Ow!

[narcimund 0]

I was walking in the park wearing sandals and accidently kicked a metal post. Gosh, that really hurt!

Partisan response #1: Stop blaming the poor! Don't you know 57% of all urban parkgoers earn less than the average American wage? The parks are the refuge of the workers. JohnJohn Kerry supports the lower and middle classes' rights to safe, soft plastic park equipment which is a basic human right.

Partisan response #2: Parks are full of perverts and homos and you were only wearing sandals to make a bullshit point about "global warming" anyway. Global warming my ass! You can't prove that George W. Cheney is affiliated with the steel companies so get off your lying grandstand cause everyone knows liberals cause stubbed toes. That park was built in 1977 during that idiot Carter's administration. On 9/11 the whole world joined with Americans and we must all sacrifice for the war effort.... I suppose you want a purple heart now, poor baby!

Government response: Show me some identification! We'll file a report after reviewing the satellite surveillance tapes. In the meantime, do not attempt to enter this or any park within the US borders. Don't talk to the press. Don't leave the area. You will be contacted by an agent for an interview when our investigation is complete.

Journalist response: "In other wartime news, a dark-skinned American citizen in a city park was discovered holding his foot in a threatening manner. He is being held in an undisclosed location pending review of the security report. The detainee was overheard denying his involvment in terrorism before a court-ordered gag rule was imposed. A witness who refused to give his name said, 'He seemed like a normal guy. You just never know. You were like on your way home from the store or something when he kicked the swing set. A minute later the helicopters swooped down and took him away. It just goes to show you.' It was also revealed that the detainee's home computer contained both photographs and text files. No shots were fired during the arrest, but seven bystanders were hospitalized for observation after a substance was discovered nearby. FBI analysis revealed the substance was common dirt, but the area remains sealed off while construction crews pave over all of the exposed dirt in the park as a preventative measure.

First Class Citizen Twice Over