lawrocket 3 #1 June 16, 2004 Here's something for everyone... ***Coalition Provisional Authority : The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition ofpower. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions. Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004. Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed. US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations. Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue tocross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill. 1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers. Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens. Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident. Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request. U.S. Marine Corps The chicken is dead CIA: What chicken? Chalabi is lying! My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,131 #2 June 16, 2004 Don't forget: Bush: And today in Iraq a liberated chicken crossed the road, free from the threat of torture and rape at the hands of evil thugs. We stand shoulder to shoulder with this chicken as the good poultry of Iraq rejoice in the freedom they now share. Cheney: I had absolutely nothing to do with assisting any chicken perform any activity with US money. Rumsfeld: I never said the chickens would welcome us. You might be thinking of something else I said, like a chicken sandwich would be welcome, or maybe that I thought Kerry was a chicken. But I never said that. Brig. Gen. Karpinski: I never authorized any barbeque. I was unaware of any so-called plucking activities, although I do know that my superiors made it clear that chicken was definitely not off the menu. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #3 June 16, 2004 Lest we forget the other party there - tsk tsk - Bill Clinton - I did not have sexual relations. . . . you get the point - (well the chicken did) Hillary Clinton: [yelling] WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS KIND OF INTOLLERABLE BEHAVIOR - WHAT THAT CHICKEN DID WAS WHAT ALL CHICKENS SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO - WHO IS HE(President Bush)TO DENY THE CHICKEN ITS FREEDOM TO WALK WHERE EVER IT WANTS TO. (It was later found that Chicken was served in the Clinton Household that evening for dinner) the 9th Circuit Court: Sure - marry the chicken if you want to. Dean: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and Kerry: Well he crossed the road before he didn't, and it's probably because he felt that way before he didn't.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
damion75 0 #4 June 16, 2004 QuoteUS Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations. You forgot to mention photos being taken of the plucked chicken! Funny you should mention ducks... there used to be a thriving duck community down by our chow hall here in Camp Victory (Baghdad). The pond they lived in has been filled in (stagnant water / insects etc) and the ducks have been summarily evicted. A small memorial now stands on the spot, with a plaque on it: Lest we forget - in memorial of the ducks who gave their home in the hopes of a better Iraq I'll have to try and get a photo!*************** Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmcguffee 0 #5 June 16, 2004 Quotethe ducks have been summarily evicted. Great! Now we're going to see the rise of the Donald Duck Martyrs Brigade. We'll see many soldiers die due to this inhumane torture and violation of the duck's basic rights. Was this eviction voted on by the U.N.? I'll bet this tragedy goes all the way to the top of the chain of command! "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do." Ben Franklin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,174 #6 June 16, 2004 Ashcroft: Crossing roads comes under the authority of the Transportation Authority. They have been instructed to confiscate all potential weapons before allowing the chicken to cross the road. The chicken was unwilling to surrender its beak and claws, and is now being detained as a suspected terrorist in Guantanamo. In the interests of national security, the chicken will not be allowed access to a lawyer.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 26 #7 June 16, 2004 QuoteAshcroft: Crossing roads comes under the authority of the Transportation Authority. They have been instructed to confiscate all potential weapons before allowing the chicken to cross the road. The chicken was unwilling to surrender its beak and claws, and is now being detained as a suspected terrorist in Guantanamo. In the interests of national security, the chicken will not be allowed access to a lawyer. Surely you are joking. Ashcroft could never put together a statement that long that didn't invoke christianity in some way.-- Tom Aiello Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TypicalFish 0 #8 June 16, 2004 Condoleeza Rice: "How could I possibly have been expected to anticipate something as unthinkable as a chicken crossing the road?""I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
speedy 0 #9 June 16, 2004 Tony Blair: "We will help the chicken do what ever G. W. Bush wants the chicken to do" Dave Fallschirmsport Marl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #10 June 16, 2004 IMO, the chicken should not even be in Iraq.-------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrunkMonkey 0 #11 June 16, 2004 QuoteCondoleeza Rice: "How could I possibly have been expected to anticipate something as unthinkable as a chicken crossing the road?" I still think "Condoleeza Rice" sounds like a dish one would find in an Indian restaurant... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
councilman24 37 #12 June 16, 2004 Iraqi Minister of information The Chicken has prevailed of the infedel invaders.I'm old for my age. Terry Urban D-8631 FAA DPRE Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AndyMan 7 #13 June 16, 2004 Quote I still think "Condoleeza Rice" sounds like a dish one would find in an Indian restaurant.. Off topic, but just imagine what you'd get if Condoleeza Rice bred with Vladamir Putin?!?! _Am__ You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
markd_nscr986 0 #14 June 16, 2004 France...... le poulet was forced to retreat across the road by the imperialist american forces...we have determined however that once the above named imperialist forces leave,we will be happy to bid on lucrative contracts for rebuilding the chicken coop Spain...... el pollo was forced to withdraw across the road because of terrorist action.the majority party has determined that the chicken will not be returningMarc SCR 6046 SCS 3004 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,174 #15 June 16, 2004 QuoteQuote I still think "Condoleeza Rice" sounds like a dish one would find in an Indian restaurant.. Off topic, but just imagine what you'd get if Condoleeza Rice bred with Vladamir Putin?!?! _Am A reply from the man who gave us Winnie the Pooh: www.repeatafterus.com/title.php?i=3239... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chuteless 1 #16 June 16, 2004 If Condoleeza Rice sounds like a meal in an Indian restaurant...would it go good with chicken??? i.e." Chicken and rice, Condoleeza style" Bill Cole D-41 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #17 June 16, 2004 And finally... Royal Marines: "Chicken Sandwich, anyone?" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
damion75 0 #18 June 16, 2004 Rocket, I just thought that you might like to know that I farmed this out around the Joint Ops Centre here (the beating heart of the coalition in Iraq) - we all thought it was pretty funny so thanks!!*************** Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimbarry 0 #19 June 17, 2004 Vicente Fox: The chicken didn't cross the road, he used the tunnel under the road, and as a basic human right is entitled to all the free education and healthcare he wants on the other side. Oh wait, you meant the Iraqi chicken? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #20 June 17, 2004 and for an African spin Thabo Mbeki There is no scientific proof that you require chickens for chicken soup. Robert Mugabe The chicken crossed the road because it had been forcably removed from it's coop. We do not mourn the chicken as it is a supporter of Tony Blair. We have incontrovertable proof that it was a Blair supporter as they talk the same way. Robert Mugabe..day two. Due to the fact that the evil imperialist chicken has crossed the road can anybody give us some eggs. The people are starving Robert Mugabe ...day three Anybody want to buy some eggs???? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #21 June 17, 2004 Military intelligence announced that the chicken has admitted to actually being a camel. Also, the chicken will not be crossing the road because of "difficulty" walking due to "soreness". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #22 June 17, 2004 Tony Blair (II): "The Labour partiy's policy is that the Chicken should be free to cross the road whenever it likes, free from tyranny, free from crime and free from the causes of crime". Michael Howard (leader of the opposition party in the UK): "In direct contrast to the Labour Party's hopless policy on this issue, the Conservative party believes that the Chicken should be free to cross the road whenever it likes, free from tyranny, free from crime and free from the causes of crime". Michelle off Big Brother (sorry): “Those Iraqi’s better keep away from my chicken… I can’t believe the Iraqi’s just looked at my chicken… Why did the Iraqi’s just move a little bit closer to my chicken? That’s hurting my feelings that there is, he’s my chicken… go get me a pot Emma I think I’m going to boil some bunnies”. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
