A West Texas cowboy...funny!

[free_man 0]

A West Texas cowboy was herding his cattle in a remote pasture when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses
and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me
a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his notebook computer, connects it
to his PCS phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls
up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location
which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Blackberry that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a
full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniature LaserJet printer
and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows
and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my critter?" The young man
thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant for the National Democratic Party." says the
cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything
about my business .

Now give me back my dog."

“…because I hope you know this, I think you do…all governments are lying cocksuckers.”
Bill Hicks, Relentless

[PhillyKev 0]

That's pretty good. But it's flawed. Unless the image processing facility in Hamburg is able to differentiate between calves and dogs, his numbers would be off by one. Plus, anyone worth their salt would plug those formulas into a SAS routine instead of using Excel

[billvon 3,131]

A cowboy wants to fence in his herd, but he doesn't have a lot of money. So he calls on a few aquaintances of his to ask them how to build his fence.

The first guy is a contractor. "Well," he says, "your typical square fence is gonna cost about $20 a linear foot, so if you need 10,000 square feet that's gonna run you around $8000."

Not happy, the cowboy asks his geometry-teacher friend. "Well, a circular fence will enclose more area with less fence than a square fence," he says. "For an inside area of 10,000 feet, you'd need 350 feet of fence, and that's only $7000."

The cowboy likes that a little better. He figures his mathemetician friend can do even better. So he asks him how to fence in his herd for the least money. The mathemetician pounds four poles in the ground, wraps fencing around them, hops in the center and says "I declare myself to be outside!"

[headoverheels 334]

Not much of a herd, if he's putting them on 1/4 acre, unless it's a herd of chickens.

[turtlespeed 226]

Quote

Plus, anyone worth their salt would plug those formulas into a SAS routine instead of using Excel

And that doesn't fit - HOW?

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[billvon 3,131]

>Not much of a herd, if he's putting them on 1/4 acre, unless it's a herd of chickens.

He had little tiny cows; he wasn't from Texas.

[turtlespeed 226]

And they were long haired cows too.

Hence the dog mistake - right? It has to be right?

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun