procedures and allow hooting and howling in Congress during the state of the union.

Some things would need to be areed upon. For example, the brits would have to eliminate all of those unnecessary "u" from their spellings, i.e., "colour" would become the more efficient "color." Also, you'd be required to respect American ingenuity by calling potato chips "chips" and fries, "fries." We invented the chip, and you all should learn to speak and write English.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[markd_nscr986 0]

Damn ungrateful colonials!

Marc SCR 6046 SCS 3004

[Zep 0]

I'll agree to all you put as long as I get to hang draw and quater the royal family an all thier relatives.
Undermine the economy of the rest of Europe.
And every town must have a Wal-mart and Wendys

Gone fishing

[Zep 0]

PS The channel tunel could then become a giant sewage pipe

Gone fishing

[christelsabine 1]

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PS The channel tunel could then become a giant sewage pipe

Only with oncoming traffic....

dudeist skydiver # 3105

[Zep 0]

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PS The channel tunel could then become a giant sewage pipe

Only with oncoming traffic....

But of course, you don't think I want all that effluent coming my way.

I saw the light an got out years ago.

Gone fishing

[jakee 1,596]

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Who in the hell do you think you are??? Well, I'll tell you, you're a bunch of meddling socialist pricks! Stay the hell out of our country and politics. And another thing, John Kerry is a worthless lying sack of crap so it doesn't surprise me that a socialist rag like yours would back him. I hope your cynical ploy blows up in your cowardly faces, you bunch of mealy-mouthed morons!
United States

Hey look, someone must have sent one of those letters to PeacefullJeffery.

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[nacmacfeegle 0]

"I made my point that the US should annex Britain into a 51st state."

What, annexe the UK, and I see in other threads, Canada?

Sounds like vile, imperialistic, nation building to me.

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[peacefuljeffrey 0]

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I'll agree to all you put as long as I get to hang draw and quater the royal family an all thier relatives.
Undermine the economy of the rest of Europe.
And every town must have a Wal-mart and Wendys

Ah! There we go! Yet another benefit that our U.S. laws would bestow upon the unfortunate Brits: they'd finally get their death penalty back!! !!!!!

-Jeffrey

-Jeffrey
"With tha thoughts of a militant mind... Hard line, hard line after hard line!"

[peacefuljeffrey 0]

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Who in the hell do you think you are??? Well, I'll tell you, you're a bunch of meddling socialist pricks! Stay the hell out of our country and politics. And another thing, John Kerry is a worthless lying sack of crap so it doesn't surprise me that a socialist rag like yours would back him. I hope your cynical ploy blows up in your cowardly faces, you bunch of mealy-mouthed morons!
United States

Hey look, someone must have sent one of those letters to PeacefullJeffery.

Yeah, personal digs are always forgiven if you put a 'mealy-mouthed' angelic face after them.

Well, at least I get the satisfaction of knowing that well before I even join a thread, you're still occupying your mind with me.

-Jeffrey

-Jeffrey
"With tha thoughts of a militant mind... Hard line, hard line after hard line!"

[jakee 1,596]

Ok, I know I shouldn't have but you've been making your views on english people so clear in the brit gun thread that I just couldn't resist.

You've got to admit though, the resemblance is uncanny.

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What exactly is the SPREAD of a thing that has been around for THOUSANDS OF FUCKING YEARS, YOU MORONIC PIECES OF SHIT IN THE BRIDGE HOUSE TRUST?! This is not something "NEW"!! The only "NEW" thing is the asinine policy of trying to OUTLAW KNIVES

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[Skyrad 0]

LMFAO

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[miked10270 0]

You gotta love the peace-loving Guardian...

Personally I prefer "Plan B":http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=32374


"Yesterday afternoon at the close of European markets (16.00hrs GMT) leaders of the UK, France, Spain, the Netherlands, and Denmark filed a letter of intent to re-colonize the Americas. The move was widely expected after several European leaders declared the American people unfit to choose their own government. Germany, Italy, and the Republic of Ireland called for a UN backed plan that would see EU peacekeeping troops occupy the USA before their scheduled Presidential election on 2 November 2004, but hesitated to operate outside of a UN framework. Portugal has allied itself with the invading Europeans and has offered use of Portuguese territory; it has not yet committed any troops. At the time of publication it was still unclear if this policy change would affect the sovereignty of Canada, Mexico or any Caribbean or South – Central American country.

Geoff Hoon, British Minister of Defence, released a statement saying, “We are working closely with our allies in Canada, Bermuda, Barbados, and other former British Crown Colonies in the Americas to co-ordinate our plan of action. We understand that Denmark is operating through its territory, Greenland, whilst France has begun preparations in St. Pierre et Miquelon. It is our understanding that Spain has sent a delegation to Mexico, Cuba and several other former colonies.”

The Dutch Ambassador to the USA has called upon all liberal minded Americans to join the European forces when they arrive.

The Portuguese Foreign Minister stated that Portugal supports the acts of the invading countries and that further Portugal shall exert all its influence in the region to garner more support.

Developments in the Americas seem to suggest regional countries are on-board for what is being billed as the Euro Invasion. Canada has assured the Euros that it will not stand in their way. The Canadian Department of National Defence has even hinted that it may join the Euros with its own invasion of Alaska. Paul Martin, the Canadian PM, has declared, “This may be the ideal opportunity for Canada to strike first and resolve our border dispute with America over the Alaskan panhandle.” Sources later clarified that the Canadian Armed Forces would not stop at the panhandle, but would continue to annex the entire state.

Spanish and Southern American officials were unavailable for comment because the announcement coincided with the traditional siesta.

Australia expressed interest in annexing the US state Hawaii, until officials saw how far away it was. “You know we really feel close to America, so it was a shock to discover just how far away Hawaii is, especially as it’s far away from the rest of the USA,” John Howard, Australian PM, said to national broadcaster ABC.

Most Americans were not yet aware of recent developments. The National Geographic took the opportunity to highlight more places Americans can’t find on maps by proclaiming, “An astonishing 67% of Americans in 10th grade cannot identify Denmark on an unmarked map, but what is even more worrying is that only 45% of these students could identify Denmark on a marked map.” The Department of Homeland Security has called National Geographic unpatriotic, the US Senate has voted to change its name the French National Geographic Society.

Back in Europe, when asked how the Euros intend to defeat the USA in armed combat, Tony Blair, the British PM, replied, “We Europeans have more experience with war then anyone else, I’m sure we’ll find a way. Plus most US soldiers aren’t actually in the US, believe it or not a large number of them are still in Germany, Japan, South Korea and yes even here in the UK, not to mention the ones in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Bosnia.”

Islamic fundamentalist groups couldn’t figure out if they should support this obviously anti-American action or if they should oppose it because it is Western Imperialism. In the end Hamas issued a statement saying that, “We will take whatever side Israel doesn’t.”

Israel decided to not take any side in an effort to sow confusion in the Arab ranks.

Of course no actually army has yet been raised as the European working day had come to an end at the time of the announcement, but the Euros insist they will set about it first thing in the morning, unless tomorrow is a Sunday, or some other public holiday in one of the member states, in which case it’ll have to wait until Monday week."



Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[miked10270 0]

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"I made my point that the US should annex Britain into a 51st state."

What, annexe the UK, and I see in other threads, Canada?

Sounds like vile, imperialistic, nation building to me.

Actually it sounds like the start of a cunning plan to me!

Let's see. They annexe us and not only give us the pretty blue passports (no immigration queues and bag checksThe Right to Bear ARMS!!! We get to vary the basic laws so we'll have the right to bear arms INCLUDING big feck-off machine guns, rockets and tanks and stuff.

Then we show our gratitude by staging an armed coup d' etat (French - so they won't know what we're planning

In the meantime we can use our massive voting block (around 22% based on population) to sort out their spelling and pronunciation. A smart move might to buy into any company that's involved in printing the letter "U"

So yeah... Let's hear it for becoming the "51st State" at least for a while before becoming the "New Management".

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[Zep 0]

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I'll agree to all you put as long as I get to hang draw and quater the royal family an all thier relatives.
Undermine the economy of the rest of Europe.
And every town must have a Wal-mart and Wendys

Ah! There we go! Yet another benefit that our U.S. laws would bestow upon the unfortunate Brits: they'd finally get their death penalty back!! !!!!!

-Jeffrey

The United Kingdom still has the death penalty they just don't use it, or ther'e no good at caching treasonist

Gone fishing

[miked10270 0]

"The United Kingdom still has the death penalty they just don't use it, or ther'e no good at caching treasonist"

While it's been some time since I'vbe studied the Treason Act 1315, or for that matter the Treason (Scotland) Act 1604, I'm pretty sure that the word "Treasonist" wasn't in either. But that's Americans for you. No wonder we got shot of them!!

Perhaps "Treasonous" was the word he was looking for.

It was Treason to offer succour to the enemies of the Monarch or his (her) ministers - Guardian readers please take note!

It was also an offence punishable by death to have sexual relations with the queen or the Monarch's consort... (At the moment that means shagging either queen Liz OR Prince Philip... But we're dangerously close to "a fate worse than death" here!!!).

It was also an offence punishable by death to have sex with the wife of the Prince of Wales or the queen's eldest daughter if unmarried!!! That's why James Hewitt tends to look worried nowadays!

Oh yeah... You can get hanged for setting fire to Royal Dockyards as well.

Here endeth the irrelevant history lesson for today...

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[lawrocket 3]

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It was also an offence punishable by death to have sex with the wife of the Prince of Wales

Dang, you are giving those conspiracy theorists more to work with regarding the death of Dodi Al Fayed... Hewitt? Yeah, I hope she was worth it...

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[dropoutdave 0]

Apparently there is a by law in York (that's in England by the way ) that states its legal to shoot a Scotsman in the back with a crossbow at 2 in the morning within the city walls, or somethingg like that. Don't quote me on the specifics of it.

More worrying, the last time I went to York, there was a shop about 30-40 metres within the city walls that sold crossbows!!

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May Contain Nut traces......

[dropoutdave 0]

Oh apparently you have to be a born and bread "Yorker", if that's what you call a person from York. Still looking for more details.

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May Contain Nut traces......

[akarunway 1]

Me thinks we outta just NUKE Springfield, Ohio. My last wifes hometown. Biggest bunch of unfriendly morons I ever met in my life

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[kallend 2,151]

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Oh apparently you have to be a born and bread "Yorker", if that's what you call a person from York. Still looking for more details.

I thought a "Yorker" was a cricket term for a ball bowled directly at the base of the wicket.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.