turtlespeed 226 #1 May 13, 2004 >DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. >REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? >SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. >COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. >CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. >DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. >BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. >AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. >FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. >JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. >GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. >ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. >RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. >TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital. >IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. >POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. >FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow. >CALIFORNIAN You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for> the children". Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The NY Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault .I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malfunction 0 #2 May 13, 2004 LMFAO I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydivingNurse 0 #3 May 13, 2004 Perfect. I needed that today. Thanks, bro. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,151 #4 May 13, 2004 AMERICAN UNIVERSITY: You have two highly productive cows whose milk output supports your activities. The president of the university redefines the mission of the university to research on Bulls. You sell the cows and buy bulls which produce nothing. The president of the university declares financial crisis and orders you to produce more milk. You sell the bulls at a loss and buy two female calves. When they come into milk production the president of the university declares the university mission is not the milk business but research on bulls...... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #5 May 13, 2004 Unfortunately, that's not far from the truth. Miami Metroplex - You have two cows - they get stolen. You never hear anyting from them again. The last time you asked if anyone had seen them, a bald guy with a gun and a thick spanish accent told you to forget about it.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #6 May 13, 2004 QuoteAMERICAN UNIVERSITY: You have two highly productive cows whose milk output supports your activities. The president of the university redefines the mission of the university to research on Bulls. You sell the cows and buy bulls which produce nothing. The president of the university declares financial crisis and orders you to produce more milk. You sell the bulls at a loss and buy two female calves. When they come into milk production the president of the university declares the university mission is not the milk business but research on bulls... FUNNY None of the students will eat steak or drink milk because at the age of 18 they are much more "enlightened" than anyone else. So they protest the university president with the help of some 'objective' counselors wearing the same tie-dye shirt they made 30 years ago when they were enlightened. The cows move to California and run for public office. ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #7 May 13, 2004 hehehe - best 'cow economics' variants I've seen so far - LOL Thx for the laughs. mh . ps - Anybody every heard "Cows with Guns"? ."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #8 May 13, 2004 Natural Selection - Farmer has two cows - Those two cows have guns - kill farmer - side with Pinky and Take Over The World. And then we all ate sheep and chicken.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
