bodypilot90 0 #1 June 14, 2004 Sending Old Men To War If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy, we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with a rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes. Share this with your senior friends (It's purposely in big type for us old guys...) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,584 #2 June 14, 2004 I think you might have something there... Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #3 June 14, 2004 I like your attitude! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #4 June 14, 2004 Plus the old geezers would probably get lost on the way to Iraq and end up somewhere that OBL might actually be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,146 #5 June 14, 2004 That came around more than a year ago, it's not original. F'rinstance p208.ezboard.com/fpowmiafreedomfighters47395frm10.showMessage?topicID=35.topic... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
markd_nscr986 0 #6 June 14, 2004 uh.... do you think by not having a beer belly and being in good condition,you think I could still sign up?I could make up for it by whining about the heat and the food thoughMarc SCR 6046 SCS 3004 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usedtajump 1 #7 June 14, 2004 I'm older than 50 and I still think about sex every ten seconds.The older I get the less I care who I piss off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mdrrus 0 #8 June 15, 2004 I think that all wars should be fought by politicans, after all they are the ones that get us in these things. Yes Osama is a politican to, he wants to force people into his idologies and then to die for them, Osama go blow yourself up! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nathaniel 0 #9 June 15, 2004 Quote Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. http://snopes.com/science/stats/thinksex.htm nathanielMy advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #10 June 15, 2004 Hey! We agree on something! tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #11 June 15, 2004 Hey Bill, this is your best post yet! Good to see you've still got that fire in yer belly! GO BILL!!!When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Erroll 80 #12 June 15, 2004 Quote it's not original. So what? I thought it was very clever (being an 'oldish' man with a bit of combat experience myself). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rickjump1 0 #13 June 15, 2004 As an ex airborne-ranger helicopter pilot turned 60, I'm ready to go too. CRS (can't remember shit) has not started to effect me yet. Some old guys pee in their pants; I just fly and jump out of airplanes.Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,146 #14 June 15, 2004 QuoteQuote it's not original. So what? I thought it was very clever (being an 'oldish' man with a bit of combat experience myself). So it's generally called "plagiarism" to copy someonle else's words without attribution That's "so what". Ted Kennedy got in an awful lot of trouble in college for doing that.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #15 June 15, 2004 "So it's generally called "plagiarism" to copy someonle else's words without attribution" And more recently...Tony Blair-------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chuckbrown 0 #16 June 15, 2004 QuoteTed Kennedy got in an awful lot of trouble in college for doing that. And look what's happened to him! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot90 0 #17 June 15, 2004 QuoteThat came around more than a year ago, it's not original. F'rinstance http://p208.ezboard.com/fpowmiafreedomfighters47395frm10.showMessage?topicID=35.topic comrad I got this as it e mail I was amused, I thought I'd share it with all-ya-all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot90 0 #18 June 16, 2004 wendy, what do you think of sending a group of all pms'ing females into combat. Now there is a mean group? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,146 #19 June 16, 2004 QuoteQuoteThat came around more than a year ago, it's not original. F'rinstance http://p208.ezboard.com/fpowmiafreedomfighters47395frm10.showMessage?topicID=35.topic comrad I got this as it e mail I was amused, I thought I'd share it with all-ya-all. Actually I rather like the idea. 500 years ago the King would lead his troops into battle - made for a more circumspect foreign policy. I'd like to see our politicians spending time on the front lines.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
