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miked10270

The truth about France and WW II

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Yeah, the "Tour de France" and the "Force du Reddite des Bicyclettes" were both formed in 1903. This was because France saw the way Germany was going. Hence the plans for the rapid 2,000km (1,275 REAL miles) retrait strategique (rout)***
Very good point. Around the same time, in the same spirit, British authorities developped a policy promoting the teaching of rowing at universities, so as to enable future British soldiers to cross the Channel in record times while fleeing advancing German armies.;)



Superb.B|B| Love it!:D:D

Yeah... The Brits promoted Rowing as an "essential" sport at the time. We saw the way Germany was going... And we could pretty much guess the way France was going to go.

Plus.... Anything that would get you away from the French "fat cheeses, slim prostitutes and sweet pastries" (all of which must be consumed in large quantities to make the "sour wine" palatable) was desirable. Lets face it... At the time there were no jet aircraft. The fastest away out of France and away from the French was by rowing. Ideally in a boat shaped like one of France's slim prostitutes!!:ph34r:

Funnily enough... I've just been reading some "faction" (sort of a personal fiction story set against known historical facts - think of it like writen docudrama!) set around the time of the Anglo-French wars and leading up to the Pestilence which swept Europe.

One of my favourite bits was the way the French army would fly a red flag, called the "Oriflamme" at some battles. The Oriflamme signified that they (the French) would take no prisoners in the coming battle. Remember that this was medieval times, when a warrior of "rank", like a Man at Arms, a Knight, or even a Prince of King on the field of battle could "Yield", and would be taken prisoner for ransom rather than being killed.

Anyway, if the French Army flew the Oriflamme Flag then this meant that the French would not take any prisoners.

OK. Most of you will know by now where I'm going with this.... But for the benefit and elucidation of Texans and Francophiles.....

The French flew the Oriflamme at The Battle of Agincourt...... And they took no prisoners.

The French flew the Oriflamme at The Battle of Crecy.... And they took no prisoners.

The French flew the Oriflamme at the siege of Calais.... And they took no prisoners.

Of course, nowadays, the red Oriflamme is an anachronism, what with Socialists and Commies taking over the Red Flag, and white flags being so much easier to make on the spur of the moment when you're lying in bed recovering from fat cheese, slim prostitutes, sweet cakes, sour wine... or hopefully, all four.:ph34r::ph34r:

Mike.

PS. As for the folk who spat on Lance Armstrong... What a bunch of Arseholes. Regardless of race.

PPS. One other thing (small historical note). Next time you "flick the fingers" at someone (first 2 fingers of the right hand), think of the English Archers. The English Longbowmen became the masters of the medieval battlefield. If captured by the French, they'd start by cutting off the most valuable part of an archer's anatomy (at least from the French point of view): The first 2 fingers of the right hand - which were used to draw the bowstring and steady the knocked arrow. As such, the fingers in the "V" sign was an English Archer insult to a retreating French army and basically meant "Still Got Them... Fuck You".

.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

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For those who really have no clue, the French had their asses handed to them in the Battle of Agincourt, the Battle of Crecy, the siege of Calais, and that's why it's funny.
witty subliminal message
Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards.
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Point taken. Actually, I would even state that Agencourt was much more humiliating than WWII.
However, let's focus on the present, shall we? It occured to me our world is going to shit, and I set myself to find out why such a thing was happening. I did not have to search very far.
http://www.britishbattles.homestead.com/files/europe/anglofrenchwars.htm
[url]
After viewing this chart, everything became clear to me: a good old Anglo-French war was to European History what herpes is to any healthily sexually active young person: uncontournable (man, am I going to get flamed for that one!).
So why did the Brits and the French let go of such a healthy custom? Was it that the Germs were jealous of all the fun we were having, and therefore tried to wedge themselves between such a perfect couple? I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. The Germs are kindda tricky that way...
So I suggest we go back to our old habits, and pick up where we last left it (was it with the little guy in Waterloo?). Let the American armies to its glorious conquests of Granada, Panama & Iraq, and let's indeed resume our old customs of pillaging, looting, raping and burning virgins at the stake.
"Boutons les Anglais hors de (fill in the blanks)"

Love you Mike;)

Nick

"For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

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Il y'a est clicky:
http://www.britishbattles.homestead.com/files/europe/anglofrenchwars.htm

"Pick up where we last left it (was it with the little guy in Waterloo?)."

I assume you don't mean the onion seller waiting for the 5.45pm train to Exeter. You're talking about the little bald guy who could pee about as well as he could fight the Brits & Russians and eventually took advantage of the "Once in a lifetime, compelling retirement opportunity" of St.Helena....

Ascension Island to Texans & similar.

Anyway, I concur. Next "booze cruise" to Calais; we're bringing our destriers:D:S.

Perhaps the best way to keep the Germans out (they usually aren't invited anyway) may be to allow "Les Americains" one final "gloire". They could invade and conquer Germany again... (of course the French and Brits would have to help them to make sure they got it right... Yet again), and leave the two of them to get on with it.

One fairly important point... We'd have to "educate" Les Americains, probably with a sledgehammer!!;)

If the US are going to occupy Germany WITHOUT French and British supervision, then the need to know (AND REMEMBER:o:o) that "Eating the extra large hamburger" is in fact cannibalism - even with fries... While licking ketchup off a foot long Frankfurter is simply incroyable!!!!! Even for US Marines!!!

Anyway, gotta go now... There's a storm outside, and I've gotta cut a 7 foot branch off the Yew Tree and work it while the thunder and lightning lasts.

See ya in Calais:D:D:D

Mike.

Edited to add:

PS; Any of you ever seen a BBC TV series called "Allo Allo"? There's an urban legend that the BBC guy who sells the series to the French will be imediately promoted to Director General and World President.

PPS. Greenies: The way this is going, can we move it back to The Bonfire. It doesn't matter all that much, except I'm a bit worried about PeacefulJeffrey moving in and trying to get me and frenchy to use guns... Especially with me just cutting the yew branch to make a war bow![:/][:/]
.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

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IMHO, one of the funniest "coups" is that the poor French have to disembark at London Waterloo when they arrive on the Eurostar. :D

You bet that that's caused some friction between us and them at the highest levels. :P
--
BASE #1182
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PFI #52; UK WSI #13

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That's nice list. Wonder why it stops in 1801.... Trafalgar wasn't till 1805 and Waterloo wasn't till 1815... There's still 15 years of proud conflict to cover... some of the best some might say.

I agree... things were much more amusing when we were always falling out instead of building silly tunnels and bickering over sheep transports. Let's sod this EU pants and start a war over one of the smaller EU countries... or perhaps a colony somewhere...

A far more civilised form of combat.

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"things were much more amusing when we were always falling out instead of building silly tunnels and bickering over sheep transports. Let's sod this EU pants and start a war over one of the smaller EU countries... or perhaps a colony somewhere..."

So... You gonna trade in your classic Toyota for a set of plate armour, a lance and a destrier? I'm just a working class git so it's the longbow and the pony for me!:ph34r::ph34r::D

"A far more civilised form of combat."


Yeah, it was that before PeacefulJeffrey & Kennedy's ancestors turned up with their bunch of snake-oil gun salesman.... Back when guns were a siege weapon and could get off 3 shots a day!

So... What're we gonna fight over. I was gonna suggest we could fight over Lichtenstein, until I checked a map and find that you could spit over Lichtenstein and there isn't enough room to swing a cat, let alone a broadsword.:(

I've basically narrowed the choice down to Luxembourg (let's kill 2 birds with one stone eh!?). It's convenient for both France & England... And I've even prepared some info on the country:


ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LUXEMBOURG

The People:

There are nine people in Luxembourg, and they are all kept pretty busy making stamps. It is not the smallest country in Eurpoe; there are only eight people in Monaco, five in Andorra, and Herr J.F. Klausner in Lichtenstein. So, as the fourth non smallest country in Europe it enjoys a rather unique position. The people are of middle height, with the small deft fingers of master perforators, and all look rather alike, except for their Great Uncle Maurice who lost an ear in the Battle of The Somme. They are a rather arrogant people (they refer to World War I as the Battle of Maurice's Ear) but not unartistic: My Day At The Zoo, by the country's infant prodigy, ran into 9 copies and won the Prix Maurice for 1998.


The Land:

On a clear day, from the terrace of the Salon de Philaielie, you can't see Luxembourg at all. This is because a tree is in the way. Beyond the tree lies Belgium. The centre of the country is quite high, mainly because of the chimney on it, and slopeds down to an expanse of water, as they haven't got round to fixing the bathroom overflow pipe. The climate is temperate, remember that 90% of Luxembourg is indoors, and the local Flora is varied and interesting, especially on her favourite topic, the 1908 five-cent blue triangular.


The History:

Old Luxembourg (now the coal cellar of the modern country) was founded in the tweth century by King John of Bohemia, who wanted somewhere to keep the lawnmower. It escaped most of the wars and pestilences that swept Europe in the subsequent eight centuries, often because the people were out when they called, and is therefore one of the most stable and political elements in the EU. It's trade balance is always favourable (imports come in the back gate and leave by the front door as exports). Luxembourg is the oldest ally of Stanley Gibbons Ltd.


Mike.

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Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

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YES, YES YES! Let's definitely go after LUXEMBOURG!
As a matter of fact, if you look up LUXEMBOURG in a dictionnary:

Luxembourg: from the latin LUXEM, which means "Kick me hard where it hurts", and then BOURG, which was added for no good reason other than the locals thinking it sounded cooler that way.
As local philosopher Jean Marie Zecoolalmostfrogguy once stated: "Luxembourg is to the modern world what endives are to culinary art". Read dull and tasteless.
The national stone of Luxembourg is marble; its national color is Black; its national bird is the Doddling Endive Luxembourgeoise.

Everything else there is to know about Luxembourg was pretty much covered in Mike's post.

BUT CAN WE PLEASE ADD MALTA AND RHODES TO THE AXIS OF EVIL?

"For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

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General comment:

"French" is not a "race"



It's an art form!!!;)



I could have sorn that that is what they used to call "Back Peddaling" during Football practice.
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Right then it's settled. To bring about World Peace, Great Britain and France shall go to war over Luxemburg. All fighting shall take place solely in Luxemburg and be conducted in a gentlemanly manner with pointy sticks only. Some fruit may also be allowed (but nothing too citrusy, we wouldn’t want any eye injuries). Tea breaks shall be taken every hour during which time each country may indulge in its national beverage.

Leave Malta out of it – they have a medal. I never cared for Rhodes so we should be able to set up a “second front” there after a year of combat or so.

If the American’s feel left out they can come and join in after a few years for the last couple of days before pouring billions in aid into Luxemburg so when all’s said and done it might actually turn out to be a place people would like to visit.

So when shall we start this then? Next Wednesday good for you lot? About tea time?

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Wednesday not good for me, dentist appointment. Thursday should be OK.
I beg you reconsider about Malta. G E O R G E M I C H A E L!!!!!!!!! Hell, they may be able to clone Wham soon, so we should move preemptively.

"For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

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They're our closest neighbours, so we're bound to them by envy, jealousy and hatred...



Yeah, We spend 500 years kicking their arses and what happens? They take 3 hour lunch breaks basking in the sun on streetside tables with red wine and massive steaks and we get a soggy sandwich out of the vending machine. Somethings not right with that.



Right! ;)

"Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance,
others mean and rueful of the western dream"

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Alright, my (newlyfound) British allies... A Confederate has dared entering the battle field.
"Sus aux Texans, mes Braves".;)

"For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

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Have a go at that one Lance:P



I think it was dispicable to watch the french "citizens" spit on him as he rode by.

.

I agree, but does anyone see the irony of posting this in a thread bashing the French? Christ, our government changed the name of America's favorite food...

Do you really expect them to like anything American?

Try and tell me something equally as offensive wouldn't have happened if it was a French rider in the American south...

There are asshats everywhere...
"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET

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Can't you two take it to the "non-americans" thread already?

Us world unbalancing, fascist, SUV driving, over weight, gun crazy residents of North America, below the frickin freezing line and above the ungodly heat of the desert have had just about enough out of you. :P
witty subliminal message
Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards.
1*

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"fascist"
And all this time I'd been avoiding that word.B|

"Fascism
noun
a political system based on a very powerful leader, state control and extreme pride in country and race, and in which political opposition is not allowed."
--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

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Um, playing kinda fast and loose with the definition, eh nac?
(I'm just annoyed, I though I had put in the last post for the night, and poof, some non-American keeps me up for another go round)

better site #1

better site #2
witty subliminal message
Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards.
1*

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